Mr. Elevator, we are gonna fuck....

Ok boys....time for another massively long and overwrought post from yours truly. I'm just warning y'all now before certain people decide they wanna come and comment all slick and shit about how my posts take "six hours to read"...

LOL..Steven, you know I love you and I'm just teasing!

Anywho...lets talk about my new obsession, Mr. Elevator. (Tally,JP,Mark and Chris...you will be familiar with this guy as being "my gym crush" that I spoke about earlier. I felt like calling him something a bit more creative....LOL!)

Anyways, so it all started on Monday evening at the gym. I usually go from 9:30-11:00 during weekdays because that is really the only time I can fit it into my schedule with school and work..blah blah. There is no way I am waking up early to go to the gym...because I'm really not a morning person (this is gonna change tho..more on that later, LOL!)

So basic layout of my gym....

It has 4 stories with the main entrance, lobby and cardio on the 2rd level...weights, locker rooms and pool on the ground level and various racquetball courts and other stretch rooms on the 3rd and 4th levels. The 2nd level is open to the ground level so that when you are using the weight equipment and whatnot, you can look up and see people on the ellipticals, stairmasters, recumbent bicycles and all those other thingamabobs.

Anyways, I was doing preacher curls and I saw this image upstairs. So, I finished my set and I looked upstairs to see....by far....the most delicious man that I have seen in that gym since last September. Picture this....at least 6'2 (prob 6'3), dark blonde hair, square jaw, 5-o'clock shadow, massive chest, huge shoulders, legs like Oak trees.......

I literally could not stop staring. If I had to rate him on a scale of 1-10...with 10 being the absolute pinnacle of male perfection.....this guy would be a 9. NO JOKE!!!!!

And you guys KNOW I don't go around handing out 9's. Shit, I don't even think I gave Matt Dallas a 9 before....and everyone who knows me knows the things I would do to him if I ever got close enough to Matty. Sooooo basically, you know how big of a deal this guy is......he looked like a fucking Armani Model

Now that I think about it....he looks ALOT like this Armani Model, Matt Merrell....

So kinda imagine him....like that facial structure....but with more Aryan features (lighter hair, fairer skin, light blue eyes). I think that build is a bit to skinny too, so add about 10 pounds more muscle and an inch more of height and you will have a basic idea of what I am (and hopefully more personally will be) dealing with.

LOL!

So he gets on the elliptical and starts to go at it hardcore. And now I am tired as shit....because I did five more sets on those preacher curls that I had planned to. You see, from that vantage point, I had a perfect view of him upstairs...in all his glory. Eventually I decided that it was time to move to another machine because my arms just couldn't take the assault anymore and I thought that I might start to look a lil' suspicious.

So I moved to another machine and I went at it again. I don't even remember how many sets I did on the pec fly...but it didnt matter because I got to glance up and see him numerous times. I think I was almost shameful with it actually....like, I didn't even pretend to be looking at the clock to his left or to that fat lady on the recumbent bike on the other side of him. LOL!

He noticed.....

He looked down a couple of times and we made eye contact. One second here, two seconds there....furtive glances left and right...you know me, I'm horrible....

Then he started doing the most curious thing.....

While he was still on the elliptical, he would let go of the handles and start flexing. This was all done very stealthily, under the guise of "wiping his brow of sweat" when really...his arms stayed up in that position a weeeeee bit too long and his biceps flexed just a smidgen to much.

You fucking cocky showoff you!

You totally saw that I was checking you out and decided you were gonna put on a show huh? There is not earthly reason why would would be flexing and rubbing your biceps while on an elliptical. There is just no way, there is no need for it....

Unless of course....you want to show off......In which case, thank you!

Is it bad of me to admit that this little display kinda turned me on? Furthermore....would you crucify me if I told you that cocky men secretly kinda do something for me? Is it wrong to say that I am totally attracted to that confident kind of swagger?

I hope not...because I really am!!!!

