Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Conundrum.....

So as we all know, the Super Bowl is this Sunday.

Fun times, fun times.....

Personally, I am kinda having difficulty in deciding who I should go for. Seeing as tho I am not really emotionally invested in either one of these teams, I could really care less about the outcome. However, since I am actually living in New York is probably a good idea that I throw my weight behind the Giants (lest I get verbally accosted by the locals and JP...LOL!)

With that out of the way....we can now discuss the far more pressing issue.....

Who would you let take it to your endzone?

LOL....corny I know!


Personally, Tom could have it in any way, shape or form......

But I wouldn't kick Eli out of bed either.....

Guess that means I'm easy.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

So Much To Discuss...

I am just warning y'all from now!

Also, I will refer you to Jay's blog where he will corroborate the events of January 26th, 2008....a day that will forever live in infamy!

(Ok, that was a bit dramatic...but you get it..LOL!)

I swear to you...G Lounge is literally the hottest spot in NYC. If you think that what happened back in December was scandalous, you are REALLY gonna shit a brick when you read this.

Cliff Notes version first:

- Saw Miguel's best friend from work @ the bar
- Some old guy bought us drinks
- I made out w/ this other guy's Fag Hag
- Then I made out with him
- Jay then made out with this this same guy
- Numerous scandalous pictures were taken
- Some triple-kiss came about with the guy and a Latin hottie named Eduardo
- Met a hot Air Canada flight attendant/personal trainer and his friends
- Some guy attempted to finger Jay
- Oh...and we were basically given an open invite for a three-way

Got all that?


Let's me paint a picture of the night for ya...mmkay?

So first off....I met with PR Boy, Columbia Girl and some of her friends from camp at Stout. I had never been there before and it is basically a huge Irish pub. We ate and drank a bit while Columbia Girl caught up with her friends. All and all it was a pretty cool place and I would definitely go back.

This bar also had the benefit of attracting some of the hottest guys I've seen in New York. Big, beefy, strapping fellas...all drunk as hell, rowdy......and sadly......all straight. The way that they were chasing skirts was hilarious. I wish I had a video camera to film their sad attempts at kicking game to these females. One of them actually said to a girl hanging out in the corner....

"Baby, as long as I have a'll always have a place to sit"


I'm sorry....but if that line doesn't make you wet...I dunno what's wrong with you! It's an instant classic.

Anyways, apparently Saturday night is karaoke night and Columbia Girl thought it would be funny to put my name down while no one was watching her. The song she chose...... "Baby, One More Time by Ms. Spears". LOL! I was so angry at her...I wigged the fuck out. At first I thought she was joking but she was dead serious...and I was like 6th or 7th on the list. There was no way I was gonna be doing any sort of karaoke...especially not that song...she musta been out of her fucking mind! So, I decided that I was gonna leave a bit earlier than planned (b/c I was already set to meet up with Jay later in the night after I was finished with them).

So I left that place and headed on down to G to continue the night's festivities. We met up at around 11ish and the place was PACKED as usual. Seriously, this place is always poppin and filled to the brim with hot men. Every size, color, is just a smorgasbord of hotness. Haha!

So Jay and I found a place at the circular bar to get some drinks and position ourselves to check out all the hot guys making their rounds. As usual I could not focus because as soon as I spotted one guy...I spotted another...and then on and so forth. I also spotted Miguel's friend from work passing by us a couple of times. I seriously cannot stand that kid...he is such a queeny is ridiculous. Surprisingly tho, seing him there really didn't freak me out at all. I mean, I knew that he was probably gonna tell Miguel that he saw me there...and that would obviously clear up any lingering doubts that he might have had about my sexuality but ultimately I really could care less. Like I said, I didn't announce my sexuality at work and I don't plan to do so...or even really talk about it at all. I don't see how it is necessary or how it is relevant if I am being honest. Besides, its retail....everyone is assumed to be gay until proven otherwise.


After that, I made eye contact with this Gotti Boy look alike (minus that horrible hair) across the bar and Jay co-signed on his attractiveness. At one point, he was positioned behind a stack of glasses and he actually peered around them to check and see if I was still looking at him.


I decided that I would try and talk to him if he came back in our direction. He ended up passing behind us for the first time so we both looked over our shoulders and were totally SHOCKED at how young he looked up close. Like....there was NO WAY IN HELL he was 21 years old (they check id's at the door). Anyways...I think we played the cat and mouse game for about an hour or so until I finally decided that I was gonna walk over to where he was heading and talk to him. When I finally caught up to him at the back of the lounge...he was full-on making out with another guy. LMFAO! It was by the coat check so I kinda think that perhaps he was waiting for this guy the entire time and he just came in to "greet" him. It was one hell of a greeting too I must say.

Anyways...with that out I went back to the bar where I had left Jay. we continued to take in all the eye candy and then he turned around to me quickly as I was txting Ben.

Jay: OMG, I think I just fucked up!
Me: What happened?
Jay: That old guy over the white shirt....I think I looked over there too long
Me: {peers over} OMG he is like 50..LOL!
Jay: I think he just bought us drinks
Me: LOL....Lies...don't be ridiculous
Bartender: Here you go guys....from the guy over there {points to old guy}
Me: LMFAO you must be joking
Jay: LOL..oh I feel bad...we need to go talk to him
Me: Fuck that shit, I didn't ask for that drink
Jay: OMG I feel like an asshole, what should we do?
Me: I dunno playa....I didn't even look over there
Jay: We've gotta talk to him, we are obligated
Me: {looks over and mouths "thank you"}
Jay: {does the same}
Old Guy: {head nods and mouths "What's up?}
Me: Oh lord {goes back to txting}

So yea, I don't really know the protocol for handling such situations since no one has ever bought me a drink before...but whatever. I was still working on my previous one when that one was sent so I left it in front of me for a good 15-20 minutes. If I knew it was coming, I would have refused it but he already bought it and if we didn't drink would have just gone to waste...

Mom always told me not to waste food (I am sure this extends to liquor too) so there....LOL!

Jay felt really guilty about the situation and decided he was gonna go over there personally and talk to him but when he turned around....he was already having (what looked to be) a thoroughly engaging conversation with another guy so I told Jay to forget about it.

He co-signed....

Anyways, throughout the night I had noticed this smoking hot guy over my right shoulder. He was tall, built and sexy as fuck. He was also a really good dancer...which I suppose means that he is pretty good at you know what as well. LOL! For the life of me I could not figure out his ethnicity or anything like that.....he looked like he was mixed or something but I could not tell. He very much resembled a younger, bald, more built Billy Zane....

He was wearing this deep-V cut black tee shirt that made his chest and arms look fantastic. Jay thought he looked pretty hot too. Unfortunately I was no where near drunk enough to go over and talk to I continued to admire from afar. He definitely caught me looking over my shoulder at him a couple of times but then went back to dancing...or chatting with his friends. I silently hoped that they would all just leave and then I would have my chance to go over and talk to him. But didn't work out that way.

Jay and I eventually decided to move back against the wall opposite the circular bar so that I could get a bit closer to this guy and so that we could have a better vantage point to watch all the guys who were parading behind us. So we moved and got situated next to this cute guy and his fag hag.

This is where the fun starts.....

Now, I don't know exactly how we started talking but I do remember the chick eventually saying to me "you have really sexy lips".


Somehow that evolved into a conversation about kissing in general b/t me, Jay, this latin guy that was in the group (Eduardo) this chick, and the guy she came with (Mike). Now...Mike claimed that girls kiss so much better than guys. So then I'm like....

Me: No way've gotta prove it!
Mike: Dude, kiss D...she is an amazing kisser
D: Yea, I'm pretty good {winks}
Me: LOL, well how is that gonna help? I am gonna need something to compare it to!
Mike: Hahaha
Me: Well....i'll kiss her but then you have to kiss me so I can really compare.
Mike: Haha...alright!
Me: {Kisses the tongue}
Mike: Man...fuck that where is the tongue?!!?
Everyone else: Come on tongue?
Me: LOL...alright...alright {goes in again}

[insert whistling in the background]

Me: Ok it's your turn!
Mike: Alright {goes in to kiss me...all tongue..LOL! }

[camera flashes in the background]

LOL...D was taking pictures of us making out, hopefully they will not come back to haunt me later...but who cares. Anyways, alot of the details around that event are kinda hazy but Jay ended up kissing Mike too (and D got it on camera) then I ended up having a triple kiss with Mike and Eduardo (also on camera) and so did guessed it....on camera! We musta taken like 2 or 3 dozen shots between the 5 of us. We were having a good time. HEHE!

Anyways we stayed over there and we were chatting with everyone in the general vicinity and taking pictures at the same time. Eventually I made my way over to the Billy Zane look-a-like and introduced myself. I found out that he was just in town for the weekend from Toronto and internally I was like "thank you Jesus" because now we had more to talk about besides just general pleasantries and whatnot. He actually didn't believe I was Canadian for the longest time...I had to prove it to him by telling him the hospital that I was delivered in and a whole bunch of other useless trivia before he actually believed me. Apparently people have used that line on him before (pretending to be Canadian) LOL! Who thought that could be a pick up

Anyways...turns out that his name is Tommy and he is a 28 year old flight attendant for Air Canada. He is also a personal trainer on the side.......Mile High Club....sign a brotha up!!!!! LOLOLOLOL j/k j/k j/k.......

