I had an hour break from work today so I figured I'd do what any other young, bored and semi-fashionable gay guy in NYC would do.......annnddd I went shopping. For those of you who know me IRL, you know that this is most certainly NOT a shock...LOL!
Anyway, so I'm on Bleecker in W. Village heading to my future husband/sugar daddies' store (Marc Jacobs) to check out some of his new stuff and I see this odd silhouette in front of me. His back was to me and I could tell that he had a pretty nice body for someone his age.....super tall, tapered waist, broad shoulders etc, etc.
I say "someone his age" because is most identifiable characteristic was his hair.
IT WAS SNOW FUCKIN WHITE Y'ALL!
I actually think that is what drew my eyes in the first place because I have never in my life seen someone with that shade of hair!
I'm talking about just straight up white, no gray at all....and it was FULL TOO...no scalp!
So naturally I was kinda intrigued because for whatever reason in my mind, that body just didn't match with that head of hair. I know this sounds silly, but you never associate such an athletic body with old man hair....but I digress
So I walked a bit faster so I could catch up to "Mr. White" and see if the front matched the back....
Y'all are NOT gonna believe who it was.....
I'll have you know that it was MOTHERFUCKIN' TED DANSON!!!!!!
Dead serious!
I chuckled at myself for getting excited over Ted Danson LMFAO....but for real, he looks really good from the back. He is a handsome man for sure.....don't laugh at me I SWEAR to you I don't have an old man fetish!
LMFAO!
(He does have a really nice ass though....)
OK I'LL STOP, I'LL STOP...SWEAR!
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Ok next funny story......
So since I was in the neighborhood I figured I'd run over to Y-3 in Meatpacking and see if they had any hot new stuff. Last time I was there they had this sick pair of sneakers but they were totally sold out of my size and they couldn't locate them anywhere. Boooooo
Anywho, so there is that park on the corner of 8th and Bleecker right? Well, I used to love that park but now I hate it because it is associated with the train-wreck that is Ryan. I know it is really cheesy but on our first date (after dinner) we had Magnolia cupcakes on a bench in that park. It had just finished raining so he thought it would be cute to take off his rainjacket and spread it on the bench so we wouldn't get wet...
UGGGGGGGHHHHHH IM GAGGING AS WE SPEAK (or as I type)
How ridiculously maudlin..UGHHHHH
In what world did I ever think that was cute?????
Don't answer that, back to the story......
So I guess I was looking at the park and reminiscing about old times when I noticed this woman and her giant dog in my line of sight. It looked like a St. Bernard or something....just ridiculously big, and of course this woman was all of 5 feet 2 inches. Honestly, what possess someone to own such a large dog in the city? Where is that bitch supposed to play?
Anyway, I quickly found out the answer to that question........
So I was looking at the dog from the side and when I first spotted it was stationary. As I walked closer to 8th Ave, I guess it heard me coming and turned around......
Do you know this was a THREE-LEGGED DOG?!?!?!
SWEAR TO YOU, BITCH ONLY HAD...ONE....TWO...THREE...COUNT 'EM......LEGS!
Now listen, my first inclination was too giggle but I quickly stopped myself because I realized that this was horribly insensitive.
But then this ol' heffa shot me the death stare like "bitch, who the fuck do you think you are laughing at my dog?!?!?"
Um, ma'am lets be real for a second mmmkay?
You've got a three-legged St. Bernard.......
And you're walking it in the city.....
And it is hopping around....
And you HONESTLY EXPECT people not to have some sort of reaction to that?
Granted, it wasn't the most ideal reaction, but you just to realize that such things come with the territory. For what is worth, I apologize......
Now go run along and play catch with your dog
:)
1 comment:
aww... three legged dogs are sad.
whats worse- is what I saw the other night... a no legged hobo. he had two bandaged stumps and was lying on the ground while campus security guards were trying to figure out what to do with him. no-legged hobos are just pitiful.
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