I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED JUST NOW

If you asked me when I woke up this morning if today would be the day that I would come out, I would have looked at you as if you were absolutely crazy.........

But it happened.....and I DO NOT feel good about it at all.

I don't even know what to think.......this isn't how it was supposed to go down

Details to come.....I feel kinda nauseous right now.

Drunken Post #1

So my first *real* night out in the city was a blast. I went out with Columbia Girl and tore up the Upper West Side. Couple things I wanna get through tho...

#1: She is determined to find me a girlfriend...she literally tried to hook me up with any random girl she found at a bar.

#2: We meet up with her guy friend that she went to sleep-away Jewish camp with and he is such a cutie it is ridiculous. Totally chill and outgoing...really nice eyes and a amazing smile...total boyfriend material (if he were gay...which of course he isnt...grrr)

#3:Camp Boy (as he will now be named) has some SMOKING HOT friends that I got really really shitty with tonight. One has a girlfriend...and the other one was hitting on anything he saw with ovaries.....obvs they are not gay.....but they were soooooooooo
hot!!!! :(

#4 Some random girl came up to me while I was wating for the bathroom and grabbed my ass and told me that I had the nicest ass that she has ever seen on a guy and she said she justhad to squeeze it. LOL! Flattering obvs....but not really that interested girlie....im sorry. But if you have a gay/bi friend you would like to introduce me to I would be more than happy to allow him to grope me.

#5 Speaking of gay/bi guys...Camp Boy introduced me and Columbia Girl to one of his friends at the last bar we visited. As we left the bar Columbia Girl asked him what the deal was with his friend. Camp Boy said that he is apparently bisexual but he thinks that he is really much more gay and he just uses the bisexual tag to get with women. When I asked him how this made sense he went to tell me that apparently women find sexually ambigious men extremely attractive and I "wouldnt beleive how much pussy that he pulls with that line." I do not find that explaination statisfactory but I will let it slide because it is almost 4AM and I am kinda wasted.

P.S. The guy was really really cute......he had kinda an emo vibe thingy going on with super skinny jeans and white cons. He actually kinda looked like a skinny Josh Hartnett minus the unibrow (btw buddy...plz get that waxed for me...youwould look 10000x hotter)

Anyways I am off to bed....gotta wake up eventually to go to the bar yet again for the UF-Troy game.

GOOOOOOOOOO GATORS!!!!!

Subway Man

Funny thing happend to me on the subway yesterday afternoon that I forgot to talk about in my last post.

So I was sitting on the 2 train late yesterday afternoon and that shit was packed! Anyways, I was playing tetris on my phone minding my own business and when I looked up this random crotch was literally 2 inches from my face. LITERALLY!

Like <-----------------------------this-------------------------------> much

So of course I attempted to move back but I had my backpack on and I couldnt get back any futher in my seat. Also, there was no way for me to slip it off as there were people sitting directly to the left and right of me. Anyways, I decided to suck it up and just deal with it...I mean it this is the reality of riding the subway in a crowded city like New York.

So I put my head down and went back to playing tetris. Next thing I know I feel something on the top of my head. LOL! Naturally I look up at the guy (who by the way was about in his mid-30's and actually really quite attractive) and he looks down and apolgises for "bumping" into me.

Now this would be a non-story if it were not for the fact that he was full out smirking while he said this. Wouldn't you be kinda embarrassed if you seemingly dropped your cock on some strangers head while in the subway? I know I would! But noooo not this guy....he just continued to smirk.

When he turned around to get off at his next stop I noticed this briefcase......


Now I am not gonna jump the gun and say what I *think* might have happened to me....please draw your own conclusions.

Awkward Convo In The Village / My First Day of Class

Interesting day to say the least.....

#1: I met with Columbia Girl in the Village for lunch. We picked up a couple of sandwiches from a local deli and sat outside to people watch........ aka my favorite activity of life. While in Washington Square Park I came to a realization......THEY'RE SOOOOO MANY HOT GUYS IN NEW YORK! Tall ones, short ones, black ones, white ones, preppy ones, indie ones......sigh......the list on and on ad infinitum. I wish they were all gay....every last one of them (or at least bi)....wouldn't that make my life so much easier?

Anyways, while we were in the park we got to talking about life and relationships....all of you in the closet know how iffy and incredibly awkward these conversations can get. So we got to talking which one out of our little group is going to get married first. LOL! This is the same exact convo that I had with Rocket Scientist and Whorehouse Boy in Orlando before I left Florida...interesting.

Anyways we both agreed that Whorehouse Boy is gonna get married first out of all the guys in our clique because he is the most easy going. Then I said that Rocket Scientist would go next (in marriage)...but he would be the first out of all the guys to get a girl pregnant. LOL! She totally co-signed on my observation. But wait...this next part of the convo is where things start to get super interesting. She went on to say that I will be the last of the guys to get married.

RED FLAGS START GOING UP EVERYWHERE!!!!

For whatever reason I decided to tackle her assertion head on, so I agreed with her and asked her why she felt this way.....somewhat torn between wanting her/not wanting her to just say "well because I think you are gay".

So what did she say?!?!?!

