I Have To Admit It

WhoooHoooo!

2009-05-20T11:08:00.002-04:00

I'm graduating in 4 hours....whooohoooo!

I cannot believe 2 years just flew by like that. It is all kinds of amazing!

Next on the agenda for life: Finding a good job!!!!!!!!!!*

*easier said than done, right?

Oh Lawd.....

2009-05-16T22:07:00.002-04:00

Fuckin' Gorgeous!

I cannot deal....brb, fanning myself.....

Star Trek Was The Shit!!

2009-05-14T19:08:00.002-04:00

I saw it opening weekend and I was blown the fuck away. JJ Abrams really did an amazing job. I also loved the fact that you really didn't have to be a Trekkie to enjoy the film (although if I am being honest, I was kinda one myself growing up).

LOL!

Can we also discuss how ST had the seemingly hottest cast EVER ASSEMBLED?

I mean I left the theater wanting to bone like......every guy in the damn movie. LOL!

T-minus......

2009-04-21T09:35:00.002-04:00

OMG I just checked my calendar and I cannot believe I am going to have my masters in a month!!!!!!

This is crazy!!!!!

If you'll excuse me, I have to finish up these final papers and projects. Ugh........

Please Heed This Warning......

2009-03-08T23:37:00.002-04:00

If you ever take any piece of advice from this blog please take this one.....

WATCHMEN IS HOT HOT GARBAGE

BASURRRRAAAA!

Do you hear me? It is 3 hours of your life that you'll NEVER EVER GET BACK!

The End

What's Not Okay....

2009-02-08T13:08:00.003-05:00

Question:

When has it ever been appropriate to shave one's balls over the toilet and then just leave the public hair there on the seat?

Not cool bro, not cool.....

When I Woke Up This Morning.....

2009-01-20T10:53:00.003-05:00

I promised myself that I WOULD NOT CRY!

I Failed.

I really lost it when I got on the phone with my grandma.....

She really couldn't keep it together. At 82, she said she'd never ever believed that she would live to see the day when something like this could happen.

Isn't this something?

I Love Her!

2009-01-18T11:02:00.003-05:00

Catherine Tate is like the funniest chick out right now.

If you don't know who she is you've gotta get on YouTube and watch her videos. This bitch is hysterical!

She reminds me of this chick who lived in my dorm building when I studied abroad in London. Her name was Sophie and she was the roughest, most unfeminine, Cockney accented chick I've ever run into. Seriously, she was like a rough and tumble man...LOL!

I swear.....trying to understand what the fuck she was saying was like deciphering a foreign language!

AIN'T IT 'THO?!?!?!

HILARIOUS!!!

OMG, this one is SO OFFENSIVE but it is absolutely hilarious!!!!

This Is Getting Kinda Old No?

2009-01-09T00:21:00.003-05:00

If you didn't watch the game, tonight we beat the Sooners for the BCS Title.....

2 National Championships in 3 years?

Actually 4 National Championships in 3 years if you count the 2 basketball championships in 06 & 07....

I'm getting kinda tired of winning everything to be quite honest.....

LMFAO...JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!

But really, the game was a nail-biter. Scoreless 1st quarter...Tebow got intercepted twice.....Oklahoma's defense actually showed up for real tonight....I was shitting in my pants most of the way through...

We pulled it out though, and I'm super happy how everything transpired. It was a really great game.

ITS GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR!!!!

(Now I can go to bed and nurse my voice....I'm gonna be so hoarse tomorrow)

Happy Holidays!!!!

2008-12-22T22:28:00.003-05:00

It's that time of year!!!!

I am currently packing for Jamaica. I am leaving tomorrow to meet my parents....who are already down there.

We decided to mix it up this year...so I'll be spending Christmas down there this year with them and some assorted uncles/aunts/cousins etc etc etc.....

Anyway I will be back for New Years as JR is coming to spend some time in the city. I haven't seen him since Spring Break in March so it'll be fun to celebrate the new year with an old friend.

I hope everyone has a great holiday season!

IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLOOORRIIDDDAAA GATOR!!!!

2008-12-06T22:37:00.004-05:00

Say hello to the 2008 SEC Champions (and future National Champions in less than a month)

I'm so excited! The BCS Championship game is going to be in Miami this year and that really bodes well for us! We are playing great, we fucked up Alabama this evening WITHOUT Percy Harvin so god help whoever plays us in that title game when we're all healthy.

Tebow might even get the Heisman again this year. That boy is a BEAST and he is playing ridiculously well!

GO GATORS!!!!

**EDIT**

So it looks like we are playing Oklahoma in the title game. Boys, this is going to be a game to watch....it's gonna be WILD. I mean, two insane offenses....there are def going to be fireworks. Honestly, I would have much preferred to play Texas as I think we would have an easier time with them but I think we'll be alright on the 8th. Dan, I hope y'all are coming prepared because if you're not a Gator...your GATOR BAIT!

Happy Family...

2008-11-29T21:29:00.002-05:00

Happy Turkey Day!!!

2008-11-26T22:14:00.003-05:00

Here's wishing everyone has a great holiday weekend with family and friends!!!

When we get back we've got MUCH to discuss....

Holler!

Since It Seems To Be 007 Weekend.....

2008-11-16T19:47:00.003-05:00

I should brag and say that today at work, I got a chance to help out Jeffrey White aka Felix Leiter from Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace!

What a cool guy!

He was really chill and unpretentious. I told him how much I enjoyed his performances in the last two films and he was totally gracious. And OMG....his son is THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!! I swear to you, I thought Will Smith's son was adorable but this little one might give him a run for his money on the real!

He was shopping with his wife Carmen who was working it out in some fierce as hale jacket, homegirl was turning it out!!!!

They have to be the cutest celeb couple that I've seen in the store thus far. Really classy family!

Personally She Annoys The Hell Out Of Me.....

2008-11-16T08:59:00.004-05:00

But I have to admit...the bitch can put on a performance and work it out

Bee - @ (Nov 15 2008)
by thebeyoncenetwork

So there I guess I have to concede....

The skit with Justin Timberlake was Hee-lar-i-ous!!!!

Is it bad that I think that looks really good in heels?

LMFAO!

My Thoughts on QoS...

2008-11-15T10:59:00.006-05:00

Ok so plot-wise, Quantum of Solace is definitely not as good as Casino Royale. The villain in this movie is a pussy ass bitch and the whole premise was kinda blah..

With that being said, you should ABSOLUTELY still go out and see this movie...because Daniel Craig is amazing.

Like, seriously.....the entire time I was sitting in the theater the same two things kept on incessantly popping into my head...

#1: Daniel, one night you need to like bust thru my bedroom window, put me in some crazy MI:6-type headlock and fuck the shit out of me.......

#2: But before you leave, you REALLY are going to have to leave me the number to your tailor, because those suits are so flawless!!!

Y'all, he was so scorching hot in this movie I can't even describe. His swagger was off the charts and OMG the suits bb's...the suits! I don't think I have ever seen a man look so good in a suit in my entire life. I mean, I know this is Bond and all, but his wardrobe was all kinds of fly in this movie.

HAHA! Go watch it!

Preach!!!!

2008-11-11T10:47:00.001-05:00

You tell 'em bb!

YES WE DID!!!!!

2008-11-05T02:07:00.002-05:00

OMG, I am so elated!

What a night!

ELECTION DAY...WHOOHOO!

2008-11-04T12:38:00.001-05:00

I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to run to class and then skip on over to Duane Reade to purchase a box of tissues that I will inevitably making good use of tonight (hopefully for the right reasons...LOL)

Exciting Days Ahead!

2008-10-28T20:55:00.003-04:00

This post really has no point other than to say that im TOTES excited for the events coming up within the next week...

We've got...

- Halloween
- Florida/Georgia Game
- My Birthday

ANDDDDDDD

ELECTION DAY!!!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEE :)

If my birthday wishes come through, Florida will have de-stroyed Georgia, my first "out" birthday will have been a success and Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the US!

(I would also ask for a really cute boy in there somewhere but I don't want to get to greedy LOL!)

Should I Give Up My iPhone?

2008-10-25T13:29:00.005-04:00

So I love love love my iPhone...but lets be serious, it is becoming kinda ubiquitous no?

It seems like everyone has one now, and while this is great news for my AAPL shares, it kinda sucks the individuality right out of me...haha!

Hence why I got super-duper excited when I heard about this brand new baby....

The AURA features the world’s first circular display with 16 million colors and 300 dpi resolution.

The display is covered with Grade 1, 62-carat sapphire crystal lens, one of the most scratch-resistant materials on earth, and the housing is crafted from stainless steel that is electro- and hand polished, chemically etched, and PVD coated. The handset has an assisted-opening blade that is comprised of a Swiss-made, custom-engineered rotating mechanism with 130 precision ball bearings and custom Tungsten Carbide Coated Gears.

To separate the phone from the full, we should tell you that the AURA sports quad-Band GSM 850/900/1800/1900, EDGE, a 2 MP Fixed Focus camera, Bluetooth 2.0 + EDR with A2DP, text and email messaging, multimedia playback, and a yet to be named open source browser. It is expected to launch worldwide at the beginning of Q4 2008.

So the specs are super-duper whack but listen, it is sooo pretty HAHA!

Just like I like my men, beautiful with no substance....

LMFAO...JUST KIDDING!!!!

But seriously, this phone reminds me of the Motorola V70 I used to have back in like 03. Back in the day, that shit was a showstopper! I mean at that point, no other phone on the market had a rotating bezel. Then I traded up to the V80 that had the rotating faceplate and crazy rhythm lights that responded to whatever sounds were in the environment. HA! I was young and dumb...and I thought that 'ish was so fresh! LOL!

Fast forward to 08...and you can see that this phone isn't really that impressive at all....

And then I come to find out that it's gonna cost $1,999 at launch....

THEY MUST BE HIGH AS HELLLLLLL!

For that kinda money, that phone better give me one touch dialing to Jesus himself!

Can you hear me now?

We Came To A Conclusion....

2008-10-25T12:36:00.010-04:00

So I was chatting with homegirl the other night in the subway station and while looking at some of the advertisements we had an epiphany....

Daniel Craig is THE HOTTEST UGLY MAN ON THE PLANET

Now bear with me as I try to explain....

I think that I've discussed my mild fascination with him on the blog before, but the subject deserves a major revisit seeing as tho the new Bond film comes out in like 3 weeks...

You see, the guy isn't conventionally attractive at all.

I mean, he has beady eyes, huge ears, a rough complexion among other things....

But for some inexplicable reason he is still so fuckin gorgeous...

What is it?

Is it the fact that he is British?

Is it his persona?

His body?

Oooooo maybe it is his body! LMAO!!!

No really though, it isn't just that....he just has something about him. I cannot even hope to explain it.

In any case, November 14th cannot come fast enough...I am gonna be THE FIRST person in that theater to watch Quantum of Solace. I am sooo excited!

I hope they put his sexy ass in some more square-cut bathing suits...mmmhmmmmmphf!

*claps furiously*

Funny Stories...

2008-10-24T22:12:00.007-04:00

So a couple of funny/interesting things happened to me this afternoon. I figured I would share...indulge please me.

I had an hour break from work today so I figured I'd do what any other young, bored and semi-fashionable gay guy in NYC would do.......annnddd I went shopping. For those of you who know me IRL, you know that this is most certainly NOT a shock...LOL!

Anyway, so I'm on Bleecker in W. Village heading to my future husband/sugar daddies' store (Marc Jacobs) to check out some of his new stuff and I see this odd silhouette in front of me. His back was to me and I could tell that he had a pretty nice body for someone his age.....super tall, tapered waist, broad shoulders etc, etc.

I say "someone his age" because is most identifiable characteristic was his hair.

IT WAS SNOW FUCKIN WHITE Y'ALL!

I actually think that is what drew my eyes in the first place because I have never in my life seen someone with that shade of hair!

I'm talking about just straight up white, no gray at all....and it was FULL TOO...no scalp!

So naturally I was kinda intrigued because for whatever reason in my mind, that body just didn't match with that head of hair. I know this sounds silly, but you never associate such an athletic body with old man hair....but I digress

So I walked a bit faster so I could catch up to "Mr. White" and see if the front matched the back....

Y'all are NOT gonna believe who it was.....

I'll have you know that it was MOTHERFUCKIN' TED DANSON!!!!!!

Dead serious!

I chuckled at myself for getting excited over Ted Danson LMFAO....but for real, he looks really good from the back. He is a handsome man for sure.....don't laugh at me I SWEAR to you I don't have an old man fetish!

LMFAO!

(He does have a really nice ass though....)

OK I'LL STOP, I'LL STOP...SWEAR!

_________________________________________________

Ok next funny story......

So since I was in the neighborhood I figured I'd run over to Y-3 in Meatpacking and see if they had any hot new stuff. Last time I was there they had this sick pair of sneakers but they were totally sold out of my size and they couldn't locate them anywhere. Boooooo

Anywho, so there is that park on the corner of 8th and Bleecker right? Well, I used to love that park but now I hate it because it is associated with the train-wreck that is Ryan. I know it is really cheesy but on our first date (after dinner) we had Magnolia cupcakes on a bench in that park. It had just finished raining so he thought it would be cute to take off his rainjacket and spread it on the bench so we wouldn't get wet...

UGGGGGGGHHHHHH IM GAGGING AS WE SPEAK (or as I type)

How ridiculously maudlin..UGHHHHH

In what world did I ever think that was cute?????

Don't answer that, back to the story......

So I guess I was looking at the park and reminiscing about old times when I noticed this woman and her giant dog in my line of sight. It looked like a St. Bernard or something....just ridiculously big, and of course this woman was all of 5 feet 2 inches. Honestly, what possess someone to own such a large dog in the city? Where is that bitch supposed to play?

Anyway, I quickly found out the answer to that question........

So I was looking at the dog from the side and when I first spotted it was stationary. As I walked closer to 8th Ave, I guess it heard me coming and turned around......

Do you know this was a THREE-LEGGED DOG?!?!?!

SWEAR TO YOU, BITCH ONLY HAD...ONE....TWO...THREE...COUNT 'EM......LEGS!

Now listen, my first inclination was too giggle but I quickly stopped myself because I realized that this was horribly insensitive.

But then this ol' heffa shot me the death stare like "bitch, who the fuck do you think you are laughing at my dog?!?!?"

Um, ma'am lets be real for a second mmmkay?

You've got a three-legged St. Bernard.......

And you're walking it in the city.....

And it is hopping around....

And you HONESTLY EXPECT people not to have some sort of reaction to that?

Granted, it wasn't the most ideal reaction, but you just to realize that such things come with the territory. For what is worth, I apologize......

Now go run along and play catch with your dog

:)

O RLY?

2008-10-16T21:54:00.002-04:00

Can you imagine people like this still exist?

"If Obama wins....the blacks will take over?"

"I don't like the fact that he thinks us white people are trash.."

REALLY MA'AM?!?!?!

P.S. THESE ARE DIRECT QUOTES TAKEN STRAIGHT FROM THE VIDEO. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP IF I TRIED.

Unfortunately I did not get the memo that black people were taking over. If anyone out there got it, please forward it to me STAT...

You know, I don't want to get left behind when the rest of my "negro brethren" take over the country.

I wonder what Obama will put me in charge of?

You Know What....You're Right Sen. McCain....

2008-10-16T21:46:00.002-04:00

Because that is EXACTLY how I felt after I watched your digusting, mean spirited performance last night.....

As old ladies from the South would say....

"Bless your heart baby...it'll all be over soon mmmkay?"

I Made A Bet With Justin Today...

2008-10-08T22:32:00.003-04:00

I don't think he thought I was serious when I said I was gonna blog about this but I am nothing but a man of my word!

So everyone is familiar with my dear friend Justin right?

Well today on AIM I made him a deal that he would honestly have to be a fucking fool to pass up.

I told him that if he quit smoking by the end of the year that I.....wait for it........

I'll totally bottom for him the next time I see him.

You heard it hear first y'all, that how much I care about this guys health!!!!!!

And honestly, what better motivation is there for one to quit smoking than a hot piece of chocolate?

If that doesn't make you drop your box of Camels....well then there is no hope for you bb.

I suggest you snatch up some boxes of Nicorette because you have little over 2 months left on this one time special offer.

OMG R.I.P. Paul!!!!!

2008-09-28T02:03:00.003-04:00

So if you didn't hear, Paul Newman died yesterday at his house in Connecticut.

:(

Honestly one of the best actors EVER.....and one of the most generous too! I know that he gave a lot (if not all..I don't remember) of the proceeds from his Newman's Own brand of products over to charity.

A truly classy guy, and one of the most handsome men ever to grace the screen!

Real Talk!

This Made Me Smile

2008-09-28T01:53:00.003-04:00

Tina and Amy win at life!

If anyone saw the real interview between Palin and Couric earlier this week....you'll realize that this sketch isn't really that far off....

And that my friends..........is a travesty.

This Is Why Jon Stewart Needs To Be My Baby Daddy....

2008-09-05T08:57:00.003-04:00

The blatant hypocrisy from these people never ever cease to amaze me.

I don't know why I still am shocked....I suppose I really shouldn't be at this point, but I really cannot help it.

I suppose would be hilarious if it wasn't so simultaneously frightening.......

------------------------

In other news, I actually ran into Lindsay Lohan in SoHo yesterday while leaving work. I've gotta say, it is definitely one of the most random moments that I've had in NYC thus far. I actually bumped into one of her handlers (the blonde chick in the link) while I was txt'ing away, totally oblivious to the world around me. Being the Southern Gentleman that I am, I said excuse me and stepped to the side....only then realizing that mofo Lindsay Lohan was tip-toeing behind her.

LMFAO @ Lindsay Lohan trying to act inconspicuous in broad daylight in SoHo of all places....

Anyway, I stood frozen on the sidewalk as she passed...it was kinda surreal. Everyone was really respectful and no one hounded her but you could totally see the sea of people on Prince Street slowly parting ways to let her and her posse through....LOL!

It was the most bizarre thing, people would be in mid-conversation and just stop...and move out of the way.....and just stare....

Can you imagine getting that reaction everytime you walked out of your house? No wonder these people are so maladjusted.

Desperation.....

2008-08-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

McCain, you're so transparent.....

You pick a first term governor from the most insignificant state in the Union with no foreign policy experience to be your VP?!?!

Could it be because she has ovaries?

Could it be your still trying desperately to court the disgruntled Hillary supporters who want a woman in the White House by any means necessary?

Bless your heart John (my grandmother's words, not mine) it still isn't going to work bb....

Gov. Palin, please do your homework because when that Vice Presidential debate comes around I suspect that Sen. Biden is going to have a field day with you.

A Homerun......

2008-08-28T23:46:00.003-04:00

Just two more months....I can't wait!

Annnddddddd I'm Back!

2008-08-27T08:53:00.006-04:00

Sorry I've been gone so long guys, I've been super-duper busy with moving and stuff...

Plus I just got internet installed in my apartment yesterday...LOL!

It feels great to finally be back in the 21st century with the rest of you guys. It's funny, you don't realize how much you depend on modern conveniences until you don't have them anymore! For the last month, my only connection to the digital world has been my iPhone and let me tell you, even though it is one of the best mobile computing platforms out there, it just can't replace a good ol' fashioned desktop and high-speed connection!!!!

Anyway, we have so much to catch up on! First off....how great were the Olympics this year?!?!?! I caught bits and pieces of it since we don't have a TV yet, but I didn't miss any of the real good stuff thank god! Michael Phelps was an obvious highlight but what I really want to discuss is how fucking AMAZING Jamaica did this time around......we owwwnnnnn Track and Field yo!

I don't know if I explicitly mentioned this on the blog before but both of my parents were born and raised in Jamaica and I am pretty sure that about 50% of my extended family still lives on the island. Needless to say, we've all been ridiculously elated with the results of our countrymen this time around. Usain Bolt is a mofo'ing B-E-A-S-T!!! World record here, gold medal there, he was most definitely doing his thing this time around.

The only low point was when our girls fucked up that 4x100m relay....they went into it being the heavy favorites and just messed up that handoff. Honestly, that is just being really picky though, because we won or placed in like every other track and field event this year (18 medals in all I think) so it is whatever :)

In personal news, I plan to come out to Whorehouse Boy he comes into town for the upcoming Labor Day weekend. I am about 80% certain that he will take it in stride, he rarely gets worked up over anything. I hope I'm right. At least now we can openly laugh about how he tried to get me prostitutes while we were backpacking in Costa Rica...LMFAO!!!

Most Ridiculous Invention Ever!

2008-07-30T14:52:00.005-04:00

I just received the craziest email from one of my friends!

Did you guys hear about this?!?!?!

Apparently some German researcher has invented a spray-on condom.....

As I understand it, you stick your dick into a chamber, then press a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto your lil' buddy in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that this guy, Jan Vinzenz Krause, is working on shortening the drying time to about 10 seconds.

So how does this condom come off ? Apparently, (hopefully) the rubber dries on quickly after it is sprayed on and is then ready to use. When no longer in use the spray-on condom can be easily rolled off and thrown away just like a regular condom.

Im sorry, but I don't trust this shit ONE BIT! Who is gonna test this out?

Show of hands...........no one?

I'll tell you what, it most definitely will not be me. Call me old fashioned, but I don't want anything painted on Lil' K. Plus, where is the cum supposed to go?

This seems like such a bad idea....I mean who asked for this?

And how big of a dumbass are u gonna look like in the bedroom with a huge penis pump, spray-on canister looking thing on your cock? That would most certainly kill the mood....no?

OMG...YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO I MET TODAY!

2008-07-19T21:56:00.004-04:00

So I totally met one of my idols today....it kinda made my summer...HA!

So I am at the cash register, ringing up this Asian tourist when all of a sudden I hear a gasp and the subsequent crash of a hanger falling next to me. Not really thinking much about what was goin on, I automatically bent down to pick up the fallen hanger and as I was straightening myself up, my co-worker (who dropped the hanger) was like "OMG K, IT IS MOTHERFUCKIN CHRISTIAN!"

So then I shot up and was like, "SAYYY WHUT...WHERE....STOP LYIN!!!"

Surely enough, Mr. Siriano was all up in the store looking every bit the fierce bitch that he was on tv.

OMG, the guy is T-I-N-Y!!!!

Im serious, no more than like 5'5 y'all and like 130 soaking wet.

He was rocking this fly as HALE murse and some super duper skinny jeans that looked like he got from Osh-Kosh.

He could be wearing a trash bag and I wouldn't care, he can do no wrong!

Anyway, since I was zoned at the cash wrap all day I could not leave the register to help him on the floor BUT I did get a chance to ring him up and he is such a sweetheart! He bought a black sweater (surprise...LOL) and he was really pleasant.

Let me also say that you really don't notice it all that well on TV and online, but Christian truly has stunning eyes. They are like this really weird shade of green that I don't think I've ever seen before. Up close they are kinda intense, I've gotta say.

I told him how much I enjoyed him last season and how happy I was that he won and he said thank you. All and all he was really pleasant and I am happy that I didn't take off today like I was thinking about doing this morning...HA! I mean, I woulda missed him.

What a crazy world huh?

Christian is definitely up there in my top celeb encounters in NYC thus far.

I'm Still Alive...Promise

2008-07-17T22:21:00.008-04:00

Hey guys, I've been neglecting the blog a bit but I can assure you that I am still alive and kicking! Just a couple of quick updates....

