I Don't Want To Sound Conceited But......

Inevitably this post is gonna come off a bit like that so plz just forgive me and bear with it. I have been holding onto this story for a while (since early December) because I had to make sure that this guy was for real and this whole thing wasn't just a figment of my imagination...

Ok, now I am 99.99% sure that my co-worker wants to sleep with me...

{GASP}

So you're asking yourself at home, "K, how do you know this?"

Good question....I'll give you the evidence next, but first let me give you some stats of this guy.....

Name: Let's call him "Miguel"
Age: 21
Height: 5'10
Eye Color: Light Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Ethnicity: Latin (Puerto Rican to be exact)
Sexuality: Come on.....LOL!

Ok, so I have been having "issues" with this guy since late November. Originally when I started working at the store, we never worked the same shift because he always worked the beginning week and I worked the weekends since I was in school. However, at the beginning of the holiday season he changed his availability to pick up more hours and I ended up seeing a lot more of him.

This was/and still is troublesome......

You see....Miguel is a brazen lil' mo. Well, he isn't really little....but he is most definitely a mo...as he makes this blatantly clear when he speaks about hot guys who walk in the store or his numerous ex-boyfriends or how all these random guys try to flirt with him on Myspace etc etc etc....

Sigh....

So, the thing with my situation is that I haven't formally "announced" my orientation at work. Unlike many of the other guys, I just don't think it is necessary. I mean.....I think it is pretty obvious at this point what team I am batting for, why should I be all out and about with it? Anyways, I bring that up because at first....I really thought Miguel's flirtations were just a sneaky way of trying to figure out my orientation. You know.....flirt with a guy....send yourself out as bait...and see if he bites (both literally and figuratively...LOL!)

It all began with little gestures. I found that he would always find himself somewhere near me in the store...a table away here...and rack away there...close, but not ON TOP of me. Then I noticed that he started to get clumsy around me for some reason. He would drop a hangar here.....fumble with a sweater on the floor over there and for whatever reason I didn't add all of this up. I mean, I'm not a stupid guy, I should have realized that it couldn't be a coincidence that he was seemly always 'bending down' or 'stretching for something' within my line of sight. Eventually I started to realize that something wasn't quite right with the situation....so I started to pay more attention...all the while trying acting as clueless as possible...

He got more brazen.

I started to get winks...

And whistles...

Then he started to call me "Papi" (I shit you not)

I just brushed ALL these advances for a number of reasons.....

1). You are my co-worker. Are you crazy?
2). I was involved w/ the German.
3). I don't know if you're intentions are legit.
4). I kinda wanted to see how far he would ACTUALLY go.
5). Dude, I fucking WORK with you...again, are you crazy?

So it seemed that he was getting frustrated that he wasn't getting the reaction out of me that he wanted. As a result, his leers became even more lecherous. So much so that I was forced to laugh at him every time I caught him giving me one of his looks....



I just laughed him off....very much like how I handle every other uncomfortable situation that I may find myself in. I mean, I definitely wasn't gonna take the bait, I'm not that dumb...and besides I still really couldn't make out his intentions. Then came the pièce de résistance.............

I was closing one night (it was actually this night) and I was in the women's fitting room with Miguel. A bunch of Dutch tourists (sorry Pete) had just virtually destroyed the back of the store by trying on like 30 pieces of clothing between the 3 of them. Of course they didn't buy anything....they just wanted to play dress-up in the extra large fitting room 15 minutes before we were about to close. LOL! That left me and Miguel hanging, folding and stacking way after we should have been getting ready to clock out. Needless to say I was a bit irritated...but whatever.

To make matters worse, Miguel was up to his old tricks. I would hang a top and he would say something to the effect of "mhmmm, work it Papi" or "look at dat booty" whenever I had to bend down for something. I just continued to crack up. It really became this big joke between us. He would say something overtly sexual and inappropriate and I would roll my eyes and laugh at him for being so ridiculously brazen.

LMFAO!

To his credit....he never put his hands on me or touched me in anyway but as you are about to see...he really didn't have to in order to get his point across.

So I am stacking some shirts and then I look over and Miguel is opening up the big fitting room again. I thought nothing of if because I figured he was just checking to make sure that the women didn't leave any merchandise in it. Then I hear him call my name and he gave me that head wavy thing that you do when you are trying to get someone to come over. Now, knowing what I know about him (LOL) I made sure to study him closely and his face was just normal and totally expressionless.

Me: What is it man?
Miguel: Come over here and look at this. {looks in the fitting room}
Me: Alright...hold on...

So now i'm curious to see what is actually in there. As I walk over...he is leaning on the door...with his back against it, facing me and his left hand on the knob. By the time I got over there the door was halfway ajar leaving enough room for me to pass between the door frame and him. Once I got inside I looked over to the far wall and everything was copasetic. The chair was fine...the mirror was golden.....there where no hangars and no clothes in the room...everything was perfect. So, I turned around to see him still leaning against the door with THIS expression on his face.........