We talked for a good while on a whole range of topics from coming out, relationships, travel, what's next in his life (he wants to go back to school to become a teacher...awwww) etc, etc. All and all he was surprisingly pleasant and easy to talk to. And to think...I was so afraid to go up and talk to him. It just underscores the point that sometimes it seems like you can work your self up so much over approaching a good looking guy because you feel that if they look that good then that must mean that they are assholes. Clearly that is the case for some...but thankfully not all. (In this case...he probably was just really friendly because he was know how we are...wink!!)

Eventually I met his two friends that he came to NYC with. One was from Newfoundland and the other one is his roommate in Toronto. They were both older guys (in their 40's) and really cool. I eventually found out that it was the guy from Newfoundland's birthday and that is why they all came to NYC to celebrate. That and the fact that they had tickets to see Kathy Griffin at Madison Square Garden on Sunday. All and all they were all really pleasant and fun to talk to. It got kinda weird when Tommy's roommate tried to kick some game in my ear. He asked me what I did for a living and I told him that I am a grad student and I work in retail part time. Then when it came time for me to ask him the obligatory follow-up question he informed me that he was a policy writer for the Bank of Nova Scotia and apparently he is a really big deal.


Tommy's Roommate: Yea, I write all the policies for the bank.
Me: Oh yea? Sounds like you are kinda a big shot.
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...well....I make $500,000 a year before bonuses so I'm not that rich. {wink}
Me:'re a trip
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...and I don't have any I just travel alot and buy a bunch of shit that I don't need.
Me: Oh cool...sounds like the life man.
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...for some reason alot people like to refer to me as a sugar daddy...I don't like that.
Me: Oh no? So then what are you?
Tommy's Roommate: Well I am no ones daddy...because I'm not that old. (he is 41 btw)
Me: Naaa your not, your not thatold
Tommy: HAHA...he tried you!
Tommy's Roommate: LOL...whatever its cool...I might not be a daddy but I am definitely sweet!
Me: Ohhh rly now?
Tommy: Oh are so corny.....{cracks up}
Tommy's Roommate: Well, I'm sweet because I like to spoil my men {smirks}
Me: {kneels over in laughter} cannot be serious right now.
Tommy's Roommate: K, you said you like to travel...if I said I would take you wherever...where would you want to go?
Me: HAHAHAHA...OMG you really should're too much
Tommy's Roommate: don't like my pick up lines?
Me: HAHA...OMG you're a're making my night....keep on talking
Tommy's Roommate: But you never answered my question
Me: About what?
Tommy's Roommate: Where would you want to go on vacation?
Me: LOL....playa, I've already been around the world and honestly....I've already got a sugar daddy...and he is my father....I doubt that there is anything that you could buy me that he hasn't already or couldn't do so in the future....LOL!
Tommy: {grabs his chest in laughter}
Tommy's Roommate: LOL...your loss! {rolls eyes and laughs} that exchange was pretty hilarious. Realize that he was totally not being serious the entire time...he is a pretty sarcastic guy and he was playing around. You could see it in his face because he could not keep it straight every time he dropped those lines on me. Definitely a funny guy that wins at life!

Anyways...I turned my attention back towards my left where the rest of the crew was. Jay and Mike were getting "friendly" and D was taking pictures etc etc. Then I worked back into the situation eventually and then it ended up being a human Oreo sandwich with Mike in the middle of me and Jay.


Basically, fun times were popping off. I think I gave him a hickey in there somewhere, Jay was nibbling on his ear on the other side of his head and his shirt was pretty much not where it was supposed to be most of the time. Ridiculous!

Eventually Tommy's Roommate said something to the effect of "OMG...thats so hot...I'd totally rent that video" and we all started LOL'ing hardcore. Then he was like.."dudes if you don't take him home and have a three-way I am gonna be so fucking pissed at you!" Then he goes to Mike...."how would you like to get double penetrated tonight?"

LMFAO....I was DYING laughing!

So then Mike turns at Jay and I and was like..."so how big are you guys?"

And I threw my hand over Jay's shoulder jokingly and was like......"Ummmmm we are black..HELLOOOOOOO!"

And he is like...."sooo I've been with black men who weren't that what?!?!"


So that playful banter went on and on basically all night. Mike kept on telling me and Jay how hot we were..etc etc etc. We exchanged numbers later in the night and he made us promise to keep in touch with him. LOL! Now mind you....I would seriously never consider doing a three-way, as I think it is way to complicated and I've never been one for multi-tasking. LOL! But it was hilarious none the less that this lil' (in height but not build) Italian boy from Queens was ready and willing to take us both on at the same time.

I swear....only at G!

P.S. Some guy attempted to play "hide the finger" with Jay's asshole earlier in the night but ima let him tell you that one b/c I didn't see it.

LMFAO...again, only at G!

Mr. Elevator....Part 2

Ok so we left off at me running downstairs with my Neuropsych book in my hand and my phone in the other......

So I finally go into the downstairs lobby and I quickly did a survey of the room that Mr. Elevator was in. I saw him, facing the wall, sitting at a desk with a tight, cut off muscle tee and sweats (breathe K...don't forget to breathe).

I looked around to figure out where the best place was that I needed to sit in order to have a good view of him.

I couldn't sit behind him because that meant that I would be looking at the back of his head the entire time and that would be ridiculous. I couldn't sit before him for the same reason and some ugly girl was taking up space to the left of him.


Ultimately I decided that I was gonna get comfortable in the couch to the right of him. In this position, we were pretty much in line with each other so that all I had to do was turn my head a little to the right to see him and he could do the same to see me (since we were facing opposite directions).

Anyways, he saw me sit down and we made eye contact. I smiled at him but he didn't smile back at all. In fact, he looked really frazzled and he also looked like he had been running is hands through his hair, as it was totally standing up on end in the front. I quickly took a survey of what was on the desk in front of him and I saw a textbook, notepad and a shitload of highlighters. From that I pretty much gleaned that he was studying and it wasn't going well...which would explain his facial expression.

Obviously I didn't want to approach him in that position and besides...there was that other girl to the left of him that was still there doing god knows what. So I sat down, cracked open my Neuropsych book (which btw, is from LAST SEMESTER...and i've already read the entire thing and received an A in the course...LOL!) and pretended to study Chapter 16: The Frontal Lobe.


It was the first page the book opened to and I was like....what the heck, might as isn't like I am actually reading this shit anyways. I would he know right?

So now I am *pretending* to study while frantically txting everyone in my phone for some courage and/or words of advice and periodically glancing over. I was sitting so close to him yet he still seemed so fucking far away........

Anyways, I dunno how long I was in that room for...maybe like and hour (or two...LOL) but at no time did I feel that there was an opening for me to speak to him. We made eye contact a couple of times...extremely briefly....and nothing came out of it. Then he started putting on a show again...

(At least in my eyes...LOL)

When he yawned...his shirt would lift up....

And he would periodically lift up is shirt to scratch his tummy.....

He also enjoyed crossing his hands behind is head, inadvertently (or maybe not) flexing those arms....

All I'm thinking is "That fucking cocky bastard! He so knows that I'm checking him out and he is totally putting on a show and shoving it all in my face!"


And then, when I was looking towards the doorway, I saw his hand move oddly out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly to get a better look..and sure enough....his hand hand totally slipped past the waistband of his A&F sweats as he lazily scratched his thigh.

You know what happens next right?

I shifted in the couch and was forced to put my textbook in my lap....

I totally thought Mr. Elevator was going for his cash and prizes and as a result....Little K decided that it was time to make a grand entrance.


I guess my sudden movement caused him to look over and he caught me staring at his waistband and then quickly turned back to his book. His face was a blank knowning eye-roll...just nothing to go on at all!

By this time it was sometime past 2AM and I was so exhausted from the stress of being so close to him for so long and still not having the balls to talk to him that I decided I was gonna wrap it up. I was so frustrated (sexually and otherwise) that I figured I better just call it a night and maybe try again some other time.

So I started to make moves to get up....slowly of course! Shit, I wanted to give him ample time to get ready, pack up and meet me in the elevator!


As I am making my move I hear him start to shuffle. Then he throws his pen into his bag and closes his notebook.....

I cannot tell you how absolutely close I was to passing out right there!

I mean...I'm like, " he trying to get up at the same time as FOLLOW me?!?!?!" So of course I did the totally logical and obvious thing to do in situations like this........

I made it as though I was just trying to get settled in a new position on the couch.