{runs and hides}

So, eventually 11PM came and it was time for me to piece that joint...so I stood up and looked upstairs at him one more time. We made eye contact again....and he gave me a blank stare. I turned around and made my way to the locker room to throw on my hoodie and my trackpants. On my way there I past some mirrors and realized how completely jacked I looked...LOL! Clearly I had an intense workout and didn't even fucking realize it because I was too busy watching this guy. Perhaps I need him there every day.....LOL!

But wait...so then I am leaving the locker room and he is coming in at the same time. We make SERIOUS eye contact....but it was from far away (I was on one side of the locker room and he was on the other). So I know what your thinking, "K...you fucking pussy, why don't you just go up and talk to that fool already....you've been staring at him for an hour already....JESUS!!!"

Well folks...listen up....if you saw this guy you'd understand why. You see, for whatever reason I totally loose all my social skills around hot guys and I just turn into a stammering, blubbering, grunting and nodding mess.

(Ok, maybe it isn't that bad most of the time.....but it still happens much more than I would like!)

So after I past him I resigned myself to being a pussy by not getting up the nerve to speak to him. I dragged my behind upstairs and made a pit stop at the announcement board to read some of the classes that they have scheduled for the Spring. I honestly wasn't lurking or anything...I was genuinely curious as to when spinning and yoga classes were next month...LOL!

So I had my hoodie on so I couldn't really see or hear (b/c of my headphones) anything that was going on around me. Then I felt something behind me....I immediately turned to my right and I saw him standing about 4 feet to my right picking up some flyers (for what class I couldn't see...LOL). So now my heart is racing like whoa and I swear I started shvitzing (I grew up around a lot of Jewish ppl and I picked up the terminology...whatya want? LOL!)

I looked over again right before I left and *attempted* a smile..or a smirk...god knows what I looked like...prob mild constipation..who knows? Anyways, he looked back at me and gave me a slight head nod....totally neutral...and absolutely nothing could be inferred from it. Internally, I KICKED myself for not finding my huevos in order to actually talk to this guy.

Damn, Damn....DAMN

So after I realized that I wasn't gonna be able to talk to him...I turned to my left and started the trek to the main doorway. I walked extra slow just in case *maybe* he would see me leave and then perhaps speed up whatever he was doing and follow me outside. God knows why I thought that.....I mean that would be so convenient...but alas totally unrealistic.....or was it?

I walked through the first door that leads to the staircase that ends on the street. As I was opening up the second door to the street, I heard the previous door open and I see a vestige of his head peek through...

"OMG, he sped up...YIKES!!!!"

So I step out onto the street...totally about to hyperventilate and I start walking slowly down the sidewalk to my building. I didn't want to stop and wait for him to get on the street because A). as if I could actually SPEAK to him when he got there B). come on....wouldn't that scare you off? Ya, thought so too.....

So as I am halfway to my building I turn around and see him a couple of paces behind me....but looking down and reading one of the flyers. In my mind I'm thinking...."hmmm so he def goes to my gym....and he is either heading to the subway right now or he lives down this street." For whatever reason it didn't register that he could actually live in my building too!!!

I go through the revolving doors and now im heading to the turnstyle to get in. I hear the door go around once more....

"OMG K...PLEASE TELL ME IT IS HIM!!"

Turn around and he is looking straight up at me.....with the same blank look on his beautifully chiseled face.....

AKA....I couldn't read him at all...booo!

So now..if i wasn't gonna pass out before...I REALLY had to summon up some extra strength to stay on my feet. I cannot believe this guy lives in my building...and is RIGHT BEHING ME!!!!

I had to think fast....

I decided that I was tired of him following me. I figured it *may* be easier for me to assess the situation and do something while I am behind him (get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't mean it in that way...at least not totally...hehe!) So, after I went through the turnstyle, turned past the reception desk and walked a couple of steps down the hall, I decided to turn around and make a detour to the front desk to inquire about a "new mailbox key".

Now mind you....I have my mailbox key...but between the seven or so steps from the hallway and the reception desk, I could think of no other reason to talk to them. Obviously I did this because I was hoping that it would give Mr. Elevator enough time to close the distance b/t us....get through the turnstyle and turn the corner so I could then follow him later from a safe distance while I figured out my next move.