#1: Things with Ryan are basically at a friendship level right now.

Without going into all the details and whatnot, he basically proved himself not to be boyfriend material. I can honestly say that I am really at a stage now where I can say that I am ready to start building a real, solid relationship with someone and unfortunately he isn't. It is kind of a bummer but I am glad I dealt with it now, the in the beginning stages, rather than later down the road. It kinda sucks because I thought I saw something there that kinda turned out not to be that serious. All and all I'm looking at it as a learning experience and I am happy for it regardless of the fact that I didn't get the outcome that I wanted.

I still think we can be friends though, so that is good. I mean, things are not awkward between us for the most part and I am thankful for that. Anyway, on to better news....

#2: Got a new apartment!

So I am moving August 1st into a truly HUGE 3br apartment in Harlem. It is in a really nice building on a quiet street and the best part is that I am living with two really cool (so far) gay guys. I found it on Craigslist and the ad just kinda jumped out at me. I went over there on Tuesday to check out the place and I was really blown away by the sheer size of the place. I mean, for Manhattan this place is HUGE.....we are talking upwards of 1400 sq ft! The kitchen could literally be a studio apartment in and of itself...it is so big. We even have a dishwasher (which I have not seen in any NYC apartment...not even Penthouse Girl's apt in Murray Hill!)

Needless to say I am liking my new digs, and the fact that I am living with two really cool gay guys in their 20s pretty much seals the deal. I've only met one so far and he is great. He seems extremely down to earth and just an all around, genuinely nice guy. Plus he is an elementary school teacher, so you just know that he has to be the sweetest person ever...HAHA!

Anyway, I am super excited to move and even more excited to go to IKEA and buy new furniture and decorate (so gay right LOLOL?!?!?) Pops gave me a furniture budget (so lame right LOLOL?!?!?) so I am going to the new IKEA in Brooklyn tomorrow with Columbia Girl to throw down! I'm not gonna lie....I'm kinda excited.

#3: Project Runway is gonna ROCK this season!

OMG who watched the premiere last night? I'm totally gonna love this season for the man-candy alone!!! I've got some favorites....

First off...KEITH, YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME, MMMKAYYYY!!!!!!!!

Also...

Wesley, rockin those short shorts looking all adorable and stuff....let's cuddle sometime, mmmkay?

(Side note: my friend CNN Boy is acquaintances with his ex-college roommate/fuck buddy and I just found out about this via email like two days ago...small world)

And last but not least....my gurl Korto had her model wurkin it last night with that yellow table cloth/green, leafy vegetable sash/ tomato broach dress. BITCH KILLED IT!!!!

*snap in Z formation* LOL!

You totally shoulda won boo, but keep your head up...you will go far! Who knew that people could construct dresses from materials at a Gristedies! Honorable mention goes to Daniel who made the dress out of Solo plastic cups....mad creative!

#3: I went to a taping of the Daily Show today!

So Columbia Girl got us tickets to go see a taping of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart today and it ROCKED OUR SOCKS!

Maggie Gylthereanwhateverthal was the guest and she was super cute and friendly. (P.S. that bitch is talllllllllll) We had front row center seats and it was a great experience, I am so happy that I had a chance to go. Also, one of Jon's camera men is a fuckin DILF...HOLY SHIT! I dunno what kinda camera guy he is...but he had this long pole looking apparatus with the camera perched high on top of it....in order to get all the panning shots of the set and whatnot and let me just tell you......

IF HE WORKS THAT POLE LIKE HE WORKS HIS OTHER POLE, MRS. CAMERA MAN IS A FUCKIN LUCKY WOMAN!!!

Needless to say I am jealz...

This Shit Made Me LOL @ Work So Hard Today

2008-07-02T18:55:00.002-04:00

So I was chompin on my fabulous lunch from Cosi this afternoon and I stumbled upon this hilarious article on the Huffington Post. It is basically satirizing this whole brouhaha over what Gen. Wesley Clark said this past Sunday about John McCain and his military service. I'll re-type it for those who are too lazy to click the actual link :)

---------------------------------

Let's review:

Bob Schieffer of Face The Nation made an important point: Unlike all-American war hero John McCain, Barack Obama has never "ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down."

In response, General Wesley Clark (traitor) said that riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down. . . doesn't actually qualify a person to be president.

And then everyone on TV exploded:

How DARE left-wing pacifist Wesley Clark suggest that riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down doesn't automatically qualify someone to be president?

Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down automatically qualifies you to be anything.

(Except a good fighter pilot.)

Let's review:

Riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down: AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFIES YOU TO BE PRESIDENT.

Riding on a city bus and running off a bridge: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE VICE-PRESIDENT.

Riding on a rollercoaster and flying out of your seat but then landing on a waterslide and sliding down to into the water and almost drowning but then being rescued by an Elvis impersonator: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR.

Getting your foot run over by a fire truck: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE COMMISSIONER OF THE FDA.

Riding on a unicycle while eating a bran muffin: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE POET LAUREATE.

Falling off a really, really tall ladder and being captured by lawn gnomes and taken to their underground lair (behind the azaleas) and being tortured for five years by their evil, tiny ceramic hands: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE DEPUTY SECRETARY OF DEFENSE FOR LANDSCAPING.

Getting really, really drunk at Thanksgiving and crying, "Why was I never good enough for you, Dad?" and then literally eating a banjo, and then saying, "Am I man enough NOW, Dad? Now that I've eaten my banjo-- the one thing I loved, the one thing you could never understand?": QUALIFIES YOU TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE FEDERAL RESERVE.

Riding on one of those old-timey bicycles with the gigantic front wheel and wearing a handlebar mustache and saying, "By Jove, isn't everything wonderful here in olden tymes, I wonder what amusement is to be had at the nickel-theatre": QUALIFIES YOU TO BE BOB SCHIEFFER.

Riding in a train, high on cocaine, Casey Jones you better watch your speed: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE UNDERSECRETARY OF STATE FOR INTERMINABLE GUITAR SOLOS.

Riding in a fighter jet and solving the Sunday Times crossword puzzle: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT.

Happy Fourth of July!!!

---------------------------------

David Rees wins at life, he totally had me chuckling at my desk. But on a serious note, how ridiculous is this story? I for the life of me cannot understand why this has become such a big fucking deal. I really do not see what Gen. Clark said that was inaccurate...or even offensive. He didn't denigrate Sen. McCain's service in away way shape or form...he in fact praised it. The only thing that he suggested is that getting shot down as a fighter pilot does not automatically make one qualified to be POTUS. Why is this so difficult?

And all this is coming from an individual who was wounded in Vietnam himself so if anyone is qualified to give his opinion on this matter it WOULD BE Gen. Clark...LOL!

I love how the media makes a huge deal over shit that is so trivial and unimportant. So ridiculous......

It's gonna be a long summer.....

Time Waster.....

2008-06-29T23:36:00.004-04:00

I ran across this tonight and I thought that I would share it with you guys......

According to this website, your boy K is quite the healthy guy. My BMI is 24.3, my WHtR is 42.9%, body fat is 7.2%, surface area is 1.94m squared, and my BMR is 1856 kcals/day.

I find it very interesting that the website says that Male College Swimmers' WHtR's are 42.8% because I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT have a swimmer's body....LOLOL!

All and all I am pretty happy with my body.....I could stand to lower my BMI a bit still because I still feel that I am really flabby but that might just be your typical case of gay man's body dsymorphia.

This was perhaps the worst website to look at this evening tho, seeing as though I just finished a huge Chinese dinner (sweet n' sour chicken) and my roomies baked chocolate chip cookies (3 of which are happily floating around in my stomach).

Now if you excuse me boys, I've got a "date" with one of my best friends......

Have a great week!!!

I Keep It Classy....

2008-06-25T20:56:00.004-04:00

And because of this fact Petey......I am NOT gonna rub this win in your face.

Because doing so would be classless and immature.....

However, I do hope you watched the match....

It was quite interesting no?

LOL!

Deets On The Boy....

2008-06-24T20:05:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I've reached the point where I can comfortably get excited about the prospects of my new boy. I think it is pretty safe to say at this point that we are dating...although it isn't official. All and all, I am really happy how things have progressed so far and I'm excited to find out whats awaiting me around the corner :)

I suppose if you are reading this that means that you want some deets on him so I guess i'll spill....

First off let's call him "Ryan" (obvs. not his real name). Now Ryan is 22 and he just moved to NYC this summer. He is originally from North Carolina and you can totally tell because he has THE CUTEST Southern accent ever...ha! He is around my height (5'10 ish) and my build, although I think I might be *slightly* bigger than me. He's got a really nice body and I am seriously jealz over his calves because even after 11+ years of soccer, my legs STILL can't look like his. It is a damn shame I tell you......LOL!

He has dark brown hair, hazel eyes, really nice skin and the softest lips eva.....OMFG this guy's lips, you have no idea......

So yea, I guess you could say I am slightly smitten..ha!

Anywho, Ryan is a really, really great catch from what I've seen so far. In addition to being absolutely adorable, he is really smart and has a great sense of humor. I dunno about you guys, but being able to joke around with someone anndddd have them keep up and actually understand your humor is such a huge, huge turn-on. We joke around and make fun of each other constantly and it is really a great time. To be honest, I kinda feel like I've known him for longer than I have because we just have kinda fallen into this natural back and forth....

I dunno how to explain it...

All I know is that I am just really, really happy right now! It would be the understatement of the century for me to say that I am really looking forward to spending more time with him and getting to know him better.

And to think, I almost didn't go up and talk to him the night that we met (thanks for pushing me btw Jay..LOL!) because I thought that he was wayyyyy to cute for me. I mean, who wants to have to deal with the rejection..ya know?

Things have really turned out better than I could have ever hoped tho, and it just goes to show that sometimes it is worth it to take a chance. :)

More updates to come!

In 2008......Really?!?!?!

2008-06-17T19:08:00.003-04:00

I was at work today checking my mail and my pops sent me a link to this disgusting....but not all that surprising story.

I don't understand the ignorance of some people in this day and age....I really don't. Typical GOP bullshit....

If this is all they've got I am starting to feel really bad for them. God forbid if Obama wins, all the racists and small minded bigots are gonna have a collective heart attack.

I wonder where they'll move?

I know for a fact that Canada doesn't want those bitches...LOL!

I've Been Sitting On This......

2008-06-15T11:33:00.002-04:00

I met a guy last week....he's great!

We had our first date last night...it was GREAT!

We've made plans to go out multiple times next week.....EVEN BETTER!

I think I may have found something special guys....

Stay Tuned!!!!!!!

WHAT!!!

2008-06-13T18:30:00.002-04:00

I screamed audibly at my desk...

R.I.P. Tim

1950-2008

My Sunday mornings are never going to be the same again....

My New Jam!!!!

2008-06-09T21:52:00.003-04:00

Ok in keeping with the theme of this blog and taking into account that I have absolutely no shame, I am ready to admit that my new summer jam (at least for the moment) has to be Lindsay Lohan's new single - Bossy.

NOW WAIT!!!!

Before you laugh and start making fun of me and....realize that everyone needs a shitty pop song in their lives. You are no different so don't pretend like you are better.

LOL!

And please...with such award winning lyrics as...and I quote....

I’m just a little bossy/ I like it how I like it when I like it/ And that’s how it is

How can you really go wrong?

Whatever, I hear you snickering in the corner but I don't give a shit. Please believe that I was at Shelter on Saturday night and when this song came on every mo in that place lost their damn mind...

This is the official hot jam and trust if you run into me on the subway or on the street ima be humming this shizz.

You got a problem with it?/ If I want it I get it now!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!

Download Link

I'm Kinda Hyped Up For This

2008-06-04T20:23:00.010-04:00

For all the soccer/football fans out there, you are undoubtedly super duper excited for this weekend because Euro 2008 kicks off this Saturday (the 7th) with the Group A match.....Switzerland vs. Czech Republic @ 12PM EST!!!!!!!

Thank GOD ESPN is gonna be covering everything this time around, it is gonna be a great tournament and I am totally gonna be Tivo'ing all the matches since I will prolly be at work during the live airings. Speaking of which....

NOBODY BETTER TELL ME WHO WON WHAT MATCH OR SEND ME ANY KINDA SPOILERS DURING THE DAY BEFORE I GET TO WATCH MY SHIZZ.....I'LL CUT YOU FOR REAL!

*breathe*

With that being said, I am totally pulling for Germany to take this shit! They've got a great squad and of course there is the fuckin stud Michael Ballack.......

OOOoooOOooOOoo the THINGS I'd let him DO TO ME!

WHEWWWW!

Anyway, back on topic....

So basically I'm really pullin for Germany to win this and I think they can do it. To be honest, I'll be happy just as long as Portugal or Italy don't advance. Both squads are full with a bunch of PANSY ASS BITCHES!!!!!!

*I'm looking at you Ronaldo and Materazzi.....among others*

Ugh, don't even get me started......

Petey, I'm praying that you guys will manhandle those bitches on Monday! Good luck!

HOLLLEEERRRR!!!!

2008-06-03T22:42:00.003-04:00

Alright yall....it's time to handle McCain now!

Settling In.....

2008-05-21T22:21:00.006-04:00

So I am writing this post from my new apartment in Washington Heights. I am so happy with this place, it is a shame that I only can have it until September, I totally love my room and the neighborhood looks really nice (from what I've seen so far). I can see Fort Washington from the lobby of my building....and it is really quite nice. I also have a huge window in my bedroom that gets great light in the afternoon, so everything is copacetic!

As for the roomies, well we already know one is cool and I have yet to meet the other one...but apparently she is a really cool chick too. I trust Columbia Girl's judgement sooo I am feeling really cool about the situation, however this IS my first time living with females other than my mother, so who is to say what will happen...right?

I figure gay guys and girls would make for an ideal living situation....I mean look at how well Will and Grace turned out?

LOL!

Too bad we don't actually live on the Upper West Side, that would have made it perfect! In any case, I am happy with my living situation right now and I really cannot complain.

I actually came home tonight to dinner from Columbia Girl. She made chicken and broccoli and it was fantastic! Aren't you jealous? I didn't even ask for it...she just decided that she wanted to make it. I guess this is what my dad feels like when he gets home from work...LMFAO! I'm definitely gonna be cooking up a storm this weekend to pay her back for her generosity, I just haven't figured out what I am gonna make yet. One thing is for sure, I am excited to throw down in this kitchen. I mean it is truly HUGE, I've totally gotta put it to good use.

Anywho, in other news...I am so excited for this weekend because my Dutch brother from a different mother, Pete, is coming into town and we are gonna have a crazy time. He is one blogger that I have really been looking forward to meeting irl and I believe that we will definitely have some stories come next week

LOL! And dudes, could he have picked a better weekend to come?

Come on......Memorial Day Weekend?

ANDDDD IT IS FLEET WEEK IN THE CITY!

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS RIGHT?

A bunch of horned up sailors descending into the city to let loose and "blow off some steam"

DADT baby! *wink*

LMFAO!

Dudes, there is gonna be seamen flowing in the street!!!!!!!*

* And of course by seamen, I actually mean seamen and not what you probably thought I meant. Although if the aforementioned seaman is cute enough perhaps we could then work out some sort of arrangement whereby I could possibly help him release his "other seamen".

In a safe and equitable manner of course.....

Summer Is Here!

2008-05-16T23:58:00.003-04:00

So I am finally done with the semester from hell....and it looks like I got A's in all my classes!

SCORE!

You would think that now I could finally relax but au contraire my friends, I am currently in the process of moving all my shit to my new digs in Washington Heights.

YIKES!

For those of you keeping track, that is like 170+ blocks away from my current residence in Brooklyn Heights. LOL! But the price is fantastic, it is in a great neighborhood, it is right off the train and best of all....i'll be sharing it with Columbia Girl!!!!

You guys will remember her as the first person I actually sat down and came out to (I'm not counting PR Boy in this because that situation was different). Anyways, she is my #1 hag and we are bound to have a great summer together here in the city. I am actually subletting a room from her current roommate because she is going home to her family in New Jersey. I am kinda excited but I hate this whole packing foolishness. Also, I'm gonna have to rent a car too and I'm really not looking forward to driving in the city...alas it must be done :(

In other news, I scored a temp job at this construction firm that is overseeing the renovation of The Plaza Hotel. Honestly, this has to be the most random job I have ever had, but it pays great and I basically just copy, fax, collate and file all day. My supervisor is the coolest chick and she sends me on like 2hr breaks and PAYS me for them. HAHA!

I am probably only gonna be there until June or so, but it is a great placeholder for now...and I can still work at the store on the weekends so everything is working out.

Plus I get the added benefit of seeing SMOKING HOT CONTRACTORS IN TIGHT JEANS AND WIFEBEATERS/TEES ALL DAY LONG.....Sweet Jesus!

"You can come lay some pipe right here playa......"

(Yes I know it was corny, but you totally giggled, don't front!)

I Did Something Kinda Drastic This Morning

2008-05-10T12:37:00.003-04:00

For whatever reason I woke up this morning, logged onto my Facebook account and said......

F-U-C-K T-H-I-S!!!

I dunno if I have explicitly mentioned this on the blog, but I have always been listen on Facebook as being "Interested In Women"

LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, you have to understand that I set up that account the summer after my freshman year at UF (so over 4 years ago). At that time, even though I knew I was gay, I wasn't in a place to accept it and I really thought that perhaps I would meet a really cool/hot chick while at college and everything would change......

Well, we all know that doesn't happen LOL!

Anyways, the reason why I never changed my orientation on Facebook was because I have A BUNCH of cousin/godbrothers/godsisters on there and I really didn't want my family finding out that way for obvious reasons. This was also way before the advent of the hyper-convoluted privacy settings that FB now has...so I didn't have the option of hiding some stuff from some people and revealing some stuff to others.

I figured that any change in the "Interested in Women" field, even if I left it blank, would totally spark some intense scrutiny....so I've basically left my profile dormant since late 2004.......

NOT ANYMORE!

Those of you who are Facebook friends with me will recognize what I did if you check my profile. Now, I didn't come out or anything...I didn't put that I am interested in men...but I think I made enough changes to it now so that it isn't a complete lie/misrepresentation of me.

Baby Steps!

NYC Is So Random....

2008-05-01T20:38:00.008-04:00

One of the reasons that I enjoy this city so much is because at any time of the day you can get into the most random shit...

I was at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square looking for a book to help me with my Personality Theories paper when my friend Ryan called me up.....

"K, I don't know where you are but get over to the Virgin Megastore right now, Robyn is about to perform!"

I was like...."word....save me a spot"

Now, I have to admit, I really don't follow her music that much. I only know of some songs in passing and I remember that she had that one dance hit back in the 90's when I was like middle school or something....so I was kinda out of place with all the other hardcore fans who were singing along to every word.

Nevertheless, I had a great time. She is as CUTE AS A BUTTON and so so gracious. I am definitely a fan. I've gotta catch up to everyone else and start checking out ol' homegirl's music now.

And let me tell you....apparently Robyn brings out all the hot gay men because the Virgin Megastore felt like G or Barracuda when I walked up in there. Sooooo many hotties. (Including the guy that Ryan bought a drink for at B Bar, Jay....LOLOLOLOL!)

Anyways, here are some pics....we had an excellent spot, but I've gotta say, I've got a MASSIVE headache now from the speakers. I was tooo closssseeeee!

Only in NYC!

Perhaps I Need To Start Watching "The Real World" Again

2008-04-29T01:24:00.010-04:00

So season 3,456 of the Real World is currently airing and it looks like it might be the hottest assemblage of guys in the history of the show.....

Usually there is like one stand out guy per season that just makes your jaw drop, but this time around, they are all uniformly hot in my opinion. Too bad none of them are gay (that we know of).

Anywho, so Dave's sexy ass was on display the other night and I just thought I should share. Check out the video.

(NSFW obvs, unless you work at Sean Cody or something....in which case, sign this boy ASAP!!!!!!)

Pretty nice tush, you've gotta admit :)

If You Need A Laugh, Read This......

2008-04-23T12:32:00.002-04:00

Ugh, its like 12:30 and I swear I am still drunk from last night's B Bar festivities. How responsible am I? I have a 15 page Developmental Psych paper due tomorrow and I only have 4 pages done. Goo me!

LOL!

Anyways, so I was checking my mail this morning (I suppose it is actually afternoon) and I ran across the most hilarious email from my homeboy that I just have to share. Everyone knows that the missed connection section of Craigslist brings the LOL's better than almost any other website out there. I present you with THE MOST AMAZING HUMAN BEING EVER.......

Reply to: pers-649036595@craigslist.org

Date: 2008-04-20, 3:31AM EDT

"You, caucasian, female, early to mid twenties, were standing on the Brooklyn-bound N/Q/R platform at the Canal Street stop at around 2:20 AM late Saturday night. I was on the N train that pulled up alongside you. I am sure you remember me. I was the guy stuck in between two cars, the doors of which became hopelessly jammed after I passed through one. Yes, that guy: the one you made eye contact with, and then quickly looked away from. You may recall how I tried to get your attention by addressing you directly and politely, asking if you would please notify the conductor, perhaps ask him if he could unlock such door. But, no, you steadfastly looked away. It was only after I began calling you out by what you were wearing that you looked at me again, and when I asked if you'd assist, you shook your head, clearly and calmly, 'no.' When I subsequently remarked that you were an asshole, you nodded, equally calmly. If you are wondering why I spat at you as the train pulled away, it was only because I was tired of being trapped underground between two cars, and was really hoping to have gotten inside the train before it crossed over the Manhattan Bridge, which, of course, it then did. That part of the journey was even somewhat lovely. Don't worry, when all attempts by people inside either car to open either door failed, I kicked in a window and found a seat. But then, you obviously were not worried. I would like to meet you, if only to get a sense of where your unsparing indifference seeps from. I give you my every assurance that I will not punch you in the throat repeatedly. Do write back."

L-M-F-A-O

I swear I thought I was gonna choke on my own tongue....I was laughing so fucking hard!

Who would do such a thing?

An Open Letter To White People.....

2008-04-18T22:17:00.007-04:00

Dear White People,

I love all you guys soooooo much...but it is high time we have a sit down conversation (pats seat next to me). You see bb's.....I've noticed a disturbing trend that really, really needs to be nipped in the bud like yesterday.

Please, allow me to be the first to let you know that.......ALL BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT LOOK THE SAME!!!!!!!!!

I repeat.......

ALL BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT LOOK THE SAME!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, it is a shocker!!!!

Because of this, I will definitely give you some time to process it. But please....now that you have been put on notice, I expect that you take care to properly identify the correct African American/African/Afro-Caribbean/Black person when you are prompted to do so....lest you embarrass yourself in public and make an ass out of yourself for being so ridiculous.

Thank you so very, very much.

Sincerely,

Your Token Black Friend
-K

--------------------------------------------

So with that out of the way, let's discuss what happened to me at work today. I had the horrible misfortune of working at our flagship store on 5th Avenue this afternoon. They were severely understaffed and our SoHo location had enough people for the day so I was sent over to help out.

Now y'all should know that the store on 5th is ridiculously enormous and always packed to the brim with Upper East Side mom's who are utterly helpless and totally over-demanding. Anywho.....let's discuss one in particular....

I'm gonna call her "Sheila"....because that name has always grated on my nerves so it would be absolutely fitting for this heffa.

