Random Thoughts on Fifth Avenue....

So much randomness going on today, this post is gonna go everywhere...........

#1: I was talking to Twin last night trying to psych myself into coming out to Columbia Girl today and ultimately I did not go through with it. Blahhhhhhhh! As usual, my excuse is that it did not feel right, but will it ever really feel right? I don't think so....so basically I think that is just a cheap cop out that I've been using that I just am not gonna allow myself to use anymore. I mean, according to PR Boy she basically knows...or strongly suspects....so why even bother anymore? I dunno....kinda don't want to think about it right now anymore, it makes me truly upset.

#2: I was sitting in my bed last night, thinking about the situation that I have with my boss...needless to say I really didn't sleep that much.

Sensible K has won out and I decided that I am not gonna pursue him or take my thoughts any further....i'm just gonna kill it right now.

Thanks for everyone who left me their thoughts and opinions on my last post....but really sitting down thinking about it, I realized that I probably had made up my mind even before I found out for sure that he was gay that I wouldn't allow myself to get involved in a situation like that. He is my boss and it would be unprofessional of me to try to make a move on him. Furthermore, upon closer inspection of his Connexion account, I realized that even if I was brazen enough to pursue him, there would be no way on God's Green Earth that he would ever go for me. None at all! And I can say that with 99% absolute confidence. Looking at his friends page was like flipping through my Details magazine...or more appropriately, DNA Magazine. To make matters even worse, over 80% of his friends (I did the math) are in Banking, whether it is Investment Banking or Hedge Fund Managing..etc etc, you get the idea. The other 20% consist of Lawyers, Physicians and other clearly well off individuals. Now you might be asking yourself, "K, why is this relevant?" Well it is because the people that you willingly associate with say a lot about the person you are in my personal opinion. Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having these types of people as friends...on the contrary it is a good thing to surround yourself with successful people because it pushes you to be better yourself. However, it does speak to the type of guy that he is looking for, and it aint me...let me tell you!

At work I will just try not to look at him too long and hope he doesn't hover over me with that amazing body of his. I can get over him within a week, trust me......I am good at self-regulation.

#3: I went to the New York Public Library today to study and let me tell you......what a beautiful building! Not so much from the outside, but inside....it is just really striking with marble and gold leaf everywhere and the paintings were truly spectacular. I almost felt like I was back in Europe for a second. And the reading room on the 3rd floor is humongous! It totally puts Library West to shame.

#4: Speaking of UF....Auburn can go suck a fuckin big ass cock! And that is all I have to say about those country-ass motherfuckers! (reached my cuss word quota for the evening)

#5: Back to New York.....can I just say that Trump Tower on 5th Avenue is honestly one of the ugliest and imposing buildings that I have ever seen. It is just so big and out of place, no wonder people in SoHo are bitching about the new condo he is trying to build in the neighborhood. That man might be rich, but he has no taste whatsoever.....that building is atrocious. And Donald, you really need to get some people to water those trees that you have coming from the side of the building....some of them were so brown that I thought they were tumbleweeds upon first glance.

#6: Abercrombie and Fitch, you needn't put such 1/2 naked male models outside your flagship store to cause accidents on the street. It is truly irresponsible, specially the one who clearly didn't have any underwear on and was wearing supreme, lo-cut jeans. I am pretty sure I saw pubes...and while I am not complaining, I would hate for you to get sued by some chick, or gay man who accidently crashes into something (or someone) while ogling at those FIONE ass guys out there.

#7: This is gonna come out incredibly heartless and callous but I really want someone to explain to me why I catch at least 7 out of 10 panhandlers on the streets of NYC smoking. Do you know that I went into a corner store the other day and almost passed out when I saw that cigarettes were 8 DOLLARS A PACK! Now I am not a smoker, but you betcha that those prices would make me quit ASAP! So my question is, if you are so destitute that you have to ask for change on the street, how do you find the money to buy cigarettes? People really need to make a little bit better decisions in my opinion.

And on that note, I am gonna cut this baby short. The new season of Brothers and Sisters starts in a couple of minutes and I have been literally waiting FOR MONTHS to watch it! Definitely the best new drama on television as far as I am concerned. And apparently Uncle Saul is one of us! Can't wait to see how that story line is gonna play out.

Night night!

WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT THIS SOONER!!!!!!!!

I'm seriously over the moon right now guys.......

So, you know how I have a 'kinda-sorta' thing for my boss right?

Well, the biggest thing that is stopping me from doing anything about (aside from the fact that he is my boss) is the fact that I couldn't be 100% sure that he is gay. I mean, I had a really good feeling about it...but then again my gaydar is horrible. (evidenced by the fact that my best friend is gay and has been under my nose for the better part of 7 years LOL)

Anyways, this left me in crazy position, totally attracted to a guy who may very well be straight............

BUT HE'SSSSSS NOT!!!!!!!!

Quick class.....ask me how I know!

Well, I was sitting here on my bed checking up on some emails and doing random stuff when I was like, "wait.....I have a Connexion account, don't I? If he is gay, isn't there a good chance that he would be on it?!?!"

So im furiously trying to log in...and then search...and then I type his name in....

AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW......HE'S A MO! (totally rhymes by the way)

So I am reading though his profile...trying to make absolutely sure that it is right guy I got...and it's him!

AND HE IS SINGLE!








Shoot.......Now what?

You Guys Are Gonna Laugh But I Don't Care.......

So guess what I did this afternoon?

Your boy K received his first facial today....



'cue Collective Gasps'

Yes, yes, yes I did it and I have to admit it was one of the nicest things that I have done for myself in a long time.

Twin and Erik can pretty much attest to the fact that I was bitching more than usual last night because my silly ol' roommate found a way to fuck up our internet connection while I was in class and I had to bum wireless from some random chick down the hall for the rest of the night. Not a huge deal..but it still ticked me off because he moved my entire desk to get to the outlet and didnt put it back, and he managed to tangle all the cords that were back there in order (I am a bit of a neat freak..sue me). Anyways, I was irritated until I checked my calendar and realized that I had an appointment today. (I made it weeks ago, totally at random)

Anyways, this morning I woke up, did some homework then headed on down to The Nickel Spa for afternoon of extreme indulgence LOL! Hey, I figure I am young, I'm in New York.......whatever i'll try it and see what the big fuss is about. So of course being the balls to the wall type of guy that I am, I pretty much pick the gayest spa in the entire city...smack-dab in the middle of Chelsea. HAHA!

Apparently this span is housed in a building that used to be an old bank. It is actually quite an imposing building from 8th Avenue and it is even nicer inside. It is really bright and modern...with brushed metal all over the place and really cool furniture. If I had the money I would totally want my apartment to look so fresh....but I digress.

My esthetician's name was Oksana and she basically looked like what you would think a typical esthetician would look like - drop dead gorgeous, tall supermodel frame, blonde hair....basically she was really hot. In fact, she kinda looked like an older Maria Sharapova.

Anywho, she was really friendly and sweet and she had the cutest accent. She had a bit of a problem trying to pronounce my name...but whatever, it happens.

So she lead me into one of the rooms and told me to take off my shirt and get under the covers....no this is not the start of a bad porno I swear to you...HAHA! She left while I got undressed and comfortable and then she came in and did her thing.

And boyyyyy did she do some WORK!

Scrub, mask, rinse, moisturize, massage, buff, rinse, repeat blah blah blah.....the whole nine. At a point I just stopped trying to figure out what she was putting on my face because the feelings and sensations were so foreign to me I couldn't make heads or tails of it at all. Some of the stuff felt really really weird....I am almost positive at one point she wrapped my face in some seaweed because I kinda recognize the smell from my numerous sushi outings. Anyways I tried to ask her what she was doing but to be honest with you, I couldn't really understand what she was saying 1/2 the time and she also had this humidifier looking thing that was humming kinda loudly as it was blowing some really hot air on my face.

