So I am officially done with work and the rest of this week is devoted to packing all my stuff for my big move on Friday. Honestly, everyone has been asking me whether or not I am excited...and to be honest I don't feel anything. I suppose it hasn't hit me yet, and I really don't know when it will. I mean you would think that I would be swinging from the rafters already...I am about to move to New York and start classes at a new University...but I am left feeling.............nothing in particular.
Maybe it will hit me on Saturday, who knows. Anyways, just wanted to give everyone a heads up...just so you don't think I died or something if you do not hear from me over the next few days. Hopefully I will have some fun stuff to report to you once I get all settled in next week.
So Mike sent me this a couple of minutes ago...and we have been rolling on the floor. I have to post it.
1). What other Americans are out there other than "US Americans" ? 2). What does South Africa have to do with anything? 3). Why will I be using the term "such as" in all my future conversations strictly for comedic effect?
We all woke up hung over in our hotel room.....at 3PM! LOLOL...ok I know, I know...you guys must think I have a serious problem or something. Dudes I swear...this is COMPLETELY out of character for me. But hey, I figure that that it is my last weekend in Florida before I move, so I better live it up with my boys, right?
Well anyways, we somehow stumbled into BJ's where we stuffed our hung-over faces. The food was really, really good and the host who seated us was kinda cute. I dunno if any of you are familiar with him, but he looked just like the artist Trey Songz.
It is unfortunate that he severely hurt his hotness factor when he opened his mouth. The most obnoxious, high pitched, nasal, Little Richard meets Richard Simmons voice just inexplicably popped out of his mouth. Needless to say it made me a bit uncomfortable around my boys when I saw that their eyes were rolling and they were trying to stifle laughter. But hey, that is the story of my life....whatever.
Fast fwd to later that night.....
We met up with some more of my friends at UCF and they took us out to a Hookah Bar. I must say, one of the most interesting collections of people that I have ever seen in one place at one time. A lot of eye candy too......it is unfortunate that one guy that I was admiring totally ruined it for me by smoking what looked like an entire pack of cigarettes w/in a 1/2 hour period. Such a shame......I have no idea why people still smoke but to each his own.
Now you might be asking me, "K...if you don't like smoking...then how the heck did you end up at a Hookah Bar?" Well, thats a good question! I just kinda went along with it seeing as tho I didnt realize that we were going to a Hookah Bar until the last minute....and I really don't know Orlando that well so there was no way for me to take my friends anywhere else. Whatever, I just dealt with....and got a *lil* too drunk in the process haha! All and all it was a good night out...and I got to reconnect with some people for High School who had moved to Orlando after graduation. Slightly awkward....but interesting at the same time...I am sure you guys can relate.
Now with awkwardness in mind, lets discuss what transpired in the hotel room that night.
As you will remember, it was me, Whorehouse Boy and Rocket Scientist in the room that weekend. We had a suite, and the place was pretty big....but there were only 2 Queen beds in the room. As soon as we got in on Friday afternoon, Rocket Scientist claimed one of the beds for himself, which left me in the other one with Whorehouse Boy.
Now this really isn't an uncomfortable situation for me being that we have shared beds in the past and these guys are like my brothers. Moreover, I know that they aren't gay and I have no attraction to either of them in that way. That is not to say that they are not attractive by the way....they absolutely are. LOL! Neither of them has any problems getting dates or any type of female attention because they are both pretty much studs. But I just can't look at them in that way....which is a GREAT GREAT thing, because it makes me feel way more comfortable around them than I probably would have otherwise.
That was until about 3:07 AM Sunday morning..............
Let me try to try to give you guys a mental picture so you can fully grasp the "position" I found myself in on Sunday morning. More than 90% of the time, I sleep on my side...in the fetal position...knees slightly up to my chest. (Please don't laugh....I dunno why I do it....its just comfortable for me....let it go!) Also, for whatever reason I like to be on my left side. I suppose this has something to do with the way my room was situated while growing up..I never really liked to face the wall....who knows.