This is the second time that I panicked and had a nervous reflex. The first one was when I was in the elevator with him and I side-stepped to get out of his way and now....I sit down again after it looks like he was making moves to follow me?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

So then, he whips out his iPhone (while sitting btw....he never got up during this entire situation) and starts fooling around with it. AGAIN....this was another PERFECT IN FOR ME seeing as though I have an iPhone too! I could have said something slick like...."oooo I like that case you've got, I want something like that for mine, where did you get it" or something to that effect.....

BUT NOOOOO....I had to sit down there like dipshit and not say a thing.

After that, I was just so angry and disappointed with myself that I just decided I was gonna leave. He was making no moves to continue packing and leaving so I was like whatever. I would have personally liked to follow him instead of having him following me (as if that would ever happen) but I resigned myself to the fact that I will most likely see him again in a different setting.

So as I got up slowly....he pried his eyes away from whatever was on his screen and looked over in my direction. I felt that this was my last stand for tonight to say I at least did SOMETHING...but all I ended up mustering was a head nod. UGH!

He nodded back as we locked eyes and he gave me a bit of a smirk. Not too sure what that meant, but I decided that I would take any sort of acknowledgment on his part and be thankful for it. LOL!

As I was getting up I noticed that he also had a napsack of shit sitting next to him on the floor. I knew that even if he did want to follow me out, there would be no way in hell he pack up all that stuff w/in the time that it would take me to leave and walk towards the elevator. so I started to think of something that I could I was walking towards the door out of the room.

I quickly decided that I was gonna find a way to come down again to the lobby and hopefully catch him on his way out of the room. So I run into the elevator, go up to my floor, run into my room (this is all subconsciously I think), and get of all things.....MY MAILBOX KEY so that I could have a reason to go back downstairs and catch him.

LOL...who knew mailbox keys could be so useful?

Anyways, so I got off the elevator again...sans textbook and phone...with my mailbox key in one hand...slowly walking through the lobby. I was hoping that I would catch him waiting for the elevators but that didn't happen. The next best thing would be to catch him as he was actually walking towards the elevators. As I turned the corner to go down the hallway........bam.....he is right there in front of me with all his books and napsack with him!

I froze and looked at him sheepishly.....

I mean FUCK MAN....this is what I wanted! Why oh why K are you incapable of introducing yourself or making any kind of vocalizations when you are around this kat?

He smiled at me as he walked past me......and then I continued to walk towards the mailroom chanting "shit, shit, shit, fucking shit" under my breath. When I got back to the elevators, I saw that one of them was at the 6th floor....

I seriously considered taking the next one up there, hoping that perhaps he would be fumbling with his keys for a long time or something and perhaps I could catch him in time to help him "put them in".


But really which part of the previous run-in's I've had with this guy would make me...or anyone else for that matter...believe that even if I DID go up there and catch him I would even say anything?


Soooooo, after that whole ordeal I just went back to my room and sulked. I am such a pussy it is incredible. Moreover, I don't even know why I am getting so worked up over this would be just my luck if he turns out to be 100% straight and even divine providence that he is gay....he is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo outta my league it is ridiculous.

I don't know what I am gonna do.

Friday morning I ended up seeing him at the gym, finishing some cardio as I was coming in. There was no way for me to talk to him then b/c of our respective locations in there.....he was so far away from me and I was going in the complete opposite direction. Friday night...when I went BACK to the gym to do weights.....he was COMING IN as I was finishing my workout....ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So guess what the plan is for this upcoming week?

I am changing my schedule around and I am gonna hit the gym every morning EARLY for cardio and LATE at night for weights. I figure since he was leaving as I was coming in the morning and he was just coming in as I was leaving in the evening...if I just start a lil bit earlier and later each day....I might get myself into a situation where I can actually run into him and be in his area for a prolonged period of time. Perhaps then I can get up the nerve to talk to him....and even if I don' least I will have the added benefit of looking HOT this summer for the meetup.

Pray that this works ppl!

(Even tho it is *verging* on the side of stalking)

LOL....if you saw him, you would understand.

P.S....Wait til you hear what happened with me and Jay on Saturday night at G Lounge. That shit is gonna take an afternoon to write...bear with me, it will be worth it...TRUST ME!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Mr. Elevator, we are gonna fuck....

Ok boys....time for another massively long and overwrought post from yours truly. I'm just warning y'all now before certain people decide they wanna come and comment all slick and shit about how my posts take "six hours to read"...

LOL..Steven, you know I love you and I'm just teasing!

Anywho...lets talk about my new obsession, Mr. Elevator. (Tally,JP,Mark and will be familiar with this guy as being "my gym crush" that I spoke about earlier. I felt like calling him something a bit more creative....LOL!)

Anyways, so it all started on Monday evening at the gym. I usually go from 9:30-11:00 during weekdays because that is really the only time I can fit it into my schedule with school and work..blah blah. There is no way I am waking up early to go to the gym...because I'm really not a morning person (this is gonna change tho..more on that later, LOL!)

So basic layout of my gym....

It has 4 stories with the main entrance, lobby and cardio on the 2rd level...weights, locker rooms and pool on the ground level and various racquetball courts and other stretch rooms on the 3rd and 4th levels. The 2nd level is open to the ground level so that when you are using the weight equipment and whatnot, you can look up and see people on the ellipticals, stairmasters, recumbent bicycles and all those other thingamabobs.

Anyways, I was doing preacher curls and I saw this image upstairs. So, I finished my set and I looked upstairs to far....the most delicious man that I have seen in that gym since last September. Picture least 6'2 (prob 6'3), dark blonde hair, square jaw, 5-o'clock shadow, massive chest, huge shoulders, legs like Oak trees.......

I literally could not stop staring. If I had to rate him on a scale of 1-10...with 10 being the absolute pinnacle of male perfection.....this guy would be a 9. NO JOKE!!!!!

And you guys KNOW I don't go around handing out 9's. Shit, I don't even think I gave Matt Dallas a 9 before....and everyone who knows me knows the things I would do to him if I ever got close enough to Matty. Sooooo basically, you know how big of a deal this guy is......he looked like a fucking Armani Model

Now that I think about it....he looks ALOT like this Armani Model, Matt Merrell....

So kinda imagine that facial structure....but with more Aryan features (lighter hair, fairer skin, light blue eyes). I think that build is a bit to skinny too, so add about 10 pounds more muscle and an inch more of height and you will have a basic idea of what I am (and hopefully more personally will be) dealing with.


So he gets on the elliptical and starts to go at it hardcore. And now I am tired as shit....because I did five more sets on those preacher curls that I had planned to. You see, from that vantage point, I had a perfect view of him all his glory. Eventually I decided that it was time to move to another machine because my arms just couldn't take the assault anymore and I thought that I might start to look a lil' suspicious.

So I moved to another machine and I went at it again. I don't even remember how many sets I did on the pec fly...but it didnt matter because I got to glance up and see him numerous times. I think I was almost shameful with it, I didn't even pretend to be looking at the clock to his left or to that fat lady on the recumbent bike on the other side of him. LOL!

He noticed.....

He looked down a couple of times and we made eye contact. One second here, two seconds there....furtive glances left and know me, I'm horrible....

Then he started doing the most curious thing.....

While he was still on the elliptical, he would let go of the handles and start flexing. This was all done very stealthily, under the guise of "wiping his brow of sweat" when really...his arms stayed up in that position a weeeeee bit too long and his biceps flexed just a smidgen to much.

You fucking cocky showoff you!

You totally saw that I was checking you out and decided you were gonna put on a show huh? There is not earthly reason why would would be flexing and rubbing your biceps while on an elliptical. There is just no way, there is no need for it....

Unless of want to show off......In which case, thank you!

Is it bad of me to admit that this little display kinda turned me on? Furthermore....would you crucify me if I told you that cocky men secretly kinda do something for me? Is it wrong to say that I am totally attracted to that confident kind of swagger?

I hope not...because I really am!!!!

{runs and hides}

So, eventually 11PM came and it was time for me to piece that I stood up and looked upstairs at him one more time. We made eye contact again....and he gave me a blank stare. I turned around and made my way to the locker room to throw on my hoodie and my trackpants. On my way there I past some mirrors and realized how completely jacked I looked...LOL! Clearly I had an intense workout and didn't even fucking realize it because I was too busy watching this guy. Perhaps I need him there every day.....LOL!

But then I am leaving the locker room and he is coming in at the same time. We make SERIOUS eye contact....but it was from far away (I was on one side of the locker room and he was on the other). So I know what your thinking, " fucking pussy, why don't you just go up and talk to that fool've been staring at him for an hour already....JESUS!!!"

Well folks...listen up....if you saw this guy you'd understand why. You see, for whatever reason I totally loose all my social skills around hot guys and I just turn into a stammering, blubbering, grunting and nodding mess.

(Ok, maybe it isn't that bad most of the time.....but it still happens much more than I would like!)

So after I past him I resigned myself to being a pussy by not getting up the nerve to speak to him. I dragged my behind upstairs and made a pit stop at the announcement board to read some of the classes that they have scheduled for the Spring. I honestly wasn't lurking or anything...I was genuinely curious as to when spinning and yoga classes were next month...LOL!