Me: OHHH HELLLLL NAAAAA PLAYA, YOU MUST BE JOKING!
Miguel: Haha...what I do?
Me: What is in this fitting room that was so important for me to see?
Miguel: Nothing really...I just wanted to get you in here....
Me: U MUSTA LOST YO DAMN MIND {muscles him out of the doorway}
Miguel: Why chu playing so hard to get? {as said to my back as I walk my black ass to the other side of the store}

So then I was said to myself, "I know this boy did not just try to proposition me in the fucking handicapped fitting room after hours. I JUST KNOW HE COULDN'T BE SO OUTTA ORDER!"

It didn't stop there folks....the come on's keep on coming.....which is why I am bringing up all these incidences now. I think it is beyond the point of "slyly trying to find out whether or not I'm gay" and it is now full on into the realm of "I want to get into K's pants".

Case in point......

Last week we were having a conversation about the new VP over at corporate and some of her apparent ideas on the employee dress code. Presently, men are not allowed to wear piercings of any kind, although this may change in the near future. This rule pissed Miguel off in the beginning of his employment because he had "a shit-load of piercings he had to get rid of."

Me: What do you mean a shitload?
Miguel: Well I had my ears pierced, and my labret, one of my nipples....and I even had a tongue ring
Me: No shit....
Miguel: Yea...I got rid of them when I started working here tho
Me: Good, a lot piercings are kinda nasty IMO...aside from ear piercings of course
Miguel: You don't like tongue rings?
Me: OMG...that is one of the worst offenders....why would u even take that chance. Do u realize that if the piercer accidently goes through a nerve you could loose your sense of taste? That would be the worst thing ever...I love food too much...that is ridiculous.
Miguel: But it makes oral so much better
Me: Come again
Miguel: Gladly {leers at me}
Me: What do you mean? {recognizes the apparent double entendre in my previous statement and rolls eyes}
Miguel: Haha...what? You said it...not me!
Me: You KNOW that isn't what I meant...come on dipshit.
Miguel: You're so funny....I love how u get so uncomfortable and on edge when something sexual comes up
Me: sigh........ {goes to finger-space a rack of clothes}
Miguel: Ok, so like I was saying....people with tongue-rings give much better head
Me: Whatever man
Miguel: I'm serious....all the guys I've been with say that I give great head.....my last boyfriend was angry when I had to take it out for work.
Me: {rolls eyes and laughs} I suppose that is why he left you....
Miguel: Fuck you! Hahaha....you watch K, one of these days you'll find out!
Me: I doubt i'll be hooking up with anyone with a tongue ring anytime soon buddy.
Miguel: I'll change your mind Papi....you just watch
Me: Ugh....
Miguel: Hey....speaking of piercings...what would u say if I said I was thinking about getting a PA
Me: A PRINCE ALBERT?
Miguel: Yea....do you like them?
Me: Dude....why do I care what you do with your penis?
Miguel: Well...you might...I dunno.
Me: UGH...you are so ridiculous....

Trying awfully hard eh? Soooo what do you guys think....do ya think he really wants "alone time" with me....or is this just some elaborate scheme to find out once for for all what team I'm batting for? You guys know how cynical I am....so I still want to lean towards the latter....but the former is really starting to become to obvious to ignore. I mean if he REALLY, REALLY wanted to know...he could ask, "K...are you gay?" It kinda seems like a lot of work to go through as opposed to just asking one question. I dunno.....

And it seems like he isn't used to be rebuffed like this....because he is becoming more agitated and seemly more desperate. He used the patented, "let me hype myself up and show him/her how "in demand" I am" trick with me Monday evening. He was telling me this story (totally out of the blue....and totally unsolicited by the way) about how this guy was coming onto him at a club Sunday night....and he was really cute...but he wasn't "feeling him like that". I asked him why this was the case......

Miguel: Because I am holding out for someone special........


*~*~*MASSIVE EYE ROLL*~*~*

[Kelly...you will be happy to know that I again...for the 100th time...had to give him "the face"]

"Dude seriously....come on....you're not serious."

"Are you seriously still trying?"

These are the thoughts that percolate in my mind every time Miguel comes around to speak to me. And I have to be honest....I bare some of the responsibility for his behavior...because I didn't nip it in the bud from the get-go. I laughed it off and probably created and environment that made him think that this constant barrage of come-on's is appropriate.

BAD K!!!!

But you know what is even worse...that I just have to admit......


I kinda like the attention.....


Seriously.....like, I secretly get a kick out of it.


Even tho I am totally annoyed with him....I'm so not used to being pursued like this. It is funny to watch....but ultimately wrong...and dangerous to keep up this environment that I let take a hold. And let's be clear....I WOULD NEVER, EVER EVER...sleep with Miguel. And you wanna know something....it isn't because of what you think!

He is actually incredibly attractive. By far the hottest guy who works in the store IMO. He has the most flawless caramel colored skin..and those lips....egads....and don't start with me and that Puerto Rican ass he has...whooooooo. Chances are that if I met him in ANY OTHER VENUE beside my job...it would have been on like Donkey Kong. But...at the end of the day......

1). I work with him.
2). It would be totally and purely physical.
3). I WORK WITH HIM!!!!!

And for those of you out there who are asking yourself, "how come you didn't put up German Boy on your list of reasons you wouldn't hook up with this guy" there is an full update coming up about him. The Cliff-notes version.....

We decided that we are better off as just really good friends...for a whole host of reasons that will be become clear later.

Have a great week guys.....and make sure to check out the new site for the blogger meetup.