Alright boys, I am heading out on vacation next week. Where to do you ask? Oh.....well I'm going to be backpacking in Costa Rica. Fun Times!!! This will definitely be different than my other backpacking experiences in Europe, for obvious reasons.......
Anyways, I'm totally stoked to do the whole shebang (volcanoes tours, zip-lining through the rainforest, ATV'ing, white water rafting....etc etc)
I am also contemplating whether or not I should come out to one of my friends on this trip. We will see how that works out, and of course, I will blog about it, whether I grow the balls to do it or not.
Between that, and the extreme activities we have planned during the trip, hopefully I will come back in one piece.
So I just realized that I haven't talked about my big move coming up in about 2 months. Thats right folks, I am moving to New York!
I am actually going to be starting Grad school there in September and I am pretty excited about that. It will be really good for me to get back in student-mode because if this summer internship down here in South Fla. is teaching me anything, it is that I am really REALLY not prepared to enter the real world quite yet! I mean being locked in a 8' by 8' grey cubicle from 9 to 5 almost everyday is definitely the pits. I mean, I make pretty decent money, and I'm getting valuable real world experience, but I just can't handle the monotony of it all and the fake as hell people who seem to make 90%+ of the office. I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it in the long run. I'll find a way I suppose......
Anyways.....back to exciting New York. I've always enjoyed the atmosphere there, even though the couple of times I've visited I never really stayed long enough to take in ALL the sites and experiences that the city has to offer. Now that I'm moving there semi-permanently, I will hopefully have enough time to take everything in. I am so excited and so ridiculously nervous at the same time, it's not even funny. I am really hoping that this can be my chance to start over with a clean slate. I have a pretty fair amount of baggage down here (a subj for another post....or many), so it will be nice to leave all that behind and start fresh.
One of the biggest contributions to my stress level at this time is figuring out my living arrangements. I will be traveling up there next month for a week with my parents to try to find an apartment. I already kinda decided that I don't want to live in Manhattan, because I think the rents are just super ridiculous for the space you get. I would really love to live in Williamsburg. I heard from a few of my friends who already live in the city that is a really young and upcoming area in Brooklyn thats pretty close to where I will b going to school. Brooklyn Heights is also on my radar along with Park Slope and Prospect Heights. They are pretty central and would give me great access to Prospect Park, which would be ideal for running, biking and just chilling out.
I am just really hoping that I can find a nice place in a cool, central neighborhood that I will be happy with. Pray for me guys! *crosses fingers*
Oh...and if you guys know of any apts or sublets out there, or any really good brokers that specialize in finding apts in Brooklyn and/or Lower Manhattan, shoot me an email or something and let me in on it. HAHA. I pretty much need all the help I can get!
So for those of you who do not know....this is Steve Jobs, co-founder and current CEO of Apple. He is pretty much one of my top 5 favorite men of all time............. somewhere behind Jesus and my father. LOL! Anyways i can't wait until Friday.
So another semi-interesting tidbit of information about me. I am a HUGE soccer fan. My dad actually used to play semi-professionally WAY back in the day in Canada before I was born. Anyways, he got me started on it when I was really young and I played on various youth rec leagues and club teams growing up. I haven't played in ages tho...going on about 5 years now. I kinda dropped it once I got to college...I just had too many things going on, and of course I was super lazy.
Anywho, Im definitely trying to get back into the swing of things by the end of this year. I always had so much fun playing, and its a great way to keep in shape and meet new people. Even though I do not play much anymore (and god knows if I still have any of my skills left LOL!) I always enjoy watching a good match, and not only just for the love of the game! For those of you in the know, you probably realize by now that by in large, the sport has some of the hottest athletes around. I'll leave you guys with a list of some of my favorite players (both for their skills and their looks!)
I happen to think that my musical tastes are pretty eclectic. I can pretty much listen to and enjoy any kinda music as long as it has a good beat. However................. I CANNOT stand Country. That shit really gets on my nerves. How do people listen to this?
Im just kidding LOL! If anyone out there likes country music, I apologize for offending you. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.
If I was forced to pick my favorite genres of music tho, I would probably have to go with R&B, Soul, and Funk....with a little Dance thrown in for good measure...haha! So basically you can see how I can apprieaciate a great beat. So you are probably thinking to yourself, “man he must be an amazing dancer or something.” The funny thing is tho, I cannot dance for shit. Seriously, I am so awkward on the dancefloor its ridiculous and if you saw me, you would be forced to laugh and point. I usually don’t subject myself to such ridicule, so most of the time I will sit (or stand) and enjoy the music/atmosphere from the sidelines. Haha, I wish I had some rhythm, and was not so self conscious.....oh well, there are worst things to worry about I guess.