So, I'm working one of the registers, ringing up a customer and my co-worker (let's call her Cindy) started ringing up Shelia next to me. Now, I was focusing on my customer so I wasn't paying Shelia much attention....I mean, her hair was kinda ratty as if she hadn't combed it this morning, but that might have just been the "boho sheik" look that she saw in her US Weekly mag and decided would be cute. What really caught my attention however (as I was folding a shirt) was when I saw her pointing to me out of the corner of my eye. Obviously I focused my attention on what was going on between Cindy and Shelia and I hear Cindy say......

Cindy: I'm sorry, who helped you?
Shelia: Oh he did (dismissively pointing as she rummages thru her purse)
Cindy: Oh, it couldn't have been K, he has been at the register all afternoon. It must have been someone else.....
Shelia: Oh no, I'm pretty sure it was him.
Me: Haha, I appreciate the credit for the sale, but it wasn't me ma'am
Shelia: Oh..... (vacant stare)

Voice from the corner: "It was me." (We all turn around)

Before I even turned around, I just KNEW it was gonna be another black guy that she was talking about.

AND LOOKY HERE...the voice that we heard was coming from none other than a black associate who looked suspiciously.......NOT LIKE ME AT ALL!!!!!!!!

Now guys, I wasn't upset at all. I mean, this happens to me all the time....so I learn to laugh off lil' silly slights like this and just chalk it up to whatever. But then...........the bitch REALLY DONE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL Y'ALL!!!!

Sheila: (waves hands as if swatting a fly) HAHA, that's alright.....YOU GUYS ALL KINDA LOOK THE SAME WAY ANYWAYS..........

Cindy: (nervous laugh....looks at me) Uhhhhhh...
Me: (narrows eyes questioningly and tilts head to the side) You Guys?!?!?
Shelia: (looks at my face, slowly recognizes the implication of her last statement and subsequently gets red and flustered)
Me: (purses lip and waits for a GOOD response)
Shelia: Ummm, ummm, well, ahhh......YOU GUYS ARE WEARING THE SAME EXACT THING, IT'S KINDA CONFUSING!!!!!! (nervous laugh)
Me: HAHA...well we have uniforms ma'am....we all are kinda wearing the same thing (knowing laugh)
Shelia: Oh, I guess your right. (a look of deflation crosses her face as she realizes that her seeming clever attempt to cover up her ignorant gaffe doesn't work)

So, seeing as tho I was sufficiently pleased that I brought her ignorant statement to her attention, I picked some items that needed to go downstairs, cocked my head to the side, smiled at her (insincerely of course), and said.....

Me: "I hope you enjoy the rest of your day....the weather is sooo great outside!"

And then I walked off

Poor thing, she was so confused...she just looked at me embarrassingly.....very much like when little children soil their clothes and they look at you to clean them up but they can't bring themselves to say sorry, or much less anything else, so they just look at you and hope that you forgive them and help em out........

Anyways,

I know some less cynical people out there might be reading this and saying to themselves, "well K, perhaps when she said you people she was really just referring to the employees of the store." Um yea.....as convenient a cop out as this sounds, I really don't think that is what she meant by her statement. Not only did she insist that it was me at first (even after Cindy TOLD her I was behind the register the entire time) she was visibly flustered and embarrassed after I asked her to clarify her "you people" statement. And then there was the whole follow-up conversation about our uniforms, which I believe further proves my point. Now of course no one will ever be able to prove exactly what she meant when she said that, as your own personal thoughts are.....personal. But as far as I am concerned, her reaction indicates that she realized what she said, recognized the negative implications of said statement and is throughly shamed for showing her ass in such a horribly ignorant fashion.

This whole incident brought back undergraduate memories for me as well. At UF I was a sociology minor and I remember my one of my social theory professors talking extensively about the cross-race effect. This is a phenomenon wherein people of one race can more easily distinguish between people of their own race than people of other races. In other words, if you are white, it is easier to tell the difference between other white people than it is to tell the difference between other black people or other Asian people or hispanic people...etc etc.

Curiously, research has shown that, in general, White people demonstrate a larger cross-race effect than Black people with respect to measures of discrimination accuracy, and "majority group" individuals demonstrate a more robust cross-race effect than "minority group" individuals (see above link for article).

Also check out this study conducted with hispanic participants.

So basically, research suggests that this lady just couldn't help herself.

LMAO!

I for one totally believe that there is much truth in CRE's, although I don't find it true for me at all. White people look totally different to me and I can easily discern between individuals. Same goes for Blacks, Asians, Hispanics and basically every other racial/ethnic group on this planet. LOLOL! I do not understand why some people find it so difficult.

The research is as interesting as it is disturbing. Personally, I think this should be required reading across the board. If we are gonna tackle racism and prejudice in society, we are really going to have to face it head on and realize that even on a subconscious level, we harbor all this shit.

Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox now. To be honest, the situation in the store wasn't that big of a deal...I'm just using it to illustrate a problem that I've seen in society since......well since forever. LOL!

Thoughts?

Grams Is At It Again With The Jokes....

2008-04-14T23:04:00.003-04:00

We have already established that my Grams is a joker....and the old lady is at it again! This time the conversation centered around that trans chick who is having a baby.

(I know that I should probably be referring to her as a man seeing as tho that is what her legal status is and that is what she ultimately identifies with but come on.......she's got a womb, how can she be a man...confusing!)

Anywho, I was talking to Granny on the phone and she brought it up out of the blue.....

Granny: Hey, you heard about that man who is pregnant?

Me: Well ya...but I think the media is really sensationalizing it because technically she isn't a man. Those headlines are really misleading.

Granny: Looorrrrd, what is the world coming to? Sodom and Gomorra I tell you baby!

Me: Ha....yea I guess.

Granny: Back it my day...stuff like this aint happen! People are crazy!

Me: I know, right?

Granny: I came home and I turned on Oprah...cuz you know I have to get my Oprah every day...and I saw him on it and your Granny got so confused. I didn't know what the hell this fool was talking bout!

Me: Awwww....sorry.

Granny: Since when can men get pregnant? Shoooot!

Me: HAHA! Well Granny, she still has all her parts...so as far as I am concerned, she is still a woman.

Granny: Well whatever.....that shit is crazy! How she expect to really become a man though? They just gonna get some willy and sew it on or sumthin?

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHATCHU SAY?

Granny: Well I'm just saying though....how you gonna be a man without a penis?

Me: Granny....you crazy! You need to stop.

Granny: HAHA....Granny calls it how she sees it baby! I guess the gal is gonna have to get one dem plastic ones or something.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAH! WHATCHU KNOW BOUT THOSE?!?!?!?!

Granny: Boyyyyy listen, you remember Irine? (Some lady she plays Bridge with)

Me: Ya...

Grany: Boy let me tell you....she done told me some STUFF!

Me: Oh god...im so done with this conversation...new topic, new topic!

Granny: Wait lil bit....wait lil bit...it's not about her boy!

Me: Oh....but still....

Granny: (hisses teeth) You know she told me that her daughter caught her lil granbaby with one in her dresser.

Me: WHAT....STOP LYIN!

Granny: BOYYY YOUR GRANNY ALMOST FELL OUT!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU TELLIN STORIES NOW GRANNY!

Granny: Na baby....she said that they had to ground her ol' fast self! AT SIXTEEN.....AIN'T THAT SUMTHIN?

Me: HAHAHA THAT IS TOOOO FUNNY!

Granny: Where she getting one of dem at 16? HUH?!?!?! These lil' girls to damn fast these days...shoot!

Me: Well that's crazy....but its better that than the real thing......and then gettin pregnant at 16.

Granny: No tellin baby, no tellin......lord these children too damn wild.

Me: It happens Grams....what are you gonna do, ya know?

Granny: hmmmmmmmmmmhmm

So the convo shifted to some other more mundane family topics but seriously....how outta control is my 82 year old Grandmother? HAHA, she is such a trip!

Dude, I've been laughing all day because I was thinking to myself...."how badly would she trip out if she heard that my mother found a dildo in my closet?!?!?!?!?!"

L-O-L!

Not that I own one (seriously) or have ever (I'M SERIOUS!) but wouldn't that be the most hilarious thing?

In actuality, it wouldn't be that funny because I am 100% sure that it would give Grams a heart attack...sigh.

She is one person that I am 100% positive that I will never ever come out to.....EVER! I really don't want her to find out because I seriously don't think she would EVER be able to handle it.

Ah well...such is life.

And I Thought I Was Plastered Tonight..........

2008-04-13T04:06:00.003-04:00

So, I got shitfaced with Jay tonight.....but clearly not as much as this guy........

I shit you not.......when I got on the 4 train (at like 3:50 this morning), this guy was lying like that.

Everyone who got on the train cracked up......and some lil girl tried to take his wallet. She kicked him too....and he didn't move.

Mad funny......I had to take a picture!

LMFAO!

Clearly this guy had a rough night.

Bitches Making History In This Piece!

2008-04-02T20:19:00.004-04:00

Two leading ladies, Mariah Carey and Madonna, leapfrog over Elvis Presley in the Billboard charts record book this week.

As expected, Mariah Carey moves past Elvis Presley and into sole possession of second place for most No. 1s in the rock era, as "Touch My Body" soars 15-1 on the Billboard Hot 100 to become her 18th chart-topper. With her album "E=MC2" yet to hit retail, Carey might equal the Beatles' record of 20 No. 1s before her set runs its course.

"Body's" blast to No. 1 is fueled by a record-setting debut week digital tally of 286,000 downloads. That sum, good enough for the No. 1 slot on Hot Digital Songs, surpasses the 277,000 downloads labelmate Rihanna opened with in the June 9, 2007, issue with her summer smash "Umbrella."

Presley will also be nudged from his standing as the artist with the most top 10s in the rock era, as Madonna surpasses him with her 37th top 10, "4 Minutes." The track, which features Justin Timberlake, clocks a 68-3 jump. Previous to the establishment of the Billboard Hot 100 in 1958, the industry standard chart was the Best Sellers in Stores tally, where Presley scored his first 12 top 10s.

Like Carey's "Touch," Madonna's Hot 100 jump is spurred by stupendous download sales. "4 Minutes" shifts 217,000 in its first week of wide release (it had been available as a Verizon exclusive) to enter Hot Digital Songs at No. 2.

This is the first time since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking digital sales in 2003 that two titles debut simultaneously on Hot Digital Songs with more than 200,000 downloads each. The week also marks the best single-week digital tally in either artist's career.

Source
-------------------------------------

I was very excited to read this, gotta love Mariah! I've gotta say I could give 2 shits about Madonna because I think she is a dusty ol' trick and her music does nothing for me, however congrats to her worn-out ass too.

I am so excited for April 15th when E=MC2 drops....I am actually going to Virgin to pick that shit up. I hope it has a poster of her airbrushed ass in it too...because it is going up on my wall like a good lil' mo!

LMFAO!

Ok, I'm Back....Sorta

2008-04-02T13:15:00.009-04:00

So, I've been a pretty shitty blogger as of late. I just had a bunch of things I had to take care of with school and life after I got back from Spring Break. I did not have a chance to sit down, catch my breath and blog....obviously you guys will forgive me. HAHA!

Anywho, as for my LA recap that I said was coming.....I kinda lied.

LOL!

Um, there really isn't much to say. I met all the bloggers and they are all pretty much lived up to expectations. We went out pretty much every night....drank, socialized and had a great time. As for getting jiggy wit it, I actually didn't meet anyone while I was out there. I suppose that is kinda a bummer....but in reality I wasn't even really trying to, I had a good enough time hanging out with the boys!

As for school....blah!

HAHA!

It is just a lot flying at me at once.....nothing I can't handle, but it is irritating none the less. I think that you guys are definitely gonna be seeing a lot less of me around here for a while. Not to fret, if something monumental happens in my life (extremely doubtful) I will make sure to let you guys know what is going down!

As for work.....stories, stories, stories!

My new store manager (who honestly attempts to channel Karl Lagerfeld's look and personality in the store) has hired a brand new crop of retail whores to man the racks. I like all but one of them (we will get to that silly bitch later), but lets start on the one that I am kinda crushing on at the moment.

So this guy.....it is one of the guys who just kinda creep up on you. Like....you notice them at first but you really don't 'notice' them. Ya know what I'm talking about? It is kinda like that scruffy kid that everyone had in the back of their class who you probably wouldn't take a second look at if you passed him on the street but by virtue of seeing him almost every day, you start to realize that his oversized shirt is hiding a pretty banging body and that 'I don't care' haircut is obscuring a totally cute face......

Anywho...that is basically this kid (minus the oversized clothes and scruffy haircut....we have a dress code LOL!)

His name is _________ (you like that Kelly?) and he is from New Jersey. He is Asian (Korean I believe) and he has a really nice smile and a flawless complexion. He's over 6 feet tall...perhaps 6'1-6'2ish and to top it off, he looks like he has a ridiculously nice body. _________ used to work at Abercrombie before he started at our store 3 weeks ago....so if there is any question as to whether or not this kat is attractive you can kinda leave it at the door because YOU KNOW that Abercrombie does NOT hire ugly people.

LMFAO!

Anyways, he is a really sweet and affable guy and it is great to work the floor with him because he is always laughing/smiling. So now you must be asking yourself "omg K, what the fuck is the problem...go for it!"

Welllllll here's the thing.........98% sure that he is straight.

LOL!

I know, I know...here we go again. K runs across some guy, gets interested....only to find out that he is straight and totally unavailable. UGH! Is this not the story of my life folks? Whatever....the jury is still out on him. I cannot be absolutely sure that he doesn't play for our team but to be honest...he does not set off my gaydar one bit.

Anyways, lets get to this new bitch that I brought up earlier. We will refer to her now and forever as 'Lucy Booo' because she looks like Lucy Liu and I cannot stand her...hence the 'Boooo'. (you know I'm hella clever...don't even front LOL!)

Anywho, this lil' girl really must really want to catch an elbow to her jaw because she has been tryin' me since she got here...the snide bitch.

I already can see that she is gonna be one of those dumbass co-workers who just live to gossip and drum up shit, here's one example of how I know....

Last week we were both in men's and it was kinda dead so we were chatting. The conversation is as follows....

Lucy Boo: Repeat what you just said.
Me: (Repeated some random fact about the store)
Lucy Boo: Your voice sounds normal to me (kinda said to herself and not directed to me)
Me: Come again?
Lucy Boo: Ohh.......Well, Nancy (not her real name) said that you sound like the typical New York fa....I mean gay person. I don't see what she is talking about tho....you sound straight.....like your voice sounds like a straight guy's. Hehe!
Me: Ummmm what?
Lucy Boo: (nervous laugh) Ummmm, it is nothing...forget I said anything.
Me: Do you realize how dumb your last comments sounded? What does a typical New York fag...since that was the word you were gonna use and conveniently stopped...sound like? Even better, what does a typical gay person sound like? Not everyone fits into these cookie cutter stereotypes that you have made up...
Lucy Boo: Haha...I'm sorry. (throws hands up in mock horror) geeze...you are so sensitive..it isn't a big deal.
Me: Why are you even participating in such a conversation with Nancy? You've been here for like what...a week? Don't you know how this makes you look?
Lucy Boo: Wow....I can see that I'm not gonna be able to joke around with you.
Me: What part of your previous comment was funny?
Lucy Boo: Forget I said anything. I was actually trying to give you a complement....too bad you can't see that.
Me: You just told me that I do not sound like a typical fag....and I should take this as a complement how exactly?
Lucy Boo: Well yea....you sound normal....like a normal guy. You should be happy with that. I wouldn't have known you were gay if others handn't told me.
Me: Ummm you've been asking around?
Lucy Boo: Yea...I like to know who I am working with.
Me: HAHA...see now THAT IS FUNNY! How is that even on the top of things to know about your co-workers?
Lucy Boo: Well don't you want to know more about the people who your working with?
Me: Ummm ya....but who their are sleeping with is not THE FIRST THING I WANNA KNOW
Lucy Boo: HAHA...well whatever I like to be in the know...not gonna lie.
Me: You like to gossip is more like it.
Lucy Boo: It's all one in the same...you know how it is...don't even pretend not to participate in it. (rolls eyes)
Me: I'm gonna go check the fitting rooms.....go talk to that customer or something.
Lucy Boo: Catty...
Me: (Gives her "The Face")

I want you guys to know that every word that comes out of this heffa's mouth is dripping with condescension. Like, I think she honestly believes that she is the hottest and most fabulous thing walking the planet. She is absolutely incapable of talking to anyone (EVEN CUSTOMERS) in a non-patronizing manner. Moreover, it is clear by the previous conversation (and other things that I have overhead her say) that she is gonna be a major, MAJOR gossiper. I know that many of you might be thinking that I may have misplaced my anger by not focusing it on "Nancy" but in reality we already know each other and I already know she is a bitch so her comments to Lucy don't really shock or bother me. We have an understanding and I know that she is gonna talk shit so it is whatever.

Lucy Boo however really shouldn't be so stupid as to drum up shit, especially as a newcomer to the store. If someone told you something like that would you go back to the person that they were criticizing and tell them what they said? Like, could this bitch be anymore dumb? And on top of it she tries to justify the comments. Ugh, she really better not catch me on the wrong day because I might have to tell her to come meet me out back.....

Let's take a moment to hold hands and have a prayer circle for me......

"Dear Lord...please keep K calm and keep Lucy Boo's mouth shut so he isn't forced to retaliate, bust her lip up, and subsequently get arrested...in your holy name we pray....AMEN"

Whew.....

Ok, in other news, yesterday I hung out with Jay and we went to see the movie Shelter. It was a good movie and I really enjoyed it. It was well acted for the most part and the production value was pretty high for an independent movie. I would recommend it...probably when it comes out on Netflix though as it isn't one of those movies that is a MUST SEE in the actual theater.

I will not ruin it but there are a couple of funny one-liners in this movie that I am totally adding to my repertoire. Overall it was a good lil' flick...with tons of eye candy. You'll like it I'm sure!

We went out for dinner and drinks afterwards in Chelsea and had a pretty fun night. I met...I shit you not....gay German twins in Barracuda. I dunno what is up with me, Germans and Barracuda...but if you remember back to December....that was definitely the place I met German Boy for the first time. Don't worry, nothing scandalous went down, although they were both really cute (the younger one more so....even know they were identical).

They are on vacation with their other friend (who Jay chatted up most of the time). They were really pleasant and sweet and it was nice getting to chat with them that evening.

I know some of you are gonna be upset because I didn't convert the whole 'Twin Fantasy' thing into reality...but you know K has got to keep it classy! Oh wells.....they will be here until Thursday night....so anyone in the NYC area who wants to tap those asses...you better get a move on STAT!

Night Night fellas!

Fun Pics From The Getty Museum

2008-03-27T12:38:00.010-04:00

Kelly took me here on Sunday and as you can see it was a beautiful day! I really enjoyed the architecture of the campus, it was so cool.

Also, the Getty is TOTALLY the place to scope out hot guys.

OMG!

Kelly and I dubbed it "The Guy-ty" because we spent the ENTIRE TIME ogling all the hot boys up in that piece! I swear, you'd thought it was The Abbey or something.....just crazy crazy amounts of hotties. I don't even think we really checked out the exhibits...LMFAO!

(No we did, but they were definitely secondary)

Full LA recap coming up soon.....

Packed And Ready To Go!!!!!!!

2008-03-18T16:56:00.007-04:00

Just zipped up my suitcase and I am all ready for my Spring Break

I'M TOTES EXCITED!!!

I've got my condoms, lube, play sheets, dildos (Mark reminded me last night), gags (for Troy) and I even found space for my porta-sling!

I hope my luggage isn't overweight when I check in....

Oh wells!

Stay tuned for jokes next week after I get back.

I'm sure there will be many.

WURRK!!!

2008-03-16T11:25:00.002-04:00

My #1 Bitch Mimi tore up SNL last night!

Touch My Body SNL
Uploaded by yardie4lifever2

Migrate SNL
Uploaded by yardie4lifever2

She looked looked like a hot tranny mess from Transylvania who isn't apologizing for it (a.k.a. AMAZING).

LMFAO!!!

I'm totally feeling the new single 'Migrate' that she debuted on the show too. I cannot wait for this album to drop on April 15th. I'm totally gonna be at the Virgin Megastore in Union Square...LOL!

Is This Worth $4,300?

2008-03-13T09:26:00.007-04:00

Ok, granted I am gay and these pictures really do nothing for me......but honestly Eliot...4,300 dollars for that?!?!?!?!

As my Grandmother would say.....

"BOY......IS YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?!"

This is so shameful. I have no idea what it is about politicians that makes them think that they can get away with shit like this and not get caught. Have you ever seen hypocrisy like this before in your life? Spitzer was a prosecutor who busted prostitution rings for god stakes...LOLOLOLOL!

And let me tell you...I've got to get this off my chest...

Wives of politicians, listen to your boy K......

STOP BEING USED AS PAWNS BY STANDING BEHIND YOUR SHADY, ADULTEROUS HUSBANDS WHEN THEY HOLD PRESS CONFERENCES TO TELL THE WORLD THAT THEY CHEATED ON YOUR ASS. STOP BEING STUPID, YOU LOOK HELLA FOOLISH.

Homegirl listen, I know that your angry. I know your hurt. I know on some level you clearly still love your man even though he cheated on you. But the simple fact is that he fucked up, let him face the music himself! Don't allow yourself be trolled out there on stage while your shitty ass husband tries to drum up some sympathy from the public. I swear to god whenever I see it I get sooo angry.

Why do people cheat?

Perhaps I am just really young and idealistic but for the life of me I could never imagine a situation where I could possible cheat on someone who I supposedly in a loving, monogamous relationship with. Can someone help me? Why do people cheat?

If you don't have the same feelings for that person anymore either seek help (marriage/relationship counseling) to fix whatever troubles your relationship or break the fuck up. Am I being naive right now?

I just don't get it.

And to make matters even worse the man has THREE DAUGHTERS (13,15 and 17 I believe) who are more than likely all now gonna have serious trust issues with men. And they are all at the worst age of development for something like this to happen....right when they are starting to explore their first romantic relationships. I hope they keep an eye out for them and get them some quality counseling.

This is all so sad....how someone could fuck up his entire family for a 4,300 dollar whore who isn't even that cute. (as if she could ever be attractive enough to justify him cheating in the first place)

I'm just really angry....I apologize to whoever reads this and thinks I am being to harsh and judgmental.

I've gotta go back and study....holler!

FIERCEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

2008-03-05T22:58:00.004-05:00

Christian Siriano just won Project Runway and he totally deserved it. I am very happy with the outcome, he had a great collection (they all did actually) and hopefully he will have a lot of success in the future.

He also needs his own show because the boy is HILARIOUS!!

Pure jokes!

American Idol Critique (Guys)

2008-03-05T01:43:00.015-05:00

So, i'll admit that I used to be crazy crazy into this show, but for some reason this season hasn't really caught my attention. At least not until now. Since last week I have been watching it regularly while at the gym and I've got to say...it looks like it is gonna be a pretty entertaining season. Their are DEFINITELY some hotties on the guys side that will no doubt keep my attention all season long....or as long as they manage to stay on the show. HAHA!

Ooooh Mr. Johns....another hottie...and he is Australian (you know I have a thing for Aussies...LOL). Too bad you had to pick the most obnoxious song to sing from the most obnoxious movie ever to come out of the 80's. For that, I am not pleased...but since you are fine i'll give you a pass....don't let it happen again though, or else it's OVER!

STOP SMOKING POT JASON...SHIT!