Then she started with the head and neck massage.........

Can I just say that I was <----------this close----------> to totally embarrassing myself on the table....if you know what I mean! Her hands were magic. And then she started with my ears..............sigh.

I had no idea my ears were so sensitive...future boyfriends TAKE NOTE! HAHA!

So im laying there in a parallel universe filled with wonderful, positive thoughts......then Oksana flipped the motherfucking script on me and pulled out the deep pore extractor.

' cue high-pitched shriek'

My god did that shit ever hurt! Dude, it was felt like a huge needle jabbing my face. Oksana, how are you gonna lull me into such a happy, peaceful place and then just start spelunking all willy nilly on my face? My favorite was when she asked (apparently after my wincing) if the pressure was OK. I just smiled and told her to do what she needed to do...there is no way that I am gonna bitch-out on an esthetician's table! So I laid there and took my deep pore extraction like a man! Dad would be so proud...no? LOL!

Anywho, I got through that and then she did some other stuff including using what felt like a paintbrush to slather this really medicinal smelling mud on my face. Fun, fun times I must say. When it was all done she told me I did great for my first time.....now I know that comment kinda smacks of condescension but I actually don't think that it was meant to. She was very genuine sounding and I am usually good at reading such things (at least I hope). She also told me I had really nice skin and that I should continue doing whatever I am doing at home. HAHA, flattery will get you everywhere no?

Overall it was a really great experience, and I am sure that I will try it again on occasion. It was super-expensive, but totally worth it in my opinion as a once in a while treat.

Kids Are So Cute.....

I think they are the most adorable things. I saw two separate events with kids involved that I just have to blog about...so indulge me for a second.

#1: On Monday I was on the way back to my place during rush hour...aka the train was packed to the hilt! Anyways there was this really really hot Latin guy that was standing in front of me. I later found out that he was Puerto Rican by the silver pendant that was around his neck. Clearly I was a happy camper just standing there taking in the sights and enjoying the view...so to speak.

Then he turned around.....

He had the most amazing ass I have seen in a long time. It was perfection. Apparently the little girl in the stroller parallel to him had the same idea.....because she reached out and patted his ass 3 times in rapid succession. Mind you, this girl could not have been more that two! Needless to say, everyone in the train started cracking up and saying "awwwwww" including myself. The mother was so embarrassed that she turned red and she reached to pull the little girls hand away from this guy's culo. Then the guy did the funniest thing...he turned around and asked the girl "do you like what you see?" and everyone in the train practically died with laughter. I was giggling like crazy and internally I wondered if I would have received the same reaction had it been me that tapped his ass! LOLOL!

#2: Tuesday I was in the subway station again (a theme perhaps?) and there was this little girl with what looked to be her Grandmother having an extremely involved conversation. Apparently Nana was trying to teach her grandbaby the names of fingers. She would point to one of her fingers and the little girl ( <3) would say "what dat?" and her grandmother would say that it was a thumb, pointer finger etc etc....

Anyways after she went through that a couple of times Nana was ready to see if the little one had learned anything. So she held up the little girl's hand and started pointing to her fingers and asked her what the name of each one was. The little girl, bless her heart...was on such a roll until she got to the ring finger. I should also note that a crowd had formed around the stroller about his time to see this wonder baby......

Nana: "Now what is this one honey?"
Little Girl: "Ah.....that's my WINKY"
Nana: "What is it?"
Little Girl: "It's my WINKY....look!"

LOL! Bless her heart....she clearly got a bit confused with her ring finger and her pinky and just decided to put the two words together and call that finger her winky. Everyone was cracking up and a couple of people (including myself) gave the obligatory "awwwwwwwww". HAHA, so cute!

Anyways, kinda random I know....but I just thought I would share.

And I'm sorry if you don't think that is adorable....that clearly means that you have no soul!

My #1 Concert In NYC was.........

Mildly Successful.

There is really not much to say past that. It was fun, but definitely nothing to write home about. Talib Kweli had a pretty good set and his back up singers were amazing but since he isn't as commercial as the other main act....I don't think the crowd got into him as much.

Mark Ronson was the DJ for the entire event. He played a good mix of old and new school Hip-Hop and Dancehall that pretty much kept everyone on their feet for most of the evening. Again, nothing really spectacular...but he kept it entertaining....plus it doesn't hurt that he is hottie.


The main act of the evening was Dancehall artist, Sean Paul. I've seen him many times before in concert in Jamaica and in the UK...so I am kinda familiar with his stage show. Very high energy and the dancers that he has are always on point. He played all his big hits like "We Be Burning", "Gimme The Light" and "Temperature". The crowd was totally into in, even tho he came on HOURS late.



And while we are kinda on the subject of burning...can I just say that it pretty seemed like 70% of the people there were smoking weed. LOL! I don't even know why I found that funny or even surprising....but I am pretty sure that I came back to my building smelling like a dime bag. LOL! (For the record I don't smoke....but I don't have an issue with people who do).

Perhaps that is why the front desk attendant and security guard to my building were looking at me all crazy when I walked in. HAHA, fun times........

As for PR Boy, he was on his best behavior....and only had one Mojito (as did I) the whole night. So no drama to report on that front. Oh, by the way....the Mojito that I had was BANGING! Im definitely spoilt when it comes to my Mojito's, living in South Florida all those years...but I have to say that the one I had last night was the best that I have had in a long long time. The guy who made it was also AMAZINGLY hot....I'm pretty sure he is a model...there really is no way that he could be anything else. I tried to snap a pic of him...but an iPhone isn't the best device for trying to take inconspicuous photos of someone. Oh well....you are just gonna have to trust me.

Anyways....I'm off to study for my ridiculous Neuropsychology test tomorrow. Pray for me please...I have to admit...I am kinda nervous.

Boring Week (So Far)

So, since my life has been pretty boring this week, I will leave you guys with this little Blogthing that I stole from Spenc In The City.

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's Your Personality Type?

Surprisingly, as an undergraduate at UF, I took the Myers-Briggs Test in one of my (many) Psychology courses...and I came out as an INFJ as well. I would say that it is pretty accurate in describing my personality. What about you guys?



PS: I am going to to the Bacardi B-Live Concert tomorrow with PR Boy. Let's see how that works out...i'm sure it will be an interesting evening.

This Made Me LOL All Over Again

I remembered seeing this clip when it first aired and I almost died then. I remember I was laughing for about a hour straight after it was finished. I was laughing so hard in fact, that my mom came out of the kitchen (this was during the summer) and asked me if everything was alright. Anyways, I ran across it today again.......and predictably, I found myself on the floor in stitches.



She is quite skilled no?

I should take notes....L-M-F-A-O!

**I know I probably shouldn't be laughing at this so hard...but come on...this shit is hilarious...you have to admit it**

Guys, I Have A Serious Problem......

I want to fuck my boss.

Or have him do me....if that is his thing.....it really doesn't matter.

After spending the whole day with him today, at my first day of work....I am 99.99999999% sure that he is gay. I just know it. There is just no way for him not to be. And no, before you guys say something....this is not a case of "oh...you really like him and you are just imagining that he is gay because you want to get in his pants."

I will bet MONEY that he is gay....and I want to sleep with him.....and I don't care what you guys say. LOL!

This is clearly a problem......

Why?