Anywho, I was sleeping on my left side, in the fetal position on the far right edge of the bed. When I feel asleep, Whorehouse Boy was on the left side of the bed...facing the opposite direction. (I think you might have some clue as to where this post is going)
Needless to say, I was awakened to something extremely heavy over my right thigh....and something quite large poking me in the small of my back. Yes, you guessed it.....somehow through the duration of the night, Whorehouse Boy managed to maneuver himself into a spooning position with me......with his right leg totally across my thigh ( with his leg well off the bed)!
Even worse, it was obvious to me that he was sporting some wood...and it was totally poking me in my Coccyx. And yes, to satisfy your curiosity....IT SEEMED ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE.
Now you might be sitting there in front of your computer thinking to yourself, "OMG K....dude that seems so fucking hot...whatcha do whatcha do!?!?!?!" Please let me make it clear that this moment was THE MOST uncomfortable I have ever been, TOTALLY ECLIPSING the Diana Ross fiasco with my Dad from a couple weeks back!! I mean, naturally I am frozen in place...I have no idea what the fuck I am going to do...or where I am going to move...what do I say....should I say anything to him.....I know he is straight and obviously this is an accident...but if I bring it up will it make me look gay...will it open a can of worms.....should I just try to go back to sleep and hope that he wakes up...what if he wakes up in this position, will he be awkward around me?
10 million questions floating around in my head....
After about 15 minutes frozen in place (with him lightly snoring in my ear I might add......yes he was THAT close) I decided to lightly roll off the bed and onto the floor...hopefully not waking him up in the process. It worked! Thank god that Whorehouse Boy is a heavy sleeper...he just kinda rolled on over to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile, I looked over to the other bed to see if Rocket Scientist had been witness to any of this. Turns out that he was turned the other way facing the far wall of the hotel room...and he looked like he hadn't moved in a while. I sincerely hope that that is the case because I dunno how I would have dealt with the situation if he saw what went down.
I am sure some of you are wondering whether or not I went back to bed after that. I did......
Too bad the same thing happened again, this time with his arm wrapped on top of my right shoulder and his right leg on top of my left (my legs were outstretched this time...and in a scissor position...so he was kinda straddling my left one on the bed while my right one was kinda bent up to my chest). This time I didn't fuck around and I just kinda elbowed him in the ribs...it worked and he moved......and didn't wake up either. Looks like he could sleep thru a hurricane or sumthin LOL!
Anyways the next morning everything was cool....on his end....I doubt he was conscious about anything that transpired overnight, but I was kinda weirded out over the whole thing. I know I shouldn't be....but its just really really awkward...and I keep on playing the scenes over in my head. I am not gonna lie, it felt good to have someone so close....but at the same time....its fucking Whorehouse Boy....he is like my brother...i've known him for almost 4 years.......it is just so weird (overused word in the post......but I cant help it, I just don't know any other way to describe it!)
Anyways...that was my crazy, drunken and extremely awkward weekend. Lets hope next time I have a guy in bed, it is a mutual attraction thing where I don't have to be so extremely uncomfortable!
So, I just got off the phone with Twin and I was told under no uncertain terms....that I better have this post up by tonight. Soooooo, even tho I am incredibly tired, I am gonna go ahead and do it so I do not incur his wrath.
With that out of the way, let's discuss my weekend......
Friday was quite fun. We spent the day at Islands of Adventure (which is part of Universal Studios...for those of you not in the know). My boys and I got into the park free through a connection by WhorehouseBoy. He can be quite useful at times when it comes to getting the free hookups. We saved like 80 bucks.....and I didn't have to worry about any prostitutes dropping their ta-ta's on my shoulder...it was great!
Anywho...me, Whorehouse Boy and my other friend (who shall be named Rocket Scientist because the guy is a straight-up genius) spent the entire day in the park checking out all the attractions...all and all it was a pretty chill day. My favorite part of the afternoon tho were the all the water rides, especially this one because you totally get soaked on it....and I was lucky enough to be right behind a raft filled with guys who looked like they were members of some sort of under-21 British Rugby team. So much big, beefy hotness.... it took everything in my power to keep cool. I was doing pretty good until 1/2 of them decided to simultaneously take off their shirts because their side of the raft got soaked under a waterfall. Sigh...............