So I had my hoodie on so I couldn't really see or hear (b/c of my headphones) anything that was going on around me. Then I felt something behind me....I immediately turned to my right and I saw him standing about 4 feet to my right picking up some flyers (for what class I couldn't see...LOL). So now my heart is racing like whoa and I swear I started shvitzing (I grew up around a lot of Jewish ppl and I picked up the terminology...whatya want? LOL!)

I looked over again right before I left and *attempted* a smile..or a smirk...god knows what I looked like...prob mild constipation..who knows? Anyways, he looked back at me and gave me a slight head nod....totally neutral...and absolutely nothing could be inferred from it. Internally, I KICKED myself for not finding my huevos in order to actually talk to this guy.

Damn, Damn....DAMN

So after I realized that I wasn't gonna be able to talk to him...I turned to my left and started the trek to the main doorway. I walked extra slow just in case *maybe* he would see me leave and then perhaps speed up whatever he was doing and follow me outside. God knows why I thought that.....I mean that would be so convenient...but alas totally unrealistic.....or was it?

I walked through the first door that leads to the staircase that ends on the street. As I was opening up the second door to the street, I heard the previous door open and I see a vestige of his head peek through...

"OMG, he sped up...YIKES!!!!"

So I step out onto the street...totally about to hyperventilate and I start walking slowly down the sidewalk to my building. I didn't want to stop and wait for him to get on the street because A). as if I could actually SPEAK to him when he got there B). come on....wouldn't that scare you off? Ya, thought so too.....

So as I am halfway to my building I turn around and see him a couple of paces behind me....but looking down and reading one of the flyers. In my mind I'm thinking...."hmmm so he def goes to my gym....and he is either heading to the subway right now or he lives down this street." For whatever reason it didn't register that he could actually live in my building too!!!

I go through the revolving doors and now im heading to the turnstyle to get in. I hear the door go around once more....


Turn around and he is looking straight up at me.....with the same blank look on his beautifully chiseled face.....

AKA....I couldn't read him at all...booo!

So now..if i wasn't gonna pass out before...I REALLY had to summon up some extra strength to stay on my feet. I cannot believe this guy lives in my building...and is RIGHT BEHING ME!!!!

I had to think fast....

I decided that I was tired of him following me. I figured it *may* be easier for me to assess the situation and do something while I am behind him (get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't mean it in that least not totally...hehe!) So, after I went through the turnstyle, turned past the reception desk and walked a couple of steps down the hall, I decided to turn around and make a detour to the front desk to inquire about a "new mailbox key".

Now mind you....I have my mailbox key...but between the seven or so steps from the hallway and the reception desk, I could think of no other reason to talk to them. Obviously I did this because I was hoping that it would give Mr. Elevator enough time to close the distance b/t us....get through the turnstyle and turn the corner so I could then follow him later from a safe distance while I figured out my next move.

It worked....

We past each other in the hallway...and I made it to the desk where the nice receptionist went on for what seemed to be forever on the procedures for obtaining a new mailbox key. I just smiled and nodded pleasantly like I always do when I am not listening to a word someone is saying to me. LMFAO! Finally she asked me to go to another office to fill out some ridiculous form and I told her that I would do it eventually since I was heading down that way anyways. Doesn't this bitch know I have a man to stalk? Shhheeeiiittt.......


So I get back into the hallway and I am like "shoot...that bitch talked to damn long...I lost him". But then, I looked around a column and saw him walking through the next room and making a right to the elevators.....

You know I power-walked that bitch to close the distance right?

I know, I guys are all shaking your heads and saying "K you are so fucking shameful...I have no words." Well, to that I say FUCK YOU....LOL! If you saw this would know....OK?!?!

So i finally reach the corner and turn...and I find him waiting for the elevator with two other random people who are just totally irrelevant...LOL...I wasn't paying attention to them. He shot me a look when I turned the corner, smirked briefly and then looked forward again to see where all the elevators were. Their are 3 of them in my tower and he was standing in front of the far left one...the two irrelevant people were standing and chatting in front of the middle one and I was standing in front of the far right one.

The far right one came first....


So I run in...and call for the 8th floor then situated myself in the far right corner of the elevator, facing the open door. The two other people came in...pressed the 4th floor button and then shuffled into the far left corner. Then he came in and did the most curious thing.......

I would say that the standard social convention in an elevator is to come in....find an empty spot....make your footprint as small as possible and then face forward towards the door.

Everyone co-signs on this right?

But Mr. Elevator came in....pressed the button for the 6th floor (which is on the left side of the elevator btw) and then came over to the right side and stood right in front of me....FACING ME!!!!!

Like so........

I want to also make it clear that this is NOT a small elevator. It routinely fits like 8-9 people comfortably. There was PLENTY of space to go around.

As god is my witness...I swear I felt like someone had removed all the oxygen from that elevator. I think part of the reason why I was so light-headed could have been attributed to the fact that I just had one of my most intense workouts ever. But...if we are being honest......about 90% of it was him. I totally forgot about the other two people that were in the elevator and I literally gave him the slowest once-over in the history of man. From his New Balances...all the way up past his cargos and crossed arms...up to his chest and finally to his face.....were my gaze was met with another smirk.


It literally lasted about .2 seconds...but he totally noticed me checking him out and acknowledged it (at least in my mind). After the smirk...he leaned his head back against the door and looked up to the ceiling.

Somewhere in the corner of my mind I vaguely remember that there were two more ppl over to my left who still did not get off yet....and I literally could care less about what they were seeing or what they thought was or was not happening. I was totally transfixed......

I looked back at Mr. Elevator's chest....he was wearing a light yellow vintage t-shirt..maybe a size too small....and it was DRENCHED WITH SWEAT!

You know what happens to white and light colored t-shirts when they get wet don't you?

I could see EVERYTHING......every ridge, crease, ripple, sinew and curve.....that image is BURNED into my mind for all eternity. Trust me, if I could draw or paint....I would totally make you a picture.

And you wanna know something else.....

I could totally smell him. And it was not offensive at all!!! Dudes, he smelled just like how a fucking sweaty man is supposed to smell like.....and I LOOOVVVEEDDD IT!!!!


Now listen, I dunno if this is because I was already extremely turned on by everything else about him or if pheromones were in play, but I've gotta say....someone needs to get a grant (if it hasn't been done already) and study the effects of male pheromones and sweat on gay men. Something tells me that would turn out to an amazing bit of research... this time the elevator had reached the 4th floor and I am sure I was sweating and wheezing and trying desperately to keep it all together. The door opened and Mr. Elevator had to stop leaning on the door for it to open and let the other two out. In order to do this he turned all the way around and stepped back (with his back facing me now) as the other two walked from the left hand side of the elevator and out the door. I side-stepped to the left for reasons unknown...

Perhaps it was just a reflex...

But, I REALLY wanted him on top of me......isn't that the why would I side-step? Guys, I was literally 1/2 an arm length from his back...and I shuffled to the side like a fucking dipshit. ARGGHHHHHH! So I said to myself..."K, you have him alone in an elevator...and you have two fucking floors left to make your damn move!!!!!"

So I summoned up whatever brazenness I had within me and I leaned against the back of the elevator as I waited for him to turn around. The door finally closed and he turned around and looked at me dead in the face.....


So I inhaled (thank god...before I passed out) and I locked eyes with him. Then he spoke..............

Mr. Elevator: That's a nice gym huh?
Me: {BREATHE DAMNIT} Yea, it is...
Mr. Elevator: Yea, it really got me fucked.

OMG...what weird terminology isn't it? I mean...I understand what he was saying but isn't that an odd way to say it? Why wouldn't you say something like "man I'm beat" orrrrr "damn, that was an intense workout".....

"It really got me fucked?"



Anyways, so then as I am chewing on that statement in my head I go....

Me: Yea, I can see that! {while I gave him the toe to head once-over again}

Then I hear the chime for the 6th Floor and he turns around to step out. Internally I am like..."no no no no no, I didn't get a chance to get your name...or number (phone or doesn't matter)."


As he is halfway through the door he turn around again and goes...

Mr. Elevator: Cya 'round

And of course...on par with being a huge pussy.....all I could come up with was.....

Me: I hope so. lame is that? How on earth did I not get that man's number? many chances did I have? How many missed fucking opportunities?!?! As the door closed I realized that I needed to calm down a bit. I mean, this guy lives in my building...two floors down from me.....and he goes to my gym. I HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN RIGHT?

So, I decided that I am gonna make sure that I am in the gym during that timeframe so that I could run into him again.

Tuesday......not there

Wednesday.....bro, where are you?

Thursday.....damn it playa....come to the fucking gym already!!!!!

So now I am like, "'ve got to chill're gonna see him eventually and when you do...strike up a conversation you fucking dolt!"

I was in a group chat with some of the bloggers that Thursday night and I decided that I wanted to go on a chocolate run. Because you know....I am a fucking pregnant woman and I get cravings from time to time! HAHA!

