::: BREAKING NEWS :::

THIS JUST IN.....

MR. ELEVATOR IS STRAIGHT.

I REPEAT.....

MR. ELEVATOR IS STRAIGHT.

How do I know?

Well, it says so on his Facebook profile (we're now friends on it). In addition, his wall is filled with women leaving bunches of lovey dovey messages....blah blah blah...he's probably fucked them.

(rolls eyes)

Other things I've gleaned from his profile...

He was a model back Australia and 1/2 his portfolio is up on his page.

He is a HUGE Aussie Rules Football fan.

He is extremely well travelled (He's been to every continent on the planet)

I cannot even tell you how disappointed I am...mostly at myself to be honest. How is it that I managed to get fixated on the ONE STRAIGHT MAN IN NYC?

Seriously....

There are so many gay guys in the city....and good looking ones too...and yet I've decided that I want this unattainable guy. I am so self-destructive. What is even more pathetic is that when I was checking out his profile this morning I was like, "K....maybe he isn't straight....maybe he is just in the closet...kinda like you...ya know?" I suppose the reason I thought this was because my own Facebook profile still says that I am interested in women even though we all know that couldn't be further from the truth.

LOL!

Now, I would have changed it a long time ago but the thing is that I made the profile back in '03 and I haven't updated since '05. In addition I've got a shit ton of cousins, godbrothers/sisters and other family members who are on it. If I change my orientation on it now...or even make it so it is blank, that will totally clue everyone in and at the very least there will be whispers about what is going on with me. I really do not want to come out through Facebook for obvious reasons. I want to have control over who I tell and how. That is why I've left it unchanged for so long.....

So I was left wondering whether or not Mr. Elevator was in the same predicament as me. What if he really isn't straight and he just has his profile set up that way for whatever reason? Because to be honest, in our real life interactions....I get a totally ambiguous vibe from him.

And I don't think it is just me projecting at all.

He has complemented me on my outfits before. It wasn't anything specific like "OMG I love those Prada shoes" (this would absolutely be gay) but it really isn't standard for a straight guy to go out of his way to tell you that you look "really nice tonight" (he has actually said this to me before in the elevator).

But then again, Jay and I where talking about this the other day....you cannot really use the same criteria that you'd use to judge North American men and apply it to European men (or in this case, Australian men). I find that foreign men totally throw my gaydar off because the little tell-tale signs that you'd usually pick up in gay or questionable NA men are present in a lot of foreign guys (especially Europeans).

The trendy dress, the extra touchy feely-ness, the sexual openness.

These are all traits that you would kinda associate with someone who plays for our team. Now granted this is a huge generalization so don't beat me up for it, but you kinda get where I am going.

I suppose the only way I ever really know for certain is if I just straight up come out and ask him. I'm sure I can find a way to do this subtly, but it is gonna take a crazy amount of maneuvering to make it happen. The whole thing seems so futile to me....I really should focus my energy on finding a guy who is actually available instead of trying to find out what team this sexually ambiguous Aussie plays for......GRRRRRRR!

It's hard though because I see him at least once a day and most of the time when I do....he is dressed in the skimpiest gym attire. How on Earth can I be expected to concentrate when his goodies are being paraded in front of me every day?

It just isn't right......God stop taunting me!

You Are So Ridiculous...And I Love You For It

She is damn near 40 and still galavanting around in mini-skirts and school girl outfits like she is 18.

Mariah....I love the fact that you don't give a fuck and you clearly don't take yourself seriously.

Because there is just no way you could be serious with this video....I LOL'ed so hard!

When I Am Rich......

These are pics of the new 2009 Maserati GranTurismo S, which will be unveiled next week at the Geneva Motor Show. Apparently this baby is gonna have a 4.7 liter V8 and around 440 hp. How badass does this look?

Especially in black...OMG!

If I ever needed another incentive to continue doing well in school.....

LOL!

So I Came Out Tonight....

It was cool....

It was painless....

And I am really happy about it...

Ok, storytime.....

So last week I got this really weird call from an unknown phone number with my old area code. I figured it was someone who I used to talk to, but had lost the number for. I just let it go to voicemail like I usually do with unknown numbers...as I make it a point to never pick them up...curiosity be damned. I figured that if it is really something important then that individual will just leave me a message.....

Well to my surprise, the mystery person left a voicemail and it turned out to be one of my best friends from HS! We were in student government together and she was always my favorite senator. We used to RUN SHIT back in the day, no joke! Anyways...we kept relatively close after graduation but she went to Michigan while I went to UF and we only really saw each other during Winter Breaks and such.