It worked....

We past each other in the hallway...and I made it to the desk where the nice receptionist went on for what seemed to be forever on the procedures for obtaining a new mailbox key. I just smiled and nodded pleasantly like I always do when I am not listening to a word someone is saying to me. LMFAO! Finally she asked me to go to another office to fill out some ridiculous form and I told her that I would do it eventually since I was heading down that way anyways. Doesn't this bitch know I have a man to stalk? Shhheeeiiittt.......

LOLOL!

So I get back into the hallway and I am like "shoot...that bitch talked to damn long...I lost him". But then, I looked around a column and saw him walking through the next room and making a right to the elevators.....

You know I power-walked that bitch to close the distance right?

I know, I know...you guys are all shaking your heads and saying "K you are so fucking shameful...I have no words." Well, to that I say FUCK YOU....LOL! If you saw this guy...you would know....OK?!?!

So i finally reach the corner and turn...and I find him waiting for the elevator with two other random people who are just totally irrelevant...LOL...I wasn't paying attention to them. He shot me a look when I turned the corner, smirked briefly and then looked forward again to see where all the elevators were. Their are 3 of them in my tower and he was standing in front of the far left one...the two irrelevant people were standing and chatting in front of the middle one and I was standing in front of the far right one.

The far right one came first....

SCORE!!!!

So I run in...and call for the 8th floor then situated myself in the far right corner of the elevator, facing the open door. The two other people came in...pressed the 4th floor button and then shuffled into the far left corner. Then he came in and did the most curious thing.......

I would say that the standard social convention in an elevator is to come in....find an empty spot....make your footprint as small as possible and then face forward towards the door.

Everyone co-signs on this right?

But Mr. Elevator came in....pressed the button for the 6th floor (which is on the left side of the elevator btw) and then came over to the right side and stood right in front of me....FACING ME!!!!!

Like so........


I want to also make it clear that this is NOT a small elevator. It routinely fits like 8-9 people comfortably. There was PLENTY of space to go around.

As god is my witness...I swear I felt like someone had removed all the oxygen from that elevator. I think part of the reason why I was so light-headed could have been attributed to the fact that I just had one of my most intense workouts ever. But...if we are being honest......about 90% of it was him. I totally forgot about the other two people that were in the elevator and I literally gave him the slowest once-over in the history of man. From his New Balances...all the way up past his cargos and crossed arms...up to his chest and finally to his face.....were my gaze was met with another smirk.

LMFAO!

It literally lasted about .2 seconds...but he totally noticed me checking him out and acknowledged it (at least in my mind). After the smirk...he leaned his head back against the door and looked up to the ceiling.

Somewhere in the corner of my mind I vaguely remember that there were two more ppl over to my left who still did not get off yet....and I literally could care less about what they were seeing or what they thought was or was not happening. I was totally transfixed......

I looked back at Mr. Elevator's chest....he was wearing a light yellow vintage t-shirt..maybe a size too small....and it was DRENCHED WITH SWEAT!

You know what happens to white and light colored t-shirts when they get wet don't you?

I could see EVERYTHING......every ridge, crease, ripple, sinew and curve.....that image is BURNED into my mind for all eternity. Trust me, if I could draw or paint....I would totally make you a picture.

And you wanna know something else.....

I could totally smell him. And it was not offensive at all!!! Dudes, he smelled just like how a fucking sweaty man is supposed to smell like.....and I LOOOVVVEEDDD IT!!!!

LOL!

Now listen, I dunno if this is because I was already extremely turned on by everything else about him or if pheromones were in play, but I've gotta say....someone needs to get a grant (if it hasn't been done already) and study the effects of male pheromones and sweat on gay men. Something tells me that would turn out to an amazing bit of research...

