Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Most Ridiculous Invention Ever!

I just received the craziest email from one of my friends!

Did you guys hear about this?!?!?!

Apparently some German researcher has invented a spray-on condom.....

As I understand it, you stick your dick into a chamber, then press a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto your lil' buddy in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that this guy, Jan Vinzenz Krause, is working on shortening the drying time to about 10 seconds.

So how does this condom come off ? Apparently, (hopefully) the rubber dries on quickly after it is sprayed on and is then ready to use. When no longer in use the spray-on condom can be easily rolled off and thrown away just like a regular condom.

Im sorry, but I don't trust this shit ONE BIT! Who is gonna test this out?

Show of one?

I'll tell you what, it most definitely will not be me. Call me old fashioned, but I don't want anything painted on Lil' K. Plus, where is the cum supposed to go?

This seems like such a bad idea....I mean who asked for this?

And how big of a dumbass are u gonna look like in the bedroom with a huge penis pump, spray-on canister looking thing on your cock? That would most certainly kill the

Saturday, July 19, 2008


So I totally met one of my idols kinda made my summer...HA!

So I am at the cash register, ringing up this Asian tourist when all of a sudden I hear a gasp and the subsequent crash of a hanger falling next to me. Not really thinking much about what was goin on, I automatically bent down to pick up the fallen hanger and as I was straightening myself up, my co-worker (who dropped the hanger) was like "OMG K, IT IS MOTHERFUCKIN CHRISTIAN!"

So then I shot up and was like, "SAYYY WHUT...WHERE....STOP LYIN!!!"

Surely enough, Mr. Siriano was all up in the store looking every bit the fierce bitch that he was on tv.

OMG, the guy is T-I-N-Y!!!!

Im serious, no more than like 5'5 y'all and like 130 soaking wet.

He was rocking this fly as HALE murse and some super duper skinny jeans that looked like he got from Osh-Kosh.

He could be wearing a trash bag and I wouldn't care, he can do no wrong!

Anyway, since I was zoned at the cash wrap all day I could not leave the register to help him on the floor BUT I did get a chance to ring him up and he is such a sweetheart! He bought a black sweater (surprise...LOL) and he was really pleasant.

Let me also say that you really don't notice it all that well on TV and online, but Christian truly has stunning eyes. They are like this really weird shade of green that I don't think I've ever seen before. Up close they are kinda intense, I've gotta say.

I told him how much I enjoyed him last season and how happy I was that he won and he said thank you. All and all he was really pleasant and I am happy that I didn't take off today like I was thinking about doing this morning...HA! I mean, I woulda missed him.

What a crazy world huh?

Christian is definitely up there in my top celeb encounters in NYC thus far.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I'm Still Alive...Promise

Hey guys, I've been neglecting the blog a bit but I can assure you that I am still alive and kicking! Just a couple of quick updates....

#1: Things with Ryan are basically at a friendship level right now.

Without going into all the details and whatnot, he basically proved himself not to be boyfriend material. I can honestly say that I am really at a stage now where I can say that I am ready to start building a real, solid relationship with someone and unfortunately he isn't. It is kind of a bummer but I am glad I dealt with it now, the in the beginning stages, rather than later down the road. It kinda sucks because I thought I saw something there that kinda turned out not to be that serious. All and all I'm looking at it as a learning experience and I am happy for it regardless of the fact that I didn't get the outcome that I wanted.

I still think we can be friends though, so that is good. I mean, things are not awkward between us for the most part and I am thankful for that. Anyway, on to better news....

#2: Got a new apartment!

So I am moving August 1st into a truly HUGE 3br apartment in Harlem. It is in a really nice building on a quiet street and the best part is that I am living with two really cool (so far) gay guys. I found it on Craigslist and the ad just kinda jumped out at me. I went over there on Tuesday to check out the place and I was really blown away by the sheer size of the place. I mean, for Manhattan this place is HUGE.....we are talking upwards of 1400 sq ft! The kitchen could literally be a studio apartment in and of is so big. We even have a dishwasher (which I have not seen in any NYC apartment...not even Penthouse Girl's apt in Murray Hill!)

Needless to say I am liking my new digs, and the fact that I am living with two really cool gay guys in their 20s pretty much seals the deal. I've only met one so far and he is great. He seems extremely down to earth and just an all around, genuinely nice guy. Plus he is an elementary school teacher, so you just know that he has to be the sweetest person ever...HAHA!

Anyway, I am super excited to move and even more excited to go to IKEA and buy new furniture and decorate (so gay right LOLOL?!?!?) Pops gave me a furniture budget (so lame right LOLOL?!?!?) so I am going to the new IKEA in Brooklyn tomorrow with Columbia Girl to throw down! I'm not gonna lie....I'm kinda excited.