Ok, back on topic. That night, we went to a house party held by one of my friends who goes to UCF. It was a crazy fun time and I got sooooo plastered, but I kept it classy as always! Anyways, there was this guy at the party that my friend swore up and down was gay and 100% in the closet. Apparently they used to work together and she said that he had some gay tendencies. Naturally another kid who was in the bedroom at the time asked her what she meant by that. Guys, guess what one of the reasons was that she gave as justification for his"gayness".....
Wait for this little gem......................
"Dudes....he is like TOTALLY gay....I know cuz like he has this messenger bag and he always used to wear it to work on one shoulder.....like a fuckin purse!!!......me & (random chick) always used to tell him to wear it 'cross his chest so he wouldn't look so gay...but he never listened to us. He carries a fucking murse yo!!"
I'm not gonna lie, after hearing her spiel I started cracking up...but it was only because of this girls comedic delivery. She was soooo gone and he had a cup of Capt Morgan in one hand...and then then the other was all flapping in the air. You had to be there, it was hilarious. Anyways, I bring this up because Rocket Scientist looked at her and was like, "yo....how can wearing a messenger bag on one shoulder make someone gay?" Everyone got really quiet and then UCF girl was like.." dude I dunno.....we just think that shit looks gay....I mean....its like a big fucking purse or sumthin!" LOL! This girl is like Maya Angelou, so damn poetic!
Anyways, I thought it was really cool that Rocket Scientist said something like that. It shows me that he is not a close-minded and ignorant person. I know it seems like a small thing, but I figure that if/when I do come out to him....he will be in a position to take it a little better than UCF girl....or others who have made off-handed, disparaging remarks about gay people in the past.
**ok Part II will be coming up shortly...but now....K needs some rest!**
So, I was finally able to reach my Grandma in Jamaica.
Looks like Dean took 1/2 her roof....they just finished putting a tarp on the east side of the house. This is obviously just a temporary measure until my uncles and aunts can get a roofer over there to fix it.
Poor thing has been crying all day. At 91, you really shouldn't have to worry about a hurricane taking 1/2 your house.
Guys, this is a cool quiz to try out if you want a fun and fast way to see which candidates' stance you are most aligned with in the upcoming Presidential election. I was kinda surprised to find out that Dennis Kuncinich kept on coming on the top of my list....by a wide margin. This was followed by Mike Gravel, Barack Obama, Ron Paul and John Edwards.
I like Dennis a lot for his stances on many issues but I don't think I could vote for him because I think he lacks a certain 'gravitas' that I think is essential in becoming the next leader of the free world (if that makes any sense).
If I had my choice, my dream ticket would be a Gore/Obama or maybe an Obama/Edwards (too bad Gore isn't running.....he would win so easily) One thing is for certain, I will NOT be able to deal with Romney or Giuliani....or any Republican for that matter save Ron Paul.
I am also gonna have a hard time dealing with Hillary if she becomes the Democratic nominee, but I might just have to deal with it, as she is better than 89% of the Republican candidates. Sigh....
For one, she is Hillary Clinton...I mean nothing gets 50% of American more riled up than those 5 syllables. Granted she is an extremely intelligent and capable woman, but I just don't see how she can win a general election, she has waaayyy to many negatives. Furthermore, do we need to have more of the Clinton's skeletons falling out of the closet come Summer 08? You just know its gonna happen....don't look at me like that, HAHA.
On top of that.....as a nation of 300+ million people, do we really need the Presidency handed off, back and forth, between the same two families like some crazy game of hot potato?
Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton? Since '88?
Come on let's be real.....America can do better.
Who is your pick? (If you want to share that is...haha...I know it is personal)
So I was watching the Cincinnati Masters Men's Final this afternoon while chatting with Pete from Falling Off A Log (a great, well written blog btw...if you haven't checked it out yet you should definitely take a look).
Anyways, I was commenting on the hotness that is James Blake and Pete seemed to agree with me. So, without further adieu, I bring you some pics......
Unfortunately, James lost to Roger Federer 6-1, 6-4, it wasn't even close! But honestly, what human can beat Roger Federer? HAHA. Another day James...don't you worry your pretty little head.