Because you must never ever ever sleep with co-workers.....EVER....especially if they are in a position of authority over you. It is just a bad idea.

But he is so fucking sexy.......

He was wearing these tight black slacks and a dark grey t-shirt today.....he looked so amazing. He also left his glasses at home today and wore his contacts. I swear to you guys.....he looks just like Brian Kinney aka Gale Harold from Qaf. Literally, they are fucking twins...it is uncanny.

Can I just say how many times his crotch was in my face today...while he was showing me things on the computer...

At least three times.....and I loved every second of it.

I have no shame. Like I said, I don't care what you say.

Get this, he even offered me his sweater when he came into my office and saw that I was slightly shivering. I shied away with taking it at first because I am coming down with a cold and I didn't want to get him sick. What was his response?

" Please take it....you are cold....and you aren't gonna get me sick by wearing it."

You know I took it right?

Again, I have no shame.....at all.

Later in the day....he offered to get me some Tylenol because I was feeling even worse. Now yes...i know what all of you are thinking, "K...he is just being a nice, caring boss...you are so pathetic just let it go...."

NO!

Let me enjoy myself and pretend that he is flirting with me...OK!?!?! Im just gonna go on pretending and that is that!

Good Night.




P.S. Give me until Christmas to get in his pants....

What A Great Week So Far!

Soooo, your boy K's found a job in the city!

Woooooooo whoooo

Now, I am not gonna tell you guys where it is or what I am going to be doing (to protect my anonymity, and for the sake of being mysterious) but suffice to say that I will be paid really well for doing and extremely non-challenging job that is low on mental stimulation.

(no rent boy jokes)

Anywho, I went into the interview today it was a really modern office in Midtown.....very industrial...loved it!

The guy who came out to interview me was quite cute....he looked like a bookworm-ish version of Brian Kinney from QaF.

Really tall, dressed in all black.....really stylish, and incredibly friendly. My gaydar is also picking up incredible signals from him. I mean the way that he moved and the way that he phrased some of his words...along with his speech pattern kinda make me think that he might be a 'mo, but you really can't go by such things.

In addition, we all know my gaydar is pretty much horrible....so I don't trust it at all. The good thing is that I will be working under him on a daily basis (again no rent boy jokes). He also sent an email to me this afternoon telling me how impressed he was with me during the interview. I know that this is obviously a strictly professional assessment, but that doesn't stop my head from thinking otherwise. LOL!

Besides......my dad always taught me never to shit where I eat...aka don't have relations with anyone at work.

Too bad when he said that he was referring to women........but I digress.

Anyways, I am very excited to start. This job is gonna give me a lot more financial freedom when it comes to spending money in the city and stuff like that. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get dressed...it is time to celebrate.

Oh P.S.
I finally caved and bought an iPhone earlier this week and let me tell you..........best purchase I have made in a LONG TIME. I am having so much fun with it! Anyways, I will talk to you guys later.

P.P.S.
Happy Rosh Hashanah to call my Jewish peeps!

I Am Pretty Sure That The Subway Is Cursed....

Everything goes wrong in the Subway

Case in point..........

Today I was on the train on my way to SoHo to meet up with some peeps. I usually mind my own business while I am riding the train but today the HOTTEST guy was riding across from me. He was one of those guys who when you seen them at first, you really cannot help to stop and stare. He basically looked like a carbon copy of Jon Bon Jovi.....but with slightly darker hair.

Hot right?!?!

I know..........

Plus he was reading a Star Magazine.....aka......there was a *strong* possibility (at least in my mind) that he might be playing for our team.

Score right?!?!?!!? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NOT SO MUCH!

**** make sure you are sitting down for the rest of this post ****

Sooo, I keep on sneaking glances at this stud throughout the duration of the train ride. I mean he was really hot I couldn't help myself. Beautiful features, perfect hair....nice arms...etc etc....I was basically just totally enjoying the scenery.

Sigh................

So as we start to pull into the station "he" slowly sifts through the last pages of his trashy tabloid...and then puts it in "his" lap.

DO YOU KNOW I WAS GREETED WITH THE SIGHT OF TITS?!?!?!!

BREASTS GUYS.....LIKE REALLLLLL MAMMARY GLANDS!

Turns out this "dude" I was crushing on in the fucking train was just a really butch chick!

I swear that I thought it was a he! You can just imagine my confusion for the rest of they day......

HE WAS A FUCKING CHICK THE ENTIRE TIME...LMAO!

I don't even know how to analyze this situation, I have no idea what it means....all I know is that I have been laughing all day..and I figured I'd share it with you guys.

Abso-fucking-lutely Ridiculous!

Confessions On The Phone........

Ok, so it is Monday afternoon and I've had a chance to sit down and process everything and I am definitely feeling better....but still not all together 'back to normal'. It will take time I suppose....

Anyways...I realized that I did not give you guys the phone convo from Sunday morning....so here it goes.

PR Boy called be at about 2ish as I was almost finishing my previous post. This time around he was much more calm and it seemed as if he was slightly sobered up. He began the convo by telling me that he had just got off the phone with his ex girlfriend (who is still @ UF).

A little background, they went out for about 2 years during school..and broke up earlier this year when it became apparent that PR Boy was not going to stay in Florida. This came as a shock to EVERYONE because basically......we thought these two would eventually get married. I mean, they were THAT close and THAT perfect for each other.....there was no doubt in our minds that they would end up tying the knot.

PR Boy: Hey....what are you doing?
Me: Just sitting on the bed...staring into space....you?
PR Boy: I just got off the phone with "Jane"
Me: Whaaaa?
PR Boy: I needed to talk to her.
Me: What the fuck......what on earth did you talk to her about? YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT OUR CONVO EARLIER DID YOU?!!?!?!!?
PR Boy: Oh no no...I just really need to talk to her...we talked for two hours.....how are you holding up?

Aside #1: At this moment, it was obvious to me that he wasn't going to talk about what was said b/t him and his ex.....I just pray that they did NOT bring me up in their conversation. I mean, I am good friends with Jane and she isn't the type to spread gossip, but still....it freaks me out that he might have said something (even inadvertently). At the time tho, I just let that slide, because I had so many other things on my plate.

Me: I don't even know man.
PR Boy: Are you mad?
Me: {Long sigh} I dunno what I am feeling......just such a mix of emotions I am at a complete loss for words.
PR Boy: Honestly K..............I think that you are just making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, nothing has changed...and I don't think any less of you.

**** PUMP THE MOTHERFUCKING BRAKES PART II ****

Aside #2: At this moment I am thinking, " how dare you make light of what I am feeling right now!!!"

PR Boy: Dude, we both know about each other now..I mean I don't understand why you wouldn't be fucking ecstatic right now! You don't have to worry about watching yourself around me...you can totally be yourself.
Me: Yea I guess.......but I just really wasn't ready to say anything....and i dunno....I feel like you just dragged it out of me.
PR Boy: Are you serious right now?
Me: Yea, I kinda am.
PR Boy: Do you honestly believe that people don't know...or suspect?!?!?!
Me: Welllllll {cuts me off}
PR Boy: K........how long have we known each other? Dude, you were a pretty popular kid in High School and in college too....AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE SEEN YOU WITH A GIRL....EVER! Did you reallllly think that people couldn't but two and two together?
Me: Well....I mean....I dunno
PR Boy: I can literally start a list of girls who I know would have hooked up with you....you never made an effort to pursue any of them. Are you gonna honestly sit there and tell me that we didn't pick up on it?
Me: I dunno what to say.....
PR Boy: Never-mind the fact that you are like the trendiest guy that I know
Me: Huh?!?! What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything!?!?!!?
PR Boy: Dude.........you are totally prissy.
Me: FUCK YOU!
PR Boy: {laughs} OKKKKKKK, OK..........but honestly K, do you really think all of your friends don't know?
Me: What do you mean...PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ME?
PR Boy: Yea
Me: WHOOO?!?!!?
PR Boy: Dude, it doesn't matter ok...I mean I have had people ask me point blank if you were gay and I always told them that I didn't know...and even if you were it wouldn't matter....you are blowing this out of proportion...honestly nothing has changed.

