{everyone nods their heads}
Well yea.......at the time I thought he was saying that to bolster his own argument.....but guess what......the kid is pretty much right, at least in this NEW instance. Please, pull up a chair and let me explain.
So, one of my really good friends came into town yesterday. We've have known each other since middle school (7th Grade to be exact). He is a really cool and chill guy and we have always been pretty close. He is one of those friends that you don't keep in everyday contact with....but when you meet up with them it is almost like no time has elapsed....if that makes any sense. He is definitely not someone who I chat with on a weekly (or even monthly) basis but when we do catch up, we just pick off right where we left off. Anyways, he works for Delta now....so I think I will refer to him as Delta Boy from now on.
Delta Boy and I went to H.S. together as well...but we ended up going to different universities (he went to UCF). Anyways, sometime during our sophomore year, Delta Boy got diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He had to drop out of school and do the whole chemo treatment thing and eventually he went into remission (thank god). After that situation....as would be expected....I noticed a real change in him. He definitely seems to be much more spiritual now than he was before...along with many other things. (This backstory will become somewhat relevant soon...I promise)
So I met up with him, his friend from back home, his friend from UCF and his girlfriend (so adorable btw) in Times Square. We grabbed something to eat and watched the USF/Rutgers game at the ESPNzone. Can I just say....the food was pretty blah...but then again it is Times Square and I really should have known better than to eat in a tourist trap. However, we got a chance to watch USF get their asses handed to them (thank god...they were getting too big for their fucking britches) so that was all good.
After dinner we all headed down Hotel Chelsea for a private party that was being held by the cousin of the girl from UCF. I was a pretty small club...good music, great drinks and a late 20s/early 30s trendy type of crowd crowd (I felt slightly undressed...and that almost never happens)
Anyways, her cousin got us at table (apparently he is a big party promoter of some sort) and we started hitting back Cherry Bombs and a whole other long list of assorted drinks and whatnot. Needless to say....everyone got pretty sloppy (I surprisingly stayed buzzed and not drunk the entire night). There was a lot of drunken antics....and at one time, the stripper pole did get used by the girls. HAHAHA.....it was like the amateur, amateur version of Gimme More. LOL.....I've got pics to prove it!
Ok...im kinda stalling at this point.....how about we get to the point where Delta Boy totally drops a bomb on my head (and not a Cherry one either!) So the girls go out to catch some air and he pulls me aside to another booth to have a "chat". The transcript for your reading pleasure.......
Delta Boy: So what do you think of my girl?
Me: She is pretty amazing, I like her already and I've only just met her
Delta Boy: Yea?
Me: Yea bro....she is a real good fit for you...she is chill and not to prissy.....I know you don't like that shit.
Delta Boy {smiles} Yea man...she is such a good catch, she isn't really clingy either and she gives me my space when I need it
Me: That's so important.
Delta Boy: Yea, it really is...plus I think our personalities match really well.
Me: Yea you guys look like you have a lot of fun.
Delta Boy: I really want to do right by her man.....I don't want to turn out like my Dad.
Me: Dude, you will not....you are in a position where you know the fucked up things he did and you can learn from that and make sure you don't go down that road. Just because your pops was a womanizer doesn't mean that will automatically make you one too.
Delta Boy: You are right bro...but look at all these girls, the temptations are crazy....ya know what I mean?
Me: I feel you. (lie, I have no idea) You are just gonna have to do the right thing. If you love her you will just do right by her and that will be that. Can I tell you something?
Delta Boy: Sure....what up?
Me: When you went to go get drinks earlier your girl and I were talking and she was saying how you are the best thing that ever happened to her and she is more happy now with you than she has ever been in her entire life.
Delta Boy: You serious?!?!
Me: Real talk......she even went as far to say that she didn't ever want to do anything to disappoint you
Delta Boy: Dammmnnnnn
Me: You see....she is committed to you man, you've just got to do right and that's that.
Delta Boy: Guess I found a good one then huh?
Me: Yea you did
Delta Boy: So what about you man? {puts his hand over my shoulder and pulls me in}
Me: What do you mean
Delta Boy: Did you find that special one yet?
Me: {nervous laugh} Na man, I haven't...it'll happen soon enough tho.
Delta Boy: {pulls me in further and shakes me} Are you even looking?!?!?
Me: Honestly...not really....I'm hoping that it will just drop in my lap.
Delta Boy: {sighs loudly and shakes his head} How much longer are you gonna keep this up bro?
Aside #1: G-A-S-P........as soon as he said that I knew exactly where this conversation was going. I am pretty sure everyone else in the blogosphere pretty much can figure out the rest of this "chat".
Me: What do you mean?
Delta Boy: {moves to the edge of the seat, turns, and gives me one of these}
Me: What?!?! {getting extremely squeamish}
Delta Boy: I think you know what I mean, have you found that special "someone" yet?
Aside #2: He actually did that motion as he was saying someone...notice the gender neutrality in his statement.
