We have already established that my Grams is a joker....and the old lady is at it again! This time the conversation centered around that trans chick who is having a baby.
(I know that I should probably be referring to her as a man seeing as tho that is what her legal status is and that is what she ultimately identifies with but come on.......she's got a womb, how can she be a man...confusing!)
Anywho, I was talking to Granny on the phone and she brought it up out of the blue.....
Granny: Hey, you heard about that man who is pregnant?
Me: Well ya...but I think the media is really sensationalizing it because technically she isn't a man. Those headlines are really misleading.
Granny: Looorrrrd, what is the world coming to? Sodom and Gomorra I tell you baby!
Me: Ha....yea I guess.
Granny: Back it my day...stuff like this aint happen! People are crazy!
Me: I know, right?
Granny: I came home and I turned on Oprah...cuz you know I have to get my Oprah every day...and I saw him on it and your Granny got so confused. I didn't know what the hell this fool was talking bout!
Me: Awwww....sorry.
Granny: Since when can men get pregnant? Shoooot!
Me: HAHA! Well Granny, she still has all her parts...so as far as I am concerned, she is still a woman.
Granny: Well whatever.....that shit is crazy! How she expect to really become a man though? They just gonna get some willy and sew it on or sumthin?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHATCHU SAY?
Granny: Well I'm just saying though....how you gonna be a man without a penis?
Me: Granny....you crazy! You need to stop.
Granny: HAHA....Granny calls it how she sees it baby! I guess the gal is gonna have to get one dem plastic ones or something.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH! WHATCHU KNOW BOUT THOSE?!?!?!?!
Granny: Boyyyyy listen, you remember Irine? (Some lady she plays Bridge with)
Me: Ya...
Grany: Boy let me tell you....she done told me some STUFF!
Me: Oh god...im so done with this conversation...new topic, new topic!
Granny: Wait lil bit....wait lil bit...it's not about her boy!
Me: Oh....but still....
Granny: (hisses teeth) You know she told me that her daughter caught her lil granbaby with one in her dresser.
Me: WHAT....STOP LYIN!
Granny: BOYYY YOUR GRANNY ALMOST FELL OUT!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU TELLIN STORIES NOW GRANNY!
Granny: Na baby....she said that they had to ground her ol' fast self! AT SIXTEEN.....AIN'T THAT SUMTHIN?
Me: HAHAHA THAT IS TOOOO FUNNY!
Granny: Where she getting one of dem at 16? HUH?!?!?! These lil' girls to damn fast these days...shoot!
Me: Well that's crazy....but its better that than the real thing......and then gettin pregnant at 16.
Granny: No tellin baby, no tellin......lord these children too damn wild.
Me: It happens Grams....what are you gonna do, ya know?
Granny: hmmmmmmmmmmhmm
So the convo shifted to some other more mundane family topics but seriously....how outta control is my 82 year old Grandmother? HAHA, she is such a trip!
Dude, I've been laughing all day because I was thinking to myself...."how badly would she trip out if she heard that my mother found a dildo in my closet?!?!?!?!?!"
L-O-L!
Not that I own one (seriously) or have ever (I'M SERIOUS!) but wouldn't that be the most hilarious thing?
In actuality, it wouldn't be that funny because I am 100% sure that it would give Grams a heart attack...sigh.
She is one person that I am 100% positive that I will never ever come out to.....EVER! I really don't want her to find out because I seriously don't think she would EVER be able to handle it.
Ah well...such is life.
5 comments:
I loved these posts...
Great post. I miss talking with my Grandmother like that. Brought back memories. Thanks. Your Grandmother sounds like a real character.
Your grandma is mad funny!
Yeah that made me think of the days when me and my Granny used to talk about dildos! Like NEVER! Haha K, that was pretty nuts!
Dude I was liking your blog until you kept referring to Thomas Beatie as a she. Fuck that man. He's a dude. Stop hating on transgenders.
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