Aside #2: Now I'm thinking "how can he sit there and tell me nothing has changed when it is basically apparent that for the past 7+ years....all then energy and and time I've spent trying to hide my secret was all a waste....at total and complete waste!" You mean to tell me that this has been pretty much an open secret? Now I know exactly what about 90% of you guys are thinking right now..." dude, this is great news....it is gonna make coming out to your friends so much easier because they basically already know."

While this may be true, and I do agree with it somewhat........it still makes me feel incredibly shitty. I mean here I am struggling in the closet, weaving intricate lies, backpedaling, obfuscating.......all to throw people off my path and this whole time I have been doing a shit ass job of it. Do you know how much time and energy this means I have wasted? You know how many friends I had to cut off because they got too close, and how many people I had to lie to? When you total it up...god knows how much more I could have achieved academically, socially, romantically and personally if I wasn't wasting all my time trying to hide my gayness when...according to PR Boy...I haven't really been fooling anyone.

PR Boy: I betcha Columbia Girl knows...or suspects
Me: What?!?
PR Boy: I bet if you told her she wouldn't be surprised....and I know she wouldn't care
Me: Wait.......have you talked to her about me?!?!
PR Boy: No no...but you know her..she'll be cool with it. You should tell her.
Me: To be honest...I was planning to tell her soon.
PR Boy: Oh yea?
Me: Yea, I was.
PR Boy: You see....you should do it....she will be cool with it
Me: I hope.
PR Boy: She will....JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME!
Me: Of course...I told you that you could trust me......I will not talk about you ever....I just hope you do the same.
PR Boy: You KNOW I wouldn't..we both have each other secrets now...I still don't get why you seem so upset
Me: I hope you don't slip when you are drunk.....you know how your are.
PR Boy: DUDE.....I WILL NOT!

Aside #3: I should take this time out to yet everyone know that PR Boy has been known to be a *slightly* belligerent drunk.I mean it is all cool, he is a real fun person to be around...drunk and sober...he is always making people laugh..but seriously...I have EXTREME RESERVATIONS about the safety of my secret (should I even call it that anymore?) while he is drunk. He just really makes me nervous.....I pray to god he doesn't slip....b/c I was not and still am not mentally prepared for everyone knowing that I am gay......even though it is apparent that everyone who is close to me pretty much already has a good idea.

Me: I just really hope I can hold you to that...because I am not ready for this at all...this is not how I had it planned.
PR Boy: Dude....you are in New York....and you are young....this is the time in your life when you need to go out and experiment and explore! Isn't that what you came up here for? To find yourself? I mean obviously you are here for your education too....I mean that is the primary reason...but didn't you just want to get away from all those people in Florida and just kinda surround yourself with your close friends here? I am telling you....all our close friends will not care...you just need to chill.

Aside #4: This comment brings up another issue that I have been having...I almost feel like the reason why he is being so nonchalant about the whole thing is because he is kinda looking at my situation through his eyes. What I mean by that is basically.....it seems that he thinks that this is just an experimental thing..and it's not! I mean I glad (sarcasm) that he can just kinda turn on and off the "gay" switch in his head at will...but that isn't something that I can do. He kept on talking about "experimenting" and "just having a good time" on and on throughout the whole conversation, and while this is all well and good...it is more than that for me. I get the feeling that he truly believes that this is just a phase...and that is why he cannot understand why I am making such a big deal over the situation...but it is something more fundamental to me and I really don't think that he is in a place to appreciate that fact.

Now it starts getting REALLY interesting (as if it hasn't been before).....

PR Boy: Dude...be happy...we can talk about guys now...and you don't have to worry.
Me: Yea I guess
PR Boy: So who do you think is hot?
Me: Huh?
PR Boy: Come on...who do you think is hot...like.....who would you hook up with if you had the chance?
Me: Dude....I don't even know...I can't even think about that right now...my mind is a complete blur....
PR Boy: I think (random H.S. & UF Alum that we saw at the bar) is sooo hot!
Me: Yea he is cute
PR Boy: I would totally hook up with him....he is hot.
Me: Heh....yea {insert nervous laugh}

Aside #5: Can I just that this time to let you know how incredibly awkward I was feeling that this point. I mean I boychat with you guys in the blogosphere.....and some of us have even talked on the phone about such and such....but that was TOTALLY DIFFERENT & SCARY. I mean.....you guys only know me as gay K (that rhymes) plus, we are all pretty much in the same boat....but with him....I just didn't feel comfortable engaging in that kind of conversation with him. It was surreal....as if I was watching a movie of myself on the phone with him and not actually there engaging in the conversation. Needless to say....after my first non-commital reply...he pressed a little further (which seemed to be on par with his actions the entire night)

PR Boy: So come on........of all the guys we know, who would you hook up with! Come on, you can tell me.
Me: Dude...I can't even think about that right now....my head is a mess and I am still trying to sort everything out that just happened.
PR Boy: What about Rocket Scientist?
Me: What about him?
PR Boy: Do you think he is hot?
Me: I mean.....he is attractive...but I can't even think of him like that...he is like a brother to me.
PR Boy: Dude....WTF...You are so Politically Correct!
Me: What...why? I just can't.
PR Boy: You know you'd fuck around with him...don't even lie.
Me: I wouldn't....he is extremely attractive...but he is a good friend..I just wouldn't!
PR Boy: Well I would....and I think you are a fucking liar.
Me: Whatever.
PR Boy: I think he is gay too
Me: WHAT!
PR Boy: He is totally gay....like there is no doubt {trails off} is he gay?
Me: Absolutely NOT!

Aside #6: At this point, I am feeling like Pete, in that now it seems as tho all my close friends are gay........supposedly. LOL! I should also say that apparently I should not be the one to talk to when it comes to determining who is gay/bi/bi-curious and who isn't...because I had NO IDEA about PR Guy....or the guys that he hooked up with in the frat (oh who he said btw....he ONLY hooked up with while he was drunk....convenient).

PR Boy: I totally get that vibe from him.
Me: Really {long pause} Naaaaa no way man.....he is totally straight.
PR Boy: But he has a lot of feminine qualities......I will bet money that he is gay.
Me: So what does that say? That doesn't mean that he is gay...plenty of guys have feminine qualities...you are ridiculous!
PR Boy: I can totally see you hooking up with him
Me: No way.......there is just no way!
PR Boy: You know you would...I don't know why you are being so PC...don't sit there and tell me that if he didn't make the moves on you...you wouldn't totally go for it. I've seen how close you guys are!
Me: WE ARE FRIENDS...WTF?!!?
PR Boy: Whatever.....you would totally fuck him...just be honest.
Me: You are crazy.
PR boy: Ok, if not him...then who....there has to be somebody that you would hook up with!

Aside #8: By this time, I have a pretty good idea of what his ultimate motivation was for THIS ENTIRE CONFRONTATIONAL NIGHT...which was of course.....to have someone to talk about guys with. I am not gonna lie, it will be nice (eventually) to be able to chat with him about such things...but honestly....I am really pissed that he felt the need to basically pull me out of the closet to make himself feel more comfortable. Obviously there is nothing that I can do about the situation right now...and for the most part I believe that I will look back and see this whole situation as a positive thing, but at the moment...I can't shake the bitter feeling of being totally used (to a point).