You just KNOW his ass toked up before he came out on stage..his ol goofy ass. I am not impressed, but I'm sure the lil girls will love your ass so you'll be back next week. Whatever....NEXT!

Oh Luke....you so fine. Tell me he doesn't look like Orlando Bloom? LOL! Anyways, too bad he is a whinny singer and totally boring. He'll be gone on Thursday...mark my words. Too bad you're married and straight bb, you could come over to my place and I could console you........

I get that this kid, David Archuwhateverthefuck can sing....but he is just so fucking irritating. I kinda want to break his face. I suppose this makes me a bad person...whatever. He is exceptionally annoying and the whole "oh gee golly wilikers" responses that he always gives come off as extremely contrived and fake to me. I wouldn't loose sleep if he wasn't there next week...but you just know he will be so I suppose this is all really futile.

Oh flamingly gay Danny Noregia, I love the fact that you don't give a shit and just come out and be yourself. Even tho I've yet to really like any of your performances, you always keep it entertaining...and I love that. This kid is what.....19.....and he clearly is out and proud on national TV...takes guts I tell you. If I voted, I would totally vote for him just to make a statement (and for the constant LOL's he brings every week)

Chikezie....my homboy...he did good....but he's a lil' bit Ruben Studdard-ish....no? He kinda doesn't bring anything new to the table, soooo even tho I think he is a really good singer...I dunno how much longer he'll make it in the competition. He at least deserve to make it further than Luke tho...he is horrible (singing-wise of course).

Oh, its the Stripper David Hernandez. They boy can sing but I cant deal with watching is crazy facial contortions and his outta control eyebrow movements, they are beyond distracting. I seriously find myself just waiting to see what kinda of awkward face he is gonna make next. Clearly this isn't the type of situation that a singer wants to be in.

Oh bb....you are my favorite of the night. I love the fact that he took this Lionel song and did his lil' rock thing with it. And I think he is kinda cute too no? Hello is one of my favorite songs of all time and I remember my Pops used to sing it to Mom back in the day. AWWWWWWWW, I know how cute right? My Daddy got game...LOL!

I'll recap the girls tomorrow night I think...after I get home from my first midterm of the semester. I'm totally gonna ace that shit (I hope....LOL). Night guys!

Oh, big ups to @ Just Jared for the links I stole. LOL!

I Want Everyone's Opinion....

2008-03-04T00:45:00.003-05:00

Ok I am warning everyone from now, this is going to be a really inane post. (as if 98% of my blog isn't already...LOL)

Anywho, I would like everyone's opinion....

So I am in the locker room in the gym tonight...minding my own business and putting on my clothes. I turned around as I was putting my other arm into my hoodie and I glanced over at this guy getting undressed at the bench across from me.

Now mind you, I've seen this guy around before in the gym.....mid thirties, white, 5'9ish, amazing arms, so-so face. All and all I would give him a 7 out of 10 in the looks department. (although his arms and shoulders definitely deserve a 9 b/c they are really extraordinary...esp for a guy his size)

So I was collecting my water bottle and my iPod off the bench as he was dropping his gym shorts (no jokes please...this was absolutely unintended) and O--M--G!!!!!!

A fucking tripod guys.....this guy had to be packing like AT LEAST 7in......

SOFT!!!

How this man walks without tripping over his penis is absolutely beyond me....real talk!

Anyways, so I got all my stuff together with the quickness as not to stop and gawk (Momma K always taught me not to stare) but as I was turning the corner he looked up and smiled at me. I don't think it was suggestive at all...it was kinda one of those half-smiles that you give as a courtesy to someone as you walk past them on the street. (at least in the South...NYC is a whole 'nother story)

You guys know what I'm talking about....it is kinda somewhere between a real smile and a grimace...no teeth...just a slight upturn of the corners of the mouth with the smile never quite reaching the eyes. So obviously I smiled back in the same fashion, thought nothing of it and kept on moving towards the door.

However, me being the super curious K.....you know I just couldn't help but to turn around one more time as I was going through the hallway. LOL!

When I did, I was greeted with his eyes clearly looking at my back. LOL! When I turned around he quickly picked up his stuff and turned around to stuff his clothes in the locker. When he did this, I was absolutely FLABBERGASTED to find a fuckin' tribal TRAMP STAMP right above his asscrack!

A Tramp Stamp?

On a MAN?

REALLY?

So here comes the question I want someone to answer for me.....

Does a man with a Tramp Stamp automatically = Gay?

Orrrrrrrr am I just being really ridiculous?

Now just to preempt those who might say, "but K, the only thing that really makes anyone gay is having an attraction to the same sex", yes I know this but we've (for better or worse) been trained to pick up on certain cues to clue us in on those who might be playing on our team. I just want someone to tell me whether or not I am totally off base for thinking that no straight man would EVER have a Tramp Stamp.

Please enlighten me.

BE READY FOR MY ARRIVAL BOYZ!!!!!

2008-03-01T23:18:00.008-05:00

Your boy K is coming to LA!!!!!

So, I just booked my ticket and I am mad excited to meet up with everyone and get super sloppy and pick up some West Coast hotties.

HOLLER!!!!

So, in the mist of this crazy semester, I was reminded the other day that Spring Break is coming up. There is no way I could possibly go through a Spring semester without going on a vacay, that would be sacrilegious!!! Plus I have never not had a Spring Break in 5 years of higher education...there is no way I was gonna start now.

So I was talking about where I should go online earlier this week and B reminded me that Troy was going to LA in March. Luckily, my Spring Break coincides with the week he will be there so I was like, "there is NO WAY I am gonna let Troy go all the way over there and have fun with all the LA bloggers without me....HELLLL NA!"

So I am putting all of you (Kelly, JR, Mike, Sam & Bronson) on notice!

I'll be in town from March 19th to the 24th...get ready to get stoopid with me and Troy!

::: BREAKING NEWS :::

2008-02-28T11:03:00.002-05:00

THIS JUST IN.....

MR. ELEVATOR IS STRAIGHT.

I REPEAT.....

MR. ELEVATOR IS STRAIGHT.

How do I know?

Well, it says so on his Facebook profile (we're now friends on it). In addition, his wall is filled with women leaving bunches of lovey dovey messages....blah blah blah...he's probably fucked them.

(rolls eyes)

Other things I've gleaned from his profile...

He was a model back Australia and 1/2 his portfolio is up on his page.

He is a HUGE Aussie Rules Football fan.

He is extremely well travelled (He's been to every continent on the planet)

I cannot even tell you how disappointed I am...mostly at myself to be honest. How is it that I managed to get fixated on the ONE STRAIGHT MAN IN NYC?

Seriously....

There are so many gay guys in the city....and good looking ones too...and yet I've decided that I want this unattainable guy. I am so self-destructive. What is even more pathetic is that when I was checking out his profile this morning I was like, "K....maybe he isn't straight....maybe he is just in the closet...kinda like you...ya know?" I suppose the reason I thought this was because my own Facebook profile still says that I am interested in women even though we all know that couldn't be further from the truth.

LOL!

Now, I would have changed it a long time ago but the thing is that I made the profile back in '03 and I haven't updated since '05. In addition I've got a shit ton of cousins, godbrothers/sisters and other family members who are on it. If I change my orientation on it now...or even make it so it is blank, that will totally clue everyone in and at the very least there will be whispers about what is going on with me. I really do not want to come out through Facebook for obvious reasons. I want to have control over who I tell and how. That is why I've left it unchanged for so long.....

So I was left wondering whether or not Mr. Elevator was in the same predicament as me. What if he really isn't straight and he just has his profile set up that way for whatever reason? Because to be honest, in our real life interactions....I get a totally ambiguous vibe from him.

And I don't think it is just me projecting at all.

He has complemented me on my outfits before. It wasn't anything specific like "OMG I love those Prada shoes" (this would absolutely be gay) but it really isn't standard for a straight guy to go out of his way to tell you that you look "really nice tonight" (he has actually said this to me before in the elevator).

But then again, Jay and I where talking about this the other day....you cannot really use the same criteria that you'd use to judge North American men and apply it to European men (or in this case, Australian men). I find that foreign men totally throw my gaydar off because the little tell-tale signs that you'd usually pick up in gay or questionable NA men are present in a lot of foreign guys (especially Europeans).

The trendy dress, the extra touchy feely-ness, the sexual openness.

These are all traits that you would kinda associate with someone who plays for our team. Now granted this is a huge generalization so don't beat me up for it, but you kinda get where I am going.

I suppose the only way I ever really know for certain is if I just straight up come out and ask him. I'm sure I can find a way to do this subtly, but it is gonna take a crazy amount of maneuvering to make it happen. The whole thing seems so futile to me....I really should focus my energy on finding a guy who is actually available instead of trying to find out what team this sexually ambiguous Aussie plays for......GRRRRRRR!

It's hard though because I see him at least once a day and most of the time when I do....he is dressed in the skimpiest gym attire. How on Earth can I be expected to concentrate when his goodies are being paraded in front of me every day?

It just isn't right......God stop taunting me!

You Are So Ridiculous...And I Love You For It

2008-02-27T22:14:00.002-05:00

She is damn near 40 and still galavanting around in mini-skirts and school girl outfits like she is 18.

Mariah....I love the fact that you don't give a fuck and you clearly don't take yourself seriously.

Because there is just no way you could be serious with this video....I LOL'ed so hard!

When I Am Rich......

2008-02-25T16:29:00.006-05:00

These are pics of the new 2009 Maserati GranTurismo S, which will be unveiled next week at the Geneva Motor Show. Apparently this baby is gonna have a 4.7 liter V8 and around 440 hp. How badass does this look?

Especially in black...OMG!

If I ever needed another incentive to continue doing well in school.....

LOL!

So I Came Out Tonight....

2008-02-20T23:10:00.003-05:00

It was cool....

It was painless....

And I am really happy about it...

Ok, storytime.....

So last week I got this really weird call from an unknown phone number with my old area code. I figured it was someone who I used to talk to, but had lost the number for. I just let it go to voicemail like I usually do with unknown numbers...as I make it a point to never pick them up...curiosity be damned. I figured that if it is really something important then that individual will just leave me a message.....

Well to my surprise, the mystery person left a voicemail and it turned out to be one of my best friends from HS! We were in student government together and she was always my favorite senator. We used to RUN SHIT back in the day, no joke! Anyways...we kept relatively close after graduation but she went to Michigan while I went to UF and we only really saw each other during Winter Breaks and such.

Anyways, she called me to tell me that she was moving to NYC this week to try her hand at Broadway and I seriously couldn't have been more excited. Honestly...next to Columbia Girl (who she is actually really good friends with as well) she is pretty much one of the coolest chicks I know. A totally genuine person, I knew that she wouldn't have a problem with me being gay. She is super liberal, open-minded...and cool with just about anything. I called Columbia Girl last week to tell her that (let's call her Miss Michigan) was moving into town and she flipped her wig. She immediately told me that I should come out to her because she would be so cool with it and I totally co-signed.

So tonight we all meet up for dinner and did the whole "3+ year" catching up thing. It was fun to hear what new and exciting things were going on in her life and it was also great to hear how well her brothers and sisters were doing for themselves. Finally, she turned to me and Columbia Girl and asked us the inevitable question everyone asks when they are catching up with someone they haven't seen in ages......"soooo how are your love lives going...anyone special that I should know about?!?!"

Me and Columbia Girl just looked at each other and started cracking up. This left Miss Michigan understandably confused...and that's when the real hilarity ensued......

Miss Michigan: OMG what is so funny? Did I miss something?
Me & Columbia Girl: HAHAHA....no, no, no it is nothing
Miss Michigan: NOOO WAYY...It is something alright.....OMG ARE U GUYS DATING?!?!?!
Me & Columbia Girl: {insert wild cackling}
Miss Michigan: OMG YOU TOO ARE TOTALLY SHACKING UP!
Me: Oh no...nothing could be further from the truth bb
Columbia Girl: She thinks we are hittin it....LOL!!!!!
Me: LMFAO!
Miss Michigan: OMG GUYS...WHATS GOING ON?!?!?!?
Columbia Girl: There is no one in my love life hun.
Me: Yea....me either
Miss Michigan: LIARS!
Columbia Girl: {looks over to me} GO 'HEAD...Tell her about the Aussie!

Aside: "The Aussie" and Mr. Elevator are one in the same. Columbia Girl likes to refer to him as that since I told her the story about him.

Me: LOL! That doesn't count...he is so random...way to stir shit up!
Columbia Girl: {giggling}
Miss Michigan: Who is the Aussie?
Me: Wellllllllllllll, he is this guy that we aren't too sure about. He is kinda ambiguous.

~ 5 second delay ~

Miss Michigan: Wait what.....I don't get it
Me: Let it marinate in your head for a second.....
Columbia Girl: {giggles} OMG, It is gonna hit her like a ton of bricks...
Miss Michigan: What is gonna hit me? Why can't I be in on this joke....gosh!
Me: It's totally gonna make sense in a second....just let it simmer.
Miss Michigan: What are you talki........Wait, did you say HE?
Columbia Girl: Here she goes......
Me: HEHE
Miss Michigan: Wait Wait Wait Wait....you said he right....{turns to Columbia Girl} he said he right?
Columbia Girl: Yup!
Miss Michigan: So wait....you're gay?
Me: {nods}
Miss Michigan: Oh wowwwwwwwwww
Columbia Girl: Be thankful, you are like only the second or so to know!
Miss Michigan: Seriously?
Me: Yep...I'm not really out yet.
Miss Michigan: OMG WOW....THAT'S CRAZY!
Me: Kinda...I guess....I'm kinda used to it though
Miss Michigan: You mean....this whole time....that I've known you?
Me: Yeap.....I've always known.....just started being honest with it
Miss Michigan: OMG WELL CONGRATS....GOOD FOR YOU!
Columbia Girl: I KNOW RIGHT?
Me: HAHA
Miss Michigan: K, if you're happy then I'm happy!
Me: I am...I am
Miss Michigan: OMG! {clasps hands} SHUT UP....YOU'RE GAY?!?!
Me: Well I dunno if I am "that Gay" LMAO!
Columbia Girl: HAHAHAHA
Miss Michigan: This totally doesn't change a thing....we can all go out in the city looking for men now!
Columbia Girl: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
Me: I am putting you girls to W-O-R-K!
Miss Michigan: I'm So there...and don't worry, you're secret is safe with me!
Me: I know...I hope so
Miss Michigan: OMG...NO QUESTION...I would never!
Me: Better not....if all South Florida finds out I'll know it was you because she aint talking {points to Columbia Girl}
Columbia Girl: She's cool with it man...no worries!
Miss Michigan: Absolutely no worries over here friend!
Me: Cool, Cool
Columbia Girl: So did you ever think?
Miss Michigan: I HAD NO IDEA....I NEVER EVEN IMAGINED
Me: Really?
Miss Michigan: Seriously....there are so many other guys I would have picked before you.....you have NO IDEA.
Me: Seriously?
Miss Michigan: I mean....I just though you were just the typical metro kinda guy
Columbia Girl: OMG THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID WHEN HE TOLD ME!
Miss Michigan: YOU KNOW! Now that I think about it.....I guess I should have wondered....
Me: Looks like this is becoming a theme....
Miss Michigan: I could just have bad gaydar tho....I fell for a gay guy in London.....I thought he was just really ~*EURO*~
Me: LOLOLOLOL...you're ridiculous!
Columbia Girl: HAHA
Me: We will help each other with our gaydars...don't worry bb!
Miss Michigan: OMG how much more fun are we gonna have now? We are totally going out!
Columbia Girl: I'm so there!
Me: Score!

So this went on for a while longer. We talked about a bunch more stuff like coming out to the parents and dating....typical Q&A session that most of us are familiar with now. She even joked a bit that now she wouldn't be able to fulfill her dream of marrying me and having a bunch of beautiful mixed bb's...LOL! All and all it was really relieving to know that I've got another supportive person in my corner. I am definitely happy that it worked out so well and I don't anticipate any problems with her...she is totally a cool chick and she will make another great addition to my growing entourage...LMFAO!

Now if I could only find the nerve to tell my straight guy friends....that would be grand! For whatever reason, it always seems harder to tell a guy that your gay than a girl. Although if you think about it, if they are really and truly your good friends, it shouldn't make a difference.

In due time....baby steps...

I Want Janice's Job...STAT! (NSFW)

2008-02-16T11:08:00.002-05:00

I know this show is staged, but I love watching it regardless....

Hottest guys of LIFE I tell you!

Oh, Dominic.....don't worry bb!

That old guy wishes he looked like you, he is just jealous...don't listen to him.

Come over here, i'll console you...mmkay?

Who's your favorite?

(P.S. How is Chris Jones a model? Kinda meh IMHO)

An Epiphany.....

2008-02-15T12:01:00.007-05:00

You know what, I was watching Regis and Kelly this morning and I was lucky enough to catch Ryan Reynolds promoting his new movie Definitely, Maybe.

While watching the segment, I came to the stunning realization that he just might be the most perfect guy ever.

Now granted, he has always been towards the top of my list of "guys I would most like to get jiggy with" but for whatever reason...today something clicked in my head and I was there on my bed totally transfixed....

Aside from the obvious fact that he is absolutely gorgeous, he seems so down to earth and unfazed about it. It is so very rare that you find a really good looking guy who doesn't seem to realize that he is stunning....and Ryan definitely gives off that impression.

Now I dunno if this is his act....because after all, he is an actor (LOL) but something tells me that in real life he is a really down to earth guy...and I find that so incredibly attractive.

Not only does he have the look and attitude in spades but he is seriously like one of the most hilarious people ever. He always has something witty and sarcastic to say. I cannot imagine that anyone would ever be bored with him around....

If I had to pick qualities that I would want in a perfect boyfriend...Ryan would definitely have most of them. He is tall, hot, hilarious, down-to-earth, talented, and he seems to really be a genuinely pleasant person.

AND HE IS CANADIAN....as if he could get any better!!!!!

Dammit Ryan....why aren't you gay?

(As if I would have a chance either way....still nice to dream tho)

I'm So Disappointed....

2008-02-13T14:30:00.002-05:00

So, anyone following the various ballot initiatives that are going down around the country will no doubt be familiar with the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in my home state of Florida.

Extremely disappointed...I cannot even tell you!

But just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I run across this gem on Towleroad this afternoon. Basically a group called KnowThyNeighbor has complied a list of the 600,000+ people who signed off to get this measure put on the ballot.

I am torn as to whether or not I am happy that they did this.

On one hand you can totally identify all the misinformed bigots around you.

On the other hand, it is bound to get you totally upset!

Morbid curiosity compelled me to search through this list, and I happy to report that Mr. and Mrs. K and Grammy K are no where to be found on it! {claps}

HOWEVER, on the list I unfortunately found my.........

Godfather

My church's pastor (this isn't a surprise)

My childhood soccer coach

My High School Trig teacher (who ironically, always used to get labeled as gay by the students b/c he looked and acted like this guy from Will & Grace)

My Mom's hairdresser

One of my best friends parents

Anddd my neighbors from when I lived in Gainesville

Now, everyone is probably saying "K, who cares about these people, they are totally random and you should just be thankful that your parents and your grandmother are not on the list." Well, ya that's true....but it is so sad to think that all of these people who used to be (and are currently) in my life wouldn't want me to have the same rights as them and their children.

It is sad really.

Hey Playa...Do Your Thing!

2008-02-12T22:55:00.001-05:00

I'm getting excited....let's do this man!

Watch your back McCain!!!

On The Job Interview...

2008-02-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, so last Friday I had big job interview at a major fashion house on the UES.

Overall, it went really well! I finally found something appropriate to wear after turning my entire closet upside down and inside out. HAHA! Dudes, I even got a complement from this female security guard when I was walking out of the subway on 5th. She was like...."looking good buddy" and I smiled and said "thank you." It was a really nice pick-me-up when I really needed the extra boost of confidence.

Anyways, walked into the store and it was ridiculous. People opening doors, others handing out sparkling water, UES moms in fur coats (even tho it was kinda hot that day)...it was like I was in another world.

And then I got to this lady's office.....OMG

I totally felt like Anne Hathaway in that scene in the Devil Wears Prada when she hands her resume to Miranda and she in turn gives her the 'once over'...........

I WAS MAD SCARED YO!!!!

But all my worries were for naught because once she removed that facade...we became fast friends, just chit-chatting away.

She admitted to me that she picked my resume out of the lot because she saw that I graduated from UF and she is originally from Florida.

SCCCOOORRREEE!

When pressed, I found out that she actually grew up in my home town. (which was not indicated on my resume btw)

CRAZY RIGHT?!?!?!?!

Even better....she graduated from our cross-town rival High School! Can you believe it is such a small world?

So everyone probably thinks that I got the job...because clearly me and "my Miranda" had a connection..right?

Well...no, not really. You see, they are looking for someone who can devout 35+ hours a week and clearly I cannot do that seeing as tho I am a full-time grad student. It is a shame really because I think I would have a fun in that store..AND YOU KNOW THE PAY IS REDONK + COMMISSION!!!

I'd been rollin it it for realz!

Oh well, she told me to call her after I graduate if I ever need a job. I might look into that...you never know. Although, if I am being honest, I might just head straight into a doctoral program after my MA. I really have no idea what I am gonna do with my life after 2009.

Perhaps I can just win the lotto and fly my ass on over to the South Pacific.....buy an Island, get some cabana boys in sarongs and just chill out.

I Love This Bitch...Like Seriously

2008-02-11T10:36:00.000-05:00

Amy Winehouse performs at '08 Grammys
by TheDlisted

Here is a play-by-play analysis of this drunken heffa....

:40 ~~Tanqueray~~ Tan-tang-ger-ger-ray-ay

1:10 Listen to how she says "I cheated myself"

1:34 Drunken shuffle

2:20 "You wanna start sumthin?!?!?!"

4:42 "I need to pee guys....."

4:50 Drunken shuffle #2

4:57 "Talk to the hand heffa!"

5:17-5:25 "Fuck it, I'm not even gonna try anymore"

Amy Winehouse accepts Best Record Grammy
by TheDlisted

LMFAO @ her reaction when everyone else is celebrating around her and she doesn't even realize! It get's even better when she gives a shout out to "Ray-Ray" and to her husband who is incarcerated. She is such a hot mess

Can someone get this girl to say Yes, Yes, Yes to rehab....like seriously.

***EDIT***

My homeboy set me this picture and I swear I almost passed out from laughter!

Nervous....

2008-02-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting here, staring in my closet, trying to figure out what the heck I am gonna wear tomorrow.....

Seeing as though everyone seems to be getting a new job these days, I figured that perhaps it was time for me to find something new as well.

To be honest, I am really not that disenchanted with the job that I have now but, on some level, I kinda feel that I could do a bit better.

So anyways, I have an interview tomorrow for a huge fashion house on 5th Avenue. (Pete don't tell anyone what it is, I wanna keep it a secret..LOL!)

I am really excited and super nervous! They are really a big deal in the fashion world (think super high end and French...but not Louis Vuitton) and it would be AMAZING if I got the job.

I told my parents about my interview earlier in the week and they laughed because they said that I don't have the kind of patience and temperament that is necessary in order to deal with the type of clientele that inevitably visit the store.

LMAO...Thanks for the pep talk guys!

Obviously I think they are way off base (I hope...LOL) but time will tell!

Wish me luck!

{What the fuck am I gonna wear?}

Political Commentary From The Grams...