#3: Project Runway is gonna ROCK this season!

OMG who watched the premiere last night? I'm totally gonna love this season for the man-candy alone!!! I've got some favorites....



Wesley, rockin those short shorts looking all adorable and stuff....let's cuddle sometime, mmmkay?

(Side note: my friend CNN Boy is acquaintances with his ex-college roommate/fuck buddy and I just found out about this via email like two days ago...small world)

And last but not gurl Korto had her model wurkin it last night with that yellow table cloth/green, leafy vegetable sash/ tomato broach dress. BITCH KILLED IT!!!!

*snap in Z formation* LOL!

You totally shoulda won boo, but keep your head will go far! Who knew that people could construct dresses from materials at a Gristedies! Honorable mention goes to Daniel who made the dress out of Solo plastic cups....mad creative!

#3: I went to a taping of the Daily Show today!

So Columbia Girl got us tickets to go see a taping of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart today and it ROCKED OUR SOCKS!

Maggie Gylthereanwhateverthal was the guest and she was super cute and friendly. (P.S. that bitch is talllllllllll) We had front row center seats and it was a great experience, I am so happy that I had a chance to go. Also, one of Jon's camera men is a fuckin DILF...HOLY SHIT! I dunno what kinda camera guy he is...but he had this long pole looking apparatus with the camera perched high on top of order to get all the panning shots of the set and whatnot and let me just tell you......


Needless to say I am jealz...

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

This Shit Made Me LOL @ Work So Hard Today

So I was chompin on my fabulous lunch from Cosi this afternoon and I stumbled upon this hilarious article on the Huffington Post. It is basically satirizing this whole brouhaha over what Gen. Wesley Clark said this past Sunday about John McCain and his military service. I'll re-type it for those who are too lazy to click the actual link :)


Let's review:

Bob Schieffer of Face The Nation made an important point: Unlike all-American war hero John McCain, Barack Obama has never "ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down."

In response, General Wesley Clark (traitor) said that riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down. . . doesn't actually qualify a person to be president.

And then everyone on TV exploded:

How DARE left-wing pacifist Wesley Clark suggest that riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down doesn't automatically qualify someone to be president?

Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down automatically qualifies you to be anything.

(Except a good fighter pilot.)

Let's review:

Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down: AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFIES YOU TO BE PRESIDENT.

Riding on a city bus and running off a bridge: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE VICE-PRESIDENT.

Riding on a rollercoaster and flying out of your seat but then landing on a waterslide and sliding down to into the water and almost drowning but then being rescued by an Elvis impersonator: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR.

Getting your foot run over by a fire truck: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE COMMISSIONER OF THE FDA.

Riding on a unicycle while eating a bran muffin: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE POET LAUREATE.

Falling off a really, really tall ladder and being captured by lawn gnomes and taken to their underground lair (behind the azaleas) and being tortured for five years by their evil, tiny ceramic hands: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE DEPUTY SECRETARY OF DEFENSE FOR LANDSCAPING.

Getting really, really drunk at Thanksgiving and crying, "Why was I never good enough for you, Dad?" and then literally eating a banjo, and then saying, "Am I man enough NOW, Dad? Now that I've eaten my banjo-- the one thing I loved, the one thing you could never understand?": QUALIFIES YOU TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE FEDERAL RESERVE.

Riding on one of those old-timey bicycles with the gigantic front wheel and wearing a handlebar mustache and saying, "By Jove, isn't everything wonderful here in olden tymes, I wonder what amusement is to be had at the nickel-theatre": QUALIFIES YOU TO BE BOB SCHIEFFER.

Riding in a train, high on cocaine, Casey Jones you better watch your speed: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE UNDERSECRETARY OF STATE FOR INTERMINABLE GUITAR SOLOS.

Riding in a fighter jet and solving the Sunday Times crossword puzzle: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT.

Happy Fourth of July!!!


David Rees wins at life, he totally had me chuckling at my desk. But on a serious note, how ridiculous is this story? I for the life of me cannot understand why this has become such a big fucking deal. I really do not see what Gen. Clark said that was inaccurate...or even offensive. He didn't denigrate Sen. McCain's service in away way shape or form...he in fact praised it. The only thing that he suggested is that getting shot down as a fighter pilot does not automatically make one qualified to be POTUS. Why is this so difficult?

And all this is coming from an individual who was wounded in Vietnam himself so if anyone is qualified to give his opinion on this matter it WOULD BE Gen. Clark...LOL!

I love how the media makes a huge deal over shit that is so trivial and unimportant. So ridiculous......

It's gonna be a long summer.....