I kept on saying to myself how glad I was that I actually followed my instincts for at least one time that night....and didn't go home with him. Could you just imagine what would have happened? It would have been disastrous and ultimately 100x more confusing for everyone!

Me: Well, I always had a thing for (random H.S. basketball jock)
PR Boy: Well...obviously...come on that is a given! You are just throwing out people half-assed.
Me: Well my roommate from freshman year...I always thought he was super hot, and he always used to walk around naked....it made it difficult to concentrate.
PR Boy: OH YEA? Damnnn I remember him.....yea he is hot! Did you try anything?
Me: Of course not....are you crazy?
PR Boy: So wait, have you ever hooked up with a guy?
Me: Nope
PR Boy: Well damn.....that is what you are here in New York for man...you gotta just go out and live your life and try things out...fuck what other people say!

Aside #9: Again....a true statement...but do you really think it is appropriate to be coming from him....of all people? At this moment I was rolling my eyes because I thinking....here is a guy...who has been (for as long as I have known him) in two serious relationships....with girls......who have lasted about 4+ years in total....but yet he has been fucking guys in his frat and he is at the very least bi....and he is lecturing me about "living my life" and "not caring" about what other people say when CLEARLY he needs that advice as much (or even more) than me.

This highlights yet another thing that bothered me about the convo that night....in that he kept on talking to me as if he was the supportive, straight friend......when pretty much (if we are going by an operational definition) about 5x gayer than me.

P.S. He also admitted to me on the phone that he has hooked up with 5 guys in total...and not the original 3 that he told me before. He also amended his statement about actually enjoying the sex...by saying that he has done it with these guys more than once...and he has enjoyed it. I will leave you with that tid-bit of information to do what will with it....but I am pretty sure you can already guess how I feel about it.

Anyways we kept on talking and bullshitting about various random things and I eventually decided that it was time to go to bed (or attempt to at least) so I cut the convo short and said good night. I was happy that we ended it on better terms than he left me in the Subway...because that really freaked me out.

He called me Sunday morning at about 9AM to get me to do brunch with him. Dan says that this is evidence enough to say that he is totally gay...seeing as tho gay men love brunch. LMFAO! I can tell you...I have never done brunch, so I dunno where that leaves me in the mix...I question the validity of that statement.......HAHAHA!

Anyways I told him I couldn't get out of bed because I didn't sleep well that night (obviously) and I was tired. We made plans to hang out sometime this week. Today is Columbia Girl's birthday...so I am sure I will see him at dinner. I will keep you updated on what happened...hopefully no more high drama...im so spent. I also hope it isn't weird between us now...seeing as tho this will be the first time I have seen him in person since the ordeal. Hopefully we will manage....I am gonna do my part and pretend that nothing happened..and nothing has changed. Let's see how that works out for me.

Oh BTW...I just realized that I reached my 50th post, what a milestone! I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me since the summer and everyone who has dropped in ever since. It means a lot that you guys actually take the time out of your life to read my blog and leave me comments. when I first got dragged into the blogging world, I really didn't think much of it...and I pretty much thought that my blog would be something that I dabbled with on occasion, but never fully integrate into my life.

Now, I cannot even imagine my life without it. I have met so many great guys though this blog and I can't imagine myself without having this support system now....thanks so much for everything.

(I think I have totally reached my emotional quota for the month..LOL!)

Confessions in a Subway Station......

Where do I begin?

I apologize in advance if everything seems all over the place...I am shaking and I really don't feel good physical/emotionally/any other possible way you could feel....I am still kinda trying to wrap my head around what happened last night. One thing is for certain..........alcohol is a bad, bad thing.

So last night was a fun night....for the most part. I met up with Columbia Girl, PR Boy and a whole host of our mutual friends along with about 100+ other UF Alumni to watch the UF-Troy game (we won). It was a blast. All you can eat wings and fries and all you could drink, including top-shelf liquor, all for only $20, how could you go wrong?

Anyways, I got kinda shitty along with everyone else at the bar...we were totally rowdy and out of control, it was a great atmosphere I must say. I totally felt like I was back in the Swamp...except it was air-conditioned and I had a whole bunch of food and drinks.

Anyways after we whooped some Troy ass.....me, Columbia Girl, PR boy and my other friend decided to hoof it to the subway. At this point of the night Columbia Girl and myself were pretty much sobered up, as we stopped drinking around half-time and started downing water to make sure that we were not super dehydrated later. PR Boy however...he kept on drinking and drinking.....beer......jager bombs......more beer....etc etc. Needless to say that he was sooo shitfaced he had a bit of a problem walking on his own. Since we all live in different parts of Brooklyn (minus my other friend) we decided that we would take the same subway together to ensure that PR Boy got home alright.

Anyways, we were on the subway train laughing and talking about how crazy it is that we all ended up in New York after knowing each other since High School. Just having a good time and enjoying each others company. PR boy was also providing us with a lot of entertainment since he was saying the silliest shit and making the requisite drunk pronouncements that only ever seem to come out when you are totally shitfaced.

" I love you guys so much....like so fucking much you don't even know!"

" Honestly, I am so glad we are all here....you guys (including some other individuals that I have yet to mention) are all I need in my life!"

Etc, etc....you basically kinda get a mental picture of how far gone he was. Anyways, the stop came up where me and PR Boy had to switch trains to get to our respective places. Before we left we tried to make dinner plans for Sunday at PR Boy's apt because he has a huge kitchen but Columbia Girl already had plans...so we decided that we would just do dinner ourselves. Anyways, we left her on her train to continue her journey a couple stops further to her final destination. So we walk out onto the platform and start to make our way to our trains.................

This is where everything goes to absolute shit.....I am going to give you a transcript (to the best of my abilities....since everything is kinda a blur right now) of what was actually exchanged between us.

PR Boy: Can I ask you something? {while leaning/stumbling on me}
Me: Sure, what's up?
PR Boy: You have to be totally honest with me.
Me: Sure..of course...what's the deal?
PR Boy: I am serious....like I NEED you to be honest with me.

Aside #1: By this point I am going from slightly to incredibly nervous. I am sure everyone who has been/is still in the closet can relate to how nerve-racking it actually is when someone starts off a conversation with "you have to be totally honest with me" because obviously......you haven't been doing so in a way. I mean even tho chances are that what comes after that phrase has NOTHING to do with your sexuality....by consequence of our closetedness, we are pretty much automatically expecting to get outted.

Me: Of course bro..what is it?
PR Boy: Are you gay?
Me: WHAT?!?!?!
PR Boy: Dude, are you gay?
Me: Wait..What....no.
PR Boy: K {pause} Are you gay?
Me: Huh?.........No.....Why on earth would you ask that?

Aside #2: Ok now I know all of you are sitting there rolling your eyes at me...."K what the fuck is wrong with you, you know you are fucking gay....why oh why are you blatantly lying to this guy?" Well listen, I was caught totally off guard, and I am sure the first reaction that most people who are in mine/our situation would be to deny deny deny and DENY some more....even if it is a straight up lie.

PR Boy: I have always kinda had a feeling you were gay. {hiccup}
Me: WHAT?!?!?!
PR Boy: Are you sure you are being honest with m__________?
Me: Yea!
PR Boy: Can I tell you something?
Me: What is it now?
PR Boy: Can I trust you?
Me: Of course you can.
PR Boy: {hiccup} Seriously, bro {hiccup} can I trust you?
Me: Yea, yes of course...how long have we known each other?
PR Boy: You have to swear to me.