Me: Na I haven't.....like I said......but then again, I haven't really been looking (1/2 lie) ya know? I dunno, I'm one of those people who believes it will just kinda find me somehow {trails off}
Delta Boy: {looks into my eyes for what seemed to be an ETERNITY, looks down....looks back up at me again....waits AGAIN for what seemed like an eternity then furiously shakes his head}
Aside #3: I hope you guys realize by now that he was giving me an opening to come out to him and I didn't take it. It is beyond obvious that he knows. He knows! I would also like to add that Delta Boy does not (and has never) run in the same clique as PR Boy. So there is no way that Delta Boy could have found out about me through my conversation with him. This lends credence to PR Boy's pronouncement earlier that pretty much all my close friends know about my "status". But wait, we haven't even gotten to the main thrust of the convo yet.
Delta Boy: {grabs me by my shoulder and pulls me close} K, you've really gotta do what makes you happy.
Me: Of course!
Delta Boy: You know what I mean bro?
Me: {looks down...but still shakes head}
Delta Boy: Look at me! Dude, take it from me.....you know what I've been through these past couple of years...life is too fucking short man.
Me: You're right, you're right.......
Delta Boy: You're saying that but I don't think you really believe it. Listen to me man....having cancer changed my outlook bro...life is too short to not do what doesn't make you happy...you've just got to do it and fuck whatever anyone else thinks.
Me: I agree, I totally agree.
Aside #4: This was said in an extremely flippantly manner I might add (dunno if consciously I meant for it to come out that way or not). A part of me I suppose was subconsciously trying to steer this conversation into a more, sorta general, non-serious, drunken philosophical type of chit chat when we both knew that he was referring SPECIFICALLY to my situation in the closet.
Delta Boy: I don't think you are really hearing me {turns directly in my face}. Bro, I know you're parents man...they are alot like mine. We come from old-school households.....I know I know....it's hard.........but you have to just do what makes you happy! Bro.....find that "someone" that makes you happy.
Me: Sighs....you are right.
Delta Boy: Of course I'm fucking right...I'm saying it dipshit! Dude, I can see it all over your face.....you aren't happy right now. You probably haven't been in a long time. Dude......the sooner you find that person, the sooner you will be able to start living you're life! Dude.....you positioned yourself in like the social capital of the world.....go out, make some connections and find that special person.
Aside #4: By this time im trying to focus on anything to stop me from balling. I mean, I really wanted to cry...and I am not the crying type of guy (hold over from my father I suppose) but it was really hard....I was looking at my shoes most of the time because I know that if I looked up at him it would have been all over. It's obvious that he knows...and he was gonna give me advice whether or not I decided to come out. He even made sure to keep on using gender neutral pronouns like "someone" and "special person" because I guess he figured (rightly so I suppose) that I was totally uncomfortable with this entire conversation.
Me: You speak the truth my man.
Delta Boy: Dude......whatever happens, you know your friends are gonna love you no matter what. You are such a great guy and a good friend...
Me: Thanks man
Delta Boy: You need to know that! You are to good of a person to be alone....get out there and fucking live your life! {slaps me on the back}
Me: Laughs
*I have some reading to do....so Part II will be coming up later......I haven't even begun to tell you what else happ that night/morning*
10 comments:
TELL HIM
ok, a little over the top, but still, it is good to know your friends are there to support you. Especially your friends from back home who know what you can face.
Dude, tell him. He knows and he's cool with it -- he's fucking encouraging it! Awesome news man. He will be an easy one to come out to and get used to the saying to people, "I'm gay."
Nothing Golden Stays
Everything happens for a reason. That also explains why you did not tell him that night. Just remember its best to tell him and live your life.
He has all the right things said. You need to live your life so start planning to do so.
TELL HIM!!! He was THAT supportive... if he was being obvious he wouldn't approve that would have been a different thing, but he is alright with it.
I agree that was awesome support without you even saying anything. Perfect opportunity but I think not the best place. Can't wait to hear part II
It's one thing to keep it from general people in your life, but friends that close should know. Often they already do and are just waiting for you to be honest with them. He doesn't sound like he's going to push you and make you clam up about it, but wants you to tell him.
Like I said, friends that close likely already know, and they're still your friend anyway. They want to be there for you.
Profoundly uncomfortable my friend. Can't imgaine what you must have felt like at that point.
But he's got a great attitude and he does speak the truth.
You told that story well. It was really unsettling since I'm a closecase and I could sense you wanting to go under the table and hide but at the same time, what a cool friend you have. It was seemningly good and your worst nightmare all at the same time.
What good friends you have. Honestly.
OK so this is where my experience comes in. For you younger guys, I really want to help you by saying take it from someone who stayed in the closet a long time, don't waste your youth on worrying about coming out. Most people now a days understand and really don't care if we are gay. I can't get my lost time back but you can, not make the same mistake as me. When friends show they still care about you like this, then tell them. Even my friends that I thought would not take it well have told me, as long as I'm happy they are happy. Right behind you K.
Steven.
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