2008-02-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

On Hillary...

"K...you know I wouldn't mind Hillary if I didn't see her punk self getting misty eyed and crying everytime I turn on my damn TV. I ain't never seen a chick so damn emotional in all my 82 years! If I ever saw her on the street, I'd shake that heffa and tell her to man the fuck up and grow a pair. How the heck she wanna be President and always catching some feelings? She finna cry at the UN too or at the G8?!?!?! Shit......"

On McCain...

"His old half-dead ass, I wish he would sit his ol' dusty self down and drink some Ensure. Ain't no one voting for no septuagenarian or whatever that word they use for old ass men! If they let him in the White House, he prolly wouldn't even last the entire term....shoot! You already see his ass is going senile...tombout we can be in Iraq for 100 years for all he cares. Over your Granny's dead body, I wish he'd say that shit when I'm at a rally....betcha he wouldn't make it out!"

(My Grammy actually looks a lot like Madea)

I love this woman to bits, she always brings the jokes 24/7. Most of the time she has no idea what she is talking about but that doesn't stop her from being absolutely amazing. The funny thing is, if she really did run into Hillary Clinton on the street, she really would shake the shit out of her and tell her to man up.....and if she saw McCain, she'd realy hit him with her huge purse....because the woman has no shame!

Mr. Elevator Revisited......

2008-02-04T22:40:00.000-05:00

Be patient K.....Be patient
Be patient K.....Be patient
Be patient K.....Be patient

Caught him in the gym tonight
Purple t-shirt stretched so tight
Smirks and stares
Nods and glares
Invite me home...I won't bite

And this ends tonight's poetry corner with K...

{snap, snap, snap}

Random Angry Rant

2008-02-04T10:43:00.000-05:00

The following is an addendum to this post...

Someone please explain why some people find is necessary to take the elevator up ONE FLOOR?

Seriously......

Are you like that lazy that you cannot walk up ONE FLIGHT OF STAIRS?

What is wrong with you?

Moreover, you have the audacity to carry on a conversation with your homegirl about your newfangled gym membership and how you are gonna get "so sexy" this summer...

Bitch, who are you fooling? You can't take the stairs up one floor but you expect people to believe that you are gonna put that gym membership to use?

And you have McDonalds in your hand...do you not see how ridiculous you look?

And honestly, I wouldn't have been so pissed off if u hadn't wasted like five minutes of my life HOLDING the door for your fat friend in the lobby.

As if i don't have somewhere to be.

/End Rant

P.S. Good luck Kelly on your first day at the new job! I know you'll do great.....just don't take any shit from anyone....ya heard me?!?!?!

The Subway Provides Endless Jokes

2008-02-01T15:32:00.000-05:00

What is it about the NYC subway that makes people act so damn ridiculous?

Case in point.....

This morning I met up with Columbia Girl by her new apartment in Chelsea. (P.S. how convenient is it that the one girl that I've come out to decides to move to Chelsea....LOL....could I have planned it any better?) We decided to hit up Murray's Bagels on 8th Ave because I haven't been there yet and she has been ranting and raving about it forever.

Anyways, the spot turned out to be a good choice because they have some of the best bagels I've had in my entire life! You have got to try their Whole Wheat Everything bagel....so so delicious.....

So we chatted about life, love, school, work....Valentine's Day (which is creeping up on us ppl) and a bunch of other stuff. The convo was fun and pleasant as always...made even better by the fact that I don't have to censor myself around her anymore. HAHA!

After about an hour or so of chatter she decided it was time for her to get back and change for work. We went our separate ways and I hopped on the C/E downtown to get back to Brooklyn. I realized while I was on the train that I had to go pick up something from Penthouse Girl's apartment in Murray Hill, so at Fulton Street I got off and headed for the 4/5 platform.....

So as I am waiting for the train I felt a burst of cold air on my back. Turns out that the tail end of my shirt had ridden up...no doubt caused by a combination of my mad dash to catch the train and the jeans that I was wearing.....

So as I was waiting behind the yellow line for the train, I flipped up the back of my jacket and started tucking in my shirt. Normal, totally non-suggestive activity....I was simply trying to fix myself....

I hear a whistle in the background........

Now, at first I thought nothing of it....because I was surrounded by people and one hears whistles all the time without really thinking that it *may* be directed at them. Whistles are kinda like car alarms in my opinion....no one really gives a fuck when they hear them....

So I continue to do my business....now im tucking in the side of my shirt over my right hip. All of a sudden I hear......

Hey man...looking good

So then I put two and two together and SLOWLY look over my right shoulder to see an older (late 30s-early 40s) latino man, leaning against a piling and staring at my ass! OHHHH HELLLLL NAAAAA, you know your boy K had to unleash the screw face on his ass!

Me: Come again?
Brazen Old Man: You look nice in those jeans...
Me: Wow...you cannot be serious
Brazen Old Man: You heading Uptown?
Me: {mouth agape}
Brazen Old Man: Well???????
Me: {looks around for a hidden camera, turns around to get on the train}
Brazen Old Man: Ha, worth a try....
Me:

Moral of the story: Clearly there is no other place on the planet where men are more forward than in NYC. You've gotta be pretty bold to try to pick up a guy, almost 2 decades your junior, in broad daylight, on a subway platform, AS the train is pulling into the station.

What was his major malfunction?

LMFAO...the subway I tell you....JOKES!

A Conundrum.....

2008-01-31T14:48:00.000-05:00

So as we all know, the Super Bowl is this Sunday.

Fun times, fun times.....

Personally, I am kinda having difficulty in deciding who I should go for. Seeing as tho I am not really emotionally invested in either one of these teams, I could really care less about the outcome. However, since I am actually living in New York now....it is probably a good idea that I throw my weight behind the Giants (lest I get verbally accosted by the locals and JP...LOL!)

With that out of the way....we can now discuss the far more pressing issue.....

Who would you let take it to your endzone?

LOL....corny I know!

OR.....

Personally, Tom could have it in any way, shape or form......

But I wouldn't kick Eli out of bed either.....

Guess that means I'm easy.

HAHAHA!

So Much To Discuss...

2008-01-27T12:44:00.000-05:00

I am just warning y'all from now!

Also, I will refer you to Jay's blog where he will corroborate the events of January 26th, 2008....a day that will forever live in infamy!

(Ok, that was a bit dramatic...but you get it..LOL!)

I swear to you...G Lounge is literally the hottest spot in NYC. If you think that what happened back in December was scandalous, you are REALLY gonna shit a brick when you read this.

Cliff Notes version first:

- Saw Miguel's best friend from work @ the bar
- Some old guy bought us drinks
- I made out w/ this other guy's Fag Hag
- Then I made out with him
- Jay then made out with this this same guy
- Numerous scandalous pictures were taken
- Some triple-kiss came about with the guy and a Latin hottie named Eduardo
- Met a hot Air Canada flight attendant/personal trainer and his friends
- Some guy attempted to finger Jay
- Oh...and we were basically given an open invite for a three-way

Got all that?

LMFAO!

Let's me paint a picture of the night for ya...mmkay?

So first off....I met with PR Boy, Columbia Girl and some of her friends from camp at Stout. I had never been there before and it is basically a huge Irish pub. We ate and drank a bit while Columbia Girl caught up with her friends. All and all it was a pretty cool place and I would definitely go back.

This bar also had the benefit of attracting some of the hottest guys I've seen in New York. Big, beefy, strapping fellas...all drunk as hell, rowdy......and sadly......all straight. The way that they were chasing skirts was hilarious. I wish I had a video camera to film their sad attempts at kicking game to these females. One of them actually said to a girl hanging out in the corner....

"Baby, as long as I have a face....you'll always have a place to sit"

L-M-F-A-O!!!!!!

I'm sorry....but if that line doesn't make you wet...I dunno what's wrong with you! It's an instant classic.

Anyways, apparently Saturday night is karaoke night and Columbia Girl thought it would be funny to put my name down while no one was watching her. The song she chose...... "Baby, One More Time by Ms. Spears". LOL! I was so angry at her...I wigged the fuck out. At first I thought she was joking but she was dead serious...and I was like 6th or 7th on the list. There was no way I was gonna be doing any sort of karaoke...especially not that song...she musta been out of her fucking mind! So, I decided that I was gonna leave a bit earlier than planned (b/c I was already set to meet up with Jay later in the night after I was finished with them).

So I left that place and headed on down to G to continue the night's festivities. We met up at around 11ish and the place was PACKED as usual. Seriously, this place is always poppin and filled to the brim with hot men. Every size, color, age...it is just a smorgasbord of hotness. Haha!

So Jay and I found a place at the circular bar to get some drinks and position ourselves to check out all the hot guys making their rounds. As usual I could not focus because as soon as I spotted one guy...I spotted another...and then another...so on and so forth. I also spotted Miguel's friend from work passing by us a couple of times. I seriously cannot stand that kid...he is such a queeny fuckhead....it is ridiculous. Surprisingly tho, seing him there really didn't freak me out at all. I mean, I knew that he was probably gonna tell Miguel that he saw me there...and that would obviously clear up any lingering doubts that he might have had about my sexuality but ultimately I really could care less. Like I said, I didn't announce my sexuality at work and I don't plan to do so...or even really talk about it at all. I don't see how it is necessary or how it is relevant if I am being honest. Besides, its retail....everyone is assumed to be gay until proven otherwise.

LOL!

After that, I made eye contact with this Gotti Boy look alike (minus that horrible hair) across the bar and Jay co-signed on his attractiveness. At one point, he was positioned behind a stack of glasses and he actually peered around them to check and see if I was still looking at him.

Hehe!

I decided that I would try and talk to him if he came back in our direction. He ended up passing behind us for the first time so we both looked over our shoulders and were totally SHOCKED at how young he looked up close. Like....there was NO WAY IN HELL he was 21 years old (they check id's at the door). Anyways...I think we played the cat and mouse game for about an hour or so until I finally decided that I was gonna walk over to where he was heading and talk to him. When I finally caught up to him at the back of the lounge...he was full-on making out with another guy. LMFAO! It was by the coat check so I kinda think that perhaps he was waiting for this guy the entire time and he just came in to "greet" him. It was one hell of a greeting too I must say.

Anyways...with that out I went back to the bar where I had left Jay. we continued to take in all the eye candy and then he turned around to me quickly as I was txting Ben.

Jay: OMG, I think I just fucked up!
Me: What happened?
Jay: That old guy over there...in the white shirt....I think I looked over there too long
Me: {peers over} OMG he is like 50..LOL!
Jay: I think he just bought us drinks
Me: LOL....Lies...don't be ridiculous
Bartender: Here you go guys....from the guy over there {points to old guy}
Me: LMFAO you must be joking
Jay: LOL..oh shit...now I feel bad...we need to go talk to him
Me: Fuck that shit, I didn't ask for that drink
Jay: OMG I feel like an asshole, what should we do?
Me: I dunno playa....I didn't even look over there
Jay: We've gotta talk to him, we are obligated
Me: {looks over and mouths "thank you"}
Jay: {does the same}
Old Guy: {head nods and mouths "What's up?}
Me: Oh lord {goes back to txting}

So yea, I don't really know the protocol for handling such situations since no one has ever bought me a drink before...but whatever. I was still working on my previous one when that one was sent so I left it in front of me for a good 15-20 minutes. If I knew it was coming, I would have refused it but he already bought it and if we didn't drink it...it would have just gone to waste...

Mom always told me not to waste food (I am sure this extends to liquor too) so there....LOL!

Jay felt really guilty about the situation and decided he was gonna go over there personally and talk to him but when he turned around....he was already having (what looked to be) a thoroughly engaging conversation with another guy so I told Jay to forget about it.

He co-signed....

Anyways, throughout the night I had noticed this smoking hot guy over my right shoulder. He was tall, built and sexy as fuck. He was also a really good dancer...which I suppose means that he is pretty good at you know what as well. LOL! For the life of me I could not figure out his ethnicity or anything like that.....he looked like he was mixed or something but I could not tell. He very much resembled a younger, bald, more built Billy Zane....

He was wearing this deep-V cut black tee shirt that made his chest and arms look fantastic. Jay thought he looked pretty hot too. Unfortunately I was no where near drunk enough to go over and talk to him....so I continued to admire from afar. He definitely caught me looking over my shoulder at him a couple of times but then went back to dancing...or chatting with his friends. I silently hoped that they would all just leave and then I would have my chance to go over and talk to him. But alas...it didn't work out that way.

Jay and I eventually decided to move back against the wall opposite the circular bar so that I could get a bit closer to this guy and so that we could have a better vantage point to watch all the guys who were parading behind us. So we moved and got situated next to this cute guy and his fag hag.

This is where the fun starts.....

Now, I don't know exactly how we started talking but I do remember the chick eventually saying to me "you have really sexy lips".

LOL!

Somehow that evolved into a conversation about kissing in general b/t me, Jay, this latin guy that was in the group (Eduardo) this chick, and the guy she came with (Mike). Now...Mike claimed that girls kiss so much better than guys. So then I'm like....

Me: No way Jose...you've gotta prove it!
Mike: Dude, kiss D...she is an amazing kisser
D: Yea, I'm pretty good {winks}
Me: LOL, well how is that gonna help? I am gonna need something to compare it to!
Mike: Hahaha
Me: Well....i'll kiss her but then you have to kiss me so I can really compare.
Mike: Haha...alright!
Me: {Kisses the chick...no tongue}
Mike: Man...fuck that where is the tongue?!!?
Everyone else: Come on man...no tongue?
Me: LOL...alright...alright {goes in again}

[insert whistling in the background]

Me: Ok there...now it's your turn!
Mike: Alright {goes in to kiss me...all tongue..LOL! }

[camera flashes in the background]

LOL...D was taking pictures of us making out, hopefully they will not come back to haunt me later...but who cares. Anyways, alot of the details around that event are kinda hazy but Jay ended up kissing Mike too (and D got it on camera) then I ended up having a triple kiss with Mike and Eduardo (also on camera) and so did Jay....again...you guessed it....on camera! We musta taken like 2 or 3 dozen shots between the 5 of us. We were having a good time. HEHE!

Anyways we stayed over there and we were chatting with everyone in the general vicinity and taking pictures at the same time. Eventually I made my way over to the Billy Zane look-a-like and introduced myself. I found out that he was just in town for the weekend from Toronto and internally I was like "thank you Jesus" because now we had more to talk about besides just general pleasantries and whatnot. He actually didn't believe I was Canadian for the longest time...I had to prove it to him by telling him the hospital that I was delivered in and a whole bunch of other useless trivia before he actually believed me. Apparently people have used that line on him before (pretending to be Canadian) LOL! Who thought that could be a pick up line....eh?

Anyways...turns out that his name is Tommy and he is a 28 year old flight attendant for Air Canada. He is also a personal trainer on the side.......Mile High Club....sign a brotha up!!!!! LOLOLOLOL j/k j/k j/k.......

We talked for a good while on a whole range of topics from coming out, relationships, travel, what's next in his life (he wants to go back to school to become a teacher...awwww) etc, etc. All and all he was surprisingly pleasant and easy to talk to. And to think...I was so afraid to go up and talk to him. It just underscores the point that sometimes it seems like you can work your self up so much over approaching a good looking guy because you feel that if they look that good then that must mean that they are assholes. Clearly that is the case for some...but thankfully not all. (In this case...he probably was just really friendly because he was Canadian....you know how we are...wink!!)

Eventually I met his two friends that he came to NYC with. One was from Newfoundland and the other one is his roommate in Toronto. They were both older guys (in their 40's) and really cool. I eventually found out that it was the guy from Newfoundland's birthday and that is why they all came to NYC to celebrate. That and the fact that they had tickets to see Kathy Griffin at Madison Square Garden on Sunday. All and all they were all really pleasant and fun to talk to. It got kinda weird when Tommy's roommate tried to kick some game in my ear. He asked me what I did for a living and I told him that I am a grad student and I work in retail part time. Then when it came time for me to ask him the obligatory follow-up question he informed me that he was a policy writer for the Bank of Nova Scotia and apparently he is a really big deal.

LOL!

Tommy's Roommate: Yea, I write all the policies for the bank.
Me: Oh yea? Sounds like you are kinda a big shot.
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...well....I make $500,000 a year before bonuses so I'm not that rich. {wink}
Me: LOL...you're a trip
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...and I don't have any expenses...so I just travel alot and buy a bunch of shit that I don't need.
Me: Oh cool...sounds like the life man.
Tommy's Roommate: Yea...for some reason alot people like to refer to me as a sugar daddy...I don't like that.
Me: Oh no? So then what are you?
Tommy's Roommate: Well I am no ones daddy...because I'm not that old. (he is 41 btw)
Me: Naaa your not, your not thatold
Tommy: HAHA...he tried you!
Tommy's Roommate: LOL...whatever its cool...I might not be a daddy but I am definitely sweet!
Me: Ohhh rly now?
Tommy: Oh brother....you are so corny.....{cracks up}
Tommy's Roommate: Well, I'm sweet because I like to spoil my men {smirks}
Me: {kneels over in laughter} OMG...you cannot be serious right now.
Tommy's Roommate: K, you said you like to travel...if I said I would take you wherever...where would you want to go?
Me: HAHAHAHA...OMG you really should stop..you're too much
Tommy's Roommate: HAHA...you don't like my pick up lines?
Me: HAHA...OMG you're a comedian...you're making my night....keep on talking
Tommy's Roommate: But you never answered my question
Me: About what?
Tommy's Roommate: Where would you want to go on vacation?
Me: LOL....playa, I've already been around the world and honestly....I've already got a sugar daddy...and he is my father....I doubt that there is anything that you could buy me that he hasn't already or couldn't do so in the future....LOL!
Tommy: {grabs his chest in laughter}
Tommy's Roommate: LOL...your loss! {rolls eyes and laughs}

LMFAO...so that exchange was pretty hilarious. Realize that he was totally not being serious the entire time...he is a pretty sarcastic guy and he was playing around. You could see it in his face because he could not keep it straight every time he dropped those lines on me. Definitely a funny guy that wins at life!

Anyways...I turned my attention back towards my left where the rest of the crew was. Jay and Mike were getting "friendly" and D was taking pictures etc etc. Then I worked back into the situation eventually and then it ended up being a human Oreo sandwich with Mike in the middle of me and Jay.

LMAO!

Basically, fun times were popping off. I think I gave him a hickey in there somewhere, Jay was nibbling on his ear on the other side of his head and his shirt was pretty much not where it was supposed to be most of the time. Ridiculous!

Eventually Tommy's Roommate said something to the effect of "OMG...thats so hot...I'd totally rent that video" and we all started LOL'ing hardcore. Then he was like.."dudes if you don't take him home and have a three-way I am gonna be so fucking pissed at you!" Then he goes to Mike...."how would you like to get double penetrated tonight?"

LMFAO....I was DYING laughing!

So then Mike turns at Jay and I and was like..."so how big are you guys?"

And I threw my hand over Jay's shoulder jokingly and was like......"Ummmmm we are black..HELLOOOOOOO!"

And he is like...."sooo I've been with black men who weren't that big...so what?!?!"

*dead*

So that playful banter went on and on basically all night. Mike kept on telling me and Jay how hot we were..etc etc etc. We exchanged numbers later in the night and he made us promise to keep in touch with him. LOL! Now mind you....I would seriously never consider doing a three-way, as I think it is way to complicated and I've never been one for multi-tasking. LOL! But it was hilarious none the less that this lil' (in height but not build) Italian boy from Queens was ready and willing to take us both on at the same time.

I swear....only at G!

P.S. Some guy attempted to play "hide the finger" with Jay's asshole earlier in the night but ima let him tell you that one b/c I didn't see it.

LMFAO...again, only at G!

Mr. Elevator....Part 2

2008-01-27T11:43:00.000-05:00

Ok so we left off at me running downstairs with my Neuropsych book in my hand and my phone in the other......

So I finally go into the downstairs lobby and I quickly did a survey of the room that Mr. Elevator was in. I saw him, facing the wall, sitting at a desk with a tight, cut off muscle tee and sweats (breathe K...don't forget to breathe).

I looked around to figure out where the best place was that I needed to sit in order to have a good view of him.

I couldn't sit behind him because that meant that I would be looking at the back of his head the entire time and that would be ridiculous. I couldn't sit before him for the same reason and some ugly girl was taking up space to the left of him.

LOL!

Ultimately I decided that I was gonna get comfortable in the couch to the right of him. In this position, we were pretty much in line with each other so that all I had to do was turn my head a little to the right to see him and he could do the same to see me (since we were facing opposite directions).

Anyways, he saw me sit down and we made eye contact. I smiled at him but he didn't smile back at all. In fact, he looked really frazzled and he also looked like he had been running is hands through his hair, as it was totally standing up on end in the front. I quickly took a survey of what was on the desk in front of him and I saw a textbook, notepad and a shitload of highlighters. From that I pretty much gleaned that he was studying and it wasn't going well...which would explain his facial expression.

Obviously I didn't want to approach him in that position and besides...there was that other girl to the left of him that was still there doing god knows what. So I sat down, cracked open my Neuropsych book (which btw, is from LAST SEMESTER...and i've already read the entire thing and received an A in the course...LOL!) and pretended to study Chapter 16: The Frontal Lobe.

LMFAO!

It was the first page the book opened to and I was like....what the heck, might as well...it isn't like I am actually reading this shit anyways. I mean....how would he know right?

So now I am *pretending* to study while frantically txting everyone in my phone for some courage and/or words of advice and periodically glancing over. I was sitting so close to him yet he still seemed so fucking far away........

Anyways, I dunno how long I was in that room for...maybe like and hour (or two...LOL) but at no time did I feel that there was an opening for me to speak to him. We made eye contact a couple of times...extremely briefly....and nothing came out of it. Then he started putting on a show again...

(At least in my eyes...LOL)

When he yawned...his shirt would lift up....

And he would periodically lift up is shirt to scratch his tummy.....

He also enjoyed crossing his hands behind is head, inadvertently (or maybe not) flexing those arms....

All I'm thinking is "That fucking cocky bastard! He so knows that I'm checking him out and he is totally putting on a show and shoving it all in my face!"

ARRGGGGHHHHHH!

And then, when I was looking towards the doorway, I saw his hand move oddly out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly to get a better look..and sure enough....his hand hand totally slipped past the waistband of his A&F sweats as he lazily scratched his thigh.

You know what happens next right?

I shifted in the couch and was forced to put my textbook in my lap....

I totally thought Mr. Elevator was going for his cash and prizes and as a result....Little K decided that it was time to make a grand entrance.

LMFAO!!!

I guess my sudden movement caused him to look over and he caught me staring at his waistband and then quickly turned back to his book. His face was a blank slate...no expression...no knowning smirk...no eye-roll...just nothing to go on at all!

By this time it was sometime past 2AM and I was so exhausted from the stress of being so close to him for so long and still not having the balls to talk to him that I decided I was gonna wrap it up. I was so frustrated (sexually and otherwise) that I figured I better just call it a night and maybe try again some other time.

So I started to make moves to get up....slowly of course! Shit, I wanted to give him ample time to get ready, pack up and meet me in the elevator!

LOL

As I am making my move I hear him start to shuffle. Then he throws his pen into his bag and closes his notebook.....

I cannot tell you how absolutely close I was to passing out right there!

I mean...I'm like, "dude....is he trying to get up at the same time as me..to FOLLOW me?!?!?!" So of course I did the totally logical and obvious thing to do in situations like this........