So, I throw on some clothes and head out to the corner store for some dark chocolate (p.s. if anyone out there wants to know the way to my heart...send me some dark chocolate, 90% cacao and up only...thx).

I come back in the building and past the lounge area...AND WHOSE HEAD DO I SEE?!?!?! know it!

And you also know what I did right?

He did not see me because his back was facing me and he was deep into some book. Immediately I swished past the area and into the elevator while I mulled over another plan of attack. LOL...that sounds devious doesn't it? I assure you...I am the sweetest guy....ask Troy!


So I get into my room and back into the chat...then I flipped out!

"Guys, guess who I just saw!?!?"

"What should I do?"

"I need to bring a book down there and read!"

"But which one?"

"Omg, well...i've gotta look intelligent, but approachable too!"

"How about To Kill A Mockingbird?" {too short someone said}

"What about a textbook?" { someone else said}

"Oh Lord...what should I wear...I'm in rags!" {I reach for some tight, Baby Gap looking t-shirt...LOL!}

During all this I ask everyone to pray for me. Jay says something along the lines of "please Jesus make sure that he has the book upright" or something to that effect and we all LOL. so finally....I get myself together...grab my phone (just in case) and grab the first book that I could get my hands on (my neuropsychology book from last much for approachability) and I hi-tailed my black ass downstairs.

Part 2 coming soon....

Tuesday, January 22, 2008





Monday, January 21, 2008

My Weekend With The Guys

We had such a cray cray time, minus some hilarious drama at Vlada (wait til you hear about that....just my luck). Let's start from the top shall we?

So as many of you know, Troy came into the city this weekend to visit a couple of people (including yours truly) you just know we had to do it real big! First, we met up at this fun Mexican restaurant in Chelsea called The Rocking Horse. I arrived with Chris...... and Jay met us there with Troy and his friend Eric.

First Impressions.....

Guys I've gotta say......Troy is as cute in real life as he is in his photos online. He is exactly how I imagined him to, outgoing, sweet and totally hilarious. He had us rolling during dinner with some of his stories. I am kinda pissed that he lives in Chicago...because if he was in NYC, we would surely be hitting the town every (other...wink) night!

Jay was really cool too. It is a shame that we've lived in the city together for like almost 2 months and we JUST got around to meeting each other this past weekend. Crazy schedules I guess....who knows? Anyways, he is definitely a cool kat....and a ridiculously good dancer that pretty much upstaged the rest of us with his moves on the dancefloor. Whatever ho......

LOL! (j/k buddy)

Now, to Troy's friend Eric........

If I said that I was just slightly enamored with this guy....I would kinda be lying because I think he is absolutely adorable.

THERE...I ADMITTED IT!!!!! but really guys, from the second I saw him from inside the restaurant I was like, "mmmmmmmmm." In fact (and Chris, you will correct me if I am wrong) I believe the second thing that came out of my mouth after "oh look, there's Troy" was "OMG Troy's friend is HOOTTTT."

LOL, I'm a trip.....

You wanna know what is even more funny about the entire situation? After hanging out with him the entire weekend, I've realized that his physical appearance isn't even his best feature. Not only is he such a pleasant person to be around....he also has this extremely witty and sarcastic sense of humor that I just find so entertaining. He is definitely a catch...that's for sure. So much so that I gave Troy instructions to watch over him until the Blogger meetup this summer....


If we are both still single by this summer I swear to you I am gonna charm the pants of his behind....or maybe I'll just get him really, REALLY inebriated and just take advantage of him. LMFAO!

Either way that ass is mine! I am putting everyone on notice that I called that shit, I don't even care.....

(I am only 1/2 joking btw...LOL)

Anyways, so we had a nice dinner....with THE BEST Mojito's of life! And trust me....K knows mojitos...I grew up in South Florida, I know what I'm talking about.

After that, we skipped on over to my favorite spot G Lounge where you might remember that I met the infamous Polish Boy. I figured that if it could happen to me, it sure as hell could happen to Troy.

Alas, we got there and it was PACKED. Total fire hazard....and the atmosphere wasn't really conducive to meeting new people or even mingling for that matter. You literally could not walk anywhere in that bitch. Luckily we found a couch close to the door where all of us could ogle at the men who came in and out of the entrance.

There was this cute older guy (guessing mid 30's) standing next to us by himself. He had on a ROOTS shirt with Canada on his chest and I contemplated chatting him up. He looked like the typical lost businessman in town for the weekend who didn't know anyone and was just looking to start up a conversation. He was cute in a very "I iron my chino's while watching Charlie Rose at night" kinda the end of the really just an elaborate way of saying he looked kinda boring.


With that being said...I probably would have talked to him had I not been distracted by Eric and his adorableness. Hehe......

Soooooo, we made our rounds around the round bar a couple of times (dizzy yet?). Plenty of hot guys and the requisite number of chunky and obnoxious fag hags sprinkled around and about. One of them *almost* spilled a drink on my shirt as I was on the way to the bathroom. She is lucky that she caught that shit in time...or else it would have been ON up in that piece! I personally don't have a big problem with drunken rowdiness...but seriously homegirl, you cannot be "backin dat ass up" to whatever tune the DJ is playing while simultaneously holding two full drinks. It's just not gonna work. Focus on bringing those drinks back to whichever mo' you came out with...and then you can focus on dancing. /end rant

So the plan was to stay there until JP came to meet us. Unfortunately because of some car trubs....he wasn't able to make it into town. This is unfortunate because I was totally gonna wingman for him that night.....but another time my friend.

So anyways, next we hit up Barracuda which was full of a bunch of hotties....some of whom I recognized from Connexion stalking "perusing". Eric got groped by a belligerently drunk man named Rufus...or Reginald....or....Rupert....something to that effect, I don't remember. He was just really sloppy and making a complete ass out of himself. Needless to say I (along with everyone else) found him extremely hilarious. Eric almost got a free drink out of him.....but he didn't work it hard enough...he needed to let some of those "goodies" out of the jar. LOL!

So we hung out there for a while. Rufus played a mean joke on me by making me think that some random old lady behind him was his mother. I am usually not that gullible but for whatever reason I believed him when he said he came out to the bar w/ his mom...who.....according to him.....was visiting with his brother from outta town. She kinda looked like that one chick from the Momma and the Papas.....I forget her name but I suppose it is unimportant. Anyways I was telling Rupert how nice it is that he has a mom that is so comfortable with his sexuality and whatnot that she would accompany him to Barracuda. He started laughing at me and was like "dude, I am totally you really think that fat lady is my mother...OMG COULD YOU JUST IMAGINE IF SHE WAS MY MOTHER...LOLOL". So I look over to Jay and im like..." this kat serious" and then we both look over to Reginald with the "dude, what the fuck is wrong with you" face on. Dumbass....

Anywho we spent some more time in that bar sightseeing and what not. This hot guy with amazing legs sat across from me when we were in the back of the club. I thought he was pretty cute....but he looked to be high on something and besides, he looked like he was with his boyfriend......boooo on both counts.

Eventually we decided it was getting kinda late and Troy wanted to we hit up Rush.

When we got there and it was like twink boy central.


Y'all know that is so not my thing but the DJ help to rectify the situation by playing some good music. By this time we were all pretty drunk (except for Chris I think) so we were just dancing around and not giving a fuck. It was really fun.....we had a good time there. I think we were there for about an hour or so...I'm not sure....

Anyways last stop of the night was Vlada up in HK. I told Troy previously that I would take him there because it is one of my favorite places in the city and there are always really cute guys there. We hopped on the subway and got in there at maybe 3-something...almost 4 (this will become me).

So we do the whole coat check thing and then we head to the stairs in the back. The downstairs bar was full so there was really no way that we would have been able to get drinks in a timely fashion so I thought it would be a good idea to check what was happening upstairs.

We went up there ordered some drinks and then Chris decided he wanted to scope out some of the guys downstairs again...since we didn't get a good look beforehand. So we are coming down the stairs (far right-hand corner).......

And as we are walking and I IMMEDIATELY recognize a guy who I went to high school and college with. He is currently in med school right now in the city. Now mind you....we know each other....but we don't KNOW each other. You know, we are Facebook friends and we have some mutual acquaintances...but thats about it.....

Anyways, I spotted him out of the corner of my eye as we were walking. Now, you know I didn't want to stop, turn around and get a better look...because you just know whenever you do that, it is at the same time that person decides he or she wants to look up and catch you staring at them. LOL! So, I didn't really get a second look....but I will bet every single CENT that I have in the bank that it was him. I am 100% sure.

Now, I am sure that curious minds are asking, "K.....was he with a guy...was he making out with someone...was he dancing....what was he doing?!?!"

Well, he was with 2 other guys....all with what looked to be full drinks (this will also become relevant) and they were all really "friendly" looking....aka they were all standing around each other...all very touchy-feely and what not.

So I guess the next question y'all are thinking is, "K...why is this a big seems like another aquaintence of yours that you grew up with is gay and is out in the should be happy"

Now wait for the kicker.......


So is my question to you guys.........