Aside #3: Now I am WAY BEYOND nervous...I am still furiously trying to figure out how to do damage control in my head....while bracing myself for what inevitably seems is gonna be a huge revelation.

Me: Dude, I swear.

~ long pause ~

PR Boy: I have hooked up with guys before.............

~ silence ~

Me: Come again?!?!?!!?
PR Boy: I have hooked up with a couple {hiccup} of guys before.....but I am not gay!
Me: Wha...Waii......huh?!?!?!
PR Boy: I have hooked up with guys before....but I am not gay......I am not like that, I could never live that life.

Aside #4: At this moment I think my brain is absolutely blank...like a deserted wasteland......my GOD what is happening here?

PR Boy: YOU CANNOT TELL ANYONE!
Me: Of course, I would never say anything...ever!
PR Boy: You are the ONLY person I've told..ever...I trust you...like.....you CANNOT say ANYTHING to ANYONE.
Me: Dude....what is wrong with you....you know that whatever you tell me is gonna stay between us.
PR Boy: Okkk......but why aren't you being honest with me?
Me: What are you saying?
PR Boy: Dude........You are gay.........you know you're gay.........why aren't you being honest?

Aside #5: Honestly....I dunno why I kept denying it. He has done what no other person in 22 years has done, and that has been to totally put me on the spot and call me out....I have no idea how to handle this. At the time I wasn't thinking (for obvs reasons)....but as I am writing and recalling everything that was said tonight, it is quite clear to me now that he was telling me about himself to get me to admit the fact that I'm gay. (This will become even more clear in a second)

PR Boy: Dude, I have hooked up with 3 guys before....I just like to have a good time.
Me: What?!?!?!? Who?!?!?!
PR Boy: Well...I hooked up with 2 guys in the frat....and I've hooked up with a co-worker
Me: {Blankly Stares} Are you serious?
PR Boy: Yea...I hooked up with my big.....and __________ (some other guy we both know in the frat) and I hooked up with a co-worker too....I like to fool around, it is no big deal.
Me: OMG I cannot believe this.

Aside #6: Now when I said that...I dunno what I was reacting mostly too, his admissions or the fact that I just blatantly lied to my best friend who basically (drunk or not) trusted me enough to tell me this about himself. At this point I was so beyond confused and conflicted....seriously I had no idea what to do or say...no plan of action....NOTHING!

PR Boy: I dunno whyyyyyy you don't trust me enough to just tell me the truth about yourself....I just told you how I have hooked up with guys....like....I have sucked dick before.......I didn't really like it, but I did it...why are you lying to me right now, I don't {hiccup} understand!!!!!!
Me: So are you gay?
PR Boy: No!
Me: So you are bi. (statement not a question)
PR Boy: Honestly.....I don't know what I am right now...All I know is that I just can't live that life....like...I just can't do it, I want to be happy.

~ silence ~

Me: Sooooo ahhhhhhhh
PR Boy: Like dude....I want to get married you know....and have kids
Me: Yea welllll
PR Boy: We aren't leaving here until you say it....like I want to hear you say it out loud and admit it.
Me: Dude....what?
PR Boy: You know what....admit that you are gay...you know you are, I know you are, most of our friends {trails off}
Me: W--H--A--T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PR Boy: {smiles} It doesn't matter bro....just admit it already
Me: Is this all a set-up? Are you trying to corner me? Everything that you just said up to this point....was it just to get me to say that I am gay?

Aside #7: By this time we have stopped walking and we are having this discussion in a fucking corner of a NYC subway station. Moreover, after I said that last line I basically realized that I had outted myself whether I liked it or not. I mean...what straight guy would use that kinda retort...right?

PR Boy: I want to hear you say it.
Me: {Looks}
PR Boy: I know you are....it is so obvious if you know what to look for.
Me: I am obvious?
PR Boy: Kinda...I mean I pretty much had a good idea you were since High School....
Me: I dunno what to say.
PR Boy: You're gay. (statement not a question)

~ silence ~

Me: {sigh} Yea, I guess I am.
PR Boy: Don't you feel better now?
Me: I dunno what just happened.
PR Boy: Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me..and you better not tell anyone about me either!
Me: You know I would never do that...but you have to swear to me, promise that you don't say a word of this to anyone!
PR Boy: Dude, I swear to you...I will not say anything...I don't understand why you aren't fucking relieved.
Me: I dunno what I feel.
PR Boy: Dude I am missing my train
Me: Go get it
PR Boy: Come home with me

**** PUMP THE MOTHERFUCKING BRAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!! ****

Me: WHAAA?
PR Boy: Dude...just come home with me, come on! {slightly pleading voice}

Aside #8: Jesus, Mary and Joseph.....you cannot be serious right now. Just when I think that this situation could not get any more fucking ridiculous. Did he just proposition me?

Me: I don't think that would be a good idea. {hands on my head in shock}
PR Boy: Why noootttt?
Me: I just don't think it is...I just...........I dunno
PR Boy: Bro, I promise nothing will happen...I promise......just come home with me.
Me: No, I've got to get back to my place....I can't
PR Boy: What the fuck! Fine............
Me: Are you ok to get home?
PR Boy: Whatever.... {throws up hands} you just dicked me over
Me: How the fuck did I dick you over?
PR Boy: I dunno..its just whatever {long pause} So are you coming or what
Me: No, I am going home....I've got to take all this in....I can't believe this just happened
PR Boy: Mannnn......you always dick me over...fuck! Whatever.
Me: Dude.....you are plastered and you don't know what you are talking about.....
PR Boy: I am going home...bye! {turns around and runs away, leaving me there}

That isn't how I wanted to end that discussion AT ALL. I didn't want to even HAVE that discussion, let alone leave it like that. So then I was worried because now I am thinking that I pissed him off because I didn't go home with him....now he is gonna go out me or something. That in addition to a million other things that were (and still are) swimming in my head like....

- Was that whole spiel just a set-up to get me home?
- Will he remember any of this in the morning?
- Is there anything that I could have done differently?
- Why was he so fucking forceful....it is so out of character for him.
- Did I just come out?

After reading so many of your coming out stories, one of the most over-arching themes that connected all of them was the fact that people felt so relieved after it was done. I have to say that this is not the case for me.....I feel worse...much worse. I felt so cornered by my friend and so blind-sided over how everything transpired I just don't know what to think. I dunno if there are enough adjectives to describe what I am feeling right now. If you couldn't tell by some of my previous posts, I am a pretty A, B, C type of guy...I like to plan and have a contingency plan in place just in case things do not work out the way that I want them to. I could have never expected what just happened tonight. Never.

I am sitting here on my bed, trying to figure out what has upset me the most. I mean I should be happy and relieved right? After some deliberation, I think that I've got it.......

"I didn't have a choice."

"I did not have a fucking choice."

I was totally cornered and I had nowhere to go.

This isn't how I wanted to come out at first.....it does not fit into my plan at all.

I deserved to come out on my own terms, in my own way.

Now I have no idea how I am going to proceed.....I don't think I have ever been so confused and emotional in my entire life.

I feel sick.....physically ill.

*** UPDATE ***

I just got off the phone with him...we talked for about for an hour. I will give you details later, right now I have to sleep.....or try to sleep....I don't think I will be sleeping very well............

Suffice to say that there were some very interesting things discussed in my phone conversation (with him a bit more sober) that I will discuss.

This makes no sense.

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED JUST NOW

If you asked me when I woke up this morning if today would be the day that I would come out, I would have looked at you as if you were absolutely crazy.........