I made it as though I was just trying to get settled in a new position on the couch.

LMFAO!!!!

LAAAMMMMMEEEEEEEE!

This is the second time that I panicked and had a nervous reflex. The first one was when I was in the elevator with him and I side-stepped to get out of his way and now....I sit down again after it looks like he was making moves to follow me?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

So then, he whips out his iPhone (while sitting btw....he never got up during this entire situation) and starts fooling around with it. AGAIN....this was another PERFECT IN FOR ME seeing as though I have an iPhone too! I could have said something slick like...."oooo I like that case you've got, I want something like that for mine, where did you get it" or something to that effect.....

BUT NOOOOO....I had to sit down there like dipshit and not say a thing.

After that, I was just so angry and disappointed with myself that I just decided I was gonna leave. He was making no moves to continue packing and leaving so I was like whatever. I would have personally liked to follow him instead of having him following me (as if that would ever happen) but I resigned myself to the fact that I will most likely see him again in a different setting.

So as I got up slowly....he pried his eyes away from whatever was on his screen and looked over in my direction. I felt that this was my last stand for tonight to say I at least did SOMETHING...but all I ended up mustering was a head nod. UGH!

He nodded back as we locked eyes and he gave me a bit of a smirk. Not too sure what that meant, but I decided that I would take any sort of acknowledgment on his part and be thankful for it. LOL!

As I was getting up I noticed that he also had a napsack of shit sitting next to him on the floor. I knew that even if he did want to follow me out, there would be no way in hell he pack up all that stuff w/in the time that it would take me to leave and walk towards the elevator. so I started to think of something that I could do....as I was walking towards the door out of the room.

I quickly decided that I was gonna find a way to come down again to the lobby and hopefully catch him on his way out of the room. So I run into the elevator, go up to my floor, run into my room (this is all subconsciously I think), and get of all things.....MY MAILBOX KEY so that I could have a reason to go back downstairs and catch him.

LOL...who knew mailbox keys could be so useful?

Anyways, so I got off the elevator again...sans textbook and phone...with my mailbox key in one hand...slowly walking through the lobby. I was hoping that I would catch him waiting for the elevators but that didn't happen. The next best thing would be to catch him as he was actually walking towards the elevators. As I turned the corner to go down the hallway........bam.....he is right there in front of me with all his books and napsack with him!

I froze and looked at him sheepishly.....

I mean FUCK MAN....this is what I wanted! Why oh why K are you incapable of introducing yourself or making any kind of vocalizations when you are around this kat?

He smiled at me as he walked past me......and then I continued to walk towards the mailroom chanting "shit, shit, shit, fucking shit" under my breath. When I got back to the elevators, I saw that one of them was at the 6th floor....

I seriously considered taking the next one up there, hoping that perhaps he would be fumbling with his keys for a long time or something and perhaps I could catch him in time to help him "put them in".

HEHEHE!

But really guys....in which part of the previous run-in's I've had with this guy would make me...or anyone else for that matter...believe that even if I DID go up there and catch him I would even say anything?

NONE!

Soooooo, after that whole ordeal I just went back to my room and sulked. I am such a pussy it is incredible. Moreover, I don't even know why I am getting so worked up over this guy...it would be just my luck if he turns out to be 100% straight and even if....by divine providence that he is gay....he is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo outta my league it is ridiculous.

I don't know what I am gonna do.

Friday morning I ended up seeing him at the gym, finishing some cardio as I was coming in. There was no way for me to talk to him then b/c of our respective locations in there.....he was so far away from me and I was going in the complete opposite direction. Friday night...when I went BACK to the gym to do weights.....he was COMING IN as I was finishing my workout....ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So guess what the plan is for this upcoming week?

I am changing my schedule around and I am gonna hit the gym every morning EARLY for cardio and LATE at night for weights. I figure since he was leaving as I was coming in the morning and he was just coming in as I was leaving in the evening...if I just start a lil bit earlier and later each day....I might get myself into a situation where I can actually run into him and be in his area for a prolonged period of time. Perhaps then I can get up the nerve to talk to him....and even if I don't...at least I will have the added benefit of looking HOT this summer for the meetup.

Pray that this works ppl!

(Even tho it is *verging* on the side of stalking)

LOL....if you saw him, you would understand.

P.S....Wait til you hear what happened with me and Jay on Saturday night at G Lounge. That shit is gonna take an afternoon to write...bear with me, it will be worth it...TRUST ME!

Mr. Elevator, we are gonna fuck....

2008-01-25T10:48:00.000-05:00

Ok boys....time for another massively long and overwrought post from yours truly. I'm just warning y'all now before certain people decide they wanna come and comment all slick and shit about how my posts take "six hours to read"...

LOL..Steven, you know I love you and I'm just teasing!

Anywho...lets talk about my new obsession, Mr. Elevator. (Tally,JP,Mark and Chris...you will be familiar with this guy as being "my gym crush" that I spoke about earlier. I felt like calling him something a bit more creative....LOL!)

Anyways, so it all started on Monday evening at the gym. I usually go from 9:30-11:00 during weekdays because that is really the only time I can fit it into my schedule with school and work..blah blah. There is no way I am waking up early to go to the gym...because I'm really not a morning person (this is gonna change tho..more on that later, LOL!)

So basic layout of my gym....

It has 4 stories with the main entrance, lobby and cardio on the 2rd level...weights, locker rooms and pool on the ground level and various racquetball courts and other stretch rooms on the 3rd and 4th levels. The 2nd level is open to the ground level so that when you are using the weight equipment and whatnot, you can look up and see people on the ellipticals, stairmasters, recumbent bicycles and all those other thingamabobs.

Anyways, I was doing preacher curls and I saw this image upstairs. So, I finished my set and I looked upstairs to see....by far....the most delicious man that I have seen in that gym since last September. Picture this....at least 6'2 (prob 6'3), dark blonde hair, square jaw, 5-o'clock shadow, massive chest, huge shoulders, legs like Oak trees.......

I literally could not stop staring. If I had to rate him on a scale of 1-10...with 10 being the absolute pinnacle of male perfection.....this guy would be a 9. NO JOKE!!!!!

And you guys KNOW I don't go around handing out 9's. Shit, I don't even think I gave Matt Dallas a 9 before....and everyone who knows me knows the things I would do to him if I ever got close enough to Matty. Sooooo basically, you know how big of a deal this guy is......he looked like a fucking Armani Model

Now that I think about it....he looks ALOT like this Armani Model, Matt Merrell....

So kinda imagine him....like that facial structure....but with more Aryan features (lighter hair, fairer skin, light blue eyes). I think that build is a bit to skinny too, so add about 10 pounds more muscle and an inch more of height and you will have a basic idea of what I am (and hopefully more personally will be) dealing with.

LOL!

So he gets on the elliptical and starts to go at it hardcore. And now I am tired as shit....because I did five more sets on those preacher curls that I had planned to. You see, from that vantage point, I had a perfect view of him upstairs...in all his glory. Eventually I decided that it was time to move to another machine because my arms just couldn't take the assault anymore and I thought that I might start to look a lil' suspicious.

So I moved to another machine and I went at it again. I don't even remember how many sets I did on the pec fly...but it didnt matter because I got to glance up and see him numerous times. I think I was almost shameful with it actually....like, I didn't even pretend to be looking at the clock to his left or to that fat lady on the recumbent bike on the other side of him. LOL!

He noticed.....

He looked down a couple of times and we made eye contact. One second here, two seconds there....furtive glances left and right...you know me, I'm horrible....

Then he started doing the most curious thing.....

While he was still on the elliptical, he would let go of the handles and start flexing. This was all done very stealthily, under the guise of "wiping his brow of sweat" when really...his arms stayed up in that position a weeeeee bit too long and his biceps flexed just a smidgen to much.

You fucking cocky showoff you!

You totally saw that I was checking you out and decided you were gonna put on a show huh? There is not earthly reason why would would be flexing and rubbing your biceps while on an elliptical. There is just no way, there is no need for it....

Unless of course....you want to show off......In which case, thank you!

Is it bad of me to admit that this little display kinda turned me on? Furthermore....would you crucify me if I told you that cocky men secretly kinda do something for me? Is it wrong to say that I am totally attracted to that confident kind of swagger?

I hope not...because I really am!!!!

{runs and hides}

So, eventually 11PM came and it was time for me to piece that joint...so I stood up and looked upstairs at him one more time. We made eye contact again....and he gave me a blank stare. I turned around and made my way to the locker room to throw on my hoodie and my trackpants. On my way there I past some mirrors and realized how completely jacked I looked...LOL! Clearly I had an intense workout and didn't even fucking realize it because I was too busy watching this guy. Perhaps I need him there every day.....LOL!

But wait...so then I am leaving the locker room and he is coming in at the same time. We make SERIOUS eye contact....but it was from far away (I was on one side of the locker room and he was on the other). So I know what your thinking, "K...you fucking pussy, why don't you just go up and talk to that fool already....you've been staring at him for an hour already....JESUS!!!"

Well folks...listen up....if you saw this guy you'd understand why. You see, for whatever reason I totally loose all my social skills around hot guys and I just turn into a stammering, blubbering, grunting and nodding mess.

(Ok, maybe it isn't that bad most of the time.....but it still happens much more than I would like!)

So after I past him I resigned myself to being a pussy by not getting up the nerve to speak to him. I dragged my behind upstairs and made a pit stop at the announcement board to read some of the classes that they have scheduled for the Spring. I honestly wasn't lurking or anything...I was genuinely curious as to when spinning and yoga classes were next month...LOL!

So I had my hoodie on so I couldn't really see or hear (b/c of my headphones) anything that was going on around me. Then I felt something behind me....I immediately turned to my right and I saw him standing about 4 feet to my right picking up some flyers (for what class I couldn't see...LOL). So now my heart is racing like whoa and I swear I started shvitzing (I grew up around a lot of Jewish ppl and I picked up the terminology...whatya want? LOL!)

I looked over again right before I left and *attempted* a smile..or a smirk...god knows what I looked like...prob mild constipation..who knows? Anyways, he looked back at me and gave me a slight head nod....totally neutral...and absolutely nothing could be inferred from it. Internally, I KICKED myself for not finding my huevos in order to actually talk to this guy.

Damn, Damn....DAMN

So after I realized that I wasn't gonna be able to talk to him...I turned to my left and started the trek to the main doorway. I walked extra slow just in case *maybe* he would see me leave and then perhaps speed up whatever he was doing and follow me outside. God knows why I thought that.....I mean that would be so convenient...but alas totally unrealistic.....or was it?

I walked through the first door that leads to the staircase that ends on the street. As I was opening up the second door to the street, I heard the previous door open and I see a vestige of his head peek through...

"OMG, he sped up...YIKES!!!!"

So I step out onto the street...totally about to hyperventilate and I start walking slowly down the sidewalk to my building. I didn't want to stop and wait for him to get on the street because A). as if I could actually SPEAK to him when he got there B). come on....wouldn't that scare you off? Ya, thought so too.....

So as I am halfway to my building I turn around and see him a couple of paces behind me....but looking down and reading one of the flyers. In my mind I'm thinking...."hmmm so he def goes to my gym....and he is either heading to the subway right now or he lives down this street." For whatever reason it didn't register that he could actually live in my building too!!!

I go through the revolving doors and now im heading to the turnstyle to get in. I hear the door go around once more....

"OMG K...PLEASE TELL ME IT IS HIM!!"

Turn around and he is looking straight up at me.....with the same blank look on his beautifully chiseled face.....

AKA....I couldn't read him at all...booo!

So now..if i wasn't gonna pass out before...I REALLY had to summon up some extra strength to stay on my feet. I cannot believe this guy lives in my building...and is RIGHT BEHING ME!!!!

I had to think fast....

I decided that I was tired of him following me. I figured it *may* be easier for me to assess the situation and do something while I am behind him (get your minds out of the gutter...I didn't mean it in that way...at least not totally...hehe!) So, after I went through the turnstyle, turned past the reception desk and walked a couple of steps down the hall, I decided to turn around and make a detour to the front desk to inquire about a "new mailbox key".

Now mind you....I have my mailbox key...but between the seven or so steps from the hallway and the reception desk, I could think of no other reason to talk to them. Obviously I did this because I was hoping that it would give Mr. Elevator enough time to close the distance b/t us....get through the turnstyle and turn the corner so I could then follow him later from a safe distance while I figured out my next move.

It worked....

We past each other in the hallway...and I made it to the desk where the nice receptionist went on for what seemed to be forever on the procedures for obtaining a new mailbox key. I just smiled and nodded pleasantly like I always do when I am not listening to a word someone is saying to me. LMFAO! Finally she asked me to go to another office to fill out some ridiculous form and I told her that I would do it eventually since I was heading down that way anyways. Doesn't this bitch know I have a man to stalk? Shhheeeiiittt.......

LOLOL!

So I get back into the hallway and I am like "shoot...that bitch talked to damn long...I lost him". But then, I looked around a column and saw him walking through the next room and making a right to the elevators.....

You know I power-walked that bitch to close the distance right?

I know, I know...you guys are all shaking your heads and saying "K you are so fucking shameful...I have no words." Well, to that I say FUCK YOU....LOL! If you saw this guy...you would know....OK?!?!

So i finally reach the corner and turn...and I find him waiting for the elevator with two other random people who are just totally irrelevant...LOL...I wasn't paying attention to them. He shot me a look when I turned the corner, smirked briefly and then looked forward again to see where all the elevators were. Their are 3 of them in my tower and he was standing in front of the far left one...the two irrelevant people were standing and chatting in front of the middle one and I was standing in front of the far right one.

The far right one came first....

SCORE!!!!

So I run in...and call for the 8th floor then situated myself in the far right corner of the elevator, facing the open door. The two other people came in...pressed the 4th floor button and then shuffled into the far left corner. Then he came in and did the most curious thing.......

I would say that the standard social convention in an elevator is to come in....find an empty spot....make your footprint as small as possible and then face forward towards the door.

Everyone co-signs on this right?

But Mr. Elevator came in....pressed the button for the 6th floor (which is on the left side of the elevator btw) and then came over to the right side and stood right in front of me....FACING ME!!!!!

Like so........

I want to also make it clear that this is NOT a small elevator. It routinely fits like 8-9 people comfortably. There was PLENTY of space to go around.

As god is my witness...I swear I felt like someone had removed all the oxygen from that elevator. I think part of the reason why I was so light-headed could have been attributed to the fact that I just had one of my most intense workouts ever. But...if we are being honest......about 90% of it was him. I totally forgot about the other two people that were in the elevator and I literally gave him the slowest once-over in the history of man. From his New Balances...all the way up past his cargos and crossed arms...up to his chest and finally to his face.....were my gaze was met with another smirk.

LMFAO!

It literally lasted about .2 seconds...but he totally noticed me checking him out and acknowledged it (at least in my mind). After the smirk...he leaned his head back against the door and looked up to the ceiling.

Somewhere in the corner of my mind I vaguely remember that there were two more ppl over to my left who still did not get off yet....and I literally could care less about what they were seeing or what they thought was or was not happening. I was totally transfixed......

I looked back at Mr. Elevator's chest....he was wearing a light yellow vintage t-shirt..maybe a size too small....and it was DRENCHED WITH SWEAT!

You know what happens to white and light colored t-shirts when they get wet don't you?

I could see EVERYTHING......every ridge, crease, ripple, sinew and curve.....that image is BURNED into my mind for all eternity. Trust me, if I could draw or paint....I would totally make you a picture.

And you wanna know something else.....

I could totally smell him. And it was not offensive at all!!! Dudes, he smelled just like how a fucking sweaty man is supposed to smell like.....and I LOOOVVVEEDDD IT!!!!

LOL!

Now listen, I dunno if this is because I was already extremely turned on by everything else about him or if pheromones were in play, but I've gotta say....someone needs to get a grant (if it hasn't been done already) and study the effects of male pheromones and sweat on gay men. Something tells me that would turn out to an amazing bit of research...

Anyways...by this time the elevator had reached the 4th floor and I am sure I was sweating and wheezing and trying desperately to keep it all together. The door opened and Mr. Elevator had to stop leaning on the door for it to open and let the other two out. In order to do this he turned all the way around and stepped back (with his back facing me now) as the other two walked from the left hand side of the elevator and out the door. I side-stepped to the left for reasons unknown...

Perhaps it was just a reflex...

But, I REALLY wanted him on top of me......isn't that the point.......so why would I side-step? Guys, I was literally 1/2 an arm length from his back...and I shuffled to the side like a fucking dipshit. ARGGHHHHHH! So I said to myself..."K, you have him alone in an elevator...and you have two fucking floors left to make your damn move!!!!!"

So I summoned up whatever brazenness I had within me and I leaned against the back of the elevator as I waited for him to turn around. The door finally closed and he turned around and looked at me dead in the face.....

OMG OMG OMG OMG...DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE K!!!!

So I inhaled (thank god...before I passed out) and I locked eyes with him. Then he spoke..............

Mr. Elevator: That's a nice gym huh?
Me: {BREATHE DAMNIT} Yea, it is...
Mr. Elevator: Yea, it really got me fucked.

OMG...what weird terminology isn't it? I mean...I understand what he was saying but isn't that an odd way to say it? Why wouldn't you say something like "man I'm beat" orrrrr "damn, that was an intense workout".....

"It really got me fucked?"

Really?

Strange.........

Anyways, so then as I am chewing on that statement in my head I go....

Me: Yea, I can see that! {while I gave him the toe to head once-over again}

Then I hear the chime for the 6th Floor and he turns around to step out. Internally I am like..."no no no no no, I didn't get a chance to get your name...or number (phone or apartment...it doesn't matter)."

LOLOLOL!

As he is halfway through the door he turn around again and goes...

Mr. Elevator: Cya 'round

And of course...on par with being a huge pussy.....all I could come up with was.....

Me: I hope so.

LMFAO...how lame is that? How on earth did I not get that man's number? Seriously...how many chances did I have? How many missed fucking opportunities?!?! As the door closed I realized that I needed to calm down a bit. I mean, this guy lives in my building...two floors down from me.....and he goes to my gym. I HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN RIGHT?

So, I decided that I am gonna make sure that I am in the gym during that timeframe so that I could run into him again.

Tuesday......not there

Wednesday.....bro, where are you?

Thursday.....damn it playa....come to the fucking gym already!!!!!

So now I am like, "K....you've got to chill out...you're gonna see him eventually and when you do...strike up a conversation you fucking dolt!"

I was in a group chat with some of the bloggers that Thursday night and I decided that I wanted to go on a chocolate run. Because you know....I am a fucking pregnant woman and I get cravings from time to time! HAHA!

So, I throw on some clothes and head out to the corner store for some dark chocolate (p.s. if anyone out there wants to know the way to my heart...send me some dark chocolate, 90% cacao and up only...thx).

I come back in the building and past the lounge area...AND WHOSE HEAD DO I SEE?!?!?!

Yeap.....you know it!

And you also know what I did right?

He did not see me because his back was facing me and he was deep into some book. Immediately I swished past the area and into the elevator while I mulled over another plan of attack. LOL...that sounds devious doesn't it? I assure you...I am the sweetest guy....ask Troy!

HEHE....

So I get into my room and back into the chat...then I flipped out!

"Guys, guess who I just saw!?!?"

"What should I do?"

"I need to bring a book down there and read!"

"But which one?"

"Omg, well...i've gotta look intelligent, but approachable too!"

"How about To Kill A Mockingbird?" {too short someone said}

"What about a textbook?" {OMG..no someone else said}

"Oh Lord...what should I wear...I'm in rags!" {I reach for some tight, Baby Gap looking t-shirt...LOL!}

During all this I ask everyone to pray for me. Jay says something along the lines of "please Jesus make sure that he has the book upright" or something to that effect and we all LOL. so finally....I get myself together...grab my phone (just in case) and grab the first book that I could get my hands on (my neuropsychology book from last semester...LOL...so much for approachability) and I hi-tailed my black ass downstairs.

Part 2 coming soon....

IN SHOCK

2008-01-22T21:07:00.000-05:00

1979-2008

R.I.P.

:(

My Weekend With The Guys

2008-01-21T15:01:00.000-05:00

We had such a cray cray time, minus some hilarious drama at Vlada (wait til you hear about that....just my luck). Let's start from the top shall we?

So as many of you know, Troy came into the city this weekend to visit a couple of people (including yours truly).....so you just know we had to do it real big! First, we met up at this fun Mexican restaurant in Chelsea called The Rocking Horse. I arrived with Chris...... and Jay met us there with Troy and his friend Eric.

First Impressions.....

Guys I've gotta say......Troy is as cute in real life as he is in his photos online. He is exactly how I imagined him to be....smart, outgoing, sweet and totally hilarious. He had us rolling during dinner with some of his stories. I am kinda pissed that he lives in Chicago...because if he was in NYC, we would surely be hitting the town every (other...wink) night!

Jay was really cool too. It is a shame that we've lived in the city together for like almost 2 months and we JUST got around to meeting each other this past weekend. Crazy schedules I guess....who knows? Anyways, he is definitely a cool kat....and a ridiculously good dancer that pretty much upstaged the rest of us with his moves on the dancefloor. Whatever ho......

LOL! (j/k buddy)

Now, to Troy's friend Eric........

If I said that I was just slightly enamored with this guy....I would kinda be lying because I think he is absolutely adorable.

THERE...I ADMITTED IT!!!!!

LMAO...no but really guys, from the second I saw him from inside the restaurant I was like, "mmmmmmmmm." In fact (and Chris, you will correct me if I am wrong) I believe the second thing that came out of my mouth after "oh look, there's Troy" was "OMG Troy's friend is HOOTTTT."

LOL, I'm a trip.....

You wanna know what is even more funny about the entire situation? After hanging out with him the entire weekend, I've realized that his physical appearance isn't even his best feature. Not only is he such a pleasant person to be around....he also has this extremely witty and sarcastic sense of humor that I just find so entertaining. He is definitely a catch...that's for sure. So much so that I gave Troy instructions to watch over him until the Blogger meetup this summer....

LOL!

If we are both still single by this summer I swear to you I am gonna charm the pants of his behind....or maybe I'll just get him really, REALLY inebriated and just take advantage of him. LMFAO!

Either way that ass is mine! I am putting everyone on notice that I called that shit, I don't even care.....

(I am only 1/2 joking btw...LOL)

Anyways, so we had a nice dinner....with THE BEST Mojito's of life! And trust me....K knows mojitos...I grew up in South Florida, I know what I'm talking about.

After that, we skipped on over to my favorite spot G Lounge where you might remember that I met the infamous Polish Boy. I figured that if it could happen to me, it sure as hell could happen to Troy.

Alas, we got there and it was PACKED. Total fire hazard....and the atmosphere wasn't really conducive to meeting new people or even mingling for that matter. You literally could not walk anywhere in that bitch. Luckily we found a couch close to the door where all of us could ogle at the men who came in and out of the entrance.

There was this cute older guy (guessing mid 30's) standing next to us by himself. He had on a ROOTS shirt with Canada on his chest and I contemplated chatting him up. He looked like the typical lost businessman in town for the weekend who didn't know anyone and was just looking to start up a conversation. He was cute in a very "I iron my chino's while watching Charlie Rose at night" kinda way....which.....at the end of the day.........is really just an elaborate way of saying he looked kinda boring.

LOL!

With that being said...I probably would have talked to him had I not been distracted by Eric and his adorableness. Hehe......