Anyways, she called me to tell me that she was moving to NYC this week to try her hand at Broadway and I seriously couldn't have been more excited. Honestly...next to Columbia Girl (who she is actually really good friends with as well) she is pretty much one of the coolest chicks I know. A totally genuine person, I knew that she wouldn't have a problem with me being gay. She is super liberal, open-minded...and cool with just about anything. I called Columbia Girl last week to tell her that (let's call her Miss Michigan) was moving into town and she flipped her wig. She immediately told me that I should come out to her because she would be so cool with it and I totally co-signed.

So tonight we all meet up for dinner and did the whole "3+ year" catching up thing. It was fun to hear what new and exciting things were going on in her life and it was also great to hear how well her brothers and sisters were doing for themselves. Finally, she turned to me and Columbia Girl and asked us the inevitable question everyone asks when they are catching up with someone they haven't seen in ages......"soooo how are your love lives going...anyone special that I should know about?!?!"

Me and Columbia Girl just looked at each other and started cracking up. This left Miss Michigan understandably confused...and that's when the real hilarity ensued......

Miss Michigan: OMG what is so funny? Did I miss something?
Me & Columbia Girl: HAHAHA....no, no, no it is nothing
Miss Michigan: NOOO WAYY...It is something alright.....OMG ARE U GUYS DATING?!?!?!
Me & Columbia Girl: {insert wild cackling}
Miss Michigan: OMG YOU TOO ARE TOTALLY SHACKING UP!
Me: Oh no...nothing could be further from the truth bb
Columbia Girl: She thinks we are hittin it....LOL!!!!!
Me: LMFAO!
Miss Michigan: OMG GUYS...WHATS GOING ON?!?!?!?
Columbia Girl: There is no one in my love life hun.
Me: Yea....me either
Miss Michigan: LIARS!
Columbia Girl: {looks over to me} GO 'HEAD...Tell her about the Aussie!

Aside: "The Aussie" and Mr. Elevator are one in the same. Columbia Girl likes to refer to him as that since I told her the story about him.

Me: LOL! That doesn't count...he is so random...way to stir shit up!
Columbia Girl: {giggling}
Miss Michigan: Who is the Aussie?
Me: Wellllllllllllll, he is this guy that we aren't too sure about. He is kinda ambiguous.

~ 5 second delay ~

Miss Michigan: Wait what.....I don't get it
Me: Let it marinate in your head for a second.....
Columbia Girl: {giggles} OMG, It is gonna hit her like a ton of bricks...
Miss Michigan: What is gonna hit me? Why can't I be in on this joke....gosh!
Me: It's totally gonna make sense in a second....just let it simmer.
Miss Michigan: What are you talki........Wait, did you say HE?
Columbia Girl: Here she goes......
Me: HEHE
Miss Michigan: Wait Wait Wait Wait....you said he right....{turns to Columbia Girl} he said he right?
Columbia Girl: Yup!
Miss Michigan: So wait....you're gay?
Me: {nods}
Miss Michigan: Oh wowwwwwwwwww
Columbia Girl: Be thankful, you are like only the second or so to know!
Miss Michigan: Seriously?
Me: Yep...I'm not really out yet.
Miss Michigan: OMG WOW....THAT'S CRAZY!
Me: Kinda...I guess....I'm kinda used to it though
Miss Michigan: You mean....this whole time....that I've known you?
Me: Yeap.....I've always known.....just started being honest with it
Miss Michigan: OMG WELL CONGRATS....GOOD FOR YOU!
Columbia Girl: I KNOW RIGHT?
Me: HAHA
Miss Michigan: K, if you're happy then I'm happy!
Me: I am...I am
Miss Michigan: OMG! {clasps hands} SHUT UP....YOU'RE GAY?!?!
Me: Well I dunno if I am "that Gay" LMAO!
Columbia Girl: HAHAHAHA
Miss Michigan: This totally doesn't change a thing....we can all go out in the city looking for men now!
Columbia Girl: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
Me: I am putting you girls to W-O-R-K!
Miss Michigan: I'm So there...and don't worry, you're secret is safe with me!
Me: I know...I hope so
Miss Michigan: OMG...NO QUESTION...I would never!
Me: Better not....if all South Florida finds out I'll know it was you because she aint talking {points to Columbia Girl}
Columbia Girl: She's cool with it man...no worries!
Miss Michigan: Absolutely no worries over here friend!
Me: Cool, Cool
Columbia Girl: So did you ever think?
Miss Michigan: I HAD NO IDEA....I NEVER EVEN IMAGINED
Me: Really?
Miss Michigan: Seriously....there are so many other guys I would have picked before you.....you have NO IDEA.
Me: Seriously?
Miss Michigan: I mean....I just though you were just the typical metro kinda guy
Columbia Girl: OMG THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID WHEN HE TOLD ME!
Miss Michigan: YOU KNOW! Now that I think about it.....I guess I should have wondered....
Me: Looks like this is becoming a theme....
Miss Michigan: I could just have bad gaydar tho....I fell for a gay guy in London.....I thought he was just really ~*EURO*~
Me: LOLOLOLOL...you're ridiculous!
Columbia Girl: HAHA
Me: We will help each other with our gaydars...don't worry bb!
Miss Michigan: OMG how much more fun are we gonna have now? We are totally going out!
Columbia Girl: I'm so there!
Me: Score!