Wait, wait wait.....before you get all worked up...you should know that it is with a girl.
* and the room collectively sighs*
I know, I know I got you all worked up over nothing. My apologies. But listen, we are gonna have a good time, because we are doing dinner and a movie which is the perfect night out imo. Anyways, I'm kinda excited because we are going to see Superbad staring Jonah Hill and Justin's favorite actor of the moment, Michael Cera. I am sure it will be hilarious just like every other film that Judd Apatow touches....I can't wait. Have a good weekend guys!
****U--P--D--A--T--E**** Guys, the movie is fucking hilarious....I almost shat myself about 5 times during the entire flick. It was much funnier than Knocked Up IMO, but not as funny as 40-yr Old Virgin. This is a definite must see for anyone who needs a good laugh. Just fair warning, it is really crude and crass.....so if that isn't your thing, stay far away! HAHA.
Oh yea and Travis....it was definitely just a friendly night out...strictly platonic. However, if she was a guy I would be trying EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to get with her....or him....yea him. You get the picture HAHA! Basically she would be perfect for me if only she had a penis....and massive arms/pecs! LOL!
Night Night! (I've gotta sleep off all these Mojitos!)
Is anyone really surprised that schools are getting more requests for roommate changes now that sites like Facebook and MySpace are so prevalent? When I was a freshman, we didn't have Facebook and not many people were on MySpace, at least no one that I really knew. However these days, everyone and their mothers seem to be on one or both of these sites.
So do you think it is right that people are using these sites to pretty much "pre-screen" their potential roommates before they even meet them? Lets say Chuck checks his future roommate's profile and he finds out that he is a party animal, or Democrat, or Muslim, or Gay. Or maybe he runs across something else on there just irks him to the core.....should he be able to go to the school and request a room change? I mean personally, I would hate to have someone judge me from my profile because I really don't think it is that indicative of my whole persona. On the other hand I can totally understand why someone would want to use all the necessary tools to scoop out and do some research on their potential roommate. Shit, I would do it right now.....I have no shame! HAHA.
But in all honesty, it really does make you think twice about what you put up on your profile for people to see. I am also glad that I don't work in a Housing department of some University. I would imagine that it would have to be one of the most demanding jobs of life.....from a customer service perspective.
Just when you think there is NO POSSIBLE WAY you could have a more uncomfortable and awkward week....
So, I step into my house this evening and walk into the kitchen to check for my mail. Since my mom usually gets home before us, she always picks up the mail and leaves it on the kitchen table for us to sift through.
So I am shifting, and I find nothing of importance....so I go about the next order of business, which is changing out of my stuffy work clothes.
What Am I Greeted With, displayed PROMINENTLY on my computer desk as I walk into my room?
Well, that would be none other than one of the direct-mail postcard thingys from Playboy.
Questions: What on earth am I gonna do with this? Why was it addressed to me? Why does it say RENEW your subscription now, even tho I never had one to begin with? How funny is it that my Mom saw it fit to take it out of the mail and prop up this naked woman on my desk, where there would be NO CHANCE of me missing it? How many more awkward positions do you think I could possibly be put in this week?
This is very reminiscent of the time about 3 1/2 years ago when I was getting utilities set up in my home in Gainesville. The Cox Cable guy came over to the house where my Dad promptly told him to make sure that the Playboy channel could get activated along with with Basic Channel Package because....and I quote
" That's something that my son is gonna wanna watch"
Guys, it is so obvious to me that God is a joker and enjoys having a laugh at my expense.
Case in point........
Today, my Dad called me at my desk and asked me if I wanted to head out to the mall during lunch. Curious, I asked what his intentions were and he said that he wanted to go to the Apple Store and ask a couple of questions before he bought my iMac online. I agreed to tag along thinking that it would be a fun way to spend my lunch hour, and it was for the most part. However, there was just this teensy-weensy little situation that came up that made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable on the way over to the mall.