Soooooo, we made our rounds around the round bar a couple of times (dizzy yet?). Plenty of hot guys and the requisite number of chunky and obnoxious fag hags sprinkled around and about. One of them *almost* spilled a drink on my shirt as I was on the way to the bathroom. She is lucky that she caught that shit in time...or else it would have been ON up in that piece! I personally don't have a big problem with drunken rowdiness...but seriously homegirl, you cannot be "backin dat ass up" to whatever tune the DJ is playing while simultaneously holding two full drinks. It's just not gonna work. Focus on bringing those drinks back to whichever mo' you came out with...and then you can focus on dancing. /end rant

So the plan was to stay there until JP came to meet us. Unfortunately because of some car trubs....he wasn't able to make it into town. This is unfortunate because I was totally gonna wingman for him that night.....but another time my friend.

So anyways, next we hit up Barracuda which was full of a bunch of hotties....some of whom I recognized from Connexion ~~stalking~~ "perusing". Eric got groped by a belligerently drunk man named Rufus...or Reginald....or....Rupert....something to that effect, I don't remember. He was just really sloppy and making a complete ass out of himself. Needless to say I (along with everyone else) found him extremely hilarious. Eric almost got a free drink out of him.....but he didn't work it hard enough...he needed to let some of those "goodies" out of the jar. LOL!

So we hung out there for a while. Rufus played a mean joke on me by making me think that some random old lady behind him was his mother. I am usually not that gullible but for whatever reason I believed him when he said he came out to the bar w/ his mom...who.....according to him.....was visiting with his brother from outta town. She kinda looked like that one chick from the Momma and the Papas.....I forget her name but I suppose it is unimportant. Anyways I was telling Rupert how nice it is that he has a mom that is so comfortable with his sexuality and whatnot that she would accompany him to Barracuda. He started laughing at me and was like "dude, I am totally joking....do you really think that fat lady is my mother...OMG COULD YOU JUST IMAGINE IF SHE WAS MY MOTHER...LOLOL". So I look over to Jay and im like..."dude...is this kat serious" and then we both look over to Reginald with the "dude, what the fuck is wrong with you" face on. Dumbass....

Anywho we spent some more time in that bar sightseeing and what not. This hot guy with amazing legs sat across from me when we were in the back of the club. I thought he was pretty cute....but he looked to be high on something and besides, he looked like he was with his boyfriend......boooo on both counts.

Eventually we decided it was getting kinda late and Troy wanted to dance....so we hit up Rush.

When we got there and it was like twink boy central.

LOL!

Y'all know that is so not my thing but the DJ help to rectify the situation by playing some good music. By this time we were all pretty drunk (except for Chris I think) so we were just dancing around and not giving a fuck. It was really fun.....we had a good time there. I think we were there for about an hour or so...I'm not sure....

Anyways last stop of the night was Vlada up in HK. I told Troy previously that I would take him there because it is one of my favorite places in the city and there are always really cute guys there. We hopped on the subway and got in there at maybe 3-something...almost 4 (this will become relevant...trust me).

So we do the whole coat check thing and then we head to the stairs in the back. The downstairs bar was full so there was really no way that we would have been able to get drinks in a timely fashion so I thought it would be a good idea to check what was happening upstairs.

We went up there ordered some drinks and then Chris decided he wanted to scope out some of the guys downstairs again...since we didn't get a good look beforehand. So we are coming down the stairs (far right-hand corner).......

And as we are walking and I IMMEDIATELY recognize a guy who I went to high school and college with. He is currently in med school right now in the city. Now mind you....we know each other....but we don't KNOW each other. You know, we are Facebook friends and we have some mutual acquaintances...but thats about it.....

Anyways, I spotted him out of the corner of my eye as we were walking. Now, you know I didn't want to stop, turn around and get a better look...because you just know whenever you do that, it is at the same time that person decides he or she wants to look up and catch you staring at them. LOL! So, I didn't really get a second look....but I will bet every single CENT that I have in the bank that it was him. I am 100% sure.

Now, I am sure that curious minds are asking, "K.....was he with a guy...was he making out with someone...was he dancing....what was he doing?!?!"

Well, he was with 2 other guys....all with what looked to be full drinks (this will also become relevant) and they were all really "friendly" looking....aka they were all standing around each other...all very touchy-feely and what not.

So I guess the next question y'all are thinking is, "K...why is this a big deal....it seems like another aquaintence of yours that you grew up with is gay and is out in the city....you should be happy"

Now wait for the kicker.......

THIS GUY HAS BEEN...AND IS CURRENTLY STILL IN A 6+ YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL WHO ALSO WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL & COLLEGE WITH US AND HE IS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED TO THIS CHICK AT THE END OF THE YEAR........

So wait....here is my question to you guys.........

Isn't is suspect that a "straight guy" would be at Vlada at almost 4 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday getting cozy and with two other guys.....when his FIANCÉE is at home? (Did I forget to mention that they live together on the UWS)

Someone explain that to me....

Now, I understand that gay clubs/bars aren't just for gay people. Obviously everyone is welcomed. But come on...doesn't make you wonder a bit? Just a weeeee bit?

You know what else is suspicious......

The manner in which he and his friends left.

You see, when I passed him the first time...my initial reaction was panic. This is b/c (lets dub him "Suspect Boy") is the LAST person who needs to see me anywhere near a gay establishment. The boy gossips worse than a woman....real talk.

So, as calmly as I could handle....I told Chris that "I had something funny to tell him once we get upstairs" and I quickly turned around and whisked past Suspect Boy's location (all the while taking great heed to duck behind tall people and not look in his general direction). Once I got upstairs...I told the other guys about what went down and then Chris came up the stairs no more than two minutes later.

He immediately asked me what happened and when I told him he said that he wanted to see this kid. I told him that there was no way I was gonna go back down there and risk running into him again. I made sure to tell him that Suspect Boy was wearing an argyle sweater and he was leaned up against the far left wall. Chris went downstairs to look for him himself and came back up no more than 2 or 3 minutes later saying that he couldn't find the guy. Now remember....no more than 5 or so minutes have elapsed since the time that I first noticed Suspect Boy...

Now, I let the curiosity get the best of me and I decided to accompany Chris downstairs again to see if we could locate Suspect Boy and his "friends". We searched the ENTIRE downstairs area and couldn't find a trace of them.

Now this is all speculation....but for the sake of argument, let's add all these pieces up, shall we......

Am I the only one who thinks that Suspect Boy saw me either as I was coming down the stairs the first time with Chris....or going back up by myself?

Is it a stretch to think that he freaked out when he recognized me and bolted with his friends ASAP?

Remember I said that all of them had seemly full drinks.

Do you think it a coincidence that within five or six minutes of me seeing him in the bar, he and his friends seemly disappeared?

There is no way that they finished those drinks in five minutes....I'm just putting that out there.

Like I said before, just because I saw him at a gay bar doesn't mean he is gay. He could be a fag stag or something....I dunno. But....sometimes you really have to ask yourself what is possible and what is plausible. I mean, it was after 4 AM had he was out (sans g/f) at a gay bar with two other guys and seemingly having a touchy-feely good time.

Riddle me this.....if he wasn't caught in an uncompromising postion.....why would he leave in such a haste?

And....just when you thought the story couldn't get anymore ridiculous....please let me bring your attention to this post that regular readers of my blog will immediately recognize as the aftermath of the situation I had with PR Boy back in the Fall.

Why is this relevant?

Wellll if you scroll down past Aside #4 you will recognize that this was the part of the conversation we had on the phone that centered around "admitting to each other" what guys we would have hooked up with in H.S.

Guess which guy PR Boy said he would have done?

Yeap....that's right.....he said he would hook up with Suspect Boy. If only he knew what I saw on Saturday.......it would make his apparent fantasies so much more realistic. LMFAO! Obviously I will never tell him that I saw Suspect Boy in Vlada.....but it would totally make for a hilarious conversation.

Anyways, I am done thinking about that situation...it has potential to become extremely messy...but if I know Suspect Boy well enough, I am sure he will not open his fucking mouth. I mean...what would he really tell people...."OMG I saw K at a gay bar last weekend, he must be a fag"...........

And then everyones follow up question will be, "Suspect Boy......why WERE YOU in a gay bar and does {insert his fiancé's name} know you are out gallivanting with homosexuals in the wee hours of the morning while you should be at home tending to the future mother of your children."

I don't wanna be bitchy, just throwing that out there........

Anyways, after we were done at Vlada....we headed over to Galaxy Diner where I had some fantastic fried chicken strips and fries at like 5AM. It is perhaps the worst possible thing you could put in your stomach at that hour...but it was so delicious, I didn't care. The meal was also noteworthy because Chris ended up strutting his stuff all the way to the other end of the diner to chat up some aspiring actor.

Everyone else at the table seemed to think he was really cute but I was kinda not impressed. He really didn't do it for me...but whatever. Different strokes for different folks. The moral of that story is.....Chris has bigger balls that the rest of us at that were at that table...because he was the only one who actually had the nerve to go all the way over there, sit and hold a 20 minute convo with this guy. Kudos my friend....too bad you didn't get a number tho....kinda defeats the whole purpose.

Or so I thought before Chris fwd'ed the guy's Connexion account and it revealed that he is vain, self absorbed twat. So good call on not pursuing that buddy!

LOL!

Sunday was fun, I met Troy and Eric for desert in Union Square. We had great conversation as usual and Eric was still frustratingly adorable. (I was secretly hoping that perhaps I had on beer googles the night before so that when I saw him sober I wouldn't be as impressed) We know how that worked out right?

Annnyyways....fast foward to Monday morning where we all met up again on the UWS for brunch and a send off. It was a good meal and a nice way to cap of the weekend.

I can't wait to hang out with them in Chicago this summer....it is gonna be bananas...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Y'all better be ready for meee!

LOL's in the Fitting Room.....

2008-01-18T19:26:00.000-05:00

So I dunno if I have discussed this yet but I really, REALLY hate working the women's department of our store...ESPECIALLY THE FITTING ROOMS.

Those bitches drive me crazy.....

You see, I love working the mens department because I can actually KNOW mens clothes. I am actually able to recommend stuff comfortably and confidently. With women...it's 10x more difficult. What the fuck is a camisole? And why do they always want to ask you silly questions like, "does this look sexy on me" or my favorite......"do I look fat in this?"

Homegirl.....if you are wearing a size 12 then you are invariably fat. The question you SHOULD be asking yourself is...."does this (insert article of clothing) complement my figure." I'm sorry if this sounds harsh....but I am so tired of these women putting me in uncomfortable positions by asking questions that they already know the answer to...

I refuse to lie to them....but then again, I am not there to be a bitchy asshole and make you cry when you realize you can't shoehorn your ass into that dress. So now, my default answer to all those kind of questions is "do you feel comfortable in it".

I mean at the end of the day.....that is all that really matters right? If you feel comfortable in a size 12 PENCIL SKIRT (I hope the incongruity of those two things is not lost on anyone) by all means go ahead. It's your world....conquer that bitch.

This is precisely why I like working in the mens department, you will never hear a guy come outta the fitting room asking you...."excuse me sir...do I look fat in these slacks." This EVEN applies to even the most flamboyant of men like Carson Kressley. You're just not gonna see it. For the most part (and I recognize this is generalization...so don't chew me out for it), a man is going into a store with a a predetermined idea of what he needs and a pretty solid sense of what looks good on him/what he prefers.

When I was ginormous, there were certain areas of a store that I just dared not venture. Why is this concept so foreign to so many women? Why are you asking me how come we cut our sizes so small when your homegirl is sitting right there begging you to get the size up. Are you serious? Why are u making a scene and claiming that (insert brand name) is on a personal vendetta against you and all of your other big girlfriends? Why.......after trying every conceivable position to wedge your big ol' behind into that skirt...are you now claiming that "you are just bloated" and that is why it will not zip up.......

Anyways, I'm done with work for the weekend pretty much...so I don't wanna think about it anymore!

In other news.....TROYSTOPHER IS COMING INTO TOWN!!!

Fun times, fun times will be had!

Also, I start school next week....and I am surprisingly looking forward to it. Hope you guys have a great weekend!

Steve, You Really Need To Stop Taking My Money....

2008-01-15T22:43:00.000-05:00

So the new MacBook Air was announced this afternoon at Macworld 2008.

Do you even have to ask whether or not K is gonna get one?

LOL....dudes, I'm so there......my iBook is getting kinda long in the tooth anyways.

But really Steve, how much of my money will you continue to take from me and Mr/Mrs. K?

You really need to stop with all these nifty products....

(Thank God I have AAPL stock to offset all these costs...looks like ima have a little "chat" with Pops and see if he will sell some shares to hook a brotha up!)

Some first looks......
Mac Rumors
Engadget

I Don't Want To Sound Conceited But......

2008-01-15T02:17:00.001-05:00

Inevitably this post is gonna come off a bit like that so plz just forgive me and bear with it. I have been holding onto this story for a while (since early December) because I had to make sure that this guy was for real and this whole thing wasn't just a figment of my imagination...

Ok, now I am 99.99% sure that my co-worker wants to sleep with me...

{GASP}

So you're asking yourself at home, "K, how do you know this?"

Good question....I'll give you the evidence next, but first let me give you some stats of this guy.....

Name: Let's call him "Miguel"
Age: 21
Height: 5'10
Eye Color: Light Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Ethnicity: Latin (Puerto Rican to be exact)
Sexuality: Come on.....LOL!

Ok, so I have been having "issues" with this guy since late November. Originally when I started working at the store, we never worked the same shift because he always worked the beginning week and I worked the weekends since I was in school. However, at the beginning of the holiday season he changed his availability to pick up more hours and I ended up seeing a lot more of him.

This was/and still is troublesome......

You see....Miguel is a brazen lil' mo. Well, he isn't really little....but he is most definitely a mo...as he makes this blatantly clear when he speaks about hot guys who walk in the store or his numerous ex-boyfriends or how all these random guys try to flirt with him on Myspace etc etc etc....

Sigh....

So, the thing with my situation is that I haven't formally "announced" my orientation at work. Unlike many of the other guys, I just don't think it is necessary. I mean.....I think it is pretty obvious at this point what team I am batting for, why should I be all out and about with it? Anyways, I bring that up because at first....I really thought Miguel's flirtations were just a sneaky way of trying to figure out my orientation. You know.....flirt with a guy....send yourself out as bait...and see if he bites (both literally and figuratively...LOL!)

It all began with little gestures. I found that he would always find himself somewhere near me in the store...a table away here...and rack away there...close, but not ON TOP of me. Then I noticed that he started to get clumsy around me for some reason. He would drop a hangar here.....fumble with a sweater on the floor over there and for whatever reason I didn't add all of this up. I mean, I'm not a stupid guy, I should have realized that it couldn't be a coincidence that he was seemly always 'bending down' or 'stretching for something' within my line of sight. Eventually I started to realize that something wasn't quite right with the situation....so I started to pay more attention...all the while trying acting as clueless as possible...

He got more brazen.

I started to get winks...

And whistles...

Then he started to call me "Papi" (I shit you not)

I just brushed ALL these advances for a number of reasons.....

1). You are my co-worker. Are you crazy?
2). I was involved w/ the German.
3). I don't know if you're intentions are legit.
4). I kinda wanted to see how far he would ACTUALLY go.
5). Dude, I fucking WORK with you...again, are you crazy?

So it seemed that he was getting frustrated that he wasn't getting the reaction out of me that he wanted. As a result, his leers became even more lecherous. So much so that I was forced to laugh at him every time I caught him giving me one of his looks....

I just laughed him off....very much like how I handle every other uncomfortable situation that I may find myself in. I mean, I definitely wasn't gonna take the bait, I'm not that dumb...and besides I still really couldn't make out his intentions. Then came the pièce de résistance.............

I was closing one night (it was actually this night) and I was in the women's fitting room with Miguel. A bunch of Dutch tourists (sorry Pete) had just virtually destroyed the back of the store by trying on like 30 pieces of clothing between the 3 of them. Of course they didn't buy anything....they just wanted to play dress-up in the extra large fitting room 15 minutes before we were about to close. LOL! That left me and Miguel hanging, folding and stacking way after we should have been getting ready to clock out. Needless to say I was a bit irritated...but whatever.

To make matters worse, Miguel was up to his old tricks. I would hang a top and he would say something to the effect of "mhmmm, work it Papi" or "look at dat booty" whenever I had to bend down for something. I just continued to crack up. It really became this big joke between us. He would say something overtly sexual and inappropriate and I would roll my eyes and laugh at him for being so ridiculously brazen.

LMFAO!

To his credit....he never put his hands on me or touched me in anyway but as you are about to see...he really didn't have to in order to get his point across.

So I am stacking some shirts and then I look over and Miguel is opening up the big fitting room again. I thought nothing of if because I figured he was just checking to make sure that the women didn't leave any merchandise in it. Then I hear him call my name and he gave me that head wavy thing that you do when you are trying to get someone to come over. Now, knowing what I know about him (LOL) I made sure to study him closely and his face was just normal and totally expressionless.

Me: What is it man?
Miguel: Come over here and look at this. {looks in the fitting room}
Me: Alright...hold on...

So now i'm curious to see what is actually in there. As I walk over...he is leaning on the door...with his back against it, facing me and his left hand on the knob. By the time I got over there the door was halfway ajar leaving enough room for me to pass between the door frame and him. Once I got inside I looked over to the far wall and everything was copasetic. The chair was fine...the mirror was golden.....there where no hangars and no clothes in the room...everything was perfect. So, I turned around to see him still leaning against the door with THIS expression on his face.........

Me: OHHH HELLLLL NAAAAA PLAYA, YOU MUST BE JOKING!
Miguel: Haha...what I do?
Me: What is in this fitting room that was so important for me to see?
Miguel: Nothing really...I just wanted to get you in here....
Me: U MUSTA LOST YO DAMN MIND {muscles him out of the doorway}
Miguel: Why chu playing so hard to get? {as said to my back as I walk my black ass to the other side of the store}

So then I was said to myself, "I know this boy did not just try to proposition me in the fucking handicapped fitting room after hours. I JUST KNOW HE COULDN'T BE SO OUTTA ORDER!"

It didn't stop there folks....the come on's keep on coming.....which is why I am bringing up all these incidences now. I think it is beyond the point of "slyly trying to find out whether or not I'm gay" and it is now full on into the realm of "I want to get into K's pants".

Case in point......

Last week we were having a conversation about the new VP over at corporate and some of her apparent ideas on the employee dress code. Presently, men are not allowed to wear piercings of any kind, although this may change in the near future. This rule pissed Miguel off in the beginning of his employment because he had "a shit-load of piercings he had to get rid of."

Me: What do you mean a shitload?
Miguel: Well I had my ears pierced, and my labret, one of my nipples....and I even had a tongue ring
Me: No shit....
Miguel: Yea...I got rid of them when I started working here tho
Me: Good, a lot piercings are kinda nasty IMO...aside from ear piercings of course
Miguel: You don't like tongue rings?
Me: OMG...that is one of the worst offenders....why would u even take that chance. Do u realize that if the piercer accidently goes through a nerve you could loose your sense of taste? That would be the worst thing ever...I love food too much...that is ridiculous.
Miguel: But it makes oral so much better
Me: Come again
Miguel: Gladly {leers at me}
Me: What do you mean? {recognizes the apparent double entendre in my previous statement and rolls eyes}
Miguel: Haha...what? You said it...not me!
Me: You KNOW that isn't what I meant...come on dipshit.
Miguel: You're so funny....I love how u get so uncomfortable and on edge when something sexual comes up
Me: sigh........ {goes to finger-space a rack of clothes}
Miguel: Ok, so like I was saying....people with tongue-rings give much better head
Me: Whatever man
Miguel: I'm serious....all the guys I've been with say that I give great head.....my last boyfriend was angry when I had to take it out for work.
Me: {rolls eyes and laughs} I suppose that is why he left you....
Miguel: Fuck you! Hahaha....you watch K, one of these days you'll find out!
Me: I doubt i'll be hooking up with anyone with a tongue ring anytime soon buddy.
Miguel: I'll change your mind Papi....you just watch
Me: Ugh....
Miguel: Hey....speaking of piercings...what would u say if I said I was thinking about getting a PA
Me: A PRINCE ALBERT?
Miguel: Yea....do you like them?
Me: Dude....why do I care what you do with your penis?
Miguel: Well...you might...I dunno.
Me: UGH...you are so ridiculous....

Trying awfully hard eh? Soooo what do you guys think....do ya think he really wants "alone time" with me....or is this just some elaborate scheme to find out once for for all what team I'm batting for? You guys know how cynical I am....so I still want to lean towards the latter....but the former is really starting to become to obvious to ignore. I mean if he REALLY, REALLY wanted to know...he could ask, "K...are you gay?" It kinda seems like a lot of work to go through as opposed to just asking one question. I dunno.....

And it seems like he isn't used to be rebuffed like this....because he is becoming more agitated and seemly more desperate. He used the patented, "let me hype myself up and show him/her how "in demand" I am" trick with me Monday evening. He was telling me this story (totally out of the blue....and totally unsolicited by the way) about how this guy was coming onto him at a club Sunday night....and he was really cute...but he wasn't "feeling him like that". I asked him why this was the case......

Miguel: Because I am holding out for someone special........

*~*~*MASSIVE EYE ROLL*~*~*

[Kelly...you will be happy to know that I again...for the 100th time...had to give him "the face"]

"Dude seriously....come on....you're not serious."

"Are you seriously still trying?"

These are the thoughts that percolate in my mind every time Miguel comes around to speak to me. And I have to be honest....I bare some of the responsibility for his behavior...because I didn't nip it in the bud from the get-go. I laughed it off and probably created and environment that made him think that this constant barrage of come-on's is appropriate.

BAD K!!!!

But you know what is even worse...that I just have to admit......

I kinda like the attention.....

Seriously.....like, I secretly get a kick out of it.

Even tho I am totally annoyed with him....I'm so not used to being pursued like this. It is funny to watch....but ultimately wrong...and dangerous to keep up this environment that I let take a hold. And let's be clear....I WOULD NEVER, EVER EVER...sleep with Miguel. And you wanna know something....it isn't because of what you think!

He is actually incredibly attractive. By far the hottest guy who works in the store IMO. He has the most flawless caramel colored skin..and those lips....egads....and don't start with me and that Puerto Rican ass he has...whooooooo. Chances are that if I met him in ANY OTHER VENUE beside my job...it would have been on like Donkey Kong. But...at the end of the day......

1). I work with him.
2). It would be totally and purely physical.
3). I WORK WITH HIM!!!!!

And for those of you out there who are asking yourself, "how come you didn't put up German Boy on your list of reasons you wouldn't hook up with this guy" there is an full update coming up about him. The Cliff-notes version.....

We decided that we are better off as just really good friends...for a whole host of reasons that will be become clear later.

Have a great week guys.....and make sure to check out the new site for the blogger meetup.

BLOGGERFEST 2008!!!!!!!

2008-01-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

TO OUR READERS:

We “gay bloggers” are an interesting group. Whether we’re semi-closeted or out and proud, from sunny California or the chillier regions of Canada, we are all connected. Whether we have been blogging three months or three years, we all seem to be part of a community. Look at any of our blogrolls and it becomes apparent there are far fewer than “six degrees of separation” at work.

Have you ever wanted to meet your blog buddies but wondered if it would ever be possible? Have you dreamed of getting people together but didn’t know how to go about it? We have too, and we have an answer!