Anyways...by this time the elevator had reached the 4th floor and I am sure I was sweating and wheezing and trying desperately to keep it all together. The door opened and Mr. Elevator had to stop leaning on the door for it to open and let the other two out. In order to do this he turned all the way around and stepped back (with his back facing me now) as the other two walked from the left hand side of the elevator and out the door. I side-stepped to the left for reasons unknown...

Perhaps it was just a reflex...

But, I REALLY wanted him on top of me......isn't that the point.......so why would I side-step? Guys, I was literally 1/2 an arm length from his back...and I shuffled to the side like a fucking dipshit. ARGGHHHHHH! So I said to myself..."K, you have him alone in an elevator...and you have two fucking floors left to make your damn move!!!!!"

So I summoned up whatever brazenness I had within me and I leaned against the back of the elevator as I waited for him to turn around. The door finally closed and he turned around and looked at me dead in the face.....

OMG OMG OMG OMG...DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE K!!!!

So I inhaled (thank god...before I passed out) and I locked eyes with him. Then he spoke..............

Mr. Elevator: That's a nice gym huh?
Me: {BREATHE DAMNIT} Yea, it is...
Mr. Elevator: Yea, it really got me fucked.

OMG...what weird terminology isn't it? I mean...I understand what he was saying but isn't that an odd way to say it? Why wouldn't you say something like "man I'm beat" orrrrr "damn, that was an intense workout".....

"It really got me fucked?"

Really?

Strange.........

Anyways, so then as I am chewing on that statement in my head I go....

Me: Yea, I can see that! {while I gave him the toe to head once-over again}

Then I hear the chime for the 6th Floor and he turns around to step out. Internally I am like..."no no no no no, I didn't get a chance to get your name...or number (phone or apartment...it doesn't matter)."

LOLOLOL!

As he is halfway through the door he turn around again and goes...

Mr. Elevator: Cya 'round

And of course...on par with being a huge pussy.....all I could come up with was.....

Me: I hope so.

LMFAO...how lame is that? How on earth did I not get that man's number? Seriously...how many chances did I have? How many missed fucking opportunities?!?! As the door closed I realized that I needed to calm down a bit. I mean, this guy lives in my building...two floors down from me.....and he goes to my gym. I HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN RIGHT?

So, I decided that I am gonna make sure that I am in the gym during that timeframe so that I could run into him again.

Tuesday......not there

Wednesday.....bro, where are you?

Thursday.....damn it playa....come to the fucking gym already!!!!!

So now I am like, "K....you've got to chill out...you're gonna see him eventually and when you do...strike up a conversation you fucking dolt!"

I was in a group chat with some of the bloggers that Thursday night and I decided that I wanted to go on a chocolate run. Because you know....I am a fucking pregnant woman and I get cravings from time to time! HAHA!

So, I throw on some clothes and head out to the corner store for some dark chocolate (p.s. if anyone out there wants to know the way to my heart...send me some dark chocolate, 90% cacao and up only...thx).

I come back in the building and past the lounge area...AND WHOSE HEAD DO I SEE?!?!?!

Yeap.....you know it!

And you also know what I did right?

He did not see me because his back was facing me and he was deep into some book. Immediately I swished past the area and into the elevator while I mulled over another plan of attack. LOL...that sounds devious doesn't it? I assure you...I am the sweetest guy....ask Troy!

HEHE....

So I get into my room and back into the chat...then I flipped out!

"Guys, guess who I just saw!?!?"

"What should I do?"

"I need to bring a book down there and read!"

"But which one?"

"Omg, well...i've gotta look intelligent, but approachable too!"

"How about To Kill A Mockingbird?" {too short someone said}

"What about a textbook?" {OMG..no someone else said}

"Oh Lord...what should I wear...I'm in rags!" {I reach for some tight, Baby Gap looking t-shirt...LOL!}

During all this I ask everyone to pray for me. Jay says something along the lines of "please Jesus make sure that he has the book upright" or something to that effect and we all LOL. so finally....I get myself together...grab my phone (just in case) and grab the first book that I could get my hands on (my neuropsychology book from last semester...LOL...so much for approachability) and I hi-tailed my black ass downstairs.

Part 2 coming soon....