Isn't is suspect that a "straight guy" would be at Vlada at almost 4 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday getting cozy and with two other guys.....when his FIANCÉE is at home? (Did I forget to mention that they live together on the UWS)

Someone explain that to me....

Now, I understand that gay clubs/bars aren't just for gay people. Obviously everyone is welcomed. But come on...doesn't make you wonder a bit? Just a weeeee bit?

You know what else is suspicious......

The manner in which he and his friends left.

You see, when I passed him the first initial reaction was panic. This is b/c (lets dub him "Suspect Boy") is the LAST person who needs to see me anywhere near a gay establishment. The boy gossips worse than a woman....real talk.

So, as calmly as I could handle....I told Chris that "I had something funny to tell him once we get upstairs" and I quickly turned around and whisked past Suspect Boy's location (all the while taking great heed to duck behind tall people and not look in his general direction). Once I got upstairs...I told the other guys about what went down and then Chris came up the stairs no more than two minutes later.

He immediately asked me what happened and when I told him he said that he wanted to see this kid. I told him that there was no way I was gonna go back down there and risk running into him again. I made sure to tell him that Suspect Boy was wearing an argyle sweater and he was leaned up against the far left wall. Chris went downstairs to look for him himself and came back up no more than 2 or 3 minutes later saying that he couldn't find the guy. Now more than 5 or so minutes have elapsed since the time that I first noticed Suspect Boy...

Now, I let the curiosity get the best of me and I decided to accompany Chris downstairs again to see if we could locate Suspect Boy and his "friends". We searched the ENTIRE downstairs area and couldn't find a trace of them.

Now this is all speculation....but for the sake of argument, let's add all these pieces up, shall we......

Am I the only one who thinks that Suspect Boy saw me either as I was coming down the stairs the first time with Chris....or going back up by myself?

Is it a stretch to think that he freaked out when he recognized me and bolted with his friends ASAP?

Remember I said that all of them had seemly full drinks.

Do you think it a coincidence that within five or six minutes of me seeing him in the bar, he and his friends seemly disappeared?

There is no way that they finished those drinks in five minutes....I'm just putting that out there.

Like I said before, just because I saw him at a gay bar doesn't mean he is gay. He could be a fag stag or something....I dunno. But....sometimes you really have to ask yourself what is possible and what is plausible. I mean, it was after 4 AM had he was out (sans g/f) at a gay bar with two other guys and seemingly having a touchy-feely good time.

Riddle me this.....if he wasn't caught in an uncompromising postion.....why would he leave in such a haste?

And....just when you thought the story couldn't get anymore ridiculous....please let me bring your attention to this post that regular readers of my blog will immediately recognize as the aftermath of the situation I had with PR Boy back in the Fall.

Why is this relevant?

Wellll if you scroll down past Aside #4 you will recognize that this was the part of the conversation we had on the phone that centered around "admitting to each other" what guys we would have hooked up with in H.S.

Guess which guy PR Boy said he would have done?

Yeap....that's right.....he said he would hook up with Suspect Boy. If only he knew what I saw on would make his apparent fantasies so much more realistic. LMFAO! Obviously I will never tell him that I saw Suspect Boy in Vlada.....but it would totally make for a hilarious conversation.

Anyways, I am done thinking about that has potential to become extremely messy...but if I know Suspect Boy well enough, I am sure he will not open his fucking mouth. I mean...what would he really tell people...."OMG I saw K at a gay bar last weekend, he must be a fag"...........

And then everyones follow up question will be, "Suspect Boy......why WERE YOU in a gay bar and does {insert his fiancé's name} know you are out gallivanting with homosexuals in the wee hours of the morning while you should be at home tending to the future mother of your children."

I don't wanna be bitchy, just throwing that out there........

Anyways, after we were done at Vlada....we headed over to Galaxy Diner where I had some fantastic fried chicken strips and fries at like 5AM. It is perhaps the worst possible thing you could put in your stomach at that hour...but it was so delicious, I didn't care. The meal was also noteworthy because Chris ended up strutting his stuff all the way to the other end of the diner to chat up some aspiring actor.

Everyone else at the table seemed to think he was really cute but I was kinda not impressed. He really didn't do it for me...but whatever. Different strokes for different folks. The moral of that story is.....Chris has bigger balls that the rest of us at that were at that table...because he was the only one who actually had the nerve to go all the way over there, sit and hold a 20 minute convo with this guy. Kudos my friend....too bad you didn't get a number tho....kinda defeats the whole purpose.

Or so I thought before Chris fwd'ed the guy's Connexion account and it revealed that he is vain, self absorbed twat. So good call on not pursuing that buddy!


Sunday was fun, I met Troy and Eric for desert in Union Square. We had great conversation as usual and Eric was still frustratingly adorable. (I was secretly hoping that perhaps I had on beer googles the night before so that when I saw him sober I wouldn't be as impressed) We know how that worked out right? foward to Monday morning where we all met up again on the UWS for brunch and a send off. It was a good meal and a nice way to cap of the weekend.

I can't wait to hang out with them in Chicago this is gonna be bananas...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Y'all better be ready for meee!

Friday, January 18, 2008

LOL's in the Fitting Room.....

So I dunno if I have discussed this yet but I really, REALLY hate working the women's department of our store...ESPECIALLY THE FITTING ROOMS.

Those bitches drive me crazy.....

You see, I love working the mens department because I can actually KNOW mens clothes. I am actually able to recommend stuff comfortably and confidently. With's 10x more difficult. What the fuck is a camisole? And why do they always want to ask you silly questions like, "does this look sexy on me" or my favorite......"do I look fat in this?"

Homegirl.....if you are wearing a size 12 then you are invariably fat. The question you SHOULD be asking yourself is...."does this (insert article of clothing) complement my figure." I'm sorry if this sounds harsh....but I am so tired of these women putting me in uncomfortable positions by asking questions that they already know the answer to...

I refuse to lie to them....but then again, I am not there to be a bitchy asshole and make you cry when you realize you can't shoehorn your ass into that dress. So now, my default answer to all those kind of questions is "do you feel comfortable in it".

I mean at the end of the day.....that is all that really matters right? If you feel comfortable in a size 12 PENCIL SKIRT (I hope the incongruity of those two things is not lost on anyone) by all means go ahead. It's your world....conquer that bitch.

This is precisely why I like working in the mens department, you will never hear a guy come outta the fitting room asking you...."excuse me I look fat in these slacks." This EVEN applies to even the most flamboyant of men like Carson Kressley. You're just not gonna see it. For the most part (and I recognize this is don't chew me out for it), a man is going into a store with a a predetermined idea of what he needs and a pretty solid sense of what looks good on him/what he prefers.

When I was ginormous, there were certain areas of a store that I just dared not venture. Why is this concept so foreign to so many women? Why are you asking me how come we cut our sizes so small when your homegirl is sitting right there begging you to get the size up. Are you serious? Why are u making a scene and claiming that (insert brand name) is on a personal vendetta against you and all of your other big girlfriends? Why.......after trying every conceivable position to wedge your big ol' behind into that skirt...are you now claiming that "you are just bloated" and that is why it will not zip up.......

Anyways, I'm done with work for the weekend pretty I don't wanna think about it anymore!


Fun times, fun times will be had!

Also, I start school next week....and I am surprisingly looking forward to it. Hope you guys have a great weekend!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Steve, You Really Need To Stop Taking My Money....

So the new MacBook Air was announced this afternoon at Macworld 2008.

Do you even have to ask whether or not K is gonna get one?

LOL....dudes, I'm so iBook is getting kinda long in the tooth anyways.

But really Steve, how much of my money will you continue to take from me and Mr/Mrs. K?

You really need to stop with all these nifty products....

(Thank God I have AAPL stock to offset all these costs...looks like ima have a little "chat" with Pops and see if he will sell some shares to hook a brotha up!)

Some first looks......
Mac Rumors

I Don't Want To Sound Conceited But......

Inevitably this post is gonna come off a bit like that so plz just forgive me and bear with it. I have been holding onto this story for a while (since early December) because I had to make sure that this guy was for real and this whole thing wasn't just a figment of my imagination...

Ok, now I am 99.99% sure that my co-worker wants to sleep with me...


So you're asking yourself at home, "K, how do you know this?"

Good question....I'll give you the evidence next, but first let me give you some stats of this guy.....

Name: Let's call him "Miguel"
Age: 21
Height: 5'10
Eye Color: Light Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Ethnicity: Latin (Puerto Rican to be exact)
Sexuality: Come on.....LOL!

Ok, so I have been having "issues" with this guy since late November. Originally when I started working at the store, we never worked the same shift because he always worked the beginning week and I worked the weekends since I was in school. However, at the beginning of the holiday season he changed his availability to pick up more hours and I ended up seeing a lot more of him.

This was/and still is troublesome......

You see....Miguel is a brazen lil' mo. Well, he isn't really little....but he is most definitely a he makes this blatantly clear when he speaks about hot guys who walk in the store or his numerous ex-boyfriends or how all these random guys try to flirt with him on Myspace etc etc etc....