Blogger Meet Up 2008!

We propose a gathering of bloggers to be held this summer in Chicago. It would be a chance for many of us to get together, hang out, and have fun in a casual atmosphere. We are thinking of about a 3-day get together, over a weekend in June or July.

Are you interested? Please contact one of us!

Troystopher “Troystopher”
K “I Have to Admit It”
B “Figuring Myself Out”
JR “Nothing Golden Stays”

When contacting us to indicate your interest, let us know of your preferred weekends. Please email us no later than Friday, Feb. 29th so we can get dates set and look for a hotel to accommodate the group. Watch our blogs for additional information as plans progress.

We look forward to hearing from you. Lets make this a fun event!

All our Best,
B, Troy, K and JR

Inappropriate....But Hilarious

2008-01-07T00:57:00.000-05:00

I am always getting hilarious shit from my friends in my mailbox.....

You just know that I have to share it with you guys....even tho it is totally immature and inappropriate.

My favorite part was the black boy at the end of the clip (around 00:42).......smooth moves my man......smooth moves!

Hehe!

Jesus, Thank You for Brightening Up My Day......

2008-01-04T22:16:00.000-05:00

You guys are gonna shit your pants when you find out who I had the EXTREME PLEASURE to assist and take care of at work today....

Ok, maybe I am being dramatic. Your probably not gonna care at all as I would venture to say upwards of 80% of you will have absolutely no idea who this guy is....but he is fucking G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S.......so that makes the story worth reading regardless.

So as usual, I am folding sweaters in the corner...trying to look busy and somewhat interested in my job.

LOL!

Just kidding....I actually really like my job for the most part. The managers are kinda douchebaggy....but that is to be expected at any job......right?

Anyways, I spot this this guy out of the corner of my eye and immediately my attention is drawn to his peacoat of all things. LMFAO...I know...gay, gay, gay.....me noticing clothes first.....laugh it up. But seriously, it looked to be made out of velvet or something and it had ridiculously intricate stitching. Needless to say I was intrigued.

After staring at the guy's back of a while....my attention started to shift from his amazing outfit (he had some fly, special edition Air Force Ones too) to his physique. He had those broad shoulders that taper down into a perfect V-shape that just drive me crazy, sigh...........

And then there was "The Ass"

Whewwwww! Justin, the Latin tease from Vlada has NOTHING on this guy right here....real talk!

So of course, me being me.....you just KNOW the guy had my full attention. And I had not even seen his face yet. I figured there was no way it could get any better....the guy was already like and 8 or 9 from his back alone! LMAO!

And then he turned around...........

OMFG.....I was frozen in place. The most amazing, arresting, captivating ice blue eyes looked over to my corner.

I am almost positive I gulped...LOLOLOL!

But then, after my initial shock.......my facial recognition software kicked in (LOL) and I said, "K....you know this guy from somewhere!" So I was thinking and thinking and thinking...and then I am like....." you know what, I am almost sure this guy is a model that I've seen before." So now I started thinking about various campaigns that I might have remembered him from....blah blah blah...still nothing.

And then I was like......

"Wait a minute here.....is that Mark fucking Vanderloo?!?!?!"

I decided that I needed to get up close and have a better look-see! So I composed myself and strolllllllllllllllled on over........

Me: How are you doing today sir?
Mark Vanderloo?: I'm great, thanks! How are you?
Me: I'm doing really well actually (obvs...LOL) looking for anything in particular today?
Mark Vanderloo?: ~~Actually yes.....I'll take you in the handicapped fitting room please~~ Um, no I'm just looking...thanks.
Me: Cool, well my name is K....if you need me just holler!
Mark Vanderloo?: Sure thing bro....thanks!

So I walked back over the the table that I was working on and I decided that there was no way that could be Mark Vanderloo. for one, he was my height a.k.a wayyyy to short to be a male supermodel. Also, Mark is Dutch....and this guy had absolutely no accent whatsoever......he sounded like he was from Cali or something. Furthermore, this guy was clearly in his 20's and I know Mark has got to be pushing like 40 right now...there is NOW WAY he could look so young....even as a model. But I still KNEW I had seen him somewhere on TV or in a magazine somwhere.....and it was bothering the shit out of me that I couldn't place him. That is when Brazilian Twink came up behind me....

Brazilian Twink: DAAAAAMMMMMMNNNN
Me: hehe
Brazilian Twink: So K....are you gonna go over and help that sexy ass man....or I am gonna have to do it?
Me: Toooo late...I already got that playa!
Brazilian Twink: {Smacks teeth} DAMN HE FINE!
Me: SSHHHHHHH man...damn!
Brazilian Twink: {whispers} The things I would do.....
Me: Dude, I swear to god I've seen him before...I think he is a model
Brazilian Twink: I would not be surprised K
Me: I thought it was Mark Vanderloo....but he is too short
Brazilian Twink: Damn ur off base....NO WAY is it that guy....Mark is hella old
Me: psssshhhh late 30's isnt old, shut ur face
Brazilian Twink: Boy, that guy in front of you isnt a day over 25.
Me: Your right...looks like it...

So anyways...we kept on going back and forth like that for a minute until one of our co-workers called him over to the register. I continued folding clothes all the while keeping an eye out for mystery man and helping other customers into the fitting room.

The last time I went into the fitting room I came back out to the floor and I see him walking towards me....I stifled a smile as best I could...

Internal K: YEEEAAAYYYY, he wants your help!!!!!!!

LMFAO! I'm pretty sure in my attempt to not look excited I probably just looked as though I had gas.....but whatever......haha!

Mystery Man: Hey man....
Me: Hi, What can I do for you?
Mystery Man: ~~Wellll you could start by tossing those shirts of that table and making yourself comfortable on it.~~ I was wondering if you could find me a size?
Me: OH SURE! In what exactly?
Mystery Man: Oh....in these wool pants right here {turns around and goes to another rack....throwing off what little concentration I had mustered up to that point}
Me: Oh cool...what size where you looking for?
Mystery Man: Ahhhh, a 31 would be great..thanks!
Me: Hold on, let me check.

So now I am running around, turning the store upside down trying to find Mr. Sexy's pants.

I was on a MISSION PEOPLE.....

LMFAO

Me: So I looked around and I checked the stock room....and we only have large sizes left in these. I could always check the computer and see if we have any more inventory at another store......
Mystery Man: Oh....would you? That wouldn't be too much of a hassle would it?
Me: ~~For you......I would sow the pants myself!~~ Oh god no....I do it all the time.
Mystery Man: Oh cool....thanks for that....I'll just keep on lookin around....alright?
Me: No prob....i'll be over there ~~{points to an open fitting room}~~ {points to a computer}

You know I was thinking it right......shameless!

LOLOLOL!

~ ten minutes and 5 phone calls later ~

Mystery Man: {come up in front of my computer} Hey...
Me: Hi.....um it looks like we are out of 31's in the city...
Mystery Man: awwwwww
Me: I know, I'm sorry......there are actually none left on the East Coast
Mystery Man: Are you serious? Damn....guess they were popular then...
Me: Yea...again, I apologize ~~can I still have your number....perhaps I can make it up to you?~~
Mystery Man: WAIT....are there any in LA? I'm flying back tomorrow anyways...
Me: {processes last statement.....wait, how much you wanna bet he is an actor K!} Um...let me check
Mystery Man: Cool man....again, thanks for all your help.
Me: Dude, no problem...it's what I do!

~ a minute later ~

Me: Oh look....they've got a bunch at our store in the Beverly Center
Mystery Man: Oh yea?!?!
Me: Yea...you should have no problem...they have your size
Mystery Man: Oh great....you've been a great help...I'll get em tomorrow.
Me: Cool cool....~~so what are you doing tonight?~~ have a great afternoon.
Mystery Man: Thanks! You too... {leaves with a kinda "meh" chick}

So then I watched him leave the store....and I STILL couldn't figure out who the fuck he was. I mean now....I had a feeling that he was an actor of some sort...which would explain why he looked so familiar but I still couldn't place him. However, my boss was about to help me with my predicament.

Store Manager: Dude....do you know who you were just helping?
Me: NOOOOOO and I KNOW I KNOW HIM FROM SOMEHWERE.....WHO IS HE!?!?!
Store Manager: Dude....that's fucking Shawn from Days!!!!
Me: What? Who?
Store Manager: You know.....Shawn from Days Of Our Lives!

Me: You serious....he's a Soap Actor?
Store Manager: Yea dude.....my fiance loves that shit.....she always has it on....that's how I recognized him.

[Kelly.....You know I gave him "the face" right?]

Me: Hmmmmhhhmmmm, sure it's just your fiance who watches it
Store Manager: Get the fuck outta here...You're the one who recognized him, obvs you watch that shit too.
Me: Hell no....I've never seen that show in my life....I just know that I've seen him somewhere.....
Store Manager: Hmmmmhhhmmmm
Me: {rolls eyes and walks away}

So there it is. I helped out Brandon Beemer at my store today......fun times!

He was really cool, courteous and extremely non-pretentious for an actor. I was very pleasantly surprised....definitely a class act. Oh...and as you can see he is RIDICULOUSLY beautiful...even more-so in person!

I guess I might have to start watching Days now.........LMFAO!!!!

{not}

We Got This Man!!!!!!!!

2008-01-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

Holler at the future 44th President of the United States!!!!!!

(I'm praying...I'm praying)

You Will Not BELIEVE Who I Ran Into Today....

2008-01-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny how in a city of over 8 million people you can run into a person who you'd never thought you'd see again?

So, as you know I am back in NYC...I decided to come back early to try the whole "Times Square New Years Celebration" and to be honest...I was kinda not that impressed. I am just glad I got out of the melee with my wallet and all my teeth (LOL) but that is neither here nor there.....

Another reason I came back is the fact that I can work full time now at my store for a couple weeks. That is, at least until school starts back up at the end of the month. Fun times....fun times (not)!

Anyways, I ended up being about an hour early for my shift today and since I was in the neighborhood (and I work like 6 blocks away) I decided to stop by Marc Jacobs on Mercer. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love his stuff and even tho like 99% of it is out of my price range...I still manage to pick up cool, reasonably priced stuff there from time to time. This time however, I found something....or rather someone MUCH more interesting than the typical article of clothing or accessory!

I was looking at coats when I heard some giggling in the back of the store. Now, I had my headphones listening to Bloc Party...so you know they had to be loud as fuck. HAHA! I turn over there and I see this man and this chick checking out handbags and having a grand ole time. Now, at first glance it didn't really register....but as I look up again I realized that I recognized him from somewhere.

Now one thing everyone should know about me is that I am horrible with names....but I literally NEVER forget a face. I say that not to toot my own horn....but to say that if I recognize you chances are I either.....

A). Know you from way back when
B). Realize you're famous
C). Recognize that you look eerily similar to someone I know or someone who is famous

So I am standing there next to the rack.....racking my brain trying to figure out who he was....or where the fuck I knew him from. And it took me about two minutes and and a couple of fur-lined coats later until it popped into my head.....

It was THIS GUY y'all!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

Dudes......just like that fateful afternoon in October, my heart started leaping out of my chest. I couldn't believe that I ran into my cruiser again. And less than 3 blocks from where I saw him the last time. Gosh, he must live in SoHo or sumthin....who knows!

Anyways I'm running through scenarios in my head......

"Should I talk to him?"
"Should I run out?"
"Should I make eye contact?"
"Do I even want to talk to him?"
"Who is that girl he is with?"
"Is that his g/f?....OMG what if it is wife?"
"Wait...maybe it his fag hag...."
"Or it could be his sister...."
"But still...wouldn't that still be brazen to approach?"
"Did he see me?"
"OMG I look like shit right now...."

LOLOL.....so my mind is going a million miles a minute...so I decided to turn around and look at the stuff I had already passed just so I would have my back towards them. I figured that would give me more time to process everything.

So I was at that section of the rack for farrrrrrr too long just shuffling through the same shit over and over and over again. LMFAO! I think I was making the guard nervous....he prob thought I was gonna make a run for it with some merchandise....and really, could you blame him? I'm pretty sure I was sweating like a whore in church!

I finally settled on the "turn around slowly and make your way to the back of the store trying to look cool, calm and collected and see if he makes eye contact with you and subsequently recognizes you" routine.

Ask me how that went............

D-I-S-A-S-T-R-O-U-S

Seeing as tho I am so slick, I turned around not realizing that there was a nice old lady behind me and I ran right into her...clearly making a scene. LMFAO! So much so, that Cruiser Man and his lady friend stopped their giggling long enough to look over in my direction and survey all the commotion....

He looked at me......like we made eye contact......but he didn't look "AT" me. Does this make sense? It like when you take a cursory look at something that grabs your attention of a second...but you really don't LOOK at it. I dunno if I am explaining this right...I kinda don't know how to describe it but hopefully you get it. Haha......

After that...I thought it would just be a good idea to turn around and get the fuck out of the store. I didn't feel like getting myself into any more overly awkward situations. And although he was still REALLY...REALLY fucking hot, it didn't seem worth it to try to grab his attention or pursue him anymore. Maybe if he was alone I would have been more forward....I dunno. I just thought that it was weird that I saw him again....so close to where I met him before.

Why couldn't I have meet him again at Barracuda...or Therapy....or Vlada......or Gym?

Perhaps then we could actually have some sort of conversation like "Hey you who cruised me last year....what IS your name exactly?"

LMFAO!

Random LOLZ

2008-01-01T22:23:00.000-05:00

Ok.....I know I am like a couple weeks late on the whole Jamie-Lynn pregnancy train but my friend just forwarded this clip to me and I've been dying on the floor all night.

I just had to share.......

Hilarious...and that baby is too cute.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T03:16:00.000-05:00

Wishing everyone who reads this blog the best in 2008!!!

Have a good one guys.

If There Was Any Question Before...........

2007-12-30T18:17:00.000-05:00

Your Score: Gay

You scored -40 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

As of right now, you are interested in the same sex. You have very little to no sexual interest in the opposite sex. If you are sexually inexperienced at this point, it is possible that you have latent heterosexual tendencies that you have not yet discovered.

Link: The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(tall_man_54)

Thanks VJ for the link. Im actually laughing really hard at this....who knew I was *THAT* gay.

99% Precentile Folks.......ouch

UGH

2007-12-28T02:59:00.000-05:00

I trust everyone is having a great holiday season with their families and all that there.

I am having a very "mixed" time with some good and a bunch of bad shit that I just don't want to deal with.

Whatevers.......I am just gonna give you a quick rundown of some stuff that has transpired since I've been home...

#1: I was kicked out of my parent's pool house (my old room). Apparently (according to the mother) since I do not "live at their house anymore" I have no rights to my old room that I've occupied since 1999. Bullshit.

#2: The extreme temperature change from NYC to this horrible, stifling heat has gotten me completely sick...and I am just starting to get over it.

#3: I overheard my father and my cousin talking about hair whorls and finger lengths yesterday morning at the breakfast table. Apparently my dad feels that this this a sure fire way to "find out who is gay". They apparently tested their theory today at the mall. I hid out at my Grandmother's house all day with my hands in my pockets (my hands are totally gay by the way...but I have no hair whorl since my hair is so short).

#4: I got a bunch of random shit for Christmas...but some useful things as well like hats and beanies and scarves. So that is good.....

#5: My prom date from HS txt'ed me this evening and told me to go meet her at the bar where she was drinking and hang out....since she heard thru the grapevine that I was home. I never responded...crazy chick, we haven't talked since 02...go have a seat!

When I didn't respond to the first txt...she went on to say that she misses me...and she really wants to see me......

Nevermind that I have to deal with seeing her mug everytime I walk into my parents house BECAUSE THEY STILL....AFTER FIVE YEARS have our pictures plastered up everywhere. Honestly...this would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic. It is unfortunate but this chick was basically the closest thing that I ever had to a girlfriend and I guess my parents like to have that image around.

I dunno....it bothers me....even more so because there is a huge portrait of it in what used to be my room. Paging Mr. and Mrs. Passive-Aggressive....your table is ready!

#6: I had a celebrity sighting today in front of Saks 5th Avenue. I just finished returning a hat while talking to Kelly on the phone when I passed by this tall, latin hottie that made me do a double take. I pulled my glasses down my nose (clearly I have no shame) to get a better look....and it was none other than Daniel Sunjata from Rescue Me on FX!

Anyways he was looking at me as I passed. JR and Ben seem to think that this meant that he was "checking me out" however I am realistic so I'm sticking with the "who the fuck is that ugly black kid and why is he staring at me" explanation. This is far more plausible....let me tell you.

Anyways, he was in a tight black shirt and khakis and he was looking GOOD! Guys...he is wayyyy taller in person that I would have pegged him for. And this is gonna sound really nasty.....so forgive me in advance.....but he was kinda sweaty.....like on his face.....and I had this over-arching and incredibly strong urge to lick him.

Clearly this makes me a freak so i'll shut up now (but this blog IS called I Have To Admit It....so I might as well.....)

Anywho...that is my week so far. Mostly blah. I cannot wait to get back to NYC...which is kinda horrible but also the truth. LOL! I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their vacations (if you are on one that is....haha).

Oh BTW...everyone should go and check out this new blog that I just added to my links if you haven't already. It is really well written and obviously we can all relate to his situation with the whole coming out process and all the stressors that it entails. He shot me an email a while back and he seems like a really sweet guy...so shout out man!

Great News/My 100th Post!!!!!!!!

2007-12-21T16:27:00.000-05:00

So great things to discuss.....

#1: IT'S MY 100th POST Y'ALLL! (in a Britney Spears voice)

I cannot believe I made it so far....both in the blogging world and in the real world. I've gone out, met guys, had sex, came out to a couple of people...and I am generally feeling so much better about myself. I have defintely made some major progress in the last couple of months. My god, who knew that I would be in this place right now? It is so crazy!

Thanks to everyone out there for their support and comments! And shout out to all the amazing people I have met through this blog....I can't really imagine my life now without you guys in it....and I mean that, no matter how sappy it sounds. LOL!

:::HUG:::

#2: I GOT MY GRADES Y'ALL! (again....in a Britney Spears voice)

2 A's and a B........

I should be happy no? But I am pissed.

Why?

BECAUSE I GOT A B IN MY EASIEST CLASS THIS SEMESTER!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? HE GAVE ME A B ON MY PAPER....THE FUCKING TROLL! HE TOTALLY FUCKED MY GPA.....NOW ILL NEVER HAVE A 4.0, NO MATTER HOW MANY A'S I GET FROM HERE ON IN.....UUUGGGHHHHHH!!! I SWEAR TO GOD IF I EVER CATCH YOU ON THE STREET YOU CROSS-EYED, DECREPIT OLD MAN.......

{breathe}

Ok, I fixed my caps lock key....we are all good. So yea, I guess I didn't do that badly...but it could have been better. Whatever.

#3: I'M GOIN HOME TOMORROW Y'ALL! (is this getting old?)

I'm so excited to see my other Grammy (the only grandparent I have left). She is such a cutie....love her to pieces! Also, some of my cousins are coming in from Mississauga (shout out to all my Canadians!) to spend the holidays in sunny South Florida. What's even better is that they are all 21+ so that means.....SOUTH BEACH BITCHES...ALL WEEK LONNGGGG!!!!!

Come look for me at Mansion and Prive' bitches!!!

You know you're jealous....it is 81 degress down there now. LOL!

Next Time, Try Harder Girl....

2007-12-19T21:56:00.001-05:00

Im sorry, but Debbie Harry, Pat Benatar, Cyndi Lauper and Gwen Stefani all need to come through and sue this chick for stealing their sound/style. And Ashlee.....thanks for being really, really slick with all the subtle (sarcasm) Salvador Dali references in this video.....you are so original....who can you rip off next?

With all that being said......is it bad that I think the chorus is really catchy?

I think this *may* have to go on my gym mix...I'm horrible.

LOL

The Best $16 I've Ever Spent In My Entire Life

2007-12-18T16:54:00.000-05:00

So I just got in from spending the entire day with German Boy on Long Island.....

Sooooo in order to tow the line between quenching your thirst for information and making sure this blog doesn't turn into The Great Cock Hunt, (LOL..not that there is anything wrong with that site) I am gonna keep it classy and forgo all the intimate details.

We had fun.....even tho ultimately he didn't get EVERYTHING that he wanted.

He will just have to wait until I am ready to give him that....the lil' nympho!

So some details/random facts eh? (for Bruce...or else he will kill me)
--------------------------------------------------

-He is totally hotter than I remembered him.

-He's hilarious, in a dry and sarcastic way.

-He has gorgeous eyes.......my god I could stare at them for days

-Helga (his fag hag) is AMAZING....and she loves me (score)

-He has a tight, lil body....hhhmmmpfffhh

-CAN SUCK DICK LIKE NOOOOOBODY'S BUSINESS...lord ham mercy, I thought I would pass out!

-Did I mention a tight, lil' body?

-Dudes, he was literally BEGGING me to fuck him....I refused, he pouted, I *almost* capitulated but I held out because I don't really know him enough to go down that road yet. And also, if I did what he said.....even tho I wasn't ready for it yet, then he would have absolutely all the power in the relationship...and K isn't gonna let that happen...mmmmkay!!!!

{and let the congregation say AMEN!}

-He leaves me cute voicemail's that make me smile :)

-He is kinda sorta adorable....lol!

-His Visa expires in July 08.....should I really get involved with this guy?

-His dad is a police officer. His mom is a homemaker.

-He is the 3rd of 4.

-He is an Aquarius (LOL...u know I checked and apparently this is a horrible match...oh wells, trying anyways)

-He lives with a host family in the basement of a huge house.

-He has cute ears...I've nibbled on them.

-He drives the family minivan....this is hilarious to me.

-He hates the cold (He originally wanted to move to California but he couldn't find a host family)

-He doesn't understand the concept of the closet and why I just don't come out (might be a problem down the road)

-He has a really bubbly personality....it is a nice balance to my even keeled demeanor (at least I think)

-He doesn't like Michael Jackson or Prince. Seriously....wtf? Is this even allowed? It's like that time (multiple times actually) that JR has told me that he doesn't like dogs. Now, you are asking yourself....what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Well, a lot actually....because it is just one of those things that raises red flags....it's just not allowed IMHO! How can you not like Michael Jackson or Prince? What type of person says that? LOL! And lets be clear...I made sure I asked him about their MUSIC and not their PERSONALITIES and he said he hated their music. Who have you ever heard say that they hated Billie Jean, Beat It, Kiss, When Doves Cry, P.Y.T., Purple Rain...I can go on and on....

I told him this was unacceptable.....

-He likes food...he will apparently eat anything.

-He has a cute butt....

-He loves Family Guy

-When he says "the" it sounds like "zeee" and it makes me giggle.

-He is a better kisser than Polish Guy...and I thought that was impossible.

Ok, I could go on all night.....but suffice to say I kinda sorta like him....and I love spending time with him. We are gonna see where this goes. cross your fingers people...K might be embarking on his first real relationship...you never, never know.

As an aside....Polish Guy sent me a text today apologizing for not being able to set anything up last week. Apparently he is going home for the holidays and he wants to meet up with me next year. I told him to give me a call when he gets back into town. This is kosher right? I dunno what is gonna happen with him....he confuses me and he has been sending me mixed signals since that fateful night. For a 27 year old he sure isn't acting right. Time will tell.

Im focusing on my German right now.......