So I am in the car with my Dad...just chilling and enjoying the typical semi-comfortable silence. My Dad has never really been what you would call a 'conversationalist'....I mean at least with me and Mom, so this was not a rare occurrence. Anywho, I was kinda spacing out, thinking about a variety of unrelated topics....the computer........my trip to Orlando next week......these new Lanvin sneakers that I just saw in the Sept 07 Details magazine that just came in last night............and of course.....................GUYS!
(Is anyone really surprised with the last one.........HAHA.........didn't think so)
Well, I spaced out just far enough not to realize the next song that came up on the radio. You see, my pops likes to listen to all that old man, geriatric, Lite FM foolishness so I usually tune it out, but not this time!
Guys, what song was playing?
Of ALLLLLL the songs on the planet to play....and of ALLLLLL times of the day to play it..............
Flippin........ 'I Am Coming Out' by Diana Ross God....Why must you mock me so?!?!?! *shakes fist in air*
Can you think of a more uncomfortable, utterly unsettling song to pop up....as a closeted guy riding in the car with you Dad? I mean honestly, if you can find one...please let me know.
For those of you not familiar with is little gem (sarcasm) let me share some of the chorus with you.
I'm coming out I want the world to know Got to let it show I'm coming out
Oh oh oh....lets not forget the first verse.........
There's a new me coming out And I just had to live And I wanna give I'm completely positive I think this time around I am gonna do it Like you never do it Like you never knew it Ooh, I'll make it through The time has come for me To break out of the shell I have to shout That I'm coming out
To be totally honest...I was so terribly uncomfortable and embarrassed but I doubt that my dad even noticed the song was on. Moreover, when it kept on playing...I had to truthfully stop myself from totally cracking up at my predicament. I mean look at me, a 22 year old closeted gay guy...totally terrified about anyone finding out about my secret...sitting no less than 3 feet from my Pops....while Diana Ross screams at the top of her lungs that she is coming out. You really just have to laugh.
The only thing that could have made the scene any more hilarious would have been if the A/C vents started spewing out glitter....and cabin lighting started going all strobe-lighty on me.
I think I am gonna start a new series on my blog creatively called......K's Angry Rants. It will be the place where I just rant and rave about stuff in everyday life that just pisses me the fuck off. There will be no set frequency for these posts, I might have one per week or I may have 5......its all depends.
Ok, now lets get to something that has been truly pissing me off for the past couple of weeks at work.......THE MEN IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AND THEIR MISUSE OF THE DAMN URINAL! Whew......
Alright, now guys....the bowl is there right in front of you....AND ITS HUGE....there is no excuse not to be able to piss straight in it. NONE!
Why is it that every time I go to the bathroom, I am welcomed by a puddle of piss on the lip of the urinal? How short are these men's penises that they cannot manage to get all their piss into the bowl? Its just point and shoot guys....and the target IS HUGE....AND ITS RIGHT THERE!!
It just pisses me off (for lack of a better word) that every time I am in the bathroom I have to deal with this. And I feel so bad for the janitor...who honestly has to be in the bathroom like once every hour....because whenever I am in there I see him furiously trying to clean up after you old, apparently cross-eyed douche bags.
And while we are on the subject of bathroom etiquette....please do not try to start up a random conversation with me while I am at the urinal. Its really not the time or the place to talk about current events....like the fact that Karl Rove just resigned. Dude, how about you wait until I am finished pissing and maybe we can have a chat in the break room.....or if we are really in a hurry....we could talk at the sink, mmmmkay?
Oh, and while we are on the topic of the sink...........please wash your fucking hands.............WITH SOAP! Running your hands under cold water for 2 seconds does not count. You might as well not even bother if your gonna do it half assed....just be out and proud in your griminess. Just don't expect me to shake your hand...or take anything from you for that matter.
I am super excited over the new iMac's that were introduced today. In reality, they are not all that revolutionary from the previous generation, but the various upgrades and new design make it a worthwhile investment IMO. I need to get rid of my aging Dell desktop, and I think this may be perfect replacement.
I actually was gonna stop by the Apple store in my area on the way home form work today, but I was tired and hungry....plus it is like 102 degrees outside. Fuck That! In addition, I am sure that the lines are out the whazooo so it would probably be a better idea to wait for the commotion to die down.