So, the thing with my situation is that I haven't formally "announced" my orientation at work. Unlike many of the other guys, I just don't think it is necessary. I mean.....I think it is pretty obvious at this point what team I am batting for, why should I be all out and about with it? Anyways, I bring that up because at first....I really thought Miguel's flirtations were just a sneaky way of trying to figure out my orientation. You know.....flirt with a guy....send yourself out as bait...and see if he bites (both literally and figuratively...LOL!)

It all began with little gestures. I found that he would always find himself somewhere near me in the store...a table away here...and rack away there...close, but not ON TOP of me. Then I noticed that he started to get clumsy around me for some reason. He would drop a hangar here.....fumble with a sweater on the floor over there and for whatever reason I didn't add all of this up. I mean, I'm not a stupid guy, I should have realized that it couldn't be a coincidence that he was seemly always 'bending down' or 'stretching for something' within my line of sight. Eventually I started to realize that something wasn't quite right with the I started to pay more attention...all the while trying acting as clueless as possible...

He got more brazen.

I started to get winks...

And whistles...

Then he started to call me "Papi" (I shit you not)

I just brushed ALL these advances for a number of reasons.....

1). You are my co-worker. Are you crazy?
2). I was involved w/ the German.
3). I don't know if you're intentions are legit.
4). I kinda wanted to see how far he would ACTUALLY go.
5). Dude, I fucking WORK with you...again, are you crazy?

So it seemed that he was getting frustrated that he wasn't getting the reaction out of me that he wanted. As a result, his leers became even more lecherous. So much so that I was forced to laugh at him every time I caught him giving me one of his looks....

I just laughed him off....very much like how I handle every other uncomfortable situation that I may find myself in. I mean, I definitely wasn't gonna take the bait, I'm not that dumb...and besides I still really couldn't make out his intentions. Then came the pièce de résistance.............

I was closing one night (it was actually this night) and I was in the women's fitting room with Miguel. A bunch of Dutch tourists (sorry Pete) had just virtually destroyed the back of the store by trying on like 30 pieces of clothing between the 3 of them. Of course they didn't buy anything....they just wanted to play dress-up in the extra large fitting room 15 minutes before we were about to close. LOL! That left me and Miguel hanging, folding and stacking way after we should have been getting ready to clock out. Needless to say I was a bit irritated...but whatever.

To make matters worse, Miguel was up to his old tricks. I would hang a top and he would say something to the effect of "mhmmm, work it Papi" or "look at dat booty" whenever I had to bend down for something. I just continued to crack up. It really became this big joke between us. He would say something overtly sexual and inappropriate and I would roll my eyes and laugh at him for being so ridiculously brazen.


To his credit....he never put his hands on me or touched me in anyway but as you are about to see...he really didn't have to in order to get his point across.

So I am stacking some shirts and then I look over and Miguel is opening up the big fitting room again. I thought nothing of if because I figured he was just checking to make sure that the women didn't leave any merchandise in it. Then I hear him call my name and he gave me that head wavy thing that you do when you are trying to get someone to come over. Now, knowing what I know about him (LOL) I made sure to study him closely and his face was just normal and totally expressionless.

Me: What is it man?
Miguel: Come over here and look at this. {looks in the fitting room}
Me: Alright...hold on...

So now i'm curious to see what is actually in there. As I walk over...he is leaning on the door...with his back against it, facing me and his left hand on the knob. By the time I got over there the door was halfway ajar leaving enough room for me to pass between the door frame and him. Once I got inside I looked over to the far wall and everything was copasetic. The chair was fine...the mirror was golden.....there where no hangars and no clothes in the room...everything was perfect. So, I turned around to see him still leaning against the door with THIS expression on his face.........

Miguel: Haha...what I do?
Me: What is in this fitting room that was so important for me to see?
Miguel: Nothing really...I just wanted to get you in here....
Me: U MUSTA LOST YO DAMN MIND {muscles him out of the doorway}
Miguel: Why chu playing so hard to get? {as said to my back as I walk my black ass to the other side of the store}

So then I was said to myself, "I know this boy did not just try to proposition me in the fucking handicapped fitting room after hours. I JUST KNOW HE COULDN'T BE SO OUTTA ORDER!"

It didn't stop there folks....the come on's keep on coming.....which is why I am bringing up all these incidences now. I think it is beyond the point of "slyly trying to find out whether or not I'm gay" and it is now full on into the realm of "I want to get into K's pants".

Case in point......

Last week we were having a conversation about the new VP over at corporate and some of her apparent ideas on the employee dress code. Presently, men are not allowed to wear piercings of any kind, although this may change in the near future. This rule pissed Miguel off in the beginning of his employment because he had "a shit-load of piercings he had to get rid of."

Me: What do you mean a shitload?
Miguel: Well I had my ears pierced, and my labret, one of my nipples....and I even had a tongue ring
Me: No shit....
Miguel: Yea...I got rid of them when I started working here tho
Me: Good, a lot piercings are kinda nasty IMO...aside from ear piercings of course
Miguel: You don't like tongue rings?
Me: OMG...that is one of the worst offenders....why would u even take that chance. Do u realize that if the piercer accidently goes through a nerve you could loose your sense of taste? That would be the worst thing ever...I love food too much...that is ridiculous.
Miguel: But it makes oral so much better
Me: Come again
Miguel: Gladly {leers at me}
Me: What do you mean? {recognizes the apparent double entendre in my previous statement and rolls eyes}
Miguel: Haha...what? You said it...not me!
Me: You KNOW that isn't what I meant...come on dipshit.
Miguel: You're so funny....I love how u get so uncomfortable and on edge when something sexual comes up
Me: sigh........ {goes to finger-space a rack of clothes}
Miguel: Ok, so like I was saying....people with tongue-rings give much better head
Me: Whatever man
Miguel: I'm serious....all the guys I've been with say that I give great last boyfriend was angry when I had to take it out for work.
Me: {rolls eyes and laughs} I suppose that is why he left you....
Miguel: Fuck you! watch K, one of these days you'll find out!
Me: I doubt i'll be hooking up with anyone with a tongue ring anytime soon buddy.
Miguel: I'll change your mind just watch
Me: Ugh....
Miguel: Hey....speaking of piercings...what would u say if I said I was thinking about getting a PA
Miguel: you like them?
Me: Dude....why do I care what you do with your penis?
Miguel: might...I dunno.
Me: are so ridiculous....

Trying awfully hard eh? Soooo what do you guys ya think he really wants "alone time" with me....or is this just some elaborate scheme to find out once for for all what team I'm batting for? You guys know how cynical I I still want to lean towards the latter....but the former is really starting to become to obvious to ignore. I mean if he REALLY, REALLY wanted to know...he could ask, "K...are you gay?" It kinda seems like a lot of work to go through as opposed to just asking one question. I dunno.....

And it seems like he isn't used to be rebuffed like this....because he is becoming more agitated and seemly more desperate. He used the patented, "let me hype myself up and show him/her how "in demand" I am" trick with me Monday evening. He was telling me this story (totally out of the blue....and totally unsolicited by the way) about how this guy was coming onto him at a club Sunday night....and he was really cute...but he wasn't "feeling him like that". I asked him why this was the case......

Miguel: Because I am holding out for someone special........


[ will be happy to know that I again...for the 100th time...had to give him "the face"]

"Dude seriously....come're not serious."

"Are you seriously still trying?"

These are the thoughts that percolate in my mind every time Miguel comes around to speak to me. And I have to be honest....I bare some of the responsibility for his behavior...because I didn't nip it in the bud from the get-go. I laughed it off and probably created and environment that made him think that this constant barrage of come-on's is appropriate.

BAD K!!!!

But you know what is even worse...that I just have to admit......

I kinda like the attention....., I secretly get a kick out of it.

Even tho I am totally annoyed with him....I'm so not used to being pursued like this. It is funny to watch....but ultimately wrong...and dangerous to keep up this environment that I let take a hold. And let's be clear....I WOULD NEVER, EVER EVER...sleep with Miguel. And you wanna know isn't because of what you think!

He is actually incredibly attractive. By far the hottest guy who works in the store IMO. He has the most flawless caramel colored skin..and those lips....egads....and don't start with me and that Puerto Rican ass he has...whooooooo. Chances are that if I met him in ANY OTHER VENUE beside my would have been on like Donkey Kong. the end of the day......

1). I work with him.
2). It would be totally and purely physical.
3). I WORK WITH HIM!!!!!

And for those of you out there who are asking yourself, "how come you didn't put up German Boy on your list of reasons you wouldn't hook up with this guy" there is an full update coming up about him. The Cliff-notes version.....

We decided that we are better off as just really good friends...for a whole host of reasons that will be become clear later.

Have a great week guys.....and make sure to check out the new site for the blogger meetup.

Monday, January 7, 2008

BLOGGERFEST 2008!!!!!!!