"K....I just really feel like you are an incredibly picky guy and it is gonna be really hard to find a girl who meets all your standards because I know you will not settle."

LMFAO...girl if you only knew WHY it will be impossible for me to find a girl who meets all my standards!

This would have been a perfect time to just come out to her but of course I just clammed up and didn't say anything except mildly agreeing with her. AARRRGGGGG why is this so hard? I know I am gonna come out to her sometime soon I should have just done it....she basically gave me a wide opening and I just fumbled it. Oh well, I will have another chance in the future I suppose.

So I am sitting there with her, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.....oh no, not so fast K.

" You know what, I know you pretty well and I have excellent taste if I do say so myself....I am gonna pick out your future wife...right here in the park!"

LOL....I love this girl to death, but she needn't do that.....REALLY!

"Oooo how about that one over there, she is so pretty....and she looks trendy....you would look amazing together...dontcha think?"

I just neutralized the convo by letting her know that there way no way that I would find a future wife....or even a girlfriend in a park. She stuck to her guns and insisted that you never know when or were you might meet the love of your life. This is true, but I can assure you the love of my life will not be anything along the lines of what she is thinking. Anyways...we walked a bit more to pass some time in the afternoon...and then it was time for me to get ready for class....so we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

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#2: My first class as a grad student was pretty interesting. My professor is an adorable 66 year old man who reminds me of the postman from Cheers.

Anywho, he is really interesting and engaging so I doubt that I will be falling asleep in class.....always a good thing when your paying almost $1000 per credit, ECK!

As for hotties in my class.....one word.....nonexistent.

I suppose this is a good thing because it will enable me to actually focus, however it really is a shame that I will not be having any eye candy in Statistics this semester.

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#3: So I took my ginormous ass to the gym tonight for the first time and let me say.......I am going every single fucking day JUST for the eye candy. I felt like such a kid in a candy store...I had a hard time focusing on what I was *trying* to do. LOL! Is this really surprising to anyone?

Anyways, I finally was able to focus...........on this one hottie in a red cutoff T-shirt. God he was so cute, tall, baby face, cute smile, and the most perfect arms (please hold me). I could tell he was kinda cocky too...but he would try to be slick with it. He would pretend like he was stretching but really he was just trying to flex in front of the mirror, LOL! Some people....actually most people would find this to be a total turn off but for some reason.....I found it kinda hot! I have been sitting here for a couple of minutes trying to figure out why I would think that was attractive and really I cannot come up with anything....but something doesn't feel right about it.

Maybe I am just overanalyzing again....I mean I am a psychologist in training.

My Long Overdue Post

So so much to get through....this is gonna be a long and convoluted post

First things first, I am in New York now....got here safely with all my stuff so thats something to be happy about. LOL! My room is nice and I love the neighborhood that I am in. Overall, I really cannot complain....at least not yet..........

But lets start shall we

#1: My roommate bless his heart........he has to be one of if not the most socially awkward people that I have ever run across in 22 years. He kinda has a stuttering problem so it takes him a really long time to get what he wants to say out there. As a result when you try to talk to him or ask him a question, he pretty much just says that he "doesn't know" or that "he isn't sure" because I suppose that is easier that actually trying to say what he wants to. It makes me feel bad because he seems like a pretty nice kid who just kinda got the short end of the stick. Through my interactions with him thus far, I have realized that if i don't look at him when I ask a question, or when he is speaking, it makes it much easier for him to get his thoughts out there. It is gonna be an adjustment for me because I am not used to interacting to people like that. Oh well.

#2: Even though my room is pretty large for New York standards, it is still not what I am used to. It is gonna be quite an adjustment, and I had to send some stuff that I brought up with me back with my parents. Kinda upsetting, but necessary in my situation. I even had to send back some of my sneakers because I could not find room in my closet...hahaha! Those of you who I talk to on a regular basis will realize what a big deal this is.

#3: Everything is sooo fucking expensive! LOL! Obviously this is something that I knew coming in but I guess I didn't fully take it in. Looks like K is gonna have to get a job this semester. This is something that I didn't want to deal with having to do the first semester, because I wanted to be totally focused on classes and hopefully participating in some exciting research but it looks like I might have to revise my plans. Again...oh well.

#4: My poor parents are being even clingier than usual. I suppose I would be too if my only son was moving 1000 miles away to a big city, but my god people........let a brotha breathe! From Sunday to yesterday they insisted on spending like every single moment with me, it was quite stifling but I let them have the time because I know it must be really hard for them :(
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Ok, let me stop complaining and lets talk about my first couple of days here....

Sunday:

I moved into my place, and I went to IKEA to buy some shelves. By the way, what is really the big hoopla over this store? I just do not get it. As you may or may not know, IKEA has yet to open a Florida store, so Sunday was my first time in one...what a fucking madhouse! The aisles are way to narrow and the carts are too big for those aisles and all the merchandise in the showroom is so cobbled together throw in what seemed to be about 100,000 people constantly bumping into you and needless to say I was extremely irritated at the entire situation. In fact, I would put it on the top of my list of my worst shopping experiences ever. If it wasn't for the bookcase that I bought for $25 bucks, the entire excursion would have been a waste.