Anyways, back to music. By far my favorite song out right now is Robin Thicke’s 'Lost Without You'. If you’ve been alive during the past year I’m sure you’ve heard it on the radio or have seen the video on TV. I remember catching a video of his a couple years back when he used to have long hair and I always thought he was really cute. He’s totally changed his look now....and if it even possible, I think he’s become even more adorable.
So, I guess I should talk a little more about myself. I mean, this is my blog right? So It should be totally self-centered and about me 24/7 365! LOL! Well I suppose if you are reading this then you probabaly want to know a little more about me....so I should just give you what you are looking for! Let’s see, I am 22 years old and just graduated from the Univerisity of Florida. It was definitely the best 4 years of my life, I made some amazing friends and had some pretty amazing experiences. Plus, I can say that I was here during the best athletic years of UF’s history! (up to this point I hope) For those who don’t know (and I can’t imagine how you wouldn’t) we are currently the National Champions in both football and basketball. In fact, UF made history in being the first school in NCAA division I-A history to hold both titles concurrently. (sorry to any Buckeyes out there reading this) Needless to say to say, Gaineville has been awash in excitement for the past two years. Can you really blame us? Hahaha.
Anyways, ill stop boasting now......promise!
More about me.....well, I am an only child, which is partly the reason why I called Kelly from C.O.C. my twin in my blogroll. Being an only child in our situation I think brings with it 10x more problems. I have heard my parents talk from time to time about how excited they are to retire and have grandchildren that they get to spoil and it really just breaks my heart. Now before you guys says anything, I realize that being gay does not preclude someone from being a father. I mean clearly there is always adoption and other ways to get around it, but its so difficult and tedious. Then of course you will have to deal with the fact that your kid will probably get teased and harrased in school because he has “two daddies” (thats if you are lucky enough to find some one who is totally committed to you, your relationship, and being a father). I mean, I firmly beleive that a child in any loving household is better off than one being shuffled through the system, but in the same breath you have to take into account how complicated that child’d life is going to be growning up with gay parents.
I dont know......some of you might be wondering why on earth a 22 year old guy is worried about something so serious as hopefully being a father someday. Haha, well you are not the only one! At this stage in my life I should just be focused on having fun and experiencing everything that youth has to offer. However, I know that eventually I want to settle down and have a family. This is probably one of, if not the hardest things I have had to come to grips with. The fact that I am not going having that perfect family with a wife and 2. however many kids has been a hard pill to swallow. Even more difficult is the nagging feeling that when I do come out, I am totally going to let my parents down. I mean, my entire life I have tried so hard to make them happy. They are such great people and they have given me every tool and opportunity to be successful in life. I just don't want them to end up feeling as though it was all in vain. I mean, how do you look your father in the face and tell him that this only son is gay? How do you tell your mother that there is a chance that she will never have that grandson or granddaughter that she always wanted to spoil? It's really all so depressing I don't want talk about it anymore............
Ok...so I know that first post was kinda weak. I apologise. I spent last night and much of today thinking about how I should start up this blog. First and foremost though I want to thank Kelly from Closeted Only Child, JR from Nothing Golden Stays and Dan from A Procrastinating Wolverine for encouraging me to finally take the plunge and start blogging. I also want to give a special thanks to David from Protean in Utah. His blog was the first that I really had a chance to run across late last year and I’m really thankful that I did because it pretty much opened up my eyes to the whole concept of personal blogging.
Basically the reason I am starting this blog is because I just really need a place to finally start being honest and open, not only with myself but with other people as well. I am finally at a point in my life where I can start to accept the fact that I am gay and there is really nothing that can be done about it........nothing short of being dishonest and living a lie that is. However, I just don’t think that is something that anyone should have to do.
Of course I didn’t always feel like this. There was a time when I was younger when I thought that maybe this was just a phase, you know, something that every guy goes through (so naive...but hey, you know you probably thought the same thing too) When that didn’t work, I turned to prayer, hoping that somehow God would make me straight. Well, when that didn’t work I started tossing around the idea that maybe I was just bisexual or perhaps I just hadn’t met the right girl yet. All the while, trying to tip-toe around the issue that I knew in my heart, I had already had the answer to.
I am sure that many of you reading this blog will be able to relate to a lot of my feelings regarding finally reaching some sort of acceptance with yourself. I mean, being gay is really tough! There is so much baggage, and so much to shit to deal with I really wish I didn’t have to. But thankfully, at least I am in a place now where feel like I am somewhat moving in the right direction ( and I am scared as fuck!!!!!! )
Anyways, this blog is just going to be my personal space to rant, rave and talk about things that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to get off my chest, or share with anyone in my life.....at least not yet. I am going to try to keep it as light-hearted as possible, throwing in some random shit here and there. Obviously I will be talking and sharing some really personal and important things, but every post shouldn’t be (and will not be) all doomy and gloomy. I suppose my posts will just be a reflection of how I am feeling each day. (and I will try not to ramble!) Anyways, hopefully it will be enjoyable, and you guys will stick with me through this new chapter in my life!