We “gay bloggers” are an interesting group. Whether we’re semi-closeted or out and proud, from sunny California or the chillier regions of Canada, we are all connected. Whether we have been blogging three months or three years, we all seem to be part of a community. Look at any of our blogrolls and it becomes apparent there are far fewer than “six degrees of separation” at work.

Have you ever wanted to meet your blog buddies but wondered if it would ever be possible? Have you dreamed of getting people together but didn’t know how to go about it? We have too, and we have an answer!

Blogger Meet Up 2008!

We propose a gathering of bloggers to be held this summer in Chicago. It would be a chance for many of us to get together, hang out, and have fun in a casual atmosphere. We are thinking of about a 3-day get together, over a weekend in June or July.

Are you interested? Please contact one of us!

Troystopher “Troystopher”
K “I Have to Admit It”
B “Figuring Myself Out”
JR “Nothing Golden Stays”

When contacting us to indicate your interest, let us know of your preferred weekends. Please email us no later than Friday, Feb. 29th so we can get dates set and look for a hotel to accommodate the group. Watch our blogs for additional information as plans progress.

We look forward to hearing from you. Lets make this a fun event!

All our Best,
B, Troy, K and JR

Inappropriate....But Hilarious

I am always getting hilarious shit from my friends in my mailbox.....

You just know that I have to share it with you guys....even tho it is totally immature and inappropriate.

My favorite part was the black boy at the end of the clip (around 00:42).......smooth moves my man......smooth moves!


Friday, January 4, 2008

Jesus, Thank You for Brightening Up My Day......

You guys are gonna shit your pants when you find out who I had the EXTREME PLEASURE to assist and take care of at work today....

Ok, maybe I am being dramatic. Your probably not gonna care at all as I would venture to say upwards of 80% of you will have absolutely no idea who this guy is....but he is fucking that makes the story worth reading regardless.

So as usual, I am folding sweaters in the corner...trying to look busy and somewhat interested in my job.


Just kidding....I actually really like my job for the most part. The managers are kinda douchebaggy....but that is to be expected at any job......right?

Anyways, I spot this this guy out of the corner of my eye and immediately my attention is drawn to his peacoat of all things. LMFAO...I, gay, noticing clothes first.....laugh it up. But seriously, it looked to be made out of velvet or something and it had ridiculously intricate stitching. Needless to say I was intrigued.

After staring at the guy's back of a attention started to shift from his amazing outfit (he had some fly, special edition Air Force Ones too) to his physique. He had those broad shoulders that taper down into a perfect V-shape that just drive me crazy, sigh...........

And then there was "The Ass"

Whewwwww! Justin, the Latin tease from Vlada has NOTHING on this guy right here....real talk!

So of course, me being just KNOW the guy had my full attention. And I had not even seen his face yet. I figured there was no way it could get any better....the guy was already like and 8 or 9 from his back alone! LMAO!

And then he turned around...........

OMFG.....I was frozen in place. The most amazing, arresting, captivating ice blue eyes looked over to my corner.

I am almost positive I gulped...LOLOLOL!

But then, after my initial facial recognition software kicked in (LOL) and I said, " know this guy from somewhere!" So I was thinking and thinking and thinking...and then I am like....." you know what, I am almost sure this guy is a model that I've seen before." So now I started thinking about various campaigns that I might have remembered him from....blah blah blah...still nothing.

And then I was like......

"Wait a minute that Mark fucking Vanderloo?!?!?!"

I decided that I needed to get up close and have a better look-see! So I composed myself and strolllllllllllllllled on over........

Me: How are you doing today sir?
Mark Vanderloo?: I'm great, thanks! How are you?
Me: I'm doing really well actually (obvs...LOL) looking for anything in particular today?
Mark Vanderloo?: Actually yes.....I'll take you in the handicapped fitting room please Um, no I'm just looking...thanks.
Me: Cool, well my name is K....if you need me just holler!
Mark Vanderloo?: Sure thing bro....thanks!

So I walked back over the the table that I was working on and I decided that there was no way that could be Mark Vanderloo. for one, he was my height a.k.a wayyyy to short to be a male supermodel. Also, Mark is Dutch....and this guy had absolutely no accent whatsoever......he sounded like he was from Cali or something. Furthermore, this guy was clearly in his 20's and I know Mark has got to be pushing like 40 right now...there is NOW WAY he could look so young....even as a model. But I still KNEW I had seen him somewhere on TV or in a magazine somwhere.....and it was bothering the shit out of me that I couldn't place him. That is when Brazilian Twink came up behind me....

Me: hehe
Brazilian Twink: So K....are you gonna go over and help that sexy ass man....or I am gonna have to do it?
Me: Toooo late...I already got that playa!
Brazilian Twink: {Smacks teeth} DAMN HE FINE!
Me: SSHHHHHHH man...damn!
Brazilian Twink: {whispers} The things I would do.....
Me: Dude, I swear to god I've seen him before...I think he is a model
Brazilian Twink: I would not be surprised K
Me: I thought it was Mark Vanderloo....but he is too short
Brazilian Twink: Damn ur off base....NO WAY is it that guy....Mark is hella old
Me: psssshhhh late 30's isnt old, shut ur face
Brazilian Twink: Boy, that guy in front of you isnt a day over 25.
Me: Your right...looks like it...

So anyways...we kept on going back and forth like that for a minute until one of our co-workers called him over to the register. I continued folding clothes all the while keeping an eye out for mystery man and helping other customers into the fitting room.

The last time I went into the fitting room I came back out to the floor and I see him walking towards me....I stifled a smile as best I could...

Internal K: YEEEAAAYYYY, he wants your help!!!!!!!

LMFAO! I'm pretty sure in my attempt to not look excited I probably just looked as though I had gas.....but whatever......haha!

Mystery Man: Hey man....
Me: Hi, What can I do for you?
Mystery Man: Wellll you could start by tossing those shirts of that table and making yourself comfortable on it. I was wondering if you could find me a size?
Me: OH SURE! In what exactly?
Mystery Man: these wool pants right here {turns around and goes to another rack....throwing off what little concentration I had mustered up to that point}
Me: Oh cool...what size where you looking for?
Mystery Man: Ahhhh, a 31 would be great..thanks!
Me: Hold on, let me check.

So now I am running around, turning the store upside down trying to find Mr. Sexy's pants.

I was on a MISSION PEOPLE.....


Me: So I looked around and I checked the stock room....and we only have large sizes left in these. I could always check the computer and see if we have any more inventory at another store......
Mystery Man: Oh....would you? That wouldn't be too much of a hassle would it?
Me: For you......I would sow the pants myself! Oh god no....I do it all the time.
Mystery Man: Oh cool....thanks for that....I'll just keep on lookin around....alright?
Me: No prob....i'll be over there {points to an open fitting room} {points to a computer}

You know I was thinking it right......shameless!


~ ten minutes and 5 phone calls later ~

Mystery Man: {come up in front of my computer} Hey...
Me: it looks like we are out of 31's in the city...
Mystery Man: awwwwww
Me: I know, I'm sorry......there are actually none left on the East Coast
Mystery Man: Are you serious? Damn....guess they were popular then...
Me: Yea...again, I apologize can I still have your number....perhaps I can make it up to you?
Mystery Man: WAIT....are there any in LA? I'm flying back tomorrow anyways...
Me: {processes last statement.....wait, how much you wanna bet he is an actor K!} Um...let me check
Mystery Man: Cool man....again, thanks for all your help.
Me: Dude, no's what I do!

~ a minute later ~

Me: Oh look....they've got a bunch at our store in the Beverly Center
Mystery Man: Oh yea?!?!
Me: should have no problem...they have your size
Mystery Man: Oh've been a great help...I'll get em tomorrow.
Me: Cool what are you doing tonight? have a great afternoon.
Mystery Man: Thanks! You too... {leaves with a kinda "meh" chick}

So then I watched him leave the store....and I STILL couldn't figure out who the fuck he was. I mean now....I had a feeling that he was an actor of some sort...which would explain why he looked so familiar but I still couldn't place him. However, my boss was about to help me with my predicament.

Store Manager: you know who you were just helping?
Store Manager: Dude....that's fucking Shawn from Days!!!!
Me: What? Who?
Store Manager: You know.....Shawn from Days Of Our Lives!

Me: You serious....he's a Soap Actor?
Store Manager: Yea fiance loves that shit.....she always has it on....that's how I recognized him.

[Kelly.....You know I gave him "the face" right?]

Me: Hmmmmhhhmmmm, sure it's just your fiance who watches it
Store Manager: Get the fuck outta here...You're the one who recognized him, obvs you watch that shit too.
Me: Hell no....I've never seen that show in my life....I just know that I've seen him somewhere.....
Store Manager: Hmmmmhhhmmmm
Me: {rolls eyes and walks away}

So there it is. I helped out Brandon Beemer at my store times!

He was really cool, courteous and extremely non-pretentious for an actor. I was very pleasantly surprised....definitely a class act. Oh...and as you can see he is RIDICULOUSLY beautiful...even more-so in person!

I guess I might have to start watching Days now.........LMFAO!!!!