Plus, I really want some alone time with these new keyboards..... Like Ben, I too have reservations about the aesthetics of using white plastic and aluminum on a keyboard, but more importantly.....I want to figure out if that thing will actually be comfortable to type on. I mean both the wired and bluetooth varieties seems awfully thin, and the keys look super close together. But then again, I type fine on my iBook...so maybe all my reservations are ill-founded. Time will tell.
Anyone who watched Team America World Police will get the title of this post. LOL.
Ok, so I have dedicated this entire weekend to Matt Damon. As you know.....his new movie, The Bourne Ultimatum came out last night. AND NO I DIDN'T SEE IT YET....SO NO SPOILERS PLEASSSSEEEEE! I am actually going to go see it tomorrow night with a girlfriend of mine. (Damn, if that doesn't sound super duper gay....I dunno what does HAHA) Anywho, I am devoting this afternoon to watching the previous two movies to reacquaint myself with the story-line in preparation for tomorrow's festivities. I have always been a huge fan of Matt's work, and the Bourne series is definitely one of my favorite film franchises of all time.
Speaking of film franchises, I got into a fight with one of my friends the other day over this hypothetical situation. Who do you think would win in a fight between James Bond and Jason Bourne? As much as I love Matt's character, I was ADAMANT that James Bond would totally kick his ass, but my friend vehemently disagreed. Guys, it was honestly like a 20 min back-and-forth convo between us where no one really made strong enough points to dissuade the other from his position. LOL! It's funny how you can get into an argument with someone over the most inane things.
Ok back on topic!
So basically, all of the above that I wrote was really just a opening for what I REALLY wanted to share, which is the fact that I.........K..........actually saw......and got in w/in 5 feet of Matt Damon. GASP!!!
Ok, so it was Dec. 05, and I was at Heathrow getting ready to fly back to Miami after my semester abroad in Europe. Anyways, I am in line about to board the flight, just minding my own business and all of a sudden I hear this girl scream out of my left year. Naturally I turned around to see what the heck was going on anddddddd who is it other than Matt fucking Damon hand in hand with this then pregnant girlfriend (now wife, Luciana). So naturally being the ridiculous person I am, I screamed out...HOLY SHIT ITS MATT DAMON!
So basically about 6 people in front of me turn around and are like...what?...... who?......where? ......what did you say? Of course I point to Matt....walking towards us (because clearly I have no scruples and I missed that lesson from Mom that said pointing was in bad taste). He was in a tight white long-sleeved polo, jeans, dark shades and of course....a Boston Red Socks Cap!
- HE IS SO SHORT! Seriously guys, I know that the camera usually makes people look much taller (except in the case of Danny DeVito and Tom Cruise) but I did not expect him to be so short. I am 5'10 1/2 (don't laugh at the 1/2..its important) and I was at eye level with him. Also important to note was that he had on some clunky-ass Doc Marten shoes which obvs give you about 1/2 an inch or so. Suffice to say I was shocked to see how short he was.
- HE IS BUILT! Again, I was shocked to see how jacked he was! He has a ridiculously nice chest and his arms seemed really big in proportion to his size. I was very pleasantly surprised. (Damn you Luciana!)
Well it turns out that he was on my flight....but I was in business class and he was all shacked up in First (damn you Dad!!! You shoulda sprung me some first class seats!) Oh well, I guess I can say that I got to see Matt up close and personal, right? HAHA!
P.S......What's up with me and Matt's? Last week it was Matt Dallas and now it's Matt Damon. LOL, I just realized this! Seriously, I must have something for Matt's. Watch my first boyfriend be a Matt, I will die! HAHA.
I just got a great email from the author of Whittle et al. He is college senior dealing with a lot of the same struggles that I am sure all of us can relate to. Anyways, I just want to encourage everyone to go check him out.
Oh and before I forget, I am adding Frozen Underwear to my blog roll as well. I am sure that most of you guys are familiar with his blog, seeing as though it has been around much much longer than mine but I wanted to make the announcement anyways because I have been totally slipping on updating my blog roll and I feel kinda bad about it :(..