So this went on for a while longer. We talked about a bunch more stuff like coming out to the parents and dating....typical Q&A session that most of us are familiar with now. She even joked a bit that now she wouldn't be able to fulfill her dream of marrying me and having a bunch of beautiful mixed bb's...LOL! All and all it was really relieving to know that I've got another supportive person in my corner. I am definitely happy that it worked out so well and I don't anticipate any problems with her...she is totally a cool chick and she will make another great addition to my growing entourage...LMFAO!

Now if I could only find the nerve to tell my straight guy friends....that would be grand! For whatever reason, it always seems harder to tell a guy that your gay than a girl. Although if you think about it, if they are really and truly your good friends, it shouldn't make a difference.

In due time....baby steps...

I Want Janice's Job...STAT! (NSFW)

I know this show is staged, but I love watching it regardless....

Hottest guys of LIFE I tell you!



Oh, Dominic.....don't worry bb!

That old guy wishes he looked like you, he is just jealous...don't listen to him.

Come over here, i'll console you...mmkay?

Who's your favorite?

(P.S. How is Chris Jones a model? Kinda meh IMHO)

An Epiphany.....

You know what, I was watching Regis and Kelly this morning and I was lucky enough to catch Ryan Reynolds promoting his new movie Definitely, Maybe.



While watching the segment, I came to the stunning realization that he just might be the most perfect guy ever.



Now granted, he has always been towards the top of my list of "guys I would most like to get jiggy with" but for whatever reason...today something clicked in my head and I was there on my bed totally transfixed....



Aside from the obvious fact that he is absolutely gorgeous, he seems so down to earth and unfazed about it. It is so very rare that you find a really good looking guy who doesn't seem to realize that he is stunning....and Ryan definitely gives off that impression.

Now I dunno if this is his act....because after all, he is an actor (LOL) but something tells me that in real life he is a really down to earth guy...and I find that so incredibly attractive.



Not only does he have the look and attitude in spades but he is seriously like one of the most hilarious people ever. He always has something witty and sarcastic to say. I cannot imagine that anyone would ever be bored with him around....

If I had to pick qualities that I would want in a perfect boyfriend...Ryan would definitely have most of them. He is tall, hot, hilarious, down-to-earth, talented, and he seems to really be a genuinely pleasant person.

AND HE IS CANADIAN....as if he could get any better!!!!!

Dammit Ryan....why aren't you gay?



(As if I would have a chance either way....still nice to dream tho)

I'm So Disappointed....

So, anyone following the various ballot initiatives that are going down around the country will no doubt be familiar with the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in my home state of Florida.

Extremely disappointed...I cannot even tell you!

But just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I run across this gem on Towleroad this afternoon. Basically a group called KnowThyNeighbor has complied a list of the 600,000+ people who signed off to get this measure put on the ballot.

I am torn as to whether or not I am happy that they did this.

On one hand you can totally identify all the misinformed bigots around you.

On the other hand, it is bound to get you totally upset!

Morbid curiosity compelled me to search through this list, and I happy to report that Mr. and Mrs. K and Grammy K are no where to be found on it! {claps}

HOWEVER, on the list I unfortunately found my.........

Godfather

My church's pastor (this isn't a surprise)

My childhood soccer coach

My High School Trig teacher (who ironically, always used to get labeled as gay by the students b/c he looked and acted like this guy from Will & Grace)

My Mom's hairdresser

One of my best friends parents

Anddd my neighbors from when I lived in Gainesville

Now, everyone is probably saying "K, who cares about these people, they are totally random and you should just be thankful that your parents and your grandmother are not on the list." Well, ya that's true....but it is so sad to think that all of these people who used to be (and are currently) in my life wouldn't want me to have the same rights as them and their children.

It is sad really.