OMG, Guessssss Who Came Into My Store Today!

{Squeeeaaallllsssss}

OMG....MOTHERFUCKING ex-UF Quarterback and former 5th season star of The Bachelor Jesse Palmer came into my store today....and we all basically passed out (gay men and women respectively)



You have never seen 3 gay men and 2 women run so fast in your entire life...REAL TALK!




I totally noticed him first out of the corner of my eye. I'm like...."K, isn't he famous....OMG...where do you know him from?" So then I turned to my co-worker (I'll call her Rudy...because she looks like an adult version of Rudy from the Cosby Show) and I was like.....

Me: Rudy.....that guy is famous....he plays football but I can't remember for who.
Rudy: Nananana......he's um......{snaps fingers}
Me: Come on....I know it, it's like right here!
Rudy: Na, he was on TV...ummmmmm
Me: No girl....he plays football...he is a football star...come on...help me!
Rudy: Like I know shit about football {rolls eyes and laughs}

Then the floor manager for the shift comes behind us after ringing up a customer....I'll call her Miss Blue Eyes...because she has these ridiculously blue eyes and she seems to see everything that is going on at once.....a real owl (love her to bits)

Miss Blue Eyes: OMG THATS THE BACHELOR GIRRRLLLL!
Rudy: OOOOOO YOU RIGHT GIRL!!!!!!!

So then.....not to be left out, I mockingly go......

Me: NOTAAAHHH GIRLLLLL!!!!!
Rudy: LOL's {slaps thigh}
Miss Blue Eyes: {snickers}
Rudy: OMG...who's gonna help him
Me: Na....I'm going over there now....
Miss Blue Eyes: Best not touch my man!!!!!!
Me & Rudy: LOL

So then I guess because we were making a commotion the other two guys on the floor came over to the cash wrap to see what was popping. One of them..I will name Brazilian Twink...because....well...he looks like a Brazilian Twink, LOL! The other one I'm gonna call Stoned Bell because he seriously looks like a stoned version of Drake Bell. This kid seriously.....always looks high. And he always looks like he is really concentrating on what you are saying as if you are explaining the Laws of Thermodynamics to him....

I don't want you guys to think that I am talking shit about him tho...because I am not....he is seriously one of, if not my favorite person in the store. A really cool, chill, gay guy (taken unfortunately)....but yea we always have a good time and he is someone who I would actually hang out with in real life.

Ok, back to my Bachelor.....

Brazilian Twink: Why aren't you bitches working? {jokingly}
Miss Blue Eyes: The Bachelor just came into our store....OMG is he still a bachelor...because I'm seriously still looking
Stoned Bell: I've never seen that kat before....but heeee's hot
Brazilian Twink: OMG HE IS GORG {clutches imaginary pearls}
Rudy: Y'all are crazy!!!!!
Me: Is no one gonna go over there and help him?
Brazilian Twink: I'll go!
Stoned Bell: I'll stare....
Miss Blue Eyes: {snatches the fitting room key and runs over}
Me: Damn..she wasn't kidding
Rudy: Missed your chance K!
Me: Fuck it....i'll just admire from a distance....
Brazilian Twink: God he is tall!
Stoned Bell: I know...right!?!?!
Me: For the life of me I know he played football...but I can't remember for what team {your Alma Mater fucking dipshit!!!}
Brazilian Twink: I wanna know what team he plays for tooooooooo!
Me & Stoned Bell: {rolls eyes and collectively sighs}
Me: He is straight man....good luck with that
Stoned Bell: I'm pickin up major hetro vibes too bro
Brazilian Twink: God....I can dream...whatever {flips hands in the air and walks to womens}

LOL...so yea, I left to help with another customer who walked in and Stoned Bell went to restock some tables. Miss Blue Eyes continued to help Jesse and she seriously looked like she was utilizing every bit of willpower not to jump on him. I can't blame homegirl......it is prob a good thing that I didn't go over there to help him myself because I would have totally ended up embarrassing myself. UGH!

P.S. When I came home and checked his Wikipedia I realized that HE DID play college football for the Gators....and professionally for the Giants and the 49's. I also found out that we were born in the same city (Toronto). UGGGHHHH we would have had SOOOO much to chat about...

FUCK!!!!

I shoulda tripped Miss Blue Eyes and got to him first!

Whatever....I got a consolation prize when I helped another customer into the fitting room tho. He was taking off a vest (with nothing underneath it I might add) and he 'failed' to close his fitting room door. What an exhibitionist!!! I definitely saw torso since he was in mid-lift...and boys........FANTASTIC BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING FANTASTIC.....and we will leave it at that!


I love retail!