Monday:

Ok this was a fun, fun day. I met up with one of my best friends who just so happens to be working with a public relations firm here in the city. We will call him PR boy from now on, LOL! Anyways, I have known PR boy since 10th grade and we have been really good friends ever since. We went to UF together and we even pledged the same fraternity Freshman year....he went through with it, I dropped out w/in 2 weeks. The hazing situation did not sit well with me and I have a real problem with people trying to get me to do silly shit...but I digress.

When he found out that I was moving to NYC for school he was really excited and so was I. We are very much alike personality-wise and we share a lot of the same interests, minus the fact that he isn't gay. Haha! Anywho, on Monday he decided to show me around SoHo. We did some shopping and had a good chat about our futures and what we are trying to get out of living in the city, it was a really pleasant afternoon and it just reaffirmed the fact that he is a pretty open-minded guy and probably handle the fact that I am gay (when I do decide to come out) relatively well.

In addition to shoppping and chatting, we also had a celebrity sighting (my first in NYC after only 2 days). While we were in Uniqlo attempting to buy the entire store my friend runs up behind me and taps me on the shoulder......."OMFG bro look, its Leelee Sobieski. Surely enough, when I turned around, there she was in all her (what seemed to be) 5'10+ glory. She is quite pretty in person but she immediately lost points when I saw she had a personal assistant behind her carrying her little Yorkshire Terrier IN THE FUCKING STORE.

Ok, let me rant for a second. I cannot understand these people who take their dogs out shopping or to a restaurant etc etc. I mean really, what does little Fido need to be in a store with you while you are buying jeans? Bonus points off if I catch you toting them around in any sort of specially made Louis Vuitton/Gucci/Prada/Armani doggie carrier. No no no, leave the dog at home and stop carrying it around as if it is some kind of accessory......it is an animal for god sakes! Those people inevitably end up looking ridiculous 100% of the time IMHO.

Yesterday:

I bought some of my textbooks for the upcoming semester..always fun to part with hundreds of dollars worth of books that you will probably never use past graduation...but oh well. The afternoon was pretty nice, I spent it with my parents on the Upper East Side. It was their last full day there and my mom wanted do some exploring. We (slowly) made our way up Madison Avenue and eventually decided on ending the afternoon in Central Park. It was a wonderful day out and it was nice to just stroll and people watch for a while. Inevitably my pops proclaimed that he was hungry and we found our way to The Central Park Boathouse. Personally, I wasn't too impressed with the food, but my parents seemed to love it and you really cannot complain enjoying this kind of view during lunch!

After that, they drove me back to back to Brooklyn and we said our goodbyes. Unsurprisingly no one cried as my parents are pretty stoic people who tend not to show much if any emotion on their sleeves. I am still undecided on whether or not that is a good thing...but it is what it is I suppose.

Today:

The day of reckoning.....my first day of class as a grad student! ECK!!!!!! I am kinda nervous but I am trying to play it cool and keep it all in perspective. I just hope that I luck out and get really cool professors and have interesting people in my classes. I am only taking 9 credits this semester to make sure that I ace every single one of them...hopefully I can follow through with that. In the back of my mind I am also hoping that I have some hotties in my class that I can ogle/befriend (for anyone who has talked with me on a regular basis realizes that this comes as no surprise)! We will see how that works for me.

I am also doing lunch with my friend who just started up @ Columbia. She is another one who I would include in my top-10 list along with the others that I have mentioned. I have known her since 10th grade as well and we also went to UF together. Of all the people that I have been thinking about coming out to first, she always ends up at the top of my list. I will have to work out how I am gonna handle that situation in the future, but I am about 80%-90% sure that she will be cool and supportive. She has the bonus factor of also being one of the most outgoing and sociable people that I know....so maybe when I come out to her she can help me find a bf HAHAHA! She also told me yesterday that she had a feeling that good percentage of the guys in her program at Teachers College are gay. Obvious she was kinda upset because that kinda hurts her chances with the limited amount of guys in her program (only 20% are male). Personally, I don't see how she will have a problem meeting a guy as she is really pretty and has an amazing personality. Hopefully when I come out I can put her to work to scope out some guys for me....LOL I am horrible.

I better get moving quick tho, she already said to me an PR boy last night that she has some girls that she wants to introduce us to....

AWKWARD!!!!!

Enjoying The View

So this is the view about 2 blocks for my building in Brooklyn Heights. I am so close to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade it is amazing. It is an awesome place to run, or sit and relax. Hey, it even seems like a really nice place to take a date.......not that I am thinking about that of course. LOL!

Brooklyn Bridge
Lower Manhattan

Anyways, I snapped these with my phone tonight...now I am back in my place furiously trying to finish another post, along with handling other odds and ends....I hope everyone is having a good week.

I'm Here!

Long post coming soon...stick w/ me while I right down all my thoughts on the first couple of days here in New York.

With that I will leave you with one of THE HOTTEST pics I have seen in ages!

Seriously, you would be hard pressed to find a hotter guy in my opinion. Now, if only I could look like that....LOL!