Why You Shouldn’t Travel w/ Your Straight Friends (part I)

Well, put very simply.....you shouldn’t because it will inevitably put your ass in some UNCOMFORTABLE and AWKWARD positions.

Case in point......

Last Friday night was supposed to be just a fun night out in a foreign country with some friends. Little did I know they were conspiring against me! I woke up about 5PM in our hostel.....

Me: So where are we heading?
My Friend: Dude, we are gonna check out this place that my buddy told me about. Apparently it is like the hottest spot in San
Jose. (This description will become infinitely more evident in a moment)
Me: Oh cool, so its like a club or bar or what?
My Friend: Well, its a little of both....and there is a Casino too.....YOUR GONNA LOVE IT THERE.....TRUST ME!
Me: Alight then, you are the tour guide, I will just follow your lead

Big mistake on my part......once we got into the place, I knew something was fishy. LITERALLY!!!

Me: Bro, why do I feel like everyone is staring at us?
My Friend: I dunno....yo don’t worry about it...lets go to the bar.
Me: Alight, I kinda want a Rum and Coke

*** 5 Minutes later, at the bar with drinks in hand***

My Friend: Yo K...there are so many chicks in here bro...and they are all so fucking hot!
Me: Yea I was about to say...there are really alot of girls in here.....and maybe I am being paranoid...but I feel like they are all
staring at me.
My Friend: Yea, they are totally checking us out, they must really like Americans or something.
Me: Who knows < sips drink >

*** Another 5 minutes later....a mysterious tap on my shoulder***

Random Chick: Hooolllllllaaaaa chico
Me: Hola < insert nervous laugh > What's going on?
Random Chick: You speaka the Spanish? < scratches/ rubs my back >
Me: No...no habla espanol. (OMG why is she touching me?!?!)
Random Chick: Ayyyyyeeee. My name es Julia.
Me: Hey, nice to meet you. (Now please get your hand off my back.....wait.......is your hand moving to my belt?!?!)
Julia: So chico...where is chu from?
Me: I am from Florida (Jesus...is she trying to push her hand into the back of my pants?!?!) < fidgets nervously >
Julia: Oooo flo-RIDA...very pretty....pretty people too
Me: Yea, there are a lot of hot people over there.
Julia: So first time in Costa Rica?
Me: No not exactly
Julia: So how chu like it?
Me: Its great....beautiful country
Julia: Si Si < bats eyelashes and continues furiously rubbing my back and shoulders >
Me: Haha...yeaaaa sooooo



I should take a moment to note that by this time I realize that my friend had brought me to a WHOREHOUSE!!!! Um, I should also point out that when I looked over to my right, he was chatting up 2 “chicks” (I use the term loosely b/c one of them defiantly looked like a post-op transexual.....but that not really THAT relevant at this time, because I had this chick basically raping me at the bar, and I really didn't know how to stop her....

Julia: So chico...what chu doing tonight? (starts sweating profusly...hopefully she doent take this as a sign that I’m excited or
something)
Me: Ahhhhh.....I think we are going to leave soon
My Friend: Oh na bro...we can stay for a while...I’m cool. (shit fucking shit)
Julia: Sooo would you like chica company tonight?
Me: Pardon?
Julia: Chica cooommmppppaaannnnyyy....for chu tonights?
Me: Oh...ahh no thanks
Julia: Chu sure...I’m very good < drops breasts on my shoulder....which looked like cantalopes I might add >
Me: No no no...I’m sure...but thanks anyways. ( insert nervous grin...hoping that she will take the hint )
Julia: Ohhhhh chico...I can tells chu’s very very tense ( you don't know the half of it lady ) Chu have a chica in flo-RIDA?
Me: Ya? YES ya ya.....I have a girlfriend at home. (thank god the chick gave me an out)
Julia: O, know worries chico...what happens in Costa Rica stays in Costa Rica...your chica will not know....chu know?
Me: Na ...I cant do that to her...im sorry. (please lady...just go away...PLEASE)
Julia: Ok then...have a good trip OK...and come look for me when chu want.
Me: Alight I will...thanks (please GOD don't let her give me like a business card or something....I just wouldn't be able to hold
it together)
Julia: < Removes her hands from my back...& her breasts from my shoulder...walks away >

to be continued..............