But it happened.....and I DO NOT feel good about it at all.

I don't even know what to think.......this isn't how it was supposed to go down

Details to come.....I feel kinda nauseous right now.

Drunken Post #1

So my first *real* night out in the city was a blast. I went out with Columbia Girl and tore up the Upper West Side. Couple things I wanna get through tho...

#1: She is determined to find me a girlfriend...she literally tried to hook me up with any random girl she found at a bar.

#2: We meet up with her guy friend that she went to sleep-away Jewish camp with and he is such a cutie it is ridiculous. Totally chill and outgoing...really nice eyes and a amazing smile...total boyfriend material (if he were gay...which of course he isnt...grrr)

#3:Camp Boy (as he will now be named) has some SMOKING HOT friends that I got really really shitty with tonight. One has a girlfriend...and the other one was hitting on anything he saw with ovaries.....obvs they are not gay.....but they were soooooooooo
hot!!!! :(

#4 Some random girl came up to me while I was wating for the bathroom and grabbed my ass and told me that I had the nicest ass that she has ever seen on a guy and she said she justhad to squeeze it. LOL! Flattering obvs....but not really that interested girlie....im sorry. But if you have a gay/bi friend you would like to introduce me to I would be more than happy to allow him to grope me.

#5 Speaking of gay/bi guys...Camp Boy introduced me and Columbia Girl to one of his friends at the last bar we visited. As we left the bar Columbia Girl asked him what the deal was with his friend. Camp Boy said that he is apparently bisexual but he thinks that he is really much more gay and he just uses the bisexual tag to get with women. When I asked him how this made sense he went to tell me that apparently women find sexually ambigious men extremely attractive and I "wouldnt beleive how much pussy that he pulls with that line." I do not find that explaination statisfactory but I will let it slide because it is almost 4AM and I am kinda wasted.

P.S. The guy was really really cute......he had kinda an emo vibe thingy going on with super skinny jeans and white cons. He actually kinda looked like a skinny Josh Hartnett minus the unibrow (btw buddy...plz get that waxed for me...youwould look 10000x hotter)

Anyways I am off to bed....gotta wake up eventually to go to the bar yet again for the UF-Troy game.

GOOOOOOOOOO GATORS!!!!!

Subway Man

Funny thing happend to me on the subway yesterday afternoon that I forgot to talk about in my last post.

So I was sitting on the 2 train late yesterday afternoon and that shit was packed! Anyways, I was playing tetris on my phone minding my own business and when I looked up this random crotch was literally 2 inches from my face. LITERALLY!

Like <-----------------------------this-------------------------------> much

So of course I attempted to move back but I had my backpack on and I couldnt get back any futher in my seat. Also, there was no way for me to slip it off as there were people sitting directly to the left and right of me. Anyways, I decided to suck it up and just deal with it...I mean it this is the reality of riding the subway in a crowded city like New York.

So I put my head down and went back to playing tetris. Next thing I know I feel something on the top of my head. LOL! Naturally I look up at the guy (who by the way was about in his mid-30's and actually really quite attractive) and he looks down and apolgises for "bumping" into me.

Now this would be a non-story if it were not for the fact that he was full out smirking while he said this. Wouldn't you be kinda embarrassed if you seemingly dropped your cock on some strangers head while in the subway? I know I would! But noooo not this guy....he just continued to smirk.

When he turned around to get off at his next stop I noticed this briefcase......


Now I am not gonna jump the gun and say what I *think* might have happened to me....please draw your own conclusions.

Awkward Convo In The Village / My First Day of Class

Interesting day to say the least.....

#1: I met with Columbia Girl in the Village for lunch. We picked up a couple of sandwiches from a local deli and sat outside to people watch........ aka my favorite activity of life. While in Washington Square Park I came to a realization......THEY'RE SOOOOO MANY HOT GUYS IN NEW YORK! Tall ones, short ones, black ones, white ones, preppy ones, indie ones......sigh......the list on and on ad infinitum. I wish they were all gay....every last one of them (or at least bi)....wouldn't that make my life so much easier?

Anyways, while we were in the park we got to talking about life and relationships....all of you in the closet know how iffy and incredibly awkward these conversations can get. So we got to talking which one out of our little group is going to get married first. LOL! This is the same exact convo that I had with Rocket Scientist and Whorehouse Boy in Orlando before I left Florida...interesting.

Anyways we both agreed that Whorehouse Boy is gonna get married first out of all the guys in our clique because he is the most easy going. Then I said that Rocket Scientist would go next (in marriage)...but he would be the first out of all the guys to get a girl pregnant. LOL! She totally co-signed on my observation. But wait...this next part of the convo is where things start to get super interesting. She went on to say that I will be the last of the guys to get married.

RED FLAGS START GOING UP EVERYWHERE!!!!

For whatever reason I decided to tackle her assertion head on, so I agreed with her and asked her why she felt this way.....somewhat torn between wanting her/not wanting her to just say "well because I think you are gay".

So what did she say?!?!?!

"K....I just really feel like you are an incredibly picky guy and it is gonna be really hard to find a girl who meets all your standards because I know you will not settle."

LMFAO...girl if you only knew WHY it will be impossible for me to find a girl who meets all my standards!

This would have been a perfect time to just come out to her but of course I just clammed up and didn't say anything except mildly agreeing with her. AARRRGGGGG why is this so hard? I know I am gonna come out to her sometime soon I should have just done it....she basically gave me a wide opening and I just fumbled it. Oh well, I will have another chance in the future I suppose.

So I am sitting there with her, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.....oh no, not so fast K.

" You know what, I know you pretty well and I have excellent taste if I do say so myself....I am gonna pick out your future wife...right here in the park!"

LOL....I love this girl to death, but she needn't do that.....REALLY!

"Oooo how about that one over there, she is so pretty....and she looks trendy....you would look amazing together...dontcha think?"

I just neutralized the convo by letting her know that there way no way that I would find a future wife....or even a girlfriend in a park. She stuck to her guns and insisted that you never know when or were you might meet the love of your life. This is true, but I can assure you the love of my life will not be anything along the lines of what she is thinking. Anyways...we walked a bit more to pass some time in the afternoon...and then it was time for me to get ready for class....so we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

-----------------------------------------------------

#2: My first class as a grad student was pretty interesting. My professor is an adorable 66 year old man who reminds me of the postman from Cheers.

Anywho, he is really interesting and engaging so I doubt that I will be falling asleep in class.....always a good thing when your paying almost $1000 per credit, ECK!

As for hotties in my class.....one word.....nonexistent.

I suppose this is a good thing because it will enable me to actually focus, however it really is a shame that I will not be having any eye candy in Statistics this semester.

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#3: So I took my ginormous ass to the gym tonight for the first time and let me say.......I am going every single fucking day JUST for the eye candy. I felt like such a kid in a candy store...I had a hard time focusing on what I was *trying* to do. LOL! Is this really surprising to anyone?

Anyways, I finally was able to focus...........on this one hottie in a red cutoff T-shirt. God he was so cute, tall, baby face, cute smile, and the most perfect arms (please hold me). I could tell he was kinda cocky too...but he would try to be slick with it. He would pretend like he was stretching but really he was just trying to flex in front of the mirror, LOL! Some people....actually most people would find this to be a total turn off but for some reason.....I found it kinda hot! I have been sitting here for a couple of minutes trying to figure out why I would think that was attractive and really I cannot come up with anything....but something doesn't feel right about it.

Maybe I am just overanalyzing again....I mean I am a psychologist in training.

My Long Overdue Post

So so much to get through....this is gonna be a long and convoluted post

First things first, I am in New York now....got here safely with all my stuff so thats something to be happy about. LOL! My room is nice and I love the neighborhood that I am in. Overall, I really cannot complain....at least not yet..........

But lets start shall we

#1: My roommate bless his heart........he has to be one of if not the most socially awkward people that I have ever run across in 22 years. He kinda has a stuttering problem so it takes him a really long time to get what he wants to say out there. As a result when you try to talk to him or ask him a question, he pretty much just says that he "doesn't know" or that "he isn't sure" because I suppose that is easier that actually trying to say what he wants to. It makes me feel bad because he seems like a pretty nice kid who just kinda got the short end of the stick. Through my interactions with him thus far, I have realized that if i don't look at him when I ask a question, or when he is speaking, it makes it much easier for him to get his thoughts out there. It is gonna be an adjustment for me because I am not used to interacting to people like that. Oh well.

#2: Even though my room is pretty large for New York standards, it is still not what I am used to. It is gonna be quite an adjustment, and I had to send some stuff that I brought up with me back with my parents. Kinda upsetting, but necessary in my situation. I even had to send back some of my sneakers because I could not find room in my closet...hahaha! Those of you who I talk to on a regular basis will realize what a big deal this is.

#3: Everything is sooo fucking expensive! LOL! Obviously this is something that I knew coming in but I guess I didn't fully take it in. Looks like K is gonna have to get a job this semester. This is something that I didn't want to deal with having to do the first semester, because I wanted to be totally focused on classes and hopefully participating in some exciting research but it looks like I might have to revise my plans. Again...oh well.

#4: My poor parents are being even clingier than usual. I suppose I would be too if my only son was moving 1000 miles away to a big city, but my god people........let a brotha breathe! From Sunday to yesterday they insisted on spending like every single moment with me, it was quite stifling but I let them have the time because I know it must be really hard for them :(
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Ok, let me stop complaining and lets talk about my first couple of days here....

Sunday:

I moved into my place, and I went to IKEA to buy some shelves. By the way, what is really the big hoopla over this store? I just do not get it. As you may or may not know, IKEA has yet to open a Florida store, so Sunday was my first time in one...what a fucking madhouse! The aisles are way to narrow and the carts are too big for those aisles and all the merchandise in the showroom is so cobbled together throw in what seemed to be about 100,000 people constantly bumping into you and needless to say I was extremely irritated at the entire situation. In fact, I would put it on the top of my list of my worst shopping experiences ever. If it wasn't for the bookcase that I bought for $25 bucks, the entire excursion would have been a waste.

Monday:

Ok this was a fun, fun day. I met up with one of my best friends who just so happens to be working with a public relations firm here in the city. We will call him PR boy from now on, LOL! Anyways, I have known PR boy since 10th grade and we have been really good friends ever since. We went to UF together and we even pledged the same fraternity Freshman year....he went through with it, I dropped out w/in 2 weeks. The hazing situation did not sit well with me and I have a real problem with people trying to get me to do silly shit...but I digress.

When he found out that I was moving to NYC for school he was really excited and so was I. We are very much alike personality-wise and we share a lot of the same interests, minus the fact that he isn't gay. Haha! Anywho, on Monday he decided to show me around SoHo. We did some shopping and had a good chat about our futures and what we are trying to get out of living in the city, it was a really pleasant afternoon and it just reaffirmed the fact that he is a pretty open-minded guy and probably handle the fact that I am gay (when I do decide to come out) relatively well.

In addition to shoppping and chatting, we also had a celebrity sighting (my first in NYC after only 2 days). While we were in Uniqlo attempting to buy the entire store my friend runs up behind me and taps me on the shoulder......."OMFG bro look, its Leelee Sobieski. Surely enough, when I turned around, there she was in all her (what seemed to be) 5'10+ glory. She is quite pretty in person but she immediately lost points when I saw she had a personal assistant behind her carrying her little Yorkshire Terrier IN THE FUCKING STORE.

Ok, let me rant for a second. I cannot understand these people who take their dogs out shopping or to a restaurant etc etc. I mean really, what does little Fido need to be in a store with you while you are buying jeans? Bonus points off if I catch you toting them around in any sort of specially made Louis Vuitton/Gucci/Prada/Armani doggie carrier. No no no, leave the dog at home and stop carrying it around as if it is some kind of accessory......it is an animal for god sakes! Those people inevitably end up looking ridiculous 100% of the time IMHO.

Yesterday:

I bought some of my textbooks for the upcoming semester..always fun to part with hundreds of dollars worth of books that you will probably never use past graduation...but oh well. The afternoon was pretty nice, I spent it with my parents on the Upper East Side. It was their last full day there and my mom wanted do some exploring. We (slowly) made our way up Madison Avenue and eventually decided on ending the afternoon in Central Park. It was a wonderful day out and it was nice to just stroll and people watch for a while. Inevitably my pops proclaimed that he was hungry and we found our way to The Central Park Boathouse. Personally, I wasn't too impressed with the food, but my parents seemed to love it and you really cannot complain enjoying this kind of view during lunch!

After that, they drove me back to back to Brooklyn and we said our goodbyes. Unsurprisingly no one cried as my parents are pretty stoic people who tend not to show much if any emotion on their sleeves. I am still undecided on whether or not that is a good thing...but it is what it is I suppose.

Today:

The day of reckoning.....my first day of class as a grad student! ECK!!!!!! I am kinda nervous but I am trying to play it cool and keep it all in perspective. I just hope that I luck out and get really cool professors and have interesting people in my classes. I am only taking 9 credits this semester to make sure that I ace every single one of them...hopefully I can follow through with that. In the back of my mind I am also hoping that I have some hotties in my class that I can ogle/befriend (for anyone who has talked with me on a regular basis realizes that this comes as no surprise)! We will see how that works for me.

I am also doing lunch with my friend who just started up @ Columbia. She is another one who I would include in my top-10 list along with the others that I have mentioned. I have known her since 10th grade as well and we also went to UF together. Of all the people that I have been thinking about coming out to first, she always ends up at the top of my list. I will have to work out how I am gonna handle that situation in the future, but I am about 80%-90% sure that she will be cool and supportive. She has the bonus factor of also being one of the most outgoing and sociable people that I know....so maybe when I come out to her she can help me find a bf HAHAHA! She also told me yesterday that she had a feeling that good percentage of the guys in her program at Teachers College are gay. Obvious she was kinda upset because that kinda hurts her chances with the limited amount of guys in her program (only 20% are male). Personally, I don't see how she will have a problem meeting a guy as she is really pretty and has an amazing personality. Hopefully when I come out I can put her to work to scope out some guys for me....LOL I am horrible.

I better get moving quick tho, she already said to me an PR boy last night that she has some girls that she wants to introduce us to....

AWKWARD!!!!!

Enjoying The View

So this is the view about 2 blocks for my building in Brooklyn Heights. I am so close to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade it is amazing. It is an awesome place to run, or sit and relax. Hey, it even seems like a really nice place to take a date.......not that I am thinking about that of course. LOL!

Brooklyn Bridge
Lower Manhattan

Anyways, I snapped these with my phone tonight...now I am back in my place furiously trying to finish another post, along with handling other odds and ends....I hope everyone is having a good week.

I'm Here!

Long post coming soon...stick w/ me while I right down all my thoughts on the first couple of days here in New York.

With that I will leave you with one of THE HOTTEST pics I have seen in ages!

Seriously, you would be hard pressed to find a hotter guy in my opinion. Now, if only